Guns & Goons

One way you can usually tell that liberals are merely grandstanding is when you find Joe Biden heading up a task force to look into the issue. That doesn’t mean that the self-righteous pinheads on the Left don’t wish that Obama could use his magic wand and make all the guns, along with the Second Amendment, simply disappear. That is to say, all the guns except those in the hands of men whose job it is to protect politicians and Hollywood prima donnas.

In case you missed it, Obama is so opposed to guns that he recently signed a bill that nullifies earlier legislation that offered an ex-president and his family Secret Service protection for only 10 years after vacating the White House. The Obamas, along with George and Laura Bush, will now be protected for life. I’m sure the Bushes were only included so that Obama could claim he was being bi-partisan. I suppose you’d really have to be a politician, one of those hypocrites who are forever referring to themselves as “public servants,” to imagine that your life is more deserving of protection than the folks whom you’ve sworn to serve.

My friend Mark Alexander, publisher of the Patriot Post, the most widely subscribed grassroots journal in the nation, not only saw red, but red, white and blue, when Joe Biden suggested that Obama could employ a presidential fiat to implement gun control measures. Mr. Alexander threw down the gauntlet by stating in terms reminiscent of those uttered so often by our Founding Fathers: “In keeping with the oath I have taken in the service of my country, I will ‘support and defend’ Liberty as ‘endowed by our Creator and enshrined in our Constitution, ‘against all enemies, foreign and domestic.’ Accordingly, I will not comply with any defensive weapons ban instituted by executive order, legislative action or judicial dictate, which violates the innate human right to defend self and Liberty, as empowered by ‘the right of the People to keep and bear arms.’

He went on: “What does this mean? It means I will neither register with, nor surrender to the government, any weapon in my possession, to include lawfully acquired weapons for the lawful purposes of defending myself and family, my home and property, and most importantly, for defense of Liberty in accordance with the Second Amendment.”

That’s the way Americans used to speak, as those of us who grew up reading American history books before the PC crowd revamped textbooks so that they demeaned the likes of Jefferson, Adams and Patrick Henry and denied that the foundation of our country was built on Judeo-Christian values. Instead, the dunderheads running public education today prefer promoting alternate life styles, pretending that the First Amendment calls for “separation of church and state” and playing up the nonexistent role that Muslims had in the creation of America.

Although I believe that there are enough patriots in this country who stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Mr. Alexander to prevent this administration from confiscating constitutionally-protected weapons, I must hasten to add that I was also sure that Mitt Romney was going to defeat Obama.

The trouble with Obama and his stooges in Congress, in the media and on college campuses, is that, as Thomas Sowell said of intellectuals, “The more I study them, the more they seem like a wrecking crew, dismantling civilization bit by bit, replacing what works with what sounds good.”

Well, of course, that’s really only one of the troubles with Obama. But if you listen to the corn dogs on the Left, his cover-up of the Benghazi massacre, his ruination of America’s economy and his dividing the nation along class, race and gender lines, are mere trifles; what really galls them is that he wants to appoint a bunch of white guys to his Cabinet. At times, I swear, places like Afghanistan and Pakistan seem less like backward tribal nations than our own. Does anyone actually think that John Kerry will be worse than Hillary Clinton or that Chuck Hagel would be a better Secretary of Defense if he were black, Jewish or named Charlene?

The real problem is that the Vice President is the only person who should serve as an echo chamber for the Commander-in-Chief, no matter who’s residing in the Oval Office. All Cabinet members should be independent in their thinking so that the President has the benefit of their honest analysis. Unfortunately, it’s obvious that Obama is only comfortable being surrounded by “Yes” men and, for that matter, by “Yes” women, although not in the sense that Bill Clinton was.

One of my readers, who had grown as weary as I have of listening to the left-wing weasels who are always insisting that law-abiding citizens don’t need to own guns in order to protect their homes and families because that’s what the police are for, sent me this pungent observation: “When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.”

Finally, someone else sent me a photo of a strange-looking instrument and asked me if I could identify it. I couldn’t. It turned out to be a combination of a bellows and a tube that was widely used in the 18th century. The purpose of the contraption was to help in the resuscitation of drowning victims by forcing tobacco fumes into their rectums.

The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote respiration, but doubts about the smoke enemas ultimately led to the popular phrase “blow smoke up someone’s ass.”

Although it fell out of favor two centuries ago, it has not only been rediscovered by the Democrats in Washington, D.C., but Pelosi and Reid are insisting that it be mass-produced as an essential part of ObamaCare.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • wally

    Burt: very good article. The last section on the use of a bellows was a hoot and I believe Pelosi and Reid have been using this during their terms. We should be running out of coke by now.

  • 49corvette

    Went to the “Patriot Post” website—Gotta say the Ten Commandments are alright ANY DAY in my book—Thank You for standing up for Judeo-Christian values—I was questioned when asked “Name your preference” for the Dog Tags—Just said : ” Christian “—in the Army—Drill Seargeant backed me up—my2cents—thanx for reading

  • Mario__P

    …”his (Obama’s) ruination of America’s economy…”

    Boy, you are a true mongoloid. So, when Obama entered office, the economy was booming, and the unemployment rate was dropping? If I were you, I would be embarrassed to show my face in front of your liberal family members.

  • Raptormann

    The great Thomas Sowell’s quote is what makes the article. He’s been inspiring me for over 30 years. Burt Prelutsky, I’ll be watching for more of his writings; he’s entertaining. Everyone needs to read the works of a good humorist, if anything, to be amused.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Thanks, I think.


  • 49corvette

    “Replacing what works with what sounds good”—Is that pragmatism or par for the course in 2013 ?—either way—enlightening , as was the revelation about tobacco smoke—always wondered where in the heck that came from—LOL—I stated that the ” Silent Majority ” is what Obama cannot countenance , and it bugs the living daylights out of him—“Bernie Goldbergs latest issue”—Stay with it Burt—my2cents—thanx for reading

    • Burt Prelutsky

      49: I will stay with it.


  • JohnInMA

    It’s my impression that the elected class progressives have a deliberate and crafty (shifty?) tactic they have started to trot out any time they know their position is not mainstream. They send out voices they know will be antagonistic – Biden is just one of many – as surrogates to make inflammatory statements. Most often the statements are crafted to pick at a fundamental belief or right in order to agitate and ignite reaction. Rarely are statements of fact, proof, or rationalization included or following at all. They are purely emotional comments, carefully pointed. All apparently a part of the ‘divide’ strategy.

    And the media has learned well how to follow the directive. You need only look at how faux-intellectuals like Piers Morgan immediately jump on the reactions, without really dwelling at all on the original statements.

    Personally, I hope many people have either/or both begun to realize the scam or at least grown tired of the immature tactics. As with many of the topics they choose to inflame with these emotionally charged approaches, the gun-control debate isn’t changing to their favor with any speed. Even with a near full-throttle, incessant droning from ‘their media’ (‘the media’ seems too innocuous), most people don’t buy their stand.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      I agree, John. You can only cry “Wolf!” so many times before it finally turns into white noise.