Insanity With a Touch of Inanity

At some point you may have heard the classic definition of insanity as stated by Albert Einstein, S.D.G. (Smart Dead Guy), and for you haven’t-heards, it’s “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” I’ve loved it ever since I first heard it, but the longer I observe politicians, the more I believe that definition doesn’t do the word justice.

I was 18 when I thought I saw the most perfect example of insanity (the regular definition) I would ever see my entire life: a snippet of Charles Manson on television, telling an interviewer he (Manson) was Jesus. He had that bizarre, leery expression in his eyes, too. If you have never seen a photo or video of the degenerate former cult-leader, just picture a guy who could beat a painting in a staring contest, who looks like he’d dress up like a Keebler Elf and try saddling a cheetah just for the hell of it.

I’m not saying there is any moral equivalence between Manson and any of our current crop of politicians—I know what his “family” did, and it’s an appetite killer to put it gently. What I am saying is, in the Perfect Example of Insanity Department, countless sound bites of liberal politicians have given my four-second viewing of the shaggy crackpot a run for its money.

Washington D.C. is little more than a paved sanitarium. It’s practically at the point where members of Congress who plan to redecorate their offices start by looking at swatches of wall-padding. Anyone tasked with identifying that town’s biggest belfry bat will have a lot of specimens to study. And it’s not only the number of crazies that makes it a challenge; there is the whole matter of how they’re crazy that wrinkles the study.

For example, you could declare Florida congressman/recently-troubled husband/medicine ball head Alan Grayson to be the one, if your standard is an unusual capacity for incivility. This man doesn’t merely disagree with his opponents; he doesn’t merely dislike them, for that matter. No, when the subject is the Tea Party or another perceived antagonist, Rep. Grayson fills up with a dark, unadulterated hate, no pretense of even the most basic respect or comity (kind of like me and my first boss). I bet if you show a montage of the congressman’s assorted hostility to a roomful of psychiatrists, about a third of them would assume it’s antisocial disorder, and the rest would either diagnose PTSD or figure he’s at least a carrier. Play the same video for a group of ex-cons, most of them will likely tell you prison rape was more pleasant.

Former (thank God) Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi would be my pick for politicus insanicus, based on her habit of saying things that are so completely detached from reality. Three easy examples would be her December, 2011 statement that extending unemployment would create 600,000 jobs, the October, 2010 gem about every $1 in food stamps adding $1.79 to the economy, and the one from February, 2012 that Obamacare would create 4 million jobs, 400,000 of them immediately. The first figure was simply plucked from the thin air inside a magic hat worn by Bigfoot while standing in left field; the second one suggests Rep. Pelosi came up with it after feeding a cup of kibble to her dog, who later grunted out 1 ¾ cups of crap, which the congresswoman then used to fertilize her lawn; the third, to be fair, could technically be believable if it turns out they’re all unpaid jobs with the title “Conned Citizen Whose Medical Care Was Frapped By Elected Jackals.” Speaking of which, was anyone else impressed by how Pelosi managed to spin it several weeks ago, when the 4-million jobs claim got completely filleted by the CBO’s projected workforce reduction? “Yesterday, the CBO projected that by 2021, the Affordable Care Act will enable more than 2 million workers to escape ‘job-lock’ — the situation where workers remain tied to employers for access to health insurance benefits.” It was like some commercial for the new & improved Acme Ludicrous Argument Machine (BEFORE: “The law is great! It’ll mean more people working!” AFTER: “The law will mean less people working, which is great!) It’s downright surreal to watch a real, live human being promise to quench the public’s thirst, and then sing the praises of chugging salt. If Pelosi were any better at switching gears, she’d be behind the wheel of a souped-up Chevrolet with a Lowe’s logo on the hood.

In her cluttered attic of a mind, re-establishing an ethical majority-Democrat Congress (“draining the swamp”) means nominating John Murtha, yes, JOHN @#$%! MURTHA, for majority leader, and turning her semi-frozen gaze away from the likes of William Jefferson, Maxine Waters, Eric Massa, and Charles Rangel down the road. (In case you weren’t aware, Murtha didn’t get the post, but did remain chairman of the Military-Despising & Being Caught On Tape Not Ruling Out Accepting Bribes Committee.)

I’ve listened to her jabberwocky for years, and either she’s the most tangled Slinky in the toy box, or she’s getting her talking points from the Neptune speech offices.

I sort of double-dipped insanity recently while watching Real Time with Bill Maher. First it was a standard-insane statement by Maher, that the New Jersey bridge pile-up was a scandal while Benghazi wasn’t. Second was my Einsteinian-insane utter disbelief Maher could say something like that. Both credit him and blame him here; yes, he is very liberal, but not to the point of complete divorce from common sense. He doesn’t toe the lefty line on everything, guns being the first exception that comes to mind. And, I gotta admit, the guy can be pretty clever. Still, there I was, watching a liberal twerp for the umpteenth time, somehow believing he wouldn’t sound like a liberal twerp.

The man Barack Obama nominated to head the Civil Rights Division of the Department of “Justice” has gone down in flames. A majority of Senators (in a surprising moment of rational thought and common decency) gave the thumbs-down to Debo Adegbile, the former NAACP attorney who eagerly went to bat for Mumia abu-Jamal, convicted murderer of Philadelphia police officer Daniel Faulkner. So enthusiastic was Adegbile to aid in the violent reprobate’s cause, he volunteered his services free of charge, which in legalese is known as “pro-bonehead” or something.

Perhaps the president never heard, and hadn’t read the newspaper yet, but there are lots of attorneys in America. In the nation’s capital alone you can’t turn your body eleven degrees clockwise without shoulder-bumping a lawyer (fourteen if counter-clockwise). I mean, D.C. is so replete with them that if they all were to suddenly inhale at the exact same time, every molecule of oxygen in Maryland would vanish. You’d think in that town it’d be no major task to find someone much better. Heck, it need not even be a “much better” pick; how about simply a “not in any way connected to the guy who is to cop-killers what Pele’ is to soccer” pick?

My theory here is that Obama did have a list of several candidates scribbled on a scratch paper (probably the back of a blank form torn off his executive order pad). No matter how long he thought it over, no matter how many times he looked up and down the list, he just wasn’t sure which attorney (assuming they were all attorneys) to nominate. He decided to make the selection via coin-flip, and had the Secret Service go out and get a quarter from the closest taxpayer. He called “heads, I pick stupidly; tails, I pick immorally.” He flipped the quarter. It landed on its edge. He picked Debo Adegbile. The End.

Epilogue: Obama mails the quarter to former Solyndra invester George Kaiser.

Author Bio:

Jeffrey Webb is just an average, blue-collar guy who likes to write stuff. He left his home state of Vermont for California with his family at age 7 and has regretted it ever since. A 24-year veteran of the home improvement industry, his hobbies include cooking, playing the drums, and verbally savaging annoying celebrities. He lives in San Diego with his extremely patient wife and two children.
  • Darren Perkins

    For liberals it doesn’t matter what the facts are. It doesn’t matter what the outcome of legislation is. Give the Bill a good sounding name and then ram down the throats of the American public who for the most part have their heads up their posteriors. As long as it grows government and increases spending then it is good in their eyes. Damn those tea party folks for caring about generations to come.

    • curmudgeon

      Beautifully stated.

  • sjangers

    A carrier for PTSD?!! Now that’s an interesting way of putting it, Jeffrey.

    • Jeff Webb

      Gracias, ameego.

      • brickman

        If you want to see insanity Google- Jim David Adkisson.

        • John Daly

          Fascinating. Jeff starts off his by column by saying he’s not comparing politicians to the likes of legitimately insane, homicidal people, and your retort is to link to a legitimately insane, homicidal person who talked about one of Bernie’s books in a manifesto he wrote.

          Classy, brickman. And here you were growing on me.

          • Jeff Webb

            That’s nothing. You & I both write for Bernie, and each of us shares a first name with a notorious American serial killer!

          • brickman

            Jeff Webb and Burt Prelutsky write lists of the people that they don’t like and think it’s journalism. I come to this site for real stories not exercises in masturbation.

          • John Daly

            >>Jeff Webb and Burt Prelutsky write lists of the people that they don’t like and think it’s journalism.

            How do you know what they “think?” I’ve certainly never proclaimed to be a journalist. Have they?

          • brickman

            Sorry to argue with you, John. You would never write an article as ridiculous as these two.

          • Jeff Webb

            I’m aiming for ridiculous, not journalism, b.

            I guess I should feel lucky, not being forced to read stuff I don’t enjoy like you are.

          • brickman

            I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, to give people a chance. I’ll give you some time to improve before I read you again.

          • Jeff Webb

            >>I’ll give you some time to improve before I read you again.<<

            This is so cool–readers getting another chuckle seeing YOU address someone with condescension!

            Dude, if you think "lists of people I don't like" truly sums up my collection here, your time will be better spent improving your reading comprehension.

          • brickman

            Yes, I’ll do that and leave the comments to people other than myself, you and John Daly. You know, all three of them.