A couple of nights ago, as Hillary Clinton started to address a gathering of recycling experts in Las Vegas, a woman came striding down the aisle toward the stage and threw a shoe at her. Hillary, claiming to be unsure what was thrown, called out “Was that a bat?” I don’t think she meant bat as in baseball. I think she meant bat as in creepy flying rodent. Perhaps she based her guess on the premise that likes attract.
Meanwhile, the woman strode back up the aisle, wisely holding her hands above her head, and was taken into custody by the Secret Service, which guards Hillary (but evidently not too well). To my surprise, the woman, said to be a Ms. Ernst from Phoenix, was released on her own recognizance, although she may eventually be charged with disorderly conduct. I had confidently expected that she would be forced to do hard time in the Los Angeles jail, where Hillary sends people responsible for videos she dislikes. After all, the video of the shoe attack can be found all over the Internet.
The incident called to many minds the occasion, late in his second term, when George W. Bush, during a public appearance, was forced to duck two shoes thrown by a Muslim journalist. He did so coolly and deftly, like a veteran baseball player trying to avoid being beaned by Roger Clemens. Hillary, on the other hand, ducks flying shoes like a girl, as you can plainly see on the video.
There is a political axiom, I believe first posed by Euclid or Archimedes, that when Hillary does something, or when something happens to her, she has carefully calculated it beforehand. This is almost always true, the one trivial exception being the nomination and election of Barack Obama in 2008.
So it would not be stretching logic to suppose that Hillary arranged to have the shoe thrown at her. Remembering the Bush incident, she may have calculated that this would make her seem presidential. This would explain why Ms. Ernst was not pounded to a pulp by Hillary’s bodyguards, and why she seems on the verge of getting off scot free. Don’t be too surprised, the next time you visit Phoenix, if you see her sitting at a table in a downtown Hillary for President store front, stuffing and sealing envelopes.
I am just guessing, of course, but let’s all watch for possible further evidence that Hillary is trying to remind us of other presidents in their finest hours.
For example, if she buys a Beagle and lifts it by its ears in front of the cameras, it will be a clear reference to the time in the sixties when LBJ did just that. Or perhaps she will visit Japan, and vomit in the lap of the prime minister. Right! George Bush the elder. Or she visits an Indian reservation and makes a droning speech while wearing a chief’s chapeau. Calvin Coolidge, of course.
For all those presidents, these were the defining moments of their time in office, the high points.
So, what will she do to remind us of that ole scalawag, her husband? What do we remember most about his glorious time in office? What would she most want to emulate?
She normally favors pant suits, so keep your eyes open if you see her wearing a blue dress. And especially if she orders pizza delivered to her office by a young man from Domino’s.