Guns, Gats, Rods & Heaters

By this time, everyone in America has commented on the massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, so I suppose I might as well toss in my two cents worth. It was a heart-wrenching event and I personally hope that there is a Hell and that young Mr. Lanza will spend eternity being roasted over a slow fire. But I don’t blame his guns. I don’t blame the NRA. I don’t even blame the movies. I blame him. I also blame society.

Unlike some, I don’t blame society because Americans love their guns and, as a result, there are millions and millions of guns running around loose. I fault society because there are so many evil lunatics like Mr. Lanza being allowed to run around loose.

Every time I hear about a person who requires meds in order to achieve something resembling mental stability, lest he lapse back into schizophrenia or paranoia, I say to myself, that person should be institutionalized because crazy people can’t be depended upon to faithfully take their medications. And anyone who thinks it’s a good idea to let them roam free is crazier than they are. Quite often, these self-righteous oafs are card-carrying members of the ACLU.

I am not suggesting electric shock treatment or lobotomies for people like Mr. Lanza or Jared Loughner, the cuckoo who shot Rep. Giffords. I simply think that they should have been institutionalized long before they finally called public attention to themselves by killing large groups of innocent strangers.

The way things are stacked these days, you have a better chance of getting Barack Obama recalled than you have of committing a ticking time bomb before he detonates.

Speaking of Obama, there’s only one bright spot in the economy that he can take credit for: gun sales. Smith & Wesson, along with every other gun manufacturer, is enjoying — you should pardon the expression — booming sales. There are a number of possible reasons for this. To begin with, some people are afraid that Obama, a big fan of the U.N., is about to go along with the group’s desire to confiscate firearms. Some people fear that Obama, who has shown an unhealthy appetite for ruling by presidential fiat, is establishing a banana republic without the bananas. Others just want to be able to confront the IRS on something like equal terms once push comes to shove over ObamaCare.

What I find fascinating about the current war on guns is that the person who has come up with the latest piece of legislation is none other than Sen. Dianne Feinstein, who had led an earlier crusade against gun ownership until it was discovered that she, herself, regularly carried a gat in her purse. If I were a senator, especially one who had vowed to get to the bottom of the security leaks that wound up in the NY Times and then never did a thing about it, I’d probably lug around a shotgun. After all, some people take it personally when America’s national security is jeopardized for no better reason than to make Obama’s foreign policy look good on that rag’s front page.

One hears that the schools should teach gun safety. It’s safe to assume that teachers, 99% of whom are liberals, would merely try to convince the kids that guns are intrinsically evil. Only a pinhead would fail to recognize that guns are the best way to confront those who are doing most of the killing these days, they being jihadists employing car bombs and land mines.

Besides, teachers can’t even teach their young charges to read, write and do math. Instead of trying to make schools weapon-free zones, and inevitably failing, they should have off-duty cops on patrol, ready at a moment’s notice to gun down armed nut-jobs, drug dealers and schoolyard bullies.

Some of the anti-gun advocates have called Hollywood on the carpet for romanticizing violence. I’m all for chastising Hollywood, but we all grew up watching westerns and war movies, and most of us didn’t end up popping our corks. We recognized that we were watching John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Jimmy Stewart, Humphrey Bogart and Gregory Peck. They were the good guys and when somebody had to deal with bad guys, whether they were cattle rustlers, bank robbers or Nazis, hot lead was what they were asking for and hot lead is what they got.

Instead of attacking Hollywood because of phony violence, I would prefer to see people like Jamie Fox being ridiculed for referring to Barack Obama as “our lord and savior,” or Matt Damon and Gus Van Sant for turning out Promised Land, an anti-fracking piece of cinematic propaganda. Because Hollywood already takes itself so seriously, the worst thing you can do is to follow their example and make them feel even more important than they already do.

In closing, I would like to leave you with these three thoughts: One Henry Ford, is alleged to have said, “Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian.”

Two: Susan Ertz said, “Millions long for immortality who don’t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.”

Three: I say that it’s not easy to be a Pollyanna when two of the biggest human disasters are sitting in the Oval Office and running the U.S. Senate, but I feel compelled to say that I for one am extremely grateful that it’s been ages since I’ve seen those two obnoxious caveman in a TV commercial.

Although, if I were given the choice, I’d prefer to see the two cavemen running things in Washington and those other two Neanderthals, Obama and Reid, trying to sell me precious metals or wart removers on the tube.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • Walter Mattson

    Good article. It is interesting to note that the teachers in Israel were given the permission to use guns in an emergency. In Switzerland a soldier is required to keep his rifle after serving his term of duty so that he would have it available in emergency situations. That is mind boggling since Switzerland is considered such a peaceful country. Maybe the guns are the reason they are so peaceful? The liberals have the crazy notion that by stating that schools are to have signs stating this is a gun free zone that it will automatically protect the school and the children. They really believe this. There can be no other explanation. The reality is that the opposite is truer. The schools should replace their “no gun signs” with signs that state “the teachers and staff have received training on the use of all fire arms and have 9mm, 357’s and AR15’s to use for all attempted attacks”. That alone should reduce the attacks considerably and will definitely reduce the number of deaths and injuries.

  • Bruce A.

    Burt, you scored a 100 on this one. When I was a kid people like Mr. Lanza & Loughner were kept off the streets. This is a mental health issue.

  • cmacrider

    Burt: I assume the legislation you envisage would provide that those who constitute a danger to society because of mental illness could be ordered to take mandatory treatment and where appropriate be suitably incarcerated. Do you anticipate that this legislation would apply with equal vigor to the elected and un elected officials in Washington? I think I can see an unintended (but beneficial) consequence to your proposed legislation.

    • DanB_Tiffin

      I can also see some unintended consequences that would not be bad at all, this time. How to enforce any treatment, however, onto those who are apparently above the law anyway. A puzzlement.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      cma: It would be a boon to society if we could include all elected officials. Just the idea of Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Henry Waxman, being carted off to the asylum makes my mouth water.


  • Wheels55

    Prohibition has never worked. Not with booze, it doesn’t work with drugs and it won’t work with guns. Americans all want freedom, just so many these days seem to think they will get that with government regulation.
    A conversation the other night with a guy that thinks we should ban all private gun ownership without grandfathering shows me how unrealistic people can be. When I said that it will take 100 or more years to not have usable guns in the USA (assuming guns are not manufactured out of country and brought in here), this guy said that is a start. I like practical solutions, not pie-in-the-sky thinking. I pray that political loons get a clear head for once.

    • DanB_Tiffin

      Some folks have made a lot of money as a result of these prohibitions, but not by following the prohibitions as we all well know. Lots of folks murdered, also, both trying to beat the prohibitions and also trying to enforce the prohibitions.

      • Burt Prelutsky

        Wheels & Dan: The secret is not to prohibit booze, drugs or guns, but to punish their misuse severely. If they’re not misused, it’s nobody’s business.


        • Wheels55

          I agree. Misuse comes from unclear minds, not the booze and guns.

  • GlenFS

    When 6 year old boys are suspended for drawing a crayon picture with anything resembling a gun, you know the school system is the new insane asylum. They are feckless with any real life issue like bullying or security that might actually address their threats. If killers thought a few teachers might have guns they would choose softer targets than schools and those who might try would be stopped short.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      GlenFS: There you go again, Glen, making sense.


    • Uncle Dave

      Maybe that’s why, here in Palm Beach County, FL we have these guys (and girls) called School Board Police. They’re very much like the County Sheriff’s Office but for the school system. At least one in every building… what a concept…

  • T. Ivison

    On the mentally ill: I once worked in a mental hospital. We had certain patients we called “frequent flyers.” These folks were schizophrinics who would leave the hospital functional on there meds. Once out of the hospital and feeling good, they believed they were well and no longer needed the meds. They then would go off their meds and would soon be back in the hospital.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      T.I.: One would assume that would be the case. The fact that anyone would expect it to be otherwise suggests that there are a lot of people in supervisory position who should be on meds.