Category Archives: Humor

Obama Addresses the People of Denmark

We take you now to the White House, where President Obama will address our friends in Denmark about the non-terrorist shootings in Copenhagen. Mr. Obama: My fellow Amurkins. Hold on a minute, that’s not my TelePrompter, it’s an old one from the sixties. {Pause while equipment is moved out and other equipment is moved in.}…

Obama Finally Gets Tough with ISIS

The Obama administration has decided to ramp up its military campaign against ISIS. This comes as a direct result of the incident in which the Middle Eastern terror organization burned a captured Jordanian pilot alive in a cage. Beheadings are no big deal, a White House spokesman said. They happen all the time, and are…

Stat’s Entertainment

“Welcome back to NBS’ coverage of the World Tackle Football playoffs, between the Nashville Nasturtiums and the Portland Pissants. I’m Buck Joseph, along with Randy Exjocque, live from I’m Not Remotely Surprised It’s Margarine Stadium, and what a surprising first half it was for Portland, Randy, leading Nashville 10-0 at halftime!” “Boy, you got that…

Because Joining a Gym is for Losers

Just as I’ve done with every year before it, I’m making 2015 absolutely resolution-free. After all, any schmuck capable of holding a pencil eraser side-up can make a list of things to improve about himself, but it’s only society’s supremely-talented gems like yours truly who can maintain a consistent level of sub-mediocrity. It ain’t stopping…

Where Equality is Job None

One fine morning at the offices of Sharpton’s Community Unrest Management, a call comes in from a potential client. She selects option #2, and lands in the headset of a diligent young cubicle-dweller. SCUM: Hello, Protests & Riots Department, James speaking. PC: Hi, my name’s Lori. Do you handle civil rights violations? SCUM: That depends,…