Making Use of Lemons

When you’ve finished this article, Burt hopes you’ll enjoy Bye, Bye, Birdbrain.

Some people ask me why I don’t seem to take the harm Obama and his cronies are doing to America more seriously. The fact is I take it very seriously. But what good does crying about it do anyone? I prefer to combat Leftists with facts and ridicule. Always have, always will. So long as this bunch of left-wing, Constitution-trashing, anti-American thugs keep providing me with lemons, I fully intend to keep squirting them in the eye with lemonade.

For instance, left-wing women claim that they’re entitled to have abortions on demand and that the government shouldn’t be sticking its nose into what they do with or to their own bodies, but they then turn around and insist that the government use our tax dollars to provide them with birth control pills.

Naturally, Obama, who is depending on women to get him re-elected, feeds the outrage by pretending that if Romney is president birth control pills won’t be readily available in every drug store in America. It’s bad enough that where it really counts, in the work place, women have suffered even worse than men under the Obama economy. But when women actually fall for this line of bull hockey, they come across like a bunch of giddy school girls squealing over Justin Bieber.

If you want everyone to stay out of your bedroom, ladies, set a good example by climbing out of our wallets.

For years, although homosexuals have insisted that they should be allowed to get hitched because the government has no right to prevent consenting adults from getting married, I have yet to hear any of them say, “For the sake of consistency, polygamy and incestuous marriages should also be recognized by the state.”

If a lawyer handed out money to jurors, he’d be arrested for jury tampering. If a politician stood outside a polling place, handing out ten dollar bills, he would be arrested for attempting to buy votes. But when 107 million Americans are receiving some form of welfare; when the number of people on Medicaid soars from 34 million to 54 million in a decade; and when the number of Americans receiving food stamps reaches nearly 50 million, nobody, you may have noticed, gets arrested for bribing voters. And if anyone dares point out that 57% of Mexican immigrants — most of them here illegally — are receiving welfare, they’re labeled racists by craven politicians and a lap dog media.

Speaking of welfare, now that Obama has done his best to gut the welfare reform bill, which was Bill Clinton’s signature piece of legislation, I think Clinton should use his time at the Democratic convention to tell us what he really thinks about ObamaCare.

And at the same event, Nobel Peace Prize recipient Jimmy Carter can use his moment in the spotlight to tell us what he really thinks about Israel in particular, and Jews in general.

I find it fascinating that, according to recent polls, Americans are equally divided as to whether Romney or Obama would be better able to save the economy. To me, that’s like asking who is more likely to rescue a drowning man, a lifeguard or the schmuck who’s holding the poor guy’s head under water.

Every economist who isn’t on Obama’s payroll has agreed that Obama’s war on the oil and coal industries, culminating in his putting the kibosh on the Keystone pipeline, has put tens of thousands of people out of work. Furthermore, if Obama succeeds in raising taxes on the 1% he is constantly vilifying, the immediate impact will be to kill over 700,000 jobs.

When I think about all those millionaires and billionaires who keep showing up for Obama’s $35,000-a-plate fund-raising events, I wonder what’s going through their heads when he rails non-stop against the rich. Is it understood that he’s only talking trash about wealthy people who don’t happen to be liberals?

Let me say that I can understand how someone can be a Democrat. After all, a lot of people simply accept the party affiliation they were born into, just as most of us accept our parents’ religion as our own. What I don’t understand is how liberals can stomach the recent TV commercial in which Joe Soptic,, a retired steelworker, lays the death of his wife at the feet of Mitt Romney. Are liberals so totally devoid of morality that they don’t object to being allied with a political party, long known for registering dead people to vote, stooping to desecrating a woman’s grave to help win an election?

In case you missed the back story, Mitt Romney left Bain Capital in 1999. Mr. Soptic was actually offered a buy-out by Bain before they were finally forced to close down the steel plant where he was employed. That was in 2001. What’s more, even after he was out of work, Mrs. Soptic still had a job and still had health insurance. In fact, it wasn’t until 2006, seven long years after Romney was entirely out of the picture, that she was diagnosed with cancer, dying shortly thereafter.

But that didn’t prevent Obama’s people from trying to make it appear that Romney was the only reason that creepy Mr. Soptic is a widower today.

Clearly, Joe the Steelworker is no Joe the Plumber.

I can understand that Democrats might not be able to bring themselves to break life-long habits and bring themselves to vote for an honest, decent, responsible presidential candidate like Mitt Romney. Fortunately, I have good news for left-wing boneheads who have had their fill of the corrupt, hypocritical, lying sack of garbage who currently resides in the Oval Office.

They can simply register Peace and Freedom and vote for Roseanne Barr and her running mate, Cindy Sheehan, and hardly notice the difference!

Now that you’ve finished this article, Burt hopes you’ll enjoy Bye, Bye, Birdbrain.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website:
  • Wheels55

    Great point about women concerned about having control of their bodies and wanting government paid “healthcare” abortions. It seems they gotten their cake and are eating it too.
    In just about any other situation, when one receives money for something, the giver is allowed to be in the receiver’s business. But Obama just loves to give away money with no strings attached. People without self respect love that kind of thing.

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Wheels: Well, not entirely without strings.  He gives away our money, they give away their votes.


      • Wheels55

        You mean that Obama can be bought? That would indicate he changed his position on issues like gay marriage, abortions, immigration, closing Gitmo, etc just to get votes… Oh wait, he did do all of that.

  • TonyinMO

    The only dead person’s graves that the Democrats desecrate are Republicans. The Democrats are too busy registering dead Democrats to vote in the upcoming elections.

  • Windylmp

    Burt: Great and awesome  article. Don’t think I could have written one better than what you wrote……..

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Windy:  I am going to take a leap of faith and assume that’s a compliment.


  • Lt Live

    As for the democrats desecrating a dead womans grave, how far a strectch is it to go from being bloodsucking vampires to desecrating a person’s grave?

    • BurtPrelutsky

      Lt Live: Mrs. Soptic may be dead, but you can bet she’s still voting.


  • Lawrence Brown

    Burt, hope you had a chance to read the LA Times stirring  defense of “Affirmative Action.” yesterday.  If you-know-who gets reelected, we can guess what’s in store for us, with multiple SCOTUS appointments, along with the “inferior” federal courts.  Even if Holder goes, there’s still Thomas Perez waiting in the wings, and he’s ten times worse!

    • BurtPrelutsky

      Lawrence: I no longer take the Times.  Instead, I have Pravda home-delivered.  They have a better sports page.


      • Lawrence Brown

        Burt, you’re so right; with leftie sports journalists like “Augusta Bill” Plaschke and several others on those pages, Pravda would offer an improvement in the ideology department.  It sometimes seems that Plaschke et al are auditioning as  writers for the Times editorial board.   Jim Murray must be spinning like a turbo!   

  • cmacrider

    Burt: You wrote ”
    I find it fascinating that, according to recent polls, Americans are equally divided as to whether Romney or Obama would be better able to save the economy. To me, that’s like asking who is more likely to rescue a drowning man, a lifeguard or the schmuck who’s holding the poor guy’s head under water.”  ……. It doesn’t get much better than that.  Thanks for the graphic imagery.

    • BurtPrelutsky

       cma: Thanks.  The best compliments are those that refer to specific lines, not those that merely agree with my point of view.  It speaks of a discerning reader.


      • sunnyinaz

        Burt:  Terrific article!  Those lines were great!!   And, I especially loved the “lying sack of garbage who currently resides in the Oval Office.”  I admire your ability to make political opinion interesting. 

        • BurtPrelutsky

           Thank you, Sunny.  You’ve made my Sunday.


  • GlenFS

    Democrats still insist the Scoptic add is “factual” and “not a lie”, and they can’t condem it because they have nothing to do with it.  Does anyone really need to know anything more about whether they will do anything to win?

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Heck, Glen, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz even claimed she had no idea whether the Soptic ad was produced by Democrats or Republicans.


  • DanB_Tiffin

    saving the economy?
    Liberal “economics” is simply “parasite economics”.  One only has to read what they post online.

  • Bruce A.

    Burt, calling the media  lap-dogs is very insulting to dogs.  The media is more like a liberal propaganda machine spweing out the same vile garbage day after day.  The former writers at Pravda would be proud.

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Bruce–But you’d have to agree that “lap-dogs” flows a lot better than “liberal propaganda machine spewing out the same vile garbage day after day.”


      • Bruce A.

        I agree, corrupt media may be more like it.