Enlisting in the War on Liberalism

Even back in the 1960s when I was in my 20s and a registered Democrat, I refused to call myself a liberal. To me, liberals were those of my fellow collegians who dodged the draft and pretended it was character and not cowardice that sent them north to Canada or those others who evaded service through deferments and medical fraud, but got to display their moral superiority by spitting on returning veterans.

Even that long ago, I couldn’t quite decide if it was their lack of spine or their hypocrisy that I found more reprehensible.

On top of everything else, it didn’t help that I hated their music, their movies, their fads, their lack of personal hygiene and their infantile slogans.

It never occurred to me that 50 years later, they and their goofy offspring would be America’s school teachers, professors, journalists, judges, union leaders and politicians, and that they’d still be mucking up the works.

On CNN, on New Year’s Eve, viewers got to watch Kathy Griffin ring in 2013 by repeatedly kissing Anderson Cooper’s crotch. Lest anyone think that Mr. Cooper was the innocent victim of a desperate aging comedienne, a few days later, he invited her to appear on his own show.

One of the things I hate the most about comics who depend on shock, as opposed to wit, be they Kathy Griffin or Lenny Bruce, isn’t that they’re simply not funny, but that if you suggest that they’d be well-advised to pursue vocational guidance, they and their slavish fans get to accuse you of prudery. And in our dippy world, it is often far less damaging to one’s reputation to be a known drug addict or pederast than to be called a square.

But anyone who thinks it’s funny to watch a woman in her 50s pretending to be engaging in oral sex with a gay man on television is the sort of knucklehead who probably relishes every second of the annual 24-hour retrospective devoted to the artistry of The Three Stooges.

I assume that if CNN’s ringing in of the New Year got large ratings anywhere, it was probably in San Francisco. That’s the place where the City Council only recently got around to banning public nudity, and did so based on the singular grounds that it wasn’t sanitary. Only in the modern Sodom would walking around without covering your anus and your genitals be equated with coughing without covering your mouth.

In the run-up to the Fiscal Cliff vote, Harry Reid accused John Boehner of running the House like a dictator. Kathy Griffin should pay heed because that’s the sort of material that most normal people think is hilarious. Imagine, the man who has spent four years refusing to allow his 99 colleagues to vote on a federal budget has the unmitigated gall to accuse the Speaker of the House of being high-handed. When it comes to pots calling kettles names, we haven’t seen anything like it since Hitler told Mussolini to lighten up.

Obama has vowed to make gun control a major part of his 2013 agenda. In fact, he promises to get to it just as soon as he shortens the length of fairways through presidential fiat.

I, myself, would suggest that colleges begin conducting classes in hypocrisy, starting with people who never show their faces in public without being protected by several heavily-armed men insisting that the rest of us not be trusted anywhere near guns. If attacking the Second Amendment was punishable in a court of law, every limousine liberal from Dianne Feinstein and Michael Bloomberg to Jamie Foxx and Sarah Jessica Parker, would be found guilty of overkill in the first degree.

Left-wingers are quick to blame guns, gun manufacturers and gun sellers, whenever a loony tune goes berserk and shoots up a mall, a school or a movie theater, but when a guy like William Spengler, after bludgeoning his grandmother to death, is free to murder two firemen 30 years down the road, I don’t ever hear them condemning those lawyers, judges and parole boards, who played a role in getting him released from prison. Is it possible the reason might be that lawyers, judges and members of parole boards, are, more often than not, liberals like themselves?

Until reading Bernie Goldberg’s column on the subject, I had been unaware that Al Gore and his business partners not only refused to sell their failing TV network, Current, to Glenn Beck, but then turned around and sold it to Al Jazeera, the Arab TV network owned by the government of Qatar. Not only does the deal make one question Gore’s bona fides as a dedicated foe of carbon emissions, but it shows that in his heart he holds oil sheiks in higher regard than American conservatives.

Still, it turns out that there was one line in the oil-soaked sand that Gore refused to cross. He absolutely insisted that the deal be consummated prior to taxes rising from 36% to 39.6% on the top two percent of wealthy Americans.

But is anyone terribly surprised that when the world’s biggest gasbag insisted that it was imperative that taxes be raised on the stinking swine that had the effrontery to be rich, he meant all the pigs in the sty except those who happened to be named Al Gore?

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • Ramon Espinosa

    BG you did it again telling the faithful we have a problem reading between the lines

    The 50 % who are slightly educated highly entitled to our Uncle are like us who were once Democrats and slowly woke up. Soon 80 % of the population will be on line and their is no turning back so Bernie buy an internet portal to invite that 50 % come high water that taking a bath shaving having a clean outlook and learning that our Country is in first gear to come aboard….Don’t tell me you need the Money Don’t we all will donate Bernie

  • cmacrider

    Burt: When you wrote “One of the things I hate the most about comics who depend on shock, as opposed to wit, ….. ” I at first thought you were referring to the President’s inaugural address. Guess everyone makes mistakes.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/5Z3L7DFVLUSXNDXRRIAMSMQYD4 General Zod

    i understand kathy griffin isn’t a good comedian (she peaked with “it’s pat” the movie) but i do like lenny bruce.

  • Switchlight13

    Griffin, pretty much a washed up has been, can’t hold a candle to Megan Kelly on New Years Eve. Megan’s funny and she’s not a comedian just a great personality and she easier on the eyes then Griffin.

  • Wheels55

    I wonder how many people CNN asked to host New Year’s Eve before they got Griffin. It had to be a long list.

    Buy more guns and ammo, just to piss off the liberals!!

    • Switchlight13

      I would but most (ARs & AKs) are sold out and the few left are all $1000+.

  • Souvoter

    I’m definitely posting your excellent article to my FACEBOOK, Burt. Seems the only way to skirt Obama’s shoe-shine media!! Keep exposing these control freaks and hyprocrat democrats!

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Sou: Thank you. I will keep on until they pull this laptop out of my cold, dead hands.


  • 49corvette

    When Romney lost it was like a vote down of Hugh Beaumont—Keep fighting the “Good Fight”—I have worn out my welcome—my2cents—thanx for reading

    • Burt Prelutsky

      49: I’m just lucky that I didn’t wager on the election. I was certain that Romney would defeat Obama. How could he not after the record that Obama had compiled over the past four years? I didn’t count on so many Republicans being among the 15 million new recipients of food stamps or that so many Republicans would refuse to overcome their religious bigotry and vote for a Mormon.


      • G. Daylan

        Romney lost the same way football teams do – he went into the prevent defense and forgot about offense.

        • http://profiles.google.com/rmtuci78 Rich Matarese

          The Etch-a-Sketch lost because he joined the “establishment” coaching staff in throwing all the offensive guards and tackles off the team – the true small-government conservatives, particularly Ron Paul’s supporters – and put the waterboys, the towel-trotters, and the male cheerleaders in their place.

          That only works in Adam Sandler movies.

  • 49corvette

    crystalline has two ” L ‘s “—my 2cents—thanx for reading

    • Burt Prelutsky

      49: What does your spelling hint have to do with anything?


  • 49corvette

    Whoa—as a 60’s hypocrite—( spineless and / or gutless )—I did finally actually enlist and spent 13 months in Southeast Asia—I was never spit on upon return—just totally ignored except for my former friends at the Union Job who welcomed me back and gave me EVERY opportunity—only my stupid stupidity got in my own way—to quote Henry Fonda : “There never was any Good Old Days”—I disagree , and you point that out in crystaline fashion—can’t stand that “cooper” guy myself—just reactin’ to the way of nature—BTW that statement from Hitler to Mussolini to “Lighten Up” really struck a chord—Burt , keep up the acerbic ( in a good way ) work—my 2cents—thanx for reading

    • Burt Prelutsky

      49: I hope the chord was connected to your funny bone.