Dealing With All the Baloney

When you’re a conservative and you are doing your level best to deal with all the crapola spewed by the Left, you don’t really need a newfangled BS detector. You just need one of those large brooms the circus provides the poor guy who walks behind the elephants. In my case, of course, it’s a team of donkeys I’m trailing behind.

For instance, is every liberal born knowing how to chant inanities or is it something they have to master once they enter college or join a union? And are they totally unaware that once normal people hear chanting in the streets, they know they are in the presence of the great unwashed?

Like most thinking human beings, I was delighted when on June 5th, not only did Scott Walker win a landslide victory in Wisconsin, but the voters in such staunchly liberal California cities as San Diego and San Jose, voted to cut the pensions of public sector unions.

It was predictable that once the polls showed that Governor Walker was going to survive the recall that Obama wouldn’t set foot in Wisconsin. Instead, it was Bill Clinton who showed up to endorse Mayor Barrett, and once again Clinton proved to have no more influence with the voters than he has with Hillary. Clinton actually believes he has the power to persuade for no other reason than that he can attract those women in NYC who can always be found fluttering around rich old guys.

The irony of Clinton’s siding with Barrett and against Walker is that he was governor of Arkansas for 12 years, all of them during the 68 years that it’s been a right-to-work state. And yet, like an old firehouse dog responding in Pavlovian fashion to a fire alarm, there he was in Wisconsin doing the dirty work for the public sector unions.

Speaking of the recall in Wisconsin, I found it amusing that MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell said that the victor of the election was…(drumroll)…Barack Obama! That’s because the exit polls reported that 53% of the voters favored Obama, while only 42% endorsed Romney. Far be it from me to question MSNBC, but those very same exit polls indicated that the recall was a toss-up. And so it was until the votes were actually counted and Walker won 53% to 46%. Anyone who regards that as a toss-up would probably say that Custer and Sitting Bull fought to a draw at the Little Big Horn.

Only a dunce like O’Donnell would find solace in the Wisconsin election, one in which Walker actually increased his margin of victory over Barrett from their initial battle in 2010. It reminds me of the old joke in which a reporter buttonholes Abe’s wife and says, “Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the show?”

Speaking of Clinton, though, reminds me that Henry Wolf, a guy out here in California, has sued BMW North America, claiming that a 4-hour ride on a ridge-like motorcycle seat has given him an erection lasting 20 months. Wolf is seeking compensation for lost wages, medical expenses, emotional distress and general damage.

In related news, Pfizer, the company that produces Viagra, is considering suing BMW North America for patent infringement, and Bill Clinton, 66, has indicated an interest in taking up motorcycle riding.

With the news that yet another electric car company, Fisker, is going to stop production of its electric cars, it occurs to me that green energy is a lot like the game of soccer. No matter how hard some interested parties push it, America’s not buying it. In just the same way that we prefer football, baseball, basketball, hockey, golf and, at least during Olympic Game years, even gymnastics and synchronized swimming, we dislike soccer. I’m not saying that nobody likes the silly game in which people pretend not to have arms and hands, and a 2-1 outcome has fans shaking their heads over the obvious lack of defense. I know that immigrants from Third World countries who grew up kicking a casaba melon around think it’s the cat’s pajamas. But most Americans prefer sports that don’t require using one’s own head as a bat.

As I was saying, it’s much the same with green energy. Although some people, especially those who have finagled a government loan to start a company, pretend to believe that wind and solar energy are an adequate substitute for fossil fuel, nobody else is buying the big lie. Something else they’re not buying, just in case you hadn’t noticed the scarcity of Volts on the open road, are electric cars.

Members of certain left-wing groups, people with way too much time on their hands, are complaining that the drone attacks targeting Islamic terrorists are also killing innocent civilians. I’m sure that when they voice their criticism of the only thing that Obama has done right, they feel they possess the deed to the moral high ground. But what they overlook is that there are no innocent bystanders hanging around with Islamic terrorists. If we get word that these creeps have started walking around with puppies or small children strapped to their chests, we can talk. Until then, I suggest these self-canonized saints go back to their regular job; namely, holding candlelight vigils for serial killers about to be executed.

In conclusion, let me say that Team Romney is starting to embarrass me. First they put out a press release in which they managed to misspell “America.” More recently, they changed Ronald Reagan into Ronald Regan. Perhaps instead of approaching them, offering to help write the candidate’s speeches, I should have suggested they employ me as their official spellchecker.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • BurtPrelutsky

    Wally: Good luck with the Prius.  I would be in favor of every American buying an electric car…so long as they drove them to their local polling place on November 6th and voted for Romney.


  • wally

    Burt: Good column. I’m from Wisconsin and was glad Walker won decisively. Of course the left will say it was a fluke. I agree that Romney needs to get more combative and state how bad Obama is. I feel that he will do this but I’m guessing that he wants to wait until the timing is right. After all, Obama will steal any good idea that might get votes so it is still a little early. By the way, I did buy a Prius and find that the car is fine. However, like Stossel, I received a stimulus from the government to purchase the car. In reality, the purchase of a Prius or any hybrid means that you are paying for the fuel up front. Paying for the fuel up front  means that you can deduct the interest paid to purchase the vehicle on your income taxes. It probably still was not a good investment in that  the battery may need replacing prior to the effective life of the car. Time will tell.

  • BurtPrelutsky

    Dave: The MSM serves as a propaganda outlet for the far-left.  Ever since Bernstein and Woodward garnered fame and fortune by driving Nixon from the White House, young liberals have seen journalism as a way to become a political force, not as way to be an objective news gatherer.

    cma: Perhaps Romney simply understands that most Americans have the attention span of fruit flies, and figures that anything he says prior to the GOP convention will be forgotten by Election Day.  In the meantime, though, he’d be wise to keep Eric Fehrnstrom locked up in a cellar somewhere.

  • cmacrider

    Burt:  Your point about the Romney campaign’s spelling errors is well taken.  What seems equally inexplicable is the Romney Campaign’s inability or refusal to put forward a positive message which will resonate with the voters.  They definitely could have benefited by having you write some of his speeches.

    BTW … I noticed a news release in which Trans Canada Pipeline has partnered up with an American Veterans group to provide 8 to 10 thousand jobs for American Vets to work in Canada.  Since Trans Canada, from its origins, was funded by American entrepreneurs and American capital … and in fact the entire Canadian energy sector would never be what it is today without American capital, know-how, and entrepreneurial spirit it leaves me with this question in mind.  “So if  a small private sector company can produce 10,000 jobs for American workers, exactly what would happen to employment figures in the U.S. if government got out of the way???? ”

    If Romney posed that question in one of his media appearances, I think it would resonate a lot more with the independents that simply running a risk averse campaign. 


  • Dave Thomas

    I wonder why the mainstream media that claims Scott Walker won the recall election because of money refuse to acknowledge that national unions spent over $20 million dollars of their members money in Wisconsin. 

  • BurtPrelutsky

    GlenFS: I’m glad you’re happy with your Prius.  I’m happy with my Chrysler PT Cruiser.  That’s the way it’s supposed to work in the U.S.  Free choice for a free people.  To answer your question: It’s no problem being prolific so long as Obama is in the Oval Office, Harry Reid determines what the Senate will be allowed to vote on and old Wil is out there, getting his scanties in a knot every time I post a well-reasoned, amusing-at-liberals-expense, article.  As dumb as he is, though, you would have thought that after all this time he would have learned how to spell my name.

    DOOM: You have summed up the situation very neatly.


  • Wil

    What really conservatives still stand for? Opposing abortion, opposing gun control, opposing the environment, opposing civil rights, opposing homosexuality, opposing people with Islamic beliefs. You support religion in politics, support school prayer, support creationism and support military spending… But never serve.

  • DOOM

    I keep seeing the new Volt commercial, in which the four Volt owners they could find spend a minute talking about how little they go to the gas station.  What they don’t mention is how much time they spend charging the car, or how much that costs.  Since we get most of our electricity  from burning oil and coal, they’ve stopped burning fossil fuel to generate energy in favor of burning fossil fuel to burn energy.

  • GlenFS

    Another great post!  I don’t know how you manage to be so proifically amusing.
    I drive a used Prius purchased last winter when Obama’s war on oil had me among the casualties.  Unlike the Volt, this is a great car that performs as advertised.  The downside is some confuse may choice of ride as a philosophical statement.
    If these green programs are ever to be accepted by the public, they must deliver a better value… as does the Prius.