In 2008, when Barack Obama was battling Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nomination, everybody was spouting the cliché that no matter who won, this would be a “historic” election campaign. Never before had either a woman or a black been nominated for president by a major political party. Now, suddenly, one or the other seemed inevitable.
After Obama won the nomination, everybody assumed that it was the blacks who had made history, and that the women would have to wait for another chance. But I am not so sure. I suspect that not only the blacks, but also the women, won that year, because I suspect that Obama is a woman.
Why do I say that, I hear you ask. Obama doesn’t look much like a woman, he doesn’t dress in traditional female garb, and perhaps most convincing in this day and age, any woman with his figure would have had a boob job by now.
I agree that he doesn’t look much like a woman, and I rather doubt that even someone as shameless as Obama is likely to go on television — not even cable television, not even on “The View” — and show us the incontrovertible proof that he is a man. But as Forrest Gump might have said, “Women are as women do.”
I think he is a woman because he never stops nagging about raising taxes, and no matter how many times the House of Representatives tells him no, he keeps bouncing back with his request to increase the taxes of people earning $250,000 per year or more. Like every woman who has ever demanded anything from me, at least, he never takes no for an answer. He may seem to back off for a while, but then he comes back with the same, dogged request.
The context keeps changing, but the request is always the same. The Pacific Ocean looks awesome this afternoon, so let’s raise taxes on the wealthy. The New York Yankees have been eliminated from the playoffs, so it is time to raise taxes on the wealthy. Here is a bill that makes marshmallows the official food of the United States, and it includes a clause raising taxes on the wealthy.
If Obama had a husband, and if he wanted his husband to buy him a Lexus, he would take every opportunity, no matter how inappropriate, to needle his husband about this.
HUSBAND: Barack, how about we take in a movie tonight?
BARACK: That’s cool, but it would be more fun if we drove to the theater in a Lexus.
And so it would go, Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, untl the poor devil of a husband caved in.
The only thing standing between Obama and his precious tax increase is the U.S. House of Representatives. The wascally Republicans gained firm control of that august body last year, and they have stymied just about every Obama initiative since then, most especially those that include tax increases. Obama likes to criticize the House for its refusal to “compromise,” but like any woman, he defines “compromise” as “giving in to everything I request.”
I seem to recall that the 2010 GOP triumph in the congressional elections, perhaps the most impressive in the history of the party, was based on the electorate’s assessment that Obama’s reckless tax-and-spend policies had to be stopped, that he was destroying the economy. The Republicans in the House were not given a mandate to compromise, they were given a mandate to do the opposite, to stop Obama, and that is what they are doing. If they did otherwise, they would betray the people who voted for them, and they probably would get tossed out in the next election.
But Obama, being a woman, won’t listen to reason, and keeps making the same demand.
Perhaps it is time for Speaker of the House Boehner to confront Obama and explain how things stand. “Sorry, Honey, I know what you want. You make that clear enough often enough. But this relationship is going nowhere. You’re not my type.”