French Fried Potatoheads

As you may have noticed, France elected a new president named Francois Hollande. I’m delighted. It’s rare that a country and its president so richly deserve one another. France, after all, is a nation that sat by while its Muslim population set its cities afire because sharia law wasn’t yet on the books. Then, more recently, they had riots because their former president proposed that in order to save the economy, retirement age would have to be raised from 60 to 62. The fact that they might have to work an additional two years 40 years down the road was more than enough to send outraged 20-year-old Frenchies into the streets.

Keep in mind that they are already guaranteed two months of paid vacation every year. That means that over the course of four decades, that’s 80 months or nearly seven years they’re not punching a clock. So, in reality, it’s more like lifting the retirement age from 53 to 55.

But not to worry! Monsieur Hollande, a socialist who looks like a crooked accountant, has promised that France will not have to deal with such brutal austerity measures; which, translated from the French, apparently means working.

I guess, like the rest of Europe, he’s relying on Germany to keep his left-wing sluggards supplied with berets, bad coffee and stinky cigarettes. Still, if I recall my history, Germany doesn’t have unlimited patience with deadbeats. I’m not one to tell Hollande his business, but I sure wouldn’t want to appear too lackadaisical when it comes to repaying the Germans for borrowed euros. The guys they send to collect wear jackboots and make the Mafia’s bagmen look like Boy Scouts.

No sooner did our own socialist president create a firestorm by suggesting that he, not the Navy Seals, was singularly responsible for killing Osama bin Laden by delivering an address that, as usual, was filled with “I” and “me,” but, in announcing his decision to come out in favor of homosexual marriages, he referred to gay members of the military who are “fighting on my behalf.” Funny, but I thought, and I’m willing to bet they thought, they were fighting on America’s behalf.

It’s one thing for conservatives to accuse this palooka of being the biggest narcissist this side of a Hollywood diva, but quite another when he constantly reinforces the notion that he sincerely believes the world revolves not around the sun, but around himself.

If Barack Obama were a fictional character, he’d be funny in the way that the vain and stupid anchorman, Ted Baxter, was funny on the old Mary Tyler Moore Show or Major Frank Burns was on MASH. But when the schmuck is sitting in the Oval Office, his arrogance and general ineptitude are not nearly so amusing.

Frankly, I wish I could devote all my time to ridiculing Obama, but America’s other liberals keep diverting my attention. For instance, the Massachusetts legislature recently decided to outlaw bake sales. Taking their lead from Mrs. Obama, they decided that it would be criminal to encourage sugar consumption, even if it’s done in a worthy cause. Ask liberals which is worse, sugar or strychnine, and these dunces would have to take the question under advisement. But, apparently, what the New England nannies hadn’t counted on was Governor Deval Patrick putting the kibosh on the measure.

If not for Patrick’s sweet tooth, Massachusetts schools, churches and benevolent organizations, would have had to come up with other ways of raising money. One fellow who’s breathing easier these days is the guy whose job it would have been to tell those uppity Girl Scouts and their damn cookies where to get off.

Typically, about 10% of my email in an election year consists of angry conservatives insisting that there’s not a smidgen of difference between Democrats and Republicans. And no matter how many points of difference I list, they ignore the facts, preferring to wallow in their ignorance, while muttering obscenities about what they like to call the Republican establishment, a group of anonymous good-for-nothings that apparently includes everyone who isn’t them.

Because I have grown tired of trying to set them straight, I’ll quote a Boston fireman named Jim, who summed it up this way: “The Republicans are for the working man; the Democrats are for the non-working man.” Or, as an unknown source put it: “According to liberals, I’m supposed to be more worried about how Mitt Romney spends his money than how Barack Obama spends mine.”

Finally, my favorite moment of this election year occurred in the West Virginia Democratic primary when Obama garnered 58% of the vote and Keith Judd, otherwise known as inmate 11593-051, who’s serving a 17-year term in a Texas prison for extortion, received a whopping 42% without spending a dime on his campaign.

In related news, it’s rumored that Barack Obama is considering dumping Joe Biden as his running mate in favor of political phenom, Keith Judd.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write!

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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • Stanley J

    Just another tea party guy.  He’s probably Jewish and supports the pope who in 2009 UNexcommuncated bishop Williamson, a holocaust denier

    Some people seem to want to cut their own throats.

  • Chief98110

    Thank You for an outstanding article. You are spot on.

  • Colorado Cutie

    If we don’t keep hammering the fact that America is REALLY doomed should BO get back into the White House, some of the more “misinformed” voters will go ahead and vote for him any way.  I pray that everyone will, first of all, VOTE!  Secondly, PLEASE inform yourself about every candidate….local, state and national.  The cliff is looming ahead and the liberal, elite White House with their driving force “Trail Boss” will send us all off into the oblivion of a bottomless canyon where we will end up as greasy spots on the rocks never to rise again.  

  • FloridaJim

    I would enjoy more of your Obama ridiculing I think most of us would. He is easy to ridicule from his lies to his posturing about any success. His lack of knowledge on so many things most of us take for granted e.g. number of states, I killed Bin Laden but had an alibi ready if necessary, the economy tanks and he has 6 fundraisers the same day, he bemoans Trayvon Martin while over 100 blacks in chicago have been killed in the first 5 months of 2012 by other blacks.

  • Freedomsupport

    I think there should be an “Amen” in there someplace.   

  • Iklwa

    Under normal circumstances, I am usually able to contain my amusement while reading your missives to simple snorts and the occasional abbreviated sneeze sounds. Today, I broke into outright laughter (All right, I admit it was building in the previous paragraphs.) when I read the sentences “I’m not one to tell Hollande his business, but I sure wouldn’t want to appear too lackadaisical when it comes to repaying the Germans for borrowed euros. The guys they send to collect wear jackboots and make the Mafia’s bagmen look like Boy Scouts.”
    My wife said, “You must be reading Burt again???”
    Caught red-handed!
    These days I am conflicted at whether to laugh or cry when reading the truth. The French can go hang. The American people had better wake up.
    PS   I won’t be voting for Frank Burns.

  • Dave O’Connor

    Great observations with your Massachusetts tint, Bert.  It’s the lab for dystopia; much like  France.  The gay marriage issue was referred to the courts, because the legislators didn’t want to report home they voted for it. (Their campaign funding rarely comes from  their districts.)
    Illegal immigrants got the step-up when Dukakis reported whole phone-book of phoney SSNs to get Federal funds.  And we know that means jobs – BUT state jobs, with the whole vested retirement kit.
    And, just like France, the young voted for it all; not planning to work beyond 50 (for the Commonwealth – but could take another vested (no-show) position in a municipality or a Federal appontment) (Consider an after life for a French commissioner, getting a plum seat at the EU.).

  • Brhurdle

    Am I demonstrating my ignorance, but do the people of France (and it appears much more of Western Europe) not understand the impact of demographics and wealth distribution on the financing of social programs?  I have come to the conclusion that the liberals here in the US do not understand this important point and falsely believe that social programs can even be increased through higher (“fair”) taxes on the upper classes. Maybe the way to illustrate this point to the American people is to show what progressive tax structure would be required to finance the social program trajectory that we now have and eliminate deficit spending. I feel certain it would show hefty increases for incomes as low as $40K. Perhaps those people who now believe it’s a rich people problem would come to their senses and realize that they have to ante up also thereby forcing them to be more realistic in their views.

    • Dave O’Connor

      Hardly a case of ignorance.  “..but do the people of France (and it appears much more of Western Europe) not understand the impact…?”
      It’s case of, as McCarthy calls it; “Willful Blindness”.
      The obvious has been canonized, but the socialist lemmings choose heresy.

  • genann59

    I think I get the drift of the article – if we were not aware the news that we hear everyday is true, we would think we were tuned into Comedy Central, where most of the young people seem to find more believable what they hear than on conventional channels. It would be far more amusing, as you said, were it not for the fact that clown sits in the White House, misusing the powers therein.

  • Mary

    Wil, I agree with Glen, you are a bore, who cares how Romney’s son had their children, at least they didn’t kill them with abortions.

  • BurtPrelutsky

    cma: Excellent point.

    To everyone else: If you’re going to persist in replying to Wil, I am going to regard you as insane because the urge to repeat an action in the belief that you will eventually achieve a different result is a pretty sure sign of lunacy.


    • Royalsfan67

       I fell into that trap the other day Burt. I finally had to delete the alerts and not read them. A troll does not debate, they just throw bombs, it is easier to ignore them and let them show their own ignorance. I have replied to Wil for the last time

  • cmacrider

    Burt: The political pundits keep suggesting that America is looking for a politician who is forthright in stating his political agenda and then once elected has the courage to implement that agenda.  In the West Virginia Democratic primary it looks like 42% voted for the man who openly declares himself to be an extortionist over the one who pretends he isn’t an extortionist.

  • Wil

    According to Romney biographer Ronald B. Scott, three of Mitt Romney’s sons have resorted to IVF to create their families. The Republican presidential candidate is opposed to abortion, Plan B contraception and embryonic stem cell research, but has never clarified his views on IVF. ~ NY Times, May 4
    I think there may be a story here. Tagg used the same surrogate for a previous child so three of his children were delivered by his wife and three were delivered by (winky-wink) his surrogate.

    • GlenFS

      Wil, you bore me.  I could not care less what people (including Romney’s sons) may have “resorted to to create families”  Their business… not mine….not yours. 

       Please stick to topic.

      • cmacrider

        GlenFS:  I think we should wait until Wil has something either mildly germane to Burt’s comments or vaguely intellectually stimulating before we exert the modest effort it takes to completely dismantle his rubbish.

  • GlenFS


    Maybe Mr. Axelrod should pay Mr. Judd a visit to discover his secret…. could save the Obama campaign a billion $.  And consider the freedom of not being beholden to all the those pesky, demanding special interest groups who pay his election expenses.  This is the cold fusion of politics!  Oh, wait!  It only works if you’re running against Obama!

  • BurtPrelutsky

    Rick: Frankly, if I were Germany, I would already hold the deed to the Greek islands and the Acropolis.  No reason they shouldn’t demand Alsace-Lorraine and the Eiffel Tower.  Otherwise, why should they continue supporting all of Europe’s deadbeats?

    Bruce A: Chasing out the best and the brightest would have been bad enough, but Europe compounded the problem by throwing open its doors to Arabs and Muslims.

    Michael: It is rather ironic that while U.S. spent a fortune protecting Europe from the Soviet Union, most of the countries on the continent chose socialism of their own volition.


  • Rick Johnson

    When France can’t repay, the Germans will settle for the transfer of Alsace-Lorraine, once again. In fact, if the Germans were smart they would demand it now; while neither the UK or the US has leadership willing to stop them.

  • Bruce A.

    Europe chased out or killed  the best & brightest people years ago.  What’s left is a severely depleted gene pool, hence the rise of the lazy etc.

    • Dave O’Connor

      You got that right, Bruce. “…hence the rise of the lazy etc.” As well, we might add a raging immigration population that would have the rest of France ‘submitted’ to them.
      President Boumedianne of Algeria told Europe, in the sixties, some like “..we will defeat you with our women’s wombs…” And of course, France surrendered.

    • Roadmaster

       I maintain that this is the same thing which happened in the E. USA.  All of the bright, ambitious & courageous migrated westward, into the wilderness, and carved out a great country with their blood, sweat & tears.  Those who stayed behind were the lame, lazy & liberal boobs whose descendants vote “D” every election.

      To prove my point, I present “Jersey Shore.”  Consider this:  Snooki and the gang may be some of the brighter bulbs in the pack in New Joisey.  I accidentally watched those idiots for a minute one time and I swear my I.Q. dropped 4 points.

      For my next example:  “American Chopper” based in Newburgh, NY.  No rocket scientists there.

  • Michael

    The French are on a roll (no pun intended).  For about a century they have acted like spoiled kids, behaving as if they believe they are better than everyone else, throwing temper tantrums when they don’t get their way, and depending on mature, responsible adults to bail them out when they finally push too far.  See WWI, WW2 (during which they practically prostituted themselves to the Germans), the protection of the weaker parts of Western Europe (including the “we don’t want to play with you” French) by NATO from the Bear for forty-five years, and now the shameless French proclivity for sucking on the German economic tit. 

    • JCSahyan

      Naaah, Michael. The French aren’t on a roll. They’re on a baguette. I’m from New York, and when I have a continuing thing going on…I’m on a bagel. And my ladylove’s from South Carolina. She sometimes finds herself on a cruller.