The Mad Hatter Rules

While recuperating from surgery and the flu, I risked a relapse by watching Bill O’Reilly interview Barack Obama in an event that could have been titled “The Clash of Egos.” I understood what was in it for the two of them. O’Reilly got an audience several times larger than the few million who tune in to his show on Fox. Obama got to tell people that Benghazi, the IRS and ObamaCare, not only weren’t scandals, but were old news. The real question is what the heck I was doing watching the farce unfold. Sacrificing for my art, I suppose.

Obama did acknowledge that some boneheaded decisions had been made over at the IRS, but that there hadn’t been even “a smidgen of corruption.” That’s what he said in spite of the fact that, as usual, there was an ongoing investigation. But inasmuch as it was being overseen by a woman in Eric Holder’s Justice Department who had donated $6,750 to Obama’s re-election campaign, it’s safe to say that no embarrassing smidgens were likely to turn up.

Inasmuch as Sochi’s hotels have become famous overnight for toxic water, lack of light bulbs and door handles, and toilets unable to deal with toilet paper, I’m wondering if the Olympic Committee members regret not going with their second choice, the Sahara Desert. But, then, I suppose the Desert was in no position to hand out Putin-sized bribes.

Sometimes I think parents would be doing their kids less harm giving them heroin instead of all those electronic gadgets that turn them into zombies. It just seems to me that the heroin habit is easier to kick.

Our nation’s capital continues to provide us with more laughs than Jay Leno or Jimmy Kimmel. For instance, the jokesters over at the Treasury Department actually handed out roughly $50 million in bonuses to the folks at the IRS. You’d think that constituted at least a smidgen’s worth of corruption, considering what the IRS has been up to lately. However, a Treasury spokesman said it was no big deal because the bonuses were only going to about two-thirds of the IRS staff. This is the same staff, by the way, that was found to have improperly spent $103 million last year.

One of the people receiving a bonus is Lois Lerner, who was last seen avoiding self-incrimination by taking the Fifth before a congressional committee.

When an independent agency reported that ObamaCare would cost Americans over two million jobs, the Democrats were quick to put a happy face on the news. The loss of all those jobs would not only allow people to spend more time with their families, we were told by the likes of Nancy Pelosi, but give them the time to pursue their dreams.

So, not only is the work ethic now a thing of the past, according to liberals, but I suppose in this new Nirvana we can look forward to more and more of our friends and neighbors churning out Elizabethan poetry and taking up macramé.

Unlike many people, including some Republicans, I don’t believe Obama is intelligent, let alone brilliant. I actually think he is both lazy and ignorant, but he was smart enough to get into politics, where sloth and ignorance aren’t regarded as liabilities.

Some people are wont to say, “I may not know art, but I know what I like.” In Obama’s case, I think he knows what he hates. The list, I submit, includes Christians, Jews, white folks, the middle class, conservatives, American patriots, western civilization, the U.S. Constitution and people not named Obama.

As you probably know by now, I am not a fan of our public schools. Over the past few decades, they’ve gone from being the envy of the world to being Soviet-like centers of indoctrination. The other day, I received the following email from a regular reader: “Recently, a teacher in the district where my wife works as a guidance counselor was returned to his job after being fired for looking at pornography on his computer during the school day. Naturally, the union had backed him up and got him reinstated. I asked my wife if there was anything the union would not tolerate. She said, ‘Yes, non-payment of union dues.’”

Meanwhile, at Colorado’s Fort Collins High School, the students were denied the right to celebrate America, lest immigrant students be offended.

The question that leaps to mind is whether there are any conservatives – that is to say, sane adults – in the ranks of school principals or on school boards.

I have long contended that there is absolutely no reason to respect the office of the presidency. It is, after all, an office that over the past century has been held nearly half the time by the creepy likes of Woodrow Wilson, Warren G. Harding, Franklin Roosevelt, Lyndon Johnson, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and now Barack Hussein Obama. It is such a contemptible group, it should come as no surprise that three of the seven received the Nobel Peace Prize.

For my part, I agree with the fellow who said, “I respect the government only in the sense that I respect any other dangerous predator who views me as food.”

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • Rose

    Consider a person aged 62 who is eligible for early retirement but continues to work because he has medical insurance through his employer. With ObamaCare, he may well be able to go ahead and retire and get coverage through the ACA until Medicare kicks in at age 65. Voila! He is happy and his job opens up to younger workers.

    Another example. A woman is chained to a job because of health benefits. The ACA gives her the chance to quit her job and start a small business. Is that a bad thing? Her job becomes available and she becomes an entrepreneur. Sounds good to me.

    A young man of twenty three lives with his parents because he cannot afford to pay rent and buy healthcare, too. Under the ACA, he can get his own place and afford insurance or his parents can carry him on theirs until age 26.

    An man of 55 is laid off his job. He loses his health benefits and cannot afford to buy his own under the old system. But with the ACA he can get health insurance and to seek a good job, not take the first one available just to get health coverage.

  • Concernedmimi

    Only in America, can someone be elected president for promising everything under the sun; with a smile like Mr. Ed.

    • Darren Perkins

      How could you not vote for a guy who has brown skin and per Joe Biden is “clean and articulate”. The fact he can lie so well really put it over the top for everyone.

    • Rose

      Obama promised “everything under the sun?” News to me. He had plans and goals, but any voter is sophisticated enough to know that many unforeseen events shape the future. And a president cannot improve the lives of citizens with zero cooperation from Congress. Obama accomplished a huge thing with the ACA, something other presidents have tried to get and failed. Soon all who are bitching about it will be grateful for it.

      I am sure you are much more drawn to the sour visages of the old grumpus McCain or Bob Dole but most of us prefer a positive, smiling president.

      • John Daly

        Plans and goals?

        Rose, Obama outright lied time after time to the American people. That has nothing to do with Congress. It has nothing to do with unforeseeable circumstances. He made promises he knew could never possibly be kept because they defied reality.

        That may be acceptable to you because you’re a hyper-partisan, but for the rest of us (you know, the ones you keep calling racists), it’s not.

        • Rose

          Every candidate makes promises, though as an adult, I do not expect every “promise” to be kept to the letter. The view is different from inside the Oval Office. Situations and events do come into okay. Four or eight years is a long time in politics. Obama delivered on the most important policies I heard him outline in both elections. He said he would not get us into more costly and unwinnable wars and he hasn’t. He said he would get us out of Iraq and Afghanistan and he has. He said the country needed health care and although it seemed impossible, he did it. He wanted to bring the nation closer, but his GOP enemies set out from day one to refuse to cooperate. He cannot change hearts and minds set in stone and hatred. Nobody can.

          • John Daly

            >>Every candidate makes promises, though as an adult, I do not expect every “promise” to be kept to the letter.

            Do you expect to be outright lied to over and over again? We’re not talking merely about unrealistic promises. Were talking about baldfaced lies design to garnish support for something that isn’t real and could never be real.

            Discounting people who are angry over being lied to as “haters” is a child’s argument. Millions of people were tossed off their health plans after the president told them they wouldn’t. Millions have had to change doctors after the president told them they wouldn’t have to. Millions have seen their insurance premiums rise after the president told them they would drop.

            Only a hyper-partisan would shrug their shoulders at that and call people “haters” when hey speak out against it.

          • Jeff Webb

            >> He wanted to bring the nation closer<>but his GOP enemies set out from day one to refuse to cooperate.<<

            From day one he was openly disrespectful towards Republicans, whether they openly opposed his plans, showed an interest in cooperation, or didn't indicate either.

            Even if your description were accurate, a guy who repeatedly speaks loftily about his ability to unite, and makes an unqualified pledge to do so, would make a serious effort. He made NO effort.

  • sjangers

    I had been thinking about giving up work to start writing Elizabethan poetry. Now you tell me that I’ll be just one among millions of snooty creative types who occasionally dress funny to put on public recitals. You’re killing a dream here, Burt.

    • Rose

      Dress funny? Since when do right wing nuts object to strange attire or require that a person be clean or articulate. Consider that Cammo Bozo Ted Nugent or the weird backwoods Duck Dynasty fools or Honey Boo Boo and her fat, flatulent mama. Ha!

      • sjangers

        Thanks for sharing, Rose. I have no idea what that was in favor of, but yeah…

      • John Daly

        Good Lord. You can’t even recognize humor, can you?