Chastising Colmes, Cain and Coulter

I am not a wealthy person. If I were, I would pay as little in income taxes as I could possibly get away with. I would hire excellent accountants to assist me in this endeavor. For one thing, I’d know that I was already paying far too much in a nation in which nearly half the people don’t pay anything. For another, I would regard it as something of a sacred mission to make sure that the federal government didn’t get its hands on any more of my money than I could help, in the same way that I wouldn’t finance a drug addict if I happened to be related to one. And unlike all those various goons and chiselers I despise in Washington, I might actually like my relative.

However, if I were one of those rich people like Nancy Pelosi, Matt Damon, Roseanne Barr and Warren Buffett, who keep yammering like a bunch of monkeys that taxes should be raised on the well-to-do, I would shut my mouth and simply write a real big check and mail it off to the IRS. After all, just because normal people prefer to donate their hard-earned money to the Salvation Army, the Boy Scouts, cancer research and their church or synagogue, it doesn’t mean that left-wing morons can’t donate to their own favorite charity, which just happens to be the federal government.

Although the next election is still a year away, it’s not too early to start objecting to lame duck sessions. Why on earth should a president, a senator and a member of Congress, continue to stay on the job that he’s just lost? Perhaps in the old days, when people had to travel by horse and buggy, and Philadelphia and Washington, D.C., were far away, it took time for winning candidates to get to the nation’s capital. But today, anyone can get there in less than 24 hours.

In the private sector, when you lose a job, you clean out your drawers and leave the same day. At most, you might get two weeks’ notice. But in Washington, you get to stick around for nearly three additional months. If you were voted out, it’s because we’re sick and tired of the mischief you’ve been creating for the past two, four or six years, and we want you gone. From my point of view, it shouldn’t even be legal that people who have been voted out of office get to keep writing bills and passing laws.

Speaking of things that make no sense, I realize that Fox likes to promote itself as the network that’s “Fair and Balanced.” So I wouldn’t object if they invited left-wingers on to debate issues once in a great while. I might even consider it a public service. After all, I find that after five minutes of listening to Alan Colmes, Leslie Marshall, Geraldo Rivera or Marc Lamont Hill, doing their best to prop up Barack Obama, I’m reminded all over again why liberals should never be trusted anywhere near sharp tools, machinery or voting booths. But when, time and again, I see Juan Williams on Bret Baier’s panel or find him sitting in for Bill O’Reilly, I can’t help wondering what the heck the man has on Roger Ailes. But whatever it is, it must pale by comparison to what Bob Beckel has on the old man. At least Juan Williams manages to remain upright and awake during his appearances, even if I don’t.

I must admit I was disappointed when I heard Herman Cain pile on Rick Perry. If I had his ear, I would tell him that just because a reporter asks you a question, there is no good reason to waste your time answering it. Remember, he is not your friend and even if you get the nomination, he will not vote for you. In fact, he will do everything in his power to make certain you lose the election. So, if you want to insult someone, make it Obama. Saying “no comment” is not only permissible, it should be mandatory when the question involves another Republican contender.

What Mr. Cain, along with all the other men and women seeking the GOP nomination, should keep in mind is that knocking your competitors is not going to gain you any votes. It will merely make his or her supporters think less of you. The reason that Mrs. Bachmann went down in the polls, even after nosing out Ron Paul in that silly popularity contest in Iowa, is because she wasted time in two debates engaged in pissing contests with Tim Pawlenty and Rick Perry. It hurt them without helping her, giving new meaning to a Pyrrhic victory

For some reason, Republican politicians keep paying homage to Ronald Reagan, all the while ignoring his 11th Commandment. It’s high time the candidates took his words to heart. Speak ill of a fellow Republican and suffer the consequences.

Speaking of Republicans, what is the deal with Chris Christie? I admit that I enjoyed watching him shoot down that New Jersey teacher, but he is hardly a conservative’s idea of a knight in shining armor. He’s at best a moderate when it comes to the 2nd Amendment, he’s okay with civil servants being unionized, he’s a big booster of green energy, he’s soft on illegal immigration and he subscribes to the notion of man-made global warming.

It sure makes me wonder why the heck Ann Coulter has seemingly made it her mission in life to get him the nomination. Could it be that Annie has a thing for fat guys?

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
Get your personally autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success for just $19.95, shipping included.   Get both for just $39.90. Liberals: America’s Termites Profiles of Success (60 candid conversations with 60 Over-Achievers)

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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website:
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  • Iklwa

    “…after five minutes of listening to Alan Colmes, Leslie Marshall, Geraldo Rivera or Marc Lamont Hill, doing their best to prop up Barack Obama, I’m reminded all over again why liberals should never be trusted anywhere near sharp tools, machinery or voting booths.”

    Somehow Bert, this should be incorporated as one of your Commandments.

    “The Ten Commandments According to Prelutsky”

    It has a certain ring to it…

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Unfortunately, Shirl, when it comes to Newt’s own gaffes, people have an equally long memory. It is my theory that Gingrich is running for the same reason that Pat Buchanan used to run. It increases brand identification and helps him peddle his books and videos and keep his lecture fees in the stratosphere.


    • RecknHavic

      You’d peddle too if you ran up million dollar Tiffany’s bills.

  • Shirl

    The left wing media mob is going to do everything in their power and then some to annilate anyone running against Obama. And apparently his gift of gab and lies is what won the majority over. Newt has the power of the truth on his side and the mind of an elephant; he doesn’t seem to forget any misgivings of this potus.

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Shirl & Nancye: I, too, would love to see Newt debate Obama, but I wouldn’t want the presidency to rest on the outcome. Debating skills–and let’s face it, these GOP events are not debates–are nice, but I don’t believe that they are a necessary talent for a chief executive. I’m afraid that if Gingrich were to win the nomination, his personal history would trip him up. By Election Day, the MSM would make it seem as if his sex life has combined the worst elements of Hugh Hefner, Rasputin and the Hillside Strangler.


  • Nancye

    Burt said:

    But I know a great many others who have simply stopped watching O’Reilly because they just can’t ut up with Bill’s ego and his lineup of libs.


    I’m getting there as well. When he has a lib on, I either mute the sound or change the station until they go. Also, Bill’s ego has gotten to me too. I only watch him for his guests – depending on who they are.

  • Shirl

    Now that it’s getting down to the nitty-gritty; I would love to see Newt debate Obama and I for one could overlook the global warming incident; he (Newt), clearly does not support crap and trade and it has no chance of passing. He has a great message in asking for our help in defeating the appologiser in chief. I plan on checking out today.

    • Nancye

      Newt could mop up the floor with Obama. The Marxist-in-Chief wouldn’t know what hit him. And, I’d love to see it!!! :)

  • ken

    I can’t stand Beckel.

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Nancye: You misunderstood my comment. I said I wouldn’t mind if Fox invited a liberal on once in a great while. Instead, they have these dunderheads on all the time.

    Robert: You have my sincere condolences. My son was a compulsive gambler. I was luckier than you. I booted him out of the house when he turned 18.

    Phly: I like Cain, but I feel he stepped over the line in his interview with Chris Wallace.
    In the debates, I have admired Newt Gingrich for the way he has avoided getting into these stupid, unproductive, pissing contests with the other contenders.

    Steve: I disagree. One, I don’t believe Ailes is a conservative. Therefore, I don’t think it’s his objective to let us see what morons liberals are. I think it was smart of him to use “Fair & Balanced” as a marketing device. But I know a great many others who have simply stopped watching O’Reilly because they just can’t ut up with Bill’s ego and his lineup of libs. For my part, I record his show and then fast-forward through the commercials, along with appearances by Colmes, Rivera, Marshall, Williams and Hill. Sometimes, I get through the entire hour in about seven or eight minutes.

    John: All I need to know about the liberals on Fox is to know what Obama has said and done because all they do is parrot his words and defend his actions. Why would I wish to waste my time getting the bulls–t second hand?

    I am surprised that nobody noticed that “Chastised” is misspelled in the title. I didn’t do it. For some reason, my website manager, who is responsible for getting my columns to Bernard, screwed it up. Or maybe you did notice, but were too polite to mention it. In which case, thank you.

    Regards, Burt

    • phlymgrym

      I think Newt is great and is brilliant in these debate formats. Can’t seem to get that tv promo for global warming he did with Nancy Pelosi out of my head. It pops back up every time I get the urge to advance him on my favorites list.

    • RecknHavic

      I couldn’t disagree more. The Fox Libs are what I call “friendly liberals” in that, while yes they tow the DNC line, they are not sickeningly rude.
      The ignorance and bigotry of the Libs on other cable news channels (and the major channels for that matter) is galling.
      They’re like an opposing mirror view (is that a dbl neg?) of the “so-called” republican/conservative commentators on CNN, MSNBC, ect. These Pollyannas couldn’t articulate a conservative point if it were poured on their heads; they’re simply props for the Leftist to use. It’s quite the contrary for the Libs on FOX, they will take a stand on an issue.

      It’s ashame that some are so blinded by ideology that they won’t even entertain an opposing view.

  • RecknHavic

    The FoxNews libs pale in comparison to the Leftists on most networks. Turn on MSNBC for five minutes and you’ll be yearning to hear Beckel or Williams.

    And I agree, what does Coulter see in Christie that I don’t? I don’t hate the guy, but really, he’s as you said Burt: a moderate at best.

    Not Romney 2012!

  • Nancye

    From the article:

    Speaking of things that make no sense, I realize that Fox likes to promote itself as the network that’s “Fair and Balanced.” So I wouldn’t object if they invited left-wingers on to debate issues once in a great while.


    But they do. Sometimes I get tired of the “Fair and Balanced” thingy. O’Reilly often has TWO libs on his show AT THE SAME TIME, and I wonder where is the conservative to “balance” the debate.

    I can’t stand The Five because of Beckel and have e-mailed them asking them to get rid of him. Good chance of that, I know!!! I can’t stand even the sight of Alan Colmes, much less his liberal comments, so when he’s on, I change the channel. My stomach can take only so much.

  • Robert A. Hall

    A great column, though the “not financing a drug addict” stabbed me in the heart. We’ve poured a lot of money into my druggie step-daughter who rewarded us by stealing as much as she could from us. And I don’t even like her. She has never worked at 40-hour week, at 36, but voted for Obama because he “was going to help little people like her.” (Not that she’s so little.) Now married to and pregnant by her undocumented boyfriend. Why did we do it? She has an 11-year-old daughter, the result of her former “profession,” who against all odds is a sweet, decent kid, so she has a hostage. We are trying to save the girl. Yes, I know a common tale in America today. I will link to this from my Old Jarhead blog.

    Robert A. Hall
    Author: The Coming Collapse of the American Republic
    (All royalties go to a charity to help wounded veterans)
    For a free PDF of the book, write tartanmarine(at)

  • phlymgrym

    Burt, I’ve often wished I could ask Ann Coulter the same thing. You were pretty tough on Cain though. He did not personalize his response to Perry, rather to those who “put that word” there. Also said does not believe Perry sees black people that way. I like that he used “insensitive” rather than “racist” to describe the act. I agree with the 11th commandment and feel Cain brushed, but didn’t break it!

  • Steve


    You seldom miss the point, but I respectfully submit that you might have done so with your Fox comments. I believe that Hill, Geraldo, Colmes, Beckel, et al, are not on Fox because they have something on Roger Ailes. Hardly. I believe Ailes uses them the show the audience on a daily basis what complete idiots these outspoken libs are, which stupidity reflects of the other libs they seek to protect and defend. These are the liberal termites you wrote about and they continue to eat our habitat in their own attempt to survive. Ailes puts them on display in a glass-fronted termite farm.

    Geraldo is not as smart as he tries to make us think he is. Running with the bulls in Spain is not the most intelligent choice of leisure activities. But doing it FOUR TIMES is absolutely stupid.

    Beckel is just plain disgusting. His only claim to liberal fame was running Walter Mondale’s miserable campaign for the Oval Office, and Beckel is not smart enough to stop reminding us of that loss. Further, he can’t make a valid point to support his side, so he results to nasty, snide personal insults. I have a recurring dream in which I am on the panel of The Five when Beckel is also present. In my dream, I finally get his pinball pinhead to blow up and register TILT by asking, “Tell me, Mr. Beckel, have you stopped paying prostitutes with personal checks?”

    Colmes is a lost cause. He is a true believer who comes across as so desperate to make his loony point that he almost becomes a frothy-mouthed rabid liberal eager to infect the rest of us by biting our logic.

    Hill is an excellent example of the liberal hogwash that exists in universities today and “teaches” their liberal drivel to young minds too unseasoned to challenge the idiocy of the left-wing train of thought.

    Yes, Ailes is smarter than you might think. Where else in today’s media do you find liberals willingly and haplessly showing themselves for what they are? It’s money well spent to expose the lunacy. Ailes allows these people to show themselves and their cohorts for the losers they truly are. It’s brilliant!!!

    • Lonesome George

      Steve you nailed exactly the points I was going to make. Fox uses Beckel et al like MSNBC used Jerry Falwell and others on “Hard Ball”. Falwell was on to be made use of.
      I would like to use a taser on Beckel every time he answers a question or make a point by giving examples Republican mistakes.

    • sunnyinaz

      Steve: I totally agree with you. When I watch Beckel, Colmes and Hill, I think they can’t possibly believe what they’re saying. It’s shocking but they do! I hope people watching them see just how wacky they are. Anyone watching Beckel on The Five can’t miss how flagrantly offensive he is.

  • JohnInMA

    I get it. Although you didn’t mention anything specific, I’ll assume you disagree with what they think and say, almost universally. So you just don’t “like” them as people as a result.

    I enjoy listening to Beckel, especially on The Five. In just a few minutes, I can learn exactly what the far left is thinking and what their tactics may be on any given current event. As a result I avoid any unnecessary contact with other mainstream media and publications. Same with Colmes. I typically don’t agree with them (but not always), and their presence is my Cliff Notes to knowing all I need to.

    It is also an occasional pleasure to see Beckel get his panties in a wad given how unpopular and unsuccessful this administration has been. Even though emotion over rational thought is the trademark of the progressive left, some bouts of anger still stand out and give a lot of insight.

    • SteveM

      Yeah, it’s all Theater of the Absurd. Out of curiosity, can you cite examples of issues where you have sided with Beckel and Colmes as you alluded to (“but not always”)? Because you got me thinking about it and I couldn’t come up with even one. Thanks.