CATCHING UP ON THE NEWS

[Burt has been unusually productive lately. Please enjoy this bonus article, and be sure to read the other article posted today, The Republican Mole. ]

Recently, I took a rare vacation. Inasmuch as I am not gainfully employed, I agree it’s a strange concept. “A vacation from what?” is a question that would certainly spring to my mind. In this case, it meant that I was out of town and off the computer. But, apparently being something of a masochist, I continued to monitor the news of the day. Or, to be precise, I should say the news of the week.

During that period, the leader of the Libyan rebels confirmed that the country would now exist under sharia law. As I expected when I first heard about the Arab Spring, only simpletons can ever be overjoyed at the notion of a tyrant being overthrown in that part of the world. King Farouk was bad, Gamal Nasser was worse. The Shah of Iran was bad, the Ayatollah Khomeini was worse. Hosni Mubarak was bad, the generals are worse. Muammar Kaddafi was bad, his assassins will be worse. I understand that the Muslim Brotherhood has already sent roses and a box of candy to NATO.

When I say that Arab and Muslim coups and revolutions inevitably end badly, I mean for America. For those who live in those countries, it’s merely a matter of trading one set of sadists for another. Because we are the people who benefitted from the efforts of Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison and Franklin, we tend to have a soft spot in our hearts for those who rise up against despots. But, as the results of such uprisings bring the likes of Robespierre, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot and Castro, to power, I’d say that the optimism over such bloody events merely proves that we have an even larger soft spot in our heads.

In the wake of Obama’s announcing that all American troops will be out of Iraq by year’s end, I saw that someone came up with a figure in excess of $800 billion as the cost of the war. Frankly, I was surprised that it hadn’t been even more expensive. The reason I say that is because the price tag was the same as that for Obama’s Stimulus. Frankly, even I was shocked that the Democrats could pass a single piece of loony legislation that cost the American taxpayers as much money as we spent conducting a decade-long war halfway across the world.

Watching as much news as I did, I began to think that I may be the only American who hasn’t been polled in the past month. For some reason, the Occupy Wall Street crowd brought the pollsters out in droves. For instance, I read that 37% of the public agrees with the demonstrators, although none of the pollsters were able to determine what it is that the nebbishes are demonstrating against. What we have been told is that a third of them are okay with using violence to get their way, a third of them find a moral equivalency between the United States and Al Qaeda and, I’m guessing, at least a third of them, who are zealots when it comes to banning tobacco, fossil fuels and those they deem corporate polluters, regard personal hygiene as a sure sign of selling out to a capitalist society.

Harry Reid, who is often in the running when it comes to competing for the most bone-headed statement of the day, week or month, made a valiant attempt to cop the crown by announcing that unemployment in the private sector is in fine shape and now we only need to concern ourselves with government employees. But close, as we all know, only counts in horseshoes.

The clear winner in the competition was Joe Biden for warning us that if the Republicans didn’t pass Obama’s Jobs Bill, aka Bastard Son of Stimulus I, America would be faced with soaring rates of murder and rape.

Now, so far as I can tell, the sociopaths who commit those particular crimes are in no way influenced by the state of the economy, but solely by their own lack of empathy and plain old human decency. Therefore, I can only assume Biden meant that the rapes and murders would be committed by those disgruntled teachers, firemen and cops. You know, the same folks that liberal politicians are forever trying to forge into yet another voting bloc composed of alleged victims.

In short, his basic message is that if you know what’s good for you, you’ll either keep over-feeding the beasts known as public sector unions or you can expect — and fully deserve — to suffer the violent consequences.

I must confess that until the Vice-President called it to my attention, I never even suspected that if we downtrodden taxpayers merely asked these people to contribute to their own pension and health plans, we would be personally responsible for turning all these dedicated firemen and seemingly benign math teachers into wild-eyed rapists and murderers.

My own advice is to be sure you pack a .45 the next time you attend a PTA meeting.


©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • Burt Prelutsky

    Indie: No point in telling Harry Reid anything. He’s the guy who insisted that there might be illegal aliens working in the construction industry…but not in Nevada!
    He ought to be doing stand-up in a Vegas comedy club.

    Burt

    • Mike Jackson

      The comedy club would need stimulus funds to hire him. Who, besides SEIU employees, would attend the show. And the only reason they’d be there is being on the clock.

  • IndependentLasVegas

    Will someone in the Obama media (NBC,CBS,ABC, CNN,MSNBC,CNBC and PBS) please tell IDIOT Harry Reid there is 14% unemployment in his own state NEVADA the highest unemployment rate in the NATION!

    • Chief

      The idiots in Nevada voted him back into office

      • CCNV

        Chief,

        NOT true!! I didn’t vote for the idiot, nor did most of us here in the northern part of the state! There were plenty of GOOD Republican/Conservative possibilities; however, the Tea Party offered up Sharron Angle. On top of that, there was a ‘convenient’ power outage in Vegas (overwhelmingly democrat population), in which the votes didn’t count. Thus, it’s no surprise Pinky Reid won.

        On another note, having taken care of in-laws with Alzheimers, I firmly believe Pinky is in the early stages.

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Wally: Frankly, I couldn’t believe it when so many people were optimistic about the Arab Spring. Anyone who couldn’t foresee that the Spring would be more like an acid rainstorm just haven’t been paying attention to the creatures in the Middle East.

    Burt

  • wally

    Great articles Burt. I’m glad I subscribed to Bernie’s web. Keep up the good work. I totally agree that the US and other countries are going to be in for a very rough time as the radicals begin exercising there power in these middle east countries.

  • Jeannette

    Only “Whiny Reed” could say that the state of employment is just fine, thank you, except in the public sector. Just how many more government jobs would it take for us to say we’ve conquered unemployment?

    In my opinion there are a few too many government jobs; also in my opinion, why on earth does a government worker need a union? Government workers have a cushy, dependable employer who is eager to cave in to every whim, and certainly to cave in to every foot-stomping demand of unions. Please.

    P.S. I know how to spell Reid. But “Reed” looks better with “Whiny.”

  • Glen Stambaugh

    Burt, good point about “Arab Spring” and our optimistic view that surely things will be better. There’s always the next entity ready to fill their monster vacuum. Always glad to read another of your works!

  • Mike Jackson

    I like to look through the news for gaffe du jour ala Biden or Reid. One won’t find it from the lame stream media.
    The same media is doing all it can to thwart any republican with the possibility of winning the general election with the notable exception of Romney. Should Romney get the nomination, I will vote for him, but that vote won’t be cast with unbridled optimism. (Like the guy really cares?)
    Occupy Wall Street crowd could use a rain shower, not a snow shower. Maybe Mayor Bloomberg would invest in handing out some soap. While a waste of money, it would have a demonstrable and immediate effect.
    One last thought. You might also want to suggest keeping ones powder dry.
    Regards,
    Mike

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Roadmaster: Yes, my article was written before the brouhaha about Mr. Cain. I hope he will weather the predictable assault from the corrupt media and live to fight another day. You would think that there would be some members of the leftwing media who would suggest that there is something hypocritical about defaming a decent man for alleged minor incidents while giving a pass to Bill Clinton, a man who as governor and president, was guilty of numerous sexual assaults. But, clearly, that is asking too much of these members of the fourth estate. Such honesty would be frowned upon by their colleagues.

    Burt

  • Roadmaster

    Bert must have written this before the brouhaha over Herman Cain’s alleged sexual harassment. It is normal for the dhimmicrats to try to take out the front runner for the GOP nomination, but this story was especially thin; long on innuendo and short on facts. I believe most people will see it for it is – another “high tech lynching of an uppity black,” and will discount this flagrant smear of an accomplished and honorable man.

    • CCNV

      How quickly the democrats/liberals have forgotten Clinton’s sexual escapades before, during and after his stint in the White House. Those were proven to be MORE than just accusations. I guess that was different…

  • Ken Besig, Israel

    Close also counts in hand grenades!

  • Shirl

    Watching the news everyday (Fox) is like watching a soap opera with this administration. Every single day is a new episode. It’s getting better and better the more frightened they get about giving up their power and living large on the back of the taxpayer. It’s hilarious how they think anyone believes their idiotic statements. The Tea Party has thrown a screw in their grand plans and now we are witnessing their back-up plan.

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    • Lonesome George

      SSSSSNNNNNAAPPPP!! Ow Burt! You hit my funny bone again. But then anybody who mentions Biden in any context gets a laugh from me. Keep them coming, word is spreading