Category Archives: Humor

Where Equality is Job None

One fine morning at the offices of Sharpton’s Community Unrest Management, a call comes in from a potential client. She selects option #2, and lands in the headset of a diligent young cubicle-dweller. SCUM: Hello, Protests & Riots Department, James speaking. PC: Hi, my name’s Lori. Do you handle civil rights violations? SCUM: That depends,…

A Nice Hot Cup ‘o Crazy

Ever since he replaced Jay Carney as White House press secretary/intelligence-insulting pipsqueak, I’ve watched Josh Earnest so many times I’m starting to feel like a test subject in a masochism study. While it was obvious from the first time his Apple Jacks breath hit the microphone he was a terribly under-spanked child, it took me…

Certifiably Safe Sex

(CAUTION READERS: CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK. SOME CONTENT MAY BE MORE OFFENSIVE THAN USUAL.) There is something really wrong with the California State Legislature. It’d probably surprise me if any of these Shawarmaheads could use a revolving door without getting lost, but it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if they passed a “clockwise-only” mandate…

Worn Out by Sayings?

Clichés can be so cliché, and worn-out sayings (“neat as a pin,” etc.) have worn out their welcome. Every time I hear one I start to get this, well, urge. A strange, powerful urge. Ever since adolescence, an almost unbearable, uncontrollable urge…to take all those trite phrases and give them a lil’ treatment: Next time…

On Memorials & Madams

[Warning: what you are about to read might make the author look like a macabre weirdo with a terribly dull life, and you might be onto something.] I was catching up on some Hollywood news the other day when I came across what might have been the eeriest, most amazing coincidence I’ve ever witnessed in…

It Doesn’t Discriminate

Let’s say you’re an average, everyday person. Like anybody else, you enjoy certain diversions, such as music, movies, and/or sports. You turn up the radio when your favorite band comes on. You’re gleefully tethered to the TV every Sunday from September to January, savoring every touchdown and tackle. Every summer you’re one of the millions…

Year of the Brat

Devotees of the U.S. Constitution recently got a nice treat when a conservative underdog took out an establishment limpnoodle in Virginia, but they weren’t the only ones. Right-wing smartasses like me got a sweet little something-something too: prime fodder for an easy joke. Dave Brat’s June 10th primary victory over Rep. Eric Cantor was a one-liner…

Those Darn Anti-Semitic Republicans!

cantor

Have you heard the latest? Republicans aren’t just racist, homophobic, and misogynistic. They’re also now anti-Semitic! How do I know this? Well, I think it’s pretty obvious. Last week in a shocking upset, they chose U.S. Congressional candidate David Brat over House Majority Leader Eric Cantor in the Virginia primaries. You see, Cantor is Jewish….