Answering Questions Nobody’s Asking

I was hoping that as I got older, I would find things less confusing. Instead, the mysteries of modern life seem to be multiplying like rabbits.

For instance, why do so many movie lines that don’t contain even a kernel of wit or wisdom seem to pass through society like a virus, leaving some of us with flu-like symptoms? Just a few of those that have enjoyed prolonged currency include: “Make my day” and “Do you feel lucky, punk?” Then there’s “Show me the money,” “Life is like a box of chocolates,” “Hasta la vista, baby,” “I’ll be back” and the omnipresent “You can’t handle the truth!”

At least in the old days, when we got “I’m shocked… shocked” from Casablanca, Nobody’s perfect” from Some Like it Hot and “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” from Gone With the Wind, the source material tended to be first-rate movies.

Speaking of movies, I recently tried sitting through the latest Batman, The Dark Knight Rises, but could barely make it to the halfway mark. It raises the question once again why anyone would want to shoot action sequences in the dark. They spend a hundred million dollars producing this tripe and then turn it into an over-long radio show.

Something else that I have never understood is why super heroes required secret identities. It always seemed like a lot of unnecessary trouble. Why did Batman have to use Bruce Wayne as a front? And even sillier was Superman insisting on hiding behind the nerdy façade of Clark Kent and having to change his clothes in a telephone booth. The dude could fly, bullets bounced off his chest and he had X-ray vision. What was he afraid of? Autograph hounds?

Why do Obama and the flakier environmentalists oppose oil derricks, but promote windmills? Oil is not only a far better and more reliable source of energy than wind, but they don’t massacre birds by the thousands. When there’s an occasional oil spill and it gets goo on seagulls, these people become as crazed as the loons at PETA; but when windmills mutilate even protected classes of birds, such as eagles, you don’t hear a peep out of them.

Many of us conservatives have sought an explanation as to why, even after four years of Obama’s destructive policies and his insistence on governing by presidential fiat, Mitt Romney received two million fewer votes than John McCain. Recently, a friend of mine, Dr. Harry Maller, reminded me that in 2008, 17% of voters said they would never cast a ballot for a Mormon. Assuming that a lot of those religious bigots are Republicans, and that it’s just possible that not all of the 15 million entitlement junkies Obama has added to the food stamp rolls are Democrats, the mystery might finally be solved.

Although liberals are loath to admit it, there are forms of bigotry that have nothing to do with race, nation of origin or sexual proclivities. I, personally, would prefer to believe that the two million Republicans who didn’t bother voting this time around were just too lazy, not that they were the sort of narrow-minded pinheads who put their religious intolerance ahead of what’s best for America.

Speaking of Obama, some two thousand years ago, Marcus Tullius Cicero wrote 76 words that might have been written yesterday: “Do not blame Caesar, blame the people of Rome who have so enthusiastically acclaimed and adored him and rejoiced in their loss of freedom and danced in his path and given him triumphal processions. Blame the people who hail him when he speaks in the Forum of the new wonderful good society which shall now be Rome’s, interpreted to mean more money, more ease, more security, and more living fatly at the expense of the industrious.”

For a long time, I was also puzzled by the fact that so many liberals sided with Muslims, treating them with the sort of respect generally reserved for such sacred cows as urban blacks, illegal aliens and the New York Times editorial board. After all, these are people whose religion promotes intolerance in the extreme. Free speech, women’s rights, gay rights, democracy, and even science and art, are all alien concepts everywhere in the Middle East except in Israel. In addition, these are the folks who have declared war on the West, and use any means available to terrorize those they regard as infidels, which not only includes all of us, but also their co-religionists if they happen to belong to a different sect.

Over the past three decades, except in a few isolated instances, every act of terrorism in the world can be traced to these barbarians. They fire thousands of rockets into Israel, hoping to kill civilians. They fly planes into our skyscrapers. What’s more, calling them cutthroats isn’t an insult, it’s a job description.

In spite of all that, there are millions of liberals who stand ready to defend them in a way they would never have defended Nazis. Or conservatives, for that matter.

I could be wrong, but I have concluded that the only explanation for this bizarre alliance is that they share a blind hatred of Christians and Jews, and subscribe to the notion that the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

I, on the other hand, believe that the friend of my enemy is my enemy. Which should explain why I never tire of ridiculing liberals.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • Bob Cordon

    I am Obama: i dress a sheep with my friends and as a tiger wit my enemies. I change stripes faster than you’d recognize it…but then it’s too late. bwahahahah.

  • Walter Mattson

    Good article. Yes, why do liberals refuse to use thinking and logic. Maybe they just want to be contrary. It really shows in their adoption of Obama’s energy program versus Romney’s. Both Obama and Romney stated they were for making the country energy independent. The difference was that Romney’s policy was the only one that made sense but Romney did a poor job of explaining it so the poor and the rest of us would not recognize the vast difference between the two. Obama’s was a policy of making existing energies more expensive at $8 per gallon to make his green energy competitive while Romney’s was at achieving $2 per gallon from fossil fuels at the existing cost of $4 per gallon at the time of the campaigns. Romney’s would save and add to the economy $387 billion per year or $3.87 trillion in 10 years while Obama’s was costing $387 billion to the economy and would add another $3.87 trillion in 10 years. The savings and benefits of the Romney policy also would benefit the economy in other trickle down areas such as less need for excessive food stamps, lower food prices and lower costs to manufacturing and businesses.

  • Souvoter

    It sounds like you are describing Obama’s contempt for Republicans and Conservatives!

  • cmacrider

    Burt: Re: Superheros secret identities. In Superman’s case he was obviously a Republican and an illegal alien. He must have been an R since he defended Judaic Christian values and his central vocation was to defend American exceptionalism. Now, being an illegal alien and a Republican is obviously problematic .. so he decided to hide out as a member of the mainstream media … i.e. Clark Kent the Reporter. So there you have it

  • Royalsfan67

    Totally agree on Batman Burt. About halfway through I wanted to leave, but I went with my sister and her husband so had to suffer through it. Funny thing was, after the movie, found out they had felt the same way.

  • RickonhisHarleyJohnson

    Just one thing, Burt. As I look at a couple of different sources, I see Romney got around a million more votes than McCain. Dave Leip’s Atlas of U.S. Presidential Elections is one and Wikipedia is another. If you have a better source, Burt; I’d love to have it. I have no proof that mine are accurate.

    Oh, and keep hammering the liberals. They’ve earned every bit of scorn we can muster.

  • Wheels55

    To ask why is to seek a rational explanation. Rational answers tend not to exist from liberals.
    I do give liberals credit for something: I enjoy my rum when I am with them even more than when I am with like-minded folks. The irrational is easier to handle that way.