Liberals Make Me Laugh

I’m not saying that all liberals are funny. For instance, I don’t think Bill Maher, Jon Stewart or David Letterman, is the least bit amusing. Those on the Left only tickle my funny bone when they’re not trying for laughs.

For instance, when Harvard professor/U.S. Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren claims that she is one-thirty-second Cherokee, I can’t help chuckling. Here is a woman who was hired by Harvard because they believed her when she claimed to be a “woman of color” even though she’s as pale as milk. Naturally, she insists that she didn’t claim to be Cherokee in order to further her career, but because she wanted her proud Native American heritage to be known far and wide, so that other members of the tribe would reach out to her. Right. Nothing those Harvard profs enjoy more than having heap big powwows.

No sooner did I quit laughing about Princess Talks With Forked Tongue than Harlem’s Charles Rangel, who finds himself running against a Latino challenger for his congressional seat, now claims to be half-Puerto Rican. Rangel, who spent the first 81 years of his life, trading on the fact that he’s as black as the ace of spades, now claims that his father was Puerto Rican, but that he’s never mentioned it because his father deserted the family when Charley was a child. I always say that nothing beats a tough election when it comes to letting bygones be bygone.

“It’s a beautiful heritage,” Rangel now insists, although I’m compelled to report that he didn’t say it in his native tongue, which we now know to be Spanish.

What with Ms. Warren coming clean about her Cherokee background and Mr. Rangel confessing to his Puerto Rican roots, I can do no less. I am in fact a statuesque Norwegian woman and my real name is Greta Thornsen.

I heard that San Francisco, aka Bedlam by the Bay, has decided to honor the House minority leader by re-naming a street Nancy Pelosi Drive. In the meantime, a California legislator has suggested that a U.S. battleship be named in honor of Harvey Milk. I suppose such things are to be expected in the state that I, Ms. Greta Thornsen, call home.

After all, we have already dedicated one day a year to honor the left-wing union organizer Cesar Chavez, so why wouldn’t we name a street after a political hack, and a Navy warship after a homosexual activist, who has already been the subject of an Oscar-winning piece of Hollywood crapola?

Other heroes of the Left made news lately when David Letterman and Larry Flynt came out in support of Barack Obama. Letterman, who doesn’t even try to be funny these days, whined: “What more do we want this man to do for us, honest to God?!”

Flynt, who’s made millions of dollars as a pornography merchant, and was also the sympathetic subject of a major Hollywood piece of dreck, said, “I think President Obama has over-performed. He got handed on his platter when he became president more than any president in history ever had to deal with. I think he’s done a marvelous job.”

Now, honesty demands that we all admit that’s pretty darn funny stuff. And I’m not just referring to their goofy syntax, although I must confess it added immeasurably to my reading pleasure.

We in the West used to look down our noses at India because Hindus insisted on treating their cows the way we treat our dogs, regarding them as sacred beings. But those days are long gone. These days, we have far more sacred cows than India ever had. Among them are the Obamas. Recently, a teacher in South Carolina went ballistic because one of her young charges had the audacity to suggest that Obama is merely a man, not a god. That would have been bad enough, but the teacher added hypocrisy to her rap sheet when she insisted that nobody would ever be permitted to disrespect “the office of the President” in her classroom. Dollars to donuts, any student who dissed the office of the President when George Bush was commander-in-chief would have received a gold star and a big hug.

Another sacred cow, to the Left at least, is Planned Parenthood. By ballyhooing it as an organization dedicated to providing poor women with health care, they try to conceal the fact that its real business is performing in excess of 300,000 abortions a year. If only the Nazis had been equally adept at public relations, they might have tried passing off Auschwitz and Buchenwald as Jewish resorts, sort of like those places in the Catskills.

It strikes me as ironic that those who promote Planned Parenthood pride themselves on being totally open-minded when it comes to women having the choice to commit infanticide, but they don’t believe anyone should be free to regard abortion as a mortal sin. Like their brothers and sisters in academia, who have made an art of silencing conservatives, these creeps believe in free choice, so long as it’s strictly limited to those who choose death over life.

Inasmuch as it doesn’t appear that Roe v. Wade will be overturned anytime in the near future, I have tried and finally succeeded in seeing the upside of the ill-conceived Supreme Court decision. Basically it comes down to the fact that with the Left pushing for more and more abortions while simultaneously propagandizing on behalf of homosexuality, it appears that liberalism contains the seeds of its own destruction, and will, inevitably, disappear from the face of the earth within the next few decades.

I realize it sounds almost too good to be true, but have I, Greta Thornsen, ever lied to you?

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Send your comments to

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • LASR

    Hey here he is again trying to be funny:

    “Mike: Greta thanks you and I thank you. You are right about the differences between conservatives and liberals. To be fair, those on the Left would probably like to nominate a sane human being occasionally, just for variety, but unfortunately there are none on the Left.”

    Umm, I kinda think he is note quite up to Letterman standards.

  • LASR

    After telling us that he does not think David Letterman, Jon Stewart or Bill Maher are funny, Prelutsky writes”What with Ms. Warren coming clean about her Cherokee background and Mr. Rangel confessing to his Puerto Rican roots, I can do no less. I am in fact a statuesque Norwegian woman and my real name is Greta Thornsen”

    I was thinking of telling him to not give up his day job to go into comedy, but then I saw in his bio that he was a humor columnist for the LA Times.  Kooks think the media has a liberal bias, but we see here that the media is so wanting to hire conservatives that they hire them no matter how unqualified.

  • Matthew Gose

    Burt, that was an intense article.  So many controversial topics compacted on a single page.  I’ve always considered myself a clear thinker but can’t understand how so many people subscribe wholeheartedly to the liberal tenets you’ve described.

    I’m certain that if I were a liberal, I’d at least be honest about Planned Parenthood.  I’d label it an abortion clinic which also provides some peripheral health care services, and I’d admit that PP doesn’t necessarily represent the beliefs of all women.  When have you ever heard a liberal make that kind of admission? 

    Anyone who accepts your offer of a dollar or doughnut wager will find himself lighter either in the wallet or the waist.

  • BurtPrelutsky

    John: Don’t hurt yourself trying to make sense of left-wingers.  It’s an impossible task, compared to which even cleaning out the Aegean stables was a minor chore.


  • JohnInMA

    It is a belly-buster to hear that “inheriting” a bad economy (that Germany and Canada figured a way out of, e.g.) is worse than anything in the history of the country, or perhaps mankind!!  It certainly dwarfs a terrorist attack within months of assuming office, for sure (sarcasm)…. Expect this rhetorical excuse-making to reach even more unbelievable levels as November approaches.

    And it’s my experience (living in the midst of the second-most progressive population in the country) that progressives believe in government mandated boundaries for every choice and every freedom in life.  To them limiting choices is a good thing when what is excluded is better for the community…….ooops, I mean “collective”….  by their definition.  And in the case of abortion, since an unborn has no impact on the collective, it’s value is minimal.  Likewise, they ignore – with fingers in ears while chanting lalalalala – how well off the poor actually are in relative terms, and focus instead on the impact of the wealth builders “on the collective.”  At some point, you’ve made enough and others deserve your earnings.  It is simply fair for the collective.  Limiting wealth building is good for the larger community in their minds.  

    I still haven’t figured out how they decided that wealth is like oxygen, and we are all in a constrained room.  If someone gets too much oxygen, another is threatened and worse some are starved!!!  I keep trying to get it.  But it completely passes me over.

  • BurtPrelutsky

    Mike: Greta thanks you and I thank you.  You are right about the differences between conservatives and liberals.  To be fair, those on the Left would probably like to nominate a sane human being occasionally, just for variety, but unfortunately there are none on the Left.


  • Mike Jackson

    Many thanks to Greta for a great article.  While we on the right have our share of kooks and nutcases, we generally weed them out during the primaries, whereas the liberals ensure the nominations of theirs.

  • Royalsfan67

    I never skip major elections and only vote republican, but I have to say it is probably a good thing when our party starts veering left to get a good wakeup call at the ballot box. A good shellacking can wake up a smart party. Ideally we want to fix this in the primaries, but it looks like the combo of 2006,08 plus the tea parties running great candidates in the primaries is going to move the party back where it should be.

    • Mike Jackson

      Our guys (GOP) got the message after 2006, with the coup de gras delivered in 2008.  With the wins in 2010 and hopefully this year, the GOP will have gotten the notion that we the people do believe there is a difference between the two parties is equal to night and day.  I am still inclined to believe the major fiscal difference between the Democrats and the GOP is that both will spend us into oblivion but the Democrats will do it faster.

      Hopefully the GOP has learned from the 2006 & 2008 cycles, or we’ll be dealing with all this crap again in the not too distant future.

  • BurtPrelutsky

    SouBelle: That is exactly how I feel about it.  Even if every Republican candidate isn’t perfect, sheer numbers count.  Bigger numbers of people with an (R) after their names means that Pelosi and Reid don’t control the agenda for the House and Senate and that people like Clinton and Obama don’t get to place the likes of Ginsburg, Kagan and Sottomayor, on the Supreme Court.  For the life of me, I don’t know why every conservative doesn’t understand this…and, instead, some want to convince me that Democrats and Republicans are all alike.

    Terry: Greta wants me to let you know that she’s not that kind of girl.  As for Mrs. Warren, she looks dyspeptic because she has spent years trying to convince people that she is every bit as Indian as Tonto.  The strain has worn on her.


  • Terry Walbert

    “I can do no less. I am in fact a statuesque Norwegian woman and my real name is Greta Thornsen.”

    Hey Greta, ya looking for a good time? Perhaps I should address that to Elizabeth Warren. She looks like she hasn’t had a good time in years.

  • SouBelle

    These stupid liberals will stoop to anything to get elected or re-elected. They have no shame, pride or honor. I will vote a straight republican ticket forever. The dems have been infiltrated with the likes of people I never want to be affiliated with (EVER).

  • BurtPrelutsky

    Mitch: If that’s the case, you probably shouldn’t be reading my stuff.

    GlenFS: Greta is definitely not supporting Elizabeth Warren.  We already have too many delusional people in the U.S. Senate.


  • Wil

    Burt, What do you really know about 
    Planned Parenthood and BTW have you adopted any children?

    • ph16

      Wil, what do you know about anything except what the folks on MSNBC tells you? BTW, have you gotten tired already of being on a website where you agree with absolutely nothing with practically anyone else?

  • Wil

    Burt, If
    men could get pregnant,
    would be a sacrament.

    • ph16

      Perhaps, but it still wouldn’t make it right. Don’t worry Wil, if Roe vs. Wade is overturned and any state tries to make abortion illegal again, I’ll be sure to make sure the law says that neither women OR men can get abortions 😉

    • EddieD_Boston

      Gawd you’re an idiot.

  • Bruce A.

    Liberals make me cry.

    • Nancye

      Me too.

  • Mitch

    Hard for me to laugh at people that want to steal my Liberty…

  • GlenFS


    Do you forsee Greta supporting Ms Warren’s bid for the senate?  Please give her my best regards.  Very funny stuff!