Dick Morris and Other Questionable Characters

It’s bad enough having those well-spoken, snazzy-dressed, spokesmen for the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), getting all huffy over opposition to the Ground Zero Mosque, but what makes them particularly unbearable is the silence they maintain over the way their brethren burn churches, bibles and Christians, in the Middle East. In a way, it reminds me of the way that Barack Obama chastises Republicans for being uncivil, but never utters a word when his various stooges refer to Republicans as hostage-taking terrorists and when Rep. Andre Carson calls the Tea Party a lynch mob.

I know that Dick Morris is treated very respectfully by the hosts at Fox, but I can’t figure out why. For one thing, this is the same yutz who helped Bill Clinton win elections for about 20 years. Just when did he experience an epiphany and come over from the dark side?

His political morals, or lack of same, aside, he’s a joke as a prognosticator. Months before last November’s elections, he told Bill O’Reilly that Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman would be slam-dunk winners in their elections against Barbara Boxer and Jerry Brown. I recall sitting in front of my TV set here in California and trying to figure out how to reach him so I could bet my life savings.

Naturally, when months later both Fiorina and Whitman bit the dust, Morris didn’t explain how he had so badly misread the tea leaves, and O’Reilly, who has the attention span of a gnat when it comes to anything unrelated to himself and his ratings, never brought it up.

Morris reminds me of a spit-curled Hollywood character who used to be a mainstay in the early days of TV. He called himself Criswell. His shtick was to stare into the camera lens and make goofy predictions, which often involved Martian invasions and the end of planet Earth. But unlike Morris, nobody pretended to take him seriously, except for Mae West, who was a bit of a goofball herself.

One of the more interesting conflicts that has recently developed pits animal activists against environmentalists. It seems that windmills kill thousands of birds every month. But you never hear the greenies, the very same knuckleheads who are always sobbing crocodile tears over an oil pipeline in ANWR possibly separating members of a caribou family, carrying on about the ongoing carnage. The fact is that the windmills have even slaughtered golden eagles and nobody has been held accountable. However, if a hunter shot one, he’d be fined and he’d get jail time. Perhaps would-be murderers should take heed. Don’t use a gun, a knife or a hammer; just use a windmill.

Rick Perry got a lot of static for suggesting that Ben Bernanke was guilty of treason. Even I wouldn’t go that far. Still, I did find myself trying to figure out the difference between being the chairman of the Federal Reserve and a garden-variety counterfeiter. The best I could come up with is that each man prints basically worthless money, and both men get to serve lengthy terms, but only one of them serves his in prison.

Finally, I find it amusing that the Democrats automatically think Republicans — especially those who seek or win the presidency – are morons. It’s not a recent development, either. Although Palin, Bachmann and Perry, are all being dismissed by the DNC and the MSM as blithering idiots, as was George W. Bush, it goes back at least as far as 1952. Back then, it was Dwight D. Eisenhower, a graduate of West Point and a five-star general who commanded the D-Day invasion who was ridiculed as a simpleton. His opponent, Adlai Stevenson, had been a one-term governor of Illinois, thanks to the machinations of Jake Arvey’s old fashioned political machine. Further proof of Stevenson’s superior character and intellect is that he went before HUAC and testified to the loyalty and patriotism of Alger Hiss, the pride of FDR’s State Department, later proven to have been a Soviet spy. Predictably, Stevenson, was served up as a combination of Albert Einstein, Mark Twain and Thomas Jefferson, when, in fact, he had all the decisiveness of Hamlet, the warmth of a frozen turkey and the moxie of Franklin Pangborn.

Actually, I’ve found that once you get past the propaganda spouted by the left-wing media, the only difference between a really dumb liberal and a well-educated one comes down to the number of syllables in their drivel.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Harry-Hagan/500665433 Harry Hagan

    Excellent; great conclusion. Thanks.

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  • RecknHavic

    Morris also predicted the Republicans would win 100+ House seats in the 2010 mid terms (which did not happen) and totally missed predicting the state by state GOP landslides (which did happen).

    Maybe these were the type of grand misses he told to impress call girls.

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Glen: If the Fox purveyors of liberalism had anything worthwhile to say, I would have no objection to listening to Juan Williams, Leslie Marshall, Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera, Bob Beckel and Marc Lamont Hill. But when all they do is repeat Obama’s talking points, I don’t need to waste my time. I’ve already wasted enough of that precious commodity listening to it at its source…and then hearing it repeated and spun by Jay Carney.

    Shirl: I assume Dick Morris switched sides because he saw the opportunity to get very rich. I also suspect that once Bill Clinton was out of office and no longer provided a meal ticket for Morris, Hillary told him to take a hike. I always suspected those two had hated each other for a long time…and I hasten to add that I believe they both had excellent reasons.


  • Shirl

    Hey, Burt; why did Morris swing over to the dark side? I’ve been watching his lunch conversations which are informative but with the knowledge that he was a die-hard liberal before. Liberals are such hyprocrits, that I am a bit leery of him. What say you? PS; Love to read your articles since most of the time, my opinions are the same. A Florida Fan.

  • Vince Ricardo

    Nowadays, O’Reilly’s show is really good for only two things: Bernie Goldberg and Dennis Miller. I don’t mind Dick Morris, and he is good for getting an insight into the Liberal mindset … but it’s a Liberal mindset that is years old. Today’s Liberal isn’t even your Older Brother’s Liberal anymore.

    Forget the slaughter of Golden Eagles for a moment. Hasn’t anyone, ANYone noticed just how dang UGLY acres and acres of those giant Windmills are? Pipelines you can cover up, but those freakin’ windmills are a giant eyesore that cannot be hidden. Ridiculous.

    • Glen Stambaugh

      The Factor is not the #1 show for nothing. I for one appreciate hearing more than one side of issues. O’Reilly is excellent whether you’re in agreement with a segment or not.

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Brendan: Just for the record, I have a 10-year-old Maltese…and even he can cut through the Clinton BS by now.

    Regards, Burt

    • Brendan Horn

      Maybe your dog can teach the people at the New York Times a thing or two.

  • Burt Prelutsky

    CCNV: I would of course give you a shout-out. But I’m afraid most people would assume I was acting like a college cheerleader. That’s what happens when people don’t use their actual names on these sites. “Give me a C, give me another C, give me an N, give me a V! What does that spell? CCNV, rah!” But thanks for pleading my case.


  • Brendan Horn

    Here is my defense of Dick Morris. Yes, he is devious and has practiced degeneracy in the past, but he is insightful in discussing the deviousness of the liberal mindset. In particular, I enjoy when he discusses the Clintons. He knows the minds of the Clintons and can cut through all the Clinton BS. His predictions are pretty useless, but everyone’s predictions are useless. It is always a good idea to turn the channel when any so called prognosticator is going to tell us the future. I think weathermen are the best predictors of the future and they are pretty useless beyond three days, and not very accurate within three days.

  • chief98110

    I am going to use some of your lines when I next argue with my liberal friends. It amazes me that the source of their information is never questioned by them in our debates. And, when they realize they are wrong they mumble and walk away.
    Great article!

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Robin: Now you’re blaming me because you spent way too long checking out Criswell, the man who did all he could to bring back the spit-curl? It’s hard enough being responsible for my own lunacy.

    Nancy & Robin: I would like to be invited on Fox even if it did mean associating with Bob Beckel for an hour or so, but they have never invited me on. They have also never posted any of my extremely pithy letters on The Factor. On top of all that, I have never been able to land any of the Fox people for one of my interview books…except for that mensch among mensches, Bernie Goldberg. Apparently they have to run such invitations past someone at Fox, and that someone keeps saying no. What’s more, when they get turned down, they never get back to me. They simply stop responding to queries. Normally, I would assume that death had intervened, but the next day I see them on Fox. So I realize it’s only garden-variety rudeness.

    Regards, Burt

    • CCNV


      Earlier today I sent an email to the news manager at Fox, requesting your presence on one of their programs. I sent them a link to this column and told them this ISN’T the first time you’ve mentioned it. =)

      If you get an invite, I expect a “shout out”, as that is the acceptable thing to do nowadays.

      Good luck!

  • Nancy

    Once again Burt, you have nailed it!!! I love to read your column – wish you would be on Fox sometime. Thanks for keeping on –

  • robin in fl

    gee thanks burt,thanks to you i spent an hour this day looking up and watching old criswell videos because i wasn’t sure who he was.thats ok though because i did enjoy them.i’m just not sure if he was serious or for fun?but still enjoyed them and i listebed to an old may west song with her singing about criswell..


    but now i’m an hour behind in my chores :(

    oh yea and i kept wondering about dick morris too…thought it was just me,glad to see thats not the case.

    also for the record i am an animal activist/environmentalists and have been one LONG before it was ‘trendy’..BUT i have many a hunter friend and also think peta is a crazy bunch.PLEEASE do not think all of us are totally insane,we really are not.in all groups their are always some that give the whole lot a BAD name,be it the right or the left..doctors or lawyers.some are actually “sane”,well almost!

    ‘ .just one more thing,why not see if you can get a guest spot on ‘the 5’ so you can sit with bob beckel and have a chat,or maybe even the late night “red eye” show..i always wanted to see bernie on those shows,i’m sure you would have fun on it too.

    as always,thanks for your take on things.always enjoy reading them.

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Frankly, I’m not sure what role Dick Morris plays in conservative politics, so I can’t really refute his defenders, except to say that I’ll stick to what I wrote in the article.

    Estelle: I agree with you about Mr. Goldberg, but I have a feeling that you think you are commenting at the end of one of his columns. Actually, I wrote this one and I suspect that he won’t get to see your compliment.

    CCNV: Thank you for the kind words. I have pretty much given up on FOX. These days, the only thing I watch regularly is Bret Baier’s show. I fast-forward through O’Reilly’s Factor, pausing only to watch segments with Bernie Goldberg, Brit Hume and Charles Krauthammer. All that could change if they ever invited me on. But for reasons beyond my comprehension, they prefer to roll out the red carpet for Bob Beckel.


  • Clarence De Barrows

    I’d love to play high stakes poker with Dick Morris and I think I’m the only former Marine who doesn’t even know how to play poker.

  • phlymgrym

    I’m going to defend Morris too. Whatever his motivation, his past or his pick rate, he plays a role in conservative politics that would be hard to replace. Don’t always agree and sometimes see his strategy as cynical scheming, but his view is always well-thought.

    Glad you’re willing to state your views… you matter too Burt!

  • IndependentLasVegas

    I disagree with you..I think Dick Morris does a decent job.. My only fault with Morris is he agrees to much with the Fox talking heads.

    Gretta, O Reilly, Hannity and Laura Ingrahm who constantly DROOOL over Bachman…
    My dog has more of a chance to beat Obama..
    and Oblahblah is praying to ALLAH that Bachman is the candidate..

  • Estelle

    All I can say is I love you Bernie Goldberg. Please continue don’t stop what you are doing. I love you on Fox, and have never had to disagree with anything you ever said. Thanks, you are a patriot.

    • CCNV


      I feel the same way about BURT! I just wish he’d get an invite from FOX!