Obama, Gays and Betting On The Oscars

Where does Obama keep finding these guys? As if Eric Holder wasn’t horrible enough, Obama tried to push Debo Adegbile, whose most notable achievement was keeping a cop killer from being executed, into the Department of Justice, turning it into even more of a sewer than it already was.

Next, he decided to make Vivak Hallegere Murthy, who apparently regards the Second Amendment to be a greater threat to the nation’s health than booze, tobacco and Katherine Sebelius, put together, America’s Surgeon General.

Obama has also hired an Afghan immigrant named Mohammad Rasool to be a financial management analyst for the IRS. Odd even for Obama, considering the fact Mr. Rasool had a friend who just happened to be connected to al-Qaeda. What’s more, he tried to help his chum evade a terrorism probe by the FBI. Ultimately, the friend was arrested, convicted and deported. Mr. Rasool was arrested, placed on probation for two years and, perhaps by way of apology for causing a Muslim the slightest bit of embarrassment, given this gig with the IRS.

I’m just asking, understand, but doesn’t Obama know any guys named Tom, Steve or Charlie? And is it just me, but doesn’t “Barack” sound like the noise you make when you’re trying to clear your throat?

Speaking of which, when I get on a plane, I want the pilot and co-pilot to have names along the lines of Jack, Bob or Hank. Perhaps if they’re English, Canadian or Australian, they can be named Philip, Ross or Jonathan. What I don’t want is to board a jetliner and hear a voice on the PA say: “Welcome aboard Malaysia Airlines. This is your pilot, Zahara Ahmad Shah and I know I speak for my co-pilot Fariq Abdul Hamid when I say Allah Akbar. Now sit back, relax and prepare to die, infidel dogs!”

My own theory about the missing airliner is that it was abducted by a James Bond villain, and is probably concealed on an island with a retractable roof. The only other possibility that has occurred to me is that the Bermuda Triangle has moved to the Indian Ocean.

When I recently wrote about my idea to present a little figurine called the Neville to the biggest wienie on the world stage, a reader wrote to say that England’s hapless pre-WWII prime minister, Neville Chamberlain, after whom my booby prize was named, and our current commander-in-chief were exactly alike. I begged to differ. Chamberlain, I pointed out, was an Englishman of the old school and always carried an umbrella, whereas Obama carries a parasol.

I don’t watch very much TV, except for old movies on TCM, a few shows on Fox News, the New York Yankees during baseball season and one or two English mysteries. So it wasn’t too surprising that I was late discovering the sit com “Modern Family.” One reason I’d avoided it is that I hate getting hooked on shows because they can be so time-consuming. Another reason is that I knew that one of the three families involved was a homosexual couple.

It wasn’t out of any hatred of gays. Having worked most of my life in Hollywood, I have nothing against them so long as they’re not tying up traffic with their goofy parades; running amok in churches; or pretending that a same-sex marriage is just the same as any other, only better, as one of George Orwell’s characters in “Animal Farm” might have said.

My reason was that I had gotten so sick and tired of having every homosexual I encountered in movies or on TV portrayed as not only the fount of all wisdom, but kind and warm, funny and generous, the best friends and finest neighbors anyone could possibly imagine, but nobody has ever had.

When I finally broke down and watched “Modern Family,” I was surprised to discover that Mitchell and Cameron have all the foibles and frailties of every other dopey character on the show, and then some. Just like real life.

In fact, I have only one problem with “Modern Family”: except for the kid who plays Manny, I can barely understand a single word slurred by the other three teenagers on the show. Just like real life.

Speaking of things pop cultural, I am here to offer a tip to those of you given to betting on the Academy Awards. Because Hollywood places such a premium on good looks, they tend to be in awe of anyone who gains or loses a lot of weight for a role or someone, especially an actress, who allows herself to look less than her best on screen. Right there, you have the explanation for Robert De Niro winning an Oscar for “Raging Bull,” Matthew McConaughey winning one for “Dallas Buyers Club,” Shelley Winters winning for “The Diary of Anne Frank,” Charlize Theron for “Monster” and Ann Hathaway for “Les Miz.”

Academy voters are also overly impressed if people go against their previous image, which explains the Oscars that went to Frank Sinatra for playing the dorky Maggio in “From Here to Eternity,” and former good girls Donna Reed and Shirley Jones playing bad girls in “From Here to Eternity” and “Elmer Gantry,” respectively.

But, best of all, in a town where actors generally decide whether or not to accept a role only after counting their lines in the script, you can’t top playing someone who can’t or won’t speak if you have your eye on an Oscar. Jane Wyman won for “Johnny Belinda,” but she was also raped in the movie, so Ingrid Bergman, Olivia de Havilland, Irene Dunne and Barbara Stanwyck, never stood a chance.

Other non-speakers who walked home with Oscars were John Mills for “Ryan’s Daughter,” Daniel Day-Lewis for “My Left Foot”, Holly Hunter” for “The Piano,” Jean Dujardin for “The Artist” and Marlee Matlin for “Children of a Lesser God.”

But Ms. Matlin had the ultimate advantage of actually being deaf, so Sissy Spacek, Jane Fonda, Kathleen Turner and Sigourney Weaver, might as well have stayed home and re-arranged their canned goods.

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©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • Wheels55

    And the Oscar goes to…. Bradley Manning for pretending to be a man and then becoming Chelsea Elizabeth. I see a wonderful movie to be made that I will never watch.

  • artlouis

    If Neville Obama ever draws “a red line” in support of Israel, every Jewish family in America had better start preparing their spare rooms.

    • Tova Feinman

      Neville Obama will institute a Jewish immigration quota at the exact same time, just like FDR. Can’t have all those Jewish physicians, scientists, psychologists, engineers, computer scientists, PhDs of all sorts, water conservation experts, green energy experts, etc. contaminating the immigration pool.

  • Jeff Webb

    Other strong picks for Oscar betting: women portraying whores (the aforementioned Jones & Reed, M. Sorvino, J. Fonda), Hollywood offspring (Fonda, Sorvino, T. O’neal, L. Minelli, M. Douglas, K. Carradine, A. Huston), “aged/overdue” (H. Fonda, G. Burns, P. Newman, S. Connery), and for song, either the one from the animated Disney film, or the one that got obscenely-overplayed on the radio.

  • Brian Fr Langley

    And another reason you’re unfair to Neville Chamberlain, is unlike today’s appeaser in chief. Neville Chamberlain had just fought (and with allies won) WW1. The British Common Wealth had enormous casualties, some two million men wounded and a million dead. (KIA). (twice the casualties of America’s bloodiest conflict, the Civil war) A whole generation of males aged 17-30, virtually vanished. Yes he was scared, and yes he appeased, but he’d already borne the consequences of a conflict barely 20 years earlier. Yet despite it all, when Hitler invaded Poland, he declared war, and sorrowfully sent, a second generation of British, Canadians, Autralians, NewZealanders, Indians, and South Africans, too hold civilizations bloody breach, against staggering odds, for two of the longest years. Until at last, the axis powers committed two egregious errors. Japan attacked America, and Germany attacked Russia.

    • cmacrider

      Brian: You are right … I don’t think I’d put Obama in the same category as Chamberlain. Canada, alone, with a population of about 6 million at that time had 50 thousand casualties in 4 years of conflict. Chamberlains attempt to avert war is at least understandable in human terms. Obama’s dithering is only explainable as incompetence.

      • Brian Fr Langley

        The Canadian stats on WW1 are sobering. 173,000 wounded and 67,000 dead. (from as you pointed out a tiny population) Imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, Germans in WW2 took a name for their elite troops they had first given the Canadians in WW1. “Storm troopers”.

        • cmacrider

          Brian: thanks for the update on wounded and casualties. My father served with the 46th. battalion in that war (now SSR) In the spring of 1918 the had a full battalion and during the summer had a continuous flow of replacements. On armistice day the count was 780 men on the parade square. He served during Canada’s 100 days but would hardly talk about it.

          • Brian Fr Langley

            Thanks for sharing cmarider; In the small prairie town where I was born, the population ranged from 2500 to 3000 men women and children. But when you enter the towns cemetary, the graves of our war dead seem to go on endless. And I imagine every rail stop, highway junction, and grain elevator where small inumerable towns dot the prairies, has a similar cemetary. While natural to grieve for all our fallen, it seems they’re less anonymous in these small prairie towns, where the markers don’t bear the names of strangers.

          • Tova Feinman

            A war so many have forgotten and yet has ripples into today. G-d bless the fallen. Canadian included.

          • Brian Fr Langley

            Also forgotton is the price paid in blood (by soldiers of the British Empire) for a place called Palestine. These lands were NOT as some revisionists now claim, Arab lands. They were in fact Ottoman lands. The Ottomans joined the Germans in WW1 and fought against us ferociously. (by us, I mean of course all the allies) The British offered both ethnic Hebrews, and ethnic Arabs, independant lands and countries, if they would agree to rebel against their Ottoman overlords. (just like in the movie, Lawrence of Arabia) And thus help the allies win the war. At wars end the whole map of Europe, and the middle east was completely and utterly changed. Multiple kingdoms and empires fell from either exhaustion or to the victorious allies. Dozens upon dozens of new nation states arose. And in the middle east, the Arabs go some 5 million square miles of territory (more land than encompasses Canada, the worlds 2nd or 3rd largest country) and some 24 plus separate nation states. While for the longest time, all the Hebrews got, was British rule in British mandatory Palestine. Today I can barely contain my pride when I see the news reels of May 14th 1948 as the Jews danced in exultation of the founding of Israel. Yes they purchased it with their own blood, but those young men who fought for King and Empire also spilled more than a small measure of their own. In vindication of our own fallen, A Jewish State, Eretz Israel, is our sacred trust as well.

    • Tova Feinman

      Your analysis is spot on. As a student of WW I, it is impossible for me to underestimate the impact the decimation that war had on an entire generation. Chamberlain was no stranger to loss. Obama has never felt it in his life. Chamberlain’s ambivilance was the result of life experience. Obama’s dithering is about political expediency. Chamberlain’s reluctance is in some ways noble. Obama’s is grotesque. I say that as a Jew whose family might have been able to escape had Chamberlain been more proactive. Because I understand what happened in WW I it makes WWII a little less painful personally.

  • gold7406

    Spot on. From the administration’s first selection of Van Jones. The media immediately came to his rescue,” someone made a mistake, someone didn’t vet him properly, someone is going to get fired.” Most knew that Jones was hand picked and carefully selected for his reputation. After that blew over, the administration had a free pass from the media, never question.