Dealing with Email

A few years ago, most of the email I received from strangers involved Nigerians who wanted nothing out of life except to shower me with money. These days, I am besieged by politicians of both parties who want me to share those Nigerian dollars with them, but I also apparently embody every woman’s sexual fantasy, be she Russian, Hispanic or just happen to reside within my Zip Code.

Who would have guessed that so many women were just aching to get it on with a short, bald, 72 year old, happily-married, Jewish guy? When hair began to sprout in my nose, my ears and on my back, I assumed it would be the ultimate turnoff, but apparently I am exactly what these hotties are looking for. So perhaps a decent sense of humor does count for more than height, good looks and money in the bank. Who would have guessed it?

But when it comes to politicians, I draw the line. It’s not just that I resent being pestered by Democrats, either; I don’t like it any better when I’m targeted by Republicans. The problem is that while they don’t think twice about approaching someone who lives 3,000 miles away for campaign contributions, I can’t even send an email to a representative whose district abuts the one in which I live.

Just recently, because my congressman is the very liberal Brad Sherman, I decided to share a few thoughts with Rep. Buck McKeon, a conservative congressman whose district ends about two blocks from my house. Because I was obliged to type in my address at his site, I was blocked from leaving him a message.

It’s bad enough that I can’t communicate with Mitt Romney, but I’m not yet paying his salary. But when you can’t send an email to a congressman or a senator, whose votes greatly affect the life you lead, simply because you don’t get to vote in their elections, I say they have a lot of gall constantly asking me to donate to their campaigns.

I can sympathize with John Boehner, Paul Ryan and the other Republican members of the House, and I share their frustration when Harry Reid prevents their budgets and other bills from reaching the floor of the U.S. Senate. Still, I hope they keep in mind once they regain control of the White House and Senate that being opposed to the liberal agenda doesn’t quite cut it.

The only reason that the Democrats were able to push through ObamaCare was because the Republicans did nothing to overhaul health insurance when they held the reins of power between 2001 and 2007. They didn’t allow people to purchase policies with health insurers across state borders, they did nothing about tort reform, and they didn’t prevent insurance companies from dropping people who contracted life-threatening diseases.

Instead, they played footsies with the likes of Russ Feingold, and hoped they got to have lunch with the cool kids and be invited to the prom by Ted Kennedy.

It’s not my intention to pile on the insurance industry, but it was over 30 years ago that I wrote a TV docudrama about an actual person, an old man who sued a major insurance company. It seems that he needed a new pair of glasses, but the company, which at the time focused most of its attention on insuring large groups of retired Americans, had arbitrarily rewritten millions of such policies and no longer covered eye tests.

To make up for that lapse, they expanded their coverage to include pre-natal care. The jury, which fortunately included a great many people in their 60s and 70s, didn’t see the humor in that. As a result, they awarded the gentleman a two million dollar judgment.

Over the ensuing three decades, as we all know, Republican politicians did absolutely nothing to improve the lousy system. Well, if this coming November, they take back the White House and the Senate, while hanging on to control of the House, we’ll be expecting them to do more than whine about those nasty liberals.

I’m sure it will be very tempting to take a page out of the left-wing playbook and blame everything on Obama, just as the libs have blamed everything but my lower back pain on Bush, but that simply won’t cut it.

It’s high time that the Republicans got to work earning their fat salaries and their even fatter perks and pensions.

Actually, it’s way past time they stopped acting as if their sole obligation in Congress is to prevent the Democrats from getting the biggest offices, the largest staffs and the lion’s share of pork and graft.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Send your comments to

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • BurtPrelutsky

    cma: You are absolutely right.  And while the Republicans have a lot to answer for, at least they never have to defend the absolutely indefensible, by which I mean Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama.


    • cmacrider

      Burt:  You’re quite right.  I don’t often agree with Anne Coulter but when she said the Republicans have the smart guys including visible minorities … e.g. Dr. Rice and Jindal etc … etc. she nailed it.

  • cmacrider

    Burt:  When you wrote ”
    Over the ensuing three decades, as we all know, Republican politicians did absolutely nothing to improve the lousy system.” truer words were never spoken.  One of the fundamental flaws of the Republican/conservatives is that they unrelentingly fail to distinguish between conserving “values” and simply protecting the status quo.  Consequently they are always on the defensive.

    I think the vast majority of American’s want to conserve American values such as the traditional understanding of “life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.”  However, change in the social milieu is a fact of life.  Consequently, you retain the “value” but that value finds different physical expression to fit the new environment.

    What is so obnoxious about Obama is that he wants to transform American values which as a non-American I suggest need no transformation whatsoever.  What is so irritating about those Republicans who hold themselves out as political strategists is their refusal to explain in simple rational terms how these traditional values should be put into practice in the 21st. century.

    Case on point:  When Obama said “you didn’t build it yourself” he is attempting to redefine the whole American social contract.  The American social contract has always been very straightforward …. America needs doctors, plumbers, teachers, etc. and hence they built an educational system to train these people.  If you had the intelligence and perseverance to  pass the requisite exams …. you got the privilege to practice that trade of profession.  Thereafter what you accomplished was your personal accomplishment because it was comprised of a who series of contracts with other individuals.  You were NOT beholden to the State for ever after.  You are free to quit that job … retire …. move to another country if you wish.  In contrast the Soviets had a different social contract …. you were forever beholden to the State which is how Kruschev justified prohibiting people from immigrating and the creation of the Berlin wall.

    So the question is simple:  do you prefer the American social contract of do you want to destroy those values and move to a Soviet style social contract?????? Obama obviously seems to like the Soviet social contract.

  • Triplx3ds

    It’s quite easy to get an email threw to one in another districk. Use their area code or zip code. Its like using f—-head , WTF, LOL. The computer does not  recognize a pseudopodium.

  • Itasara

    It isn’t just the emails it is also the phone calls. Not just Nigerians et al but charities (that can elude the do not call list). I have gotten tons of bogus emails and worse phone calls over the past few years. At least the political ones say who they are on the id callers. The rest are bogus made up id caller ads  and bogus phone  numbers. NO ONE is at the end of these calls. Return the call and it says you have reached a nonworking number. What is this… I call it harassment. I have written my congressman. They have responded sometimes but not much they can really do.  I heard from the NYS attorney generals office. After that the calls stopped in Feb.  until this past July 4th when they started up again. I have blocked my  phone, blocked their numbers, but the numbers not  being real change each time. I’m so sick of this I am going to unlist and get a new number. I have had my no. over 30 years but feel forced to make this move and add a second line perhaps with Magic jack. What an inconvenience to people who put my no on some computer and annoy the hell out of me. I am deleting and un subscribing to all political adds on my computer and blocking them too. Tired of the vitriol going on especially from the democrats. I am ashamed to be a democrat and I have not voted democratic in a long time. The ads are enough to quickly  make decide not to vote for them although sometimes they all do this and there isn’t much choice. But for no I won’t vote democratic because I dislike the candidate more than I dislike the opponent. They must think we are all so stupid.

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Itasara:  No, the Democrats don’t think we’re all stupid.  They just figure that a lot of us must be pretty dumb because the likes of Obama, Reid, Pelosi, Schumer, Durbin, Waxman and all the members of the Congressional Black Caucus, keep getting re-elected.  And, unfortunately, they’re right.


  • BurtPrelutsky

    Jimconkle: It’s been a while now and I can’t recall the specific issue I was addressing, but the more important message is the one I conveyed in the article., which I plan to send to the congressman.  I did send a letter to his local office at the time, but that, too, was ignored.  This time I’ll address it to his Washington office.

    James King: The inevitable problem is that some people take up politics as a career.  Once that happens, it is inevitable that raising funds for election campaigns will become the most important thing in their lives.  On the other hand, normal people can’t simply take off two, four or six years, from their own jobs, and serve.  It’s a catch-22, and I don’t see any way around it.  I’m afraid the best we can do is vote for Republicans and hope for the best.


  • Jimconkle

    Burt, we share many of the same traits, so I can relate to your message, which by the way is spot-on.
     I do live in Buck’s district so forward me your message and I will be happy to send it to him.
    Jim Conkle
    Route 66 Roadie

  • James King

    Burt, that is what they do because they are only concerned with self-perpetuation. As an example I pose this opinion. Democrat A is running against Republican A and both rail against the other as the second coming of Hitler. Then a libertarian enters the race and wonder of wonders begins to move to a much stronger position than either the Dem or Repub, who both realize the libertarian will win if they do not act. Then, they change their minds and start calling the libertarian the second coming of Hitler and that their Dem or Repub would be better.

    I’m not certain this would happen, but I believe it would. Politicians are not about America. They are about themselves and to hell with America. Oh, some good comes out, but very little. And until they pass legislation that is signed by the pres. that makes the members of Congress and the pres. obligated to the same rules and regs as citizens, it will never change. Can you imagine that happening? If you can, you need to enroll at a Funny Farm.

  • BurtPrelutsky

    Don’t worry, Glen.  I’m not about to blow all that Nigerian loot on politicians or women who obviously only love me for my 39 million nairas.


  • GlenFS


    Being a sex symbol seems to impassion your writing, and I could not agree more.  We do not need a replay of Democrat-lite style government.  If the GOP wins power they will be expected to dismantle a few leftist nightmare cultural endowments and set things on a more free and enterprising direction, or lose power.

    I was always too timid to accept any of that Nigerian money, but now that you’ve got your share, don’t waste it on politicians who don’t care enough to hear from you, or on hotties who do.