Time For a Little Swearing

So, anything interesting happen so far this month?

Kidding. Now that Barack Obama has gotten himself another four years to show his appreciation for this country by fundamentally transforming it, I have terrible news for his most ardent fans. (Anyone remember how no president’s supporters/voters would be so sweet on him that the word “fan” would actually fit ‘em? Man, I crave those sumptuous days.) Yes, I indeed have terrible news for you youngsters and young-at-heart-sters who are Fans Of Obama (FOO for short), and it is this: it’s now time to grow up. A sufficient number of citizens, non-citizens, animals, corpses, and cartoon characters voted so that the executive power stays on your side, so you’re going to have to finally start behaving responsibly and honestly now that you have it. That’s right, you’re being Uncle Ben Parker’ed.

Once you’ve stopped grumbling, it is time to swear. I know I did a little of that on November 7th. Please raise your right hand (or your left, hell if I care). Okay, um, you’re almost there—just face your hand the other way and unclench your thumb and the other fingers now…that’s better. Now repeat after me: I hereby acknowledge…

  1. Republicans’ issues, while disagreeable to me, have been based on Obama’s policies and job performance. Our accusations of racism were nothing more than a cowardly attempt to avoid a real discussion, and I swear to avoid doing so from this point on. (You: “Republicans’ issues….”)
  2. Barack Obama, at least going by the number of birthdays he’s had, is a grown adult. He knowingly campaigned for a very difficult job. People vote for a president expecting him to put and/or keep the country in good shape, not to make excuses or whine. When his job gets even more difficult, he’s expected to man-up. While I will defend my president in general, I swear to recognize when he acts like a child. (“Barack Obama, at least….”)
  3. Through his rhetoric, Barack Obama set numerous high standards for his administration. Should Republicans mention something like “Obama didn’t keep unemployment under 8% like he said,” I swear to forgive them for merely holding him to his word. (”Through his rhetoric…”)
  4. Arguing against a candidate because he’s “out of touch” is a load of horse muffins, that Barack Obama is no more a regular person than Mitt Romney is, and I’d vote for a spoiled, clueless, trust-fund quadrillionaire if he were the Democrat candidate. I swear not to insult people’s intelligence. (“Arguing against a candidate…“)
  5. Wait a second…aah…aah…ah-CHOO! Excuse me. (“Wait a second…aah…“)

Now, don’t you all feel like you’ve matured? If it feels like you have, welcome to the world of honest, thoughtful adults, compadre. If you’re not entirely sure, at least you can say you are now several paragraphs older.  If you still think I’m a wrong-headed ideologue who is several notches below the level of simpleton who wasted several minutes of your valuable time, I know you are but what am I?

Author Bio:

Jeffrey Webb is just an average, blue-collar guy who likes to write stuff. He left his home state of Vermont for California with his family at age 7 and has regretted it ever since. A 24-year veteran of the home improvement industry, his hobbies include cooking, playing the drums, and verbally savaging annoying celebrities. He lives in San Diego with his extremely patient wife and two children.