Apocalypse Now

I know that Obama said that his primary concerns for his second term were major immigration reform and gun control. It’s probably just a coincidence, but roughly 80 years ago, Adolf Hitler also had to deal with those two issues. And in 1935, he got to brag “For the first time, a civilized nation has full gun registration. Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient, and the world will follow our lead.” And once he got guns out of the hands of civilians, he got busy with immigration reform, which pretty much consisted in shipping German Jews, priests, Gypsies and invalids, off to Poland in box cars.

But, now, thanks to sequestration, he has to put those plans on the backburner so he can terrify Americans into believing that a tiny reduction in rising expenditures will lengthen the lines at airports, reduce the ranks of air traffic controllers, and turn teachers, cops and firemen, into sidewalk apple vendors.

I used to think I was a fairly cynical character, but that was before Obama came on the scene. Compared to this Chicago thug, with his obvious contempt for everyone who isn’t Obama and his conviction that he can feed swill to the American people and convince them it’s sirloin, I’m a mere babe in the woods.

Still, when even the NY Times took him to task and the Washington Post started bestowing Pinocchios on him and his puppets, Obama had to realize that he had badly misplayed his attempt to make political hay out of this particular crisis.

What it led many of us to realize is that if only we had a free (from left-wing bias) press in America, it would matter far less than it does whose rump was planted in the Oval Office.

Speaking of rumps, I used to wonder why Clark Kent never got canned by the Daily Planet. After all, he was never around to cover any of Superman’s headline-grabbing exploits. The same question comes to mind when I see the members of the White House Press Corps sitting politely, scribbling down Jay Carney’s lies, like a bunch of overpaid stenographers.

I mean, the nation is over $16 trillion in debt, Obama says we don’t have a spending problem, and those oafs who brag about speaking truth to power, don’t even give him a horse laugh? You could dismiss them as pimps, but at least pimps don’t pretend to be something they aren’t or to be peddling something they’re not.

For that matter, when the other 54 Senate Democrats demur to Harry Reid’s wishes as to how to vote and even which pieces of legislation he will permit them to vote on, I can’t help wondering why they don’t all have those unnaturally high voices one generally associates with harem guards.

When Obama boasted that he was a skeet shooter, it’s possible that he wasn’t actually lying. After spending the last five years watching the men and women of the media echoing his every word, he may simply have confused shooting skeet with shooting fish in a barrel or blasting holes in sitting ducks.

As for those on the other side of the aisle, I know it’s fashionable, even in some conservative circles, to claim that Republicans don’t have a message, but with a corrupt media ignoring their message or lying about it, it’s no wonder that even some Republicans are hopelessly befuddled. Let’s face it, if it weren’t for Fox News, “Benghazi” would be nothing more than an eight-letter answer in a crossword puzzle.

Finally, little seven-year-old Josh Welch was eating a Pop-Tart in his Baltimore grammar school when his teacher, who no doubt believes she is underpaid, decided he was shaping it into a gun. This led to his being suspended for two days. Josh explained “I just kept biting it and tore off the top, trying to shape it into a mountain.”

The school sent out a letter to all the parents, explaining why they thought it was a threat, stating, “A student used food to make an inappropriate gesture.”

When I read that, I made what I regarded as an appropriate gesture in the general direction of Baltimore. At the very least, the school authorities should learn the difference between a gun, a mountain and a gesture, however inappropriate.

I’m just wondering if it escaped everyone’s attention, as it had mine until eagle-eyed Arizonan Don Melquist pointed out to me that every single kid who has been suspended over the past several months has looked like one of those freckle-faced tykes who was always popping up in Norman Rockwell paintings.

How is it that it’s never a black or Hispanic tot? Is it that they are carrying actual guns and it’s a lot safer for craven school administrators to discipline kids packing Pop-Tarts? Or is it that political correctness, as usual, trumps every other consideration, including commonsense and sanity?

All in all, I figure little Josh was just lucky he and his folks don’t live in New York City. For simply daring to bring a loaded Pop-Tart to school, Nanny Bloomberg would have had him doing hard time in Sing Sing.
©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • Jerseygalnny

    Great column, Burt, and Happy Easter. I’m sharing this with the folks at FR, http://fundamentalrefounding.ning.com/ if that is a problem let me know. Thanks!

  • potemkin_village_usa

    Hundreds of Combat veterans are having to turn in their weapons because they asked for psychiatric help from the VA for PTSD. The message is to brave the stress aside from the VA.
    One Marine, a veteran of the battle for Hue City, bowed his head and wept when he gave up family heirlooms to the federal agents. How can this happen in America?

  • sheila0405

    Great Schools ranking of Baltimore’s public schools? 3 out of 10. http://www.greatschools.org/cgi-bin/md/district-profile/3 I think the staff has more to worry about besides a bitten pop tart.

  • GlenFS

    Burt, as usual you have made a good point. All of these school staffs are so focused on rediculous imagined transgressions of their stupid rules that they would never in a thousand years notice the one kid in the corner who is a real threat to his peers. It seems they do their level best not to take note of the truly aberrant. All the rest must just be for show, just like TSA’s phony screenings.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Glen: I agree.