Mining Fool’s Gold

[Starting this week, Burt’s articles will appear on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.]

While I was on a recent vacation, I watched Fox News more than usual. Mainly what I noticed is that while Alan Colmes, Juan Williams, Leslie Marshall, Bob Beckel and Geraldo Rivera, are the five most annoying things to be found on the network, rounding out the top 10 are the commercials for the gold merchants, Merit Financial, Lear Capital, Goldline, Discount Gold Brokers and Rosland. The worst of the lot is Rosland, which day after day, enables three of the least appealing guys in America, Ben Ferguson, dentist Larry Pickard and Jeffrey Nichols, to enter our living rooms. For sheer gall, it’s hard to top the moment when young Ferguson asks Mr. Nichols why he purchases his gold from Rosland, while Nichols is simultaneously identified on screen as the senior financial advisor for the company!

It became increasingly difficult to take Romney’s rivals seriously when they spent all their time attacking Bain Capital instead of focusing their anger on Obama Capital. To my mind, “vulture capitalism,” which quickly replaced “at this point in time” as my least favorite expression, is when you take American tax dollars and hand them off to your fat cat contributors so that they, in turn, will send a portion of the loot back to Obama’s Re-election Campaign.

I must confess I got awfully tired of hearing that Newt Gingrich was a changed man, so it was finally a relief when, once the Iowa caucus was behind him, he could again show his true, obnoxious, colors.

Although I don’t hold most politicians in terribly high regard, at least when it comes to the ranks of the Republicans, it is hard to find anyone ranker than the former Speaker.

Even among the Democrats, it is rare to find anyone whose entire career has been motivated entirely by money, sex and revenge. While those are standard characteristics for a Shakespearean king, they’re not ideal when it comes to an American president. On second thought, it’s not all that rare among the Democrats. What could I have been thinking?

Sometimes the propaganda efforts by Obama are so clumsy that one can only laugh. For instance, he had a big bash at the White House for those so-called business owners whom he credited with “insourcing American jobs.” While it was true that I couldn’t recognize any of the people standing behind him at the photo op, it’s also true that I don’t know very many business owners. But, I finally caught on to the game when, after the staged event, we heard directly from two of the participants. The first was the Democratic mayor of Atlanta, and the other was the head of the Steelworkers Union. Only a former community organizer would identify such people as business owners. It reminded me of the charade when, in order to push his god-awful health care program, Obama had a bunch of shills don medical smocks and sit in the White House Rose Garden while gazing adoringly at him.

Even though the holiday season is now just a distant dot in our rearview mirror, it occurred to me the other day that the very same gremlins who annually wage war against the trappings and traditions of Christmas, parroting their favorite advertising slogan, “separation of church and state,” are the most vocal when it comes to promoting Sharia Law as a viable option for American Muslims. I will also wager that they wouldn’t voice the slightest objection if Kwanzaa were made a national holiday.

In much the same way, if the Tea Party favored liberals, but was otherwise unchanged in word or deed, we all know that Obama and his cronies would never in a million years accuse them of being racists, traitors and terrorists.

On the other hand, if the Occupy Wall Street movement consisted of conservatives, I find it highly unlikely that Nancy Pelosi would find the time or inclination to pay lip service to their spunk and youthful spontaneity.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky.Comments? Write!

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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website:
  • Ellen L.

    AS FAR as Alan Colmes, Juan Williams, Leslie Marshall, Bob Beckel and Geraldo Rivera,…five most annoying things to be found on the network are, I can agree with you as far as Beckel is concerned, and even Alan Colmes most of the time. But as far a journalists go, I do like Juan Williams and Geraldo Rivera and wouldn’t put them I’m the same sentence as the others. I really don’t remember who Leslie Marshall is, so I cannot comment there.

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Florida Jim: Thank you for returning the favor.

    Regards, Burt

  • Florida Jim

    That was erxcellent I laughed out loud at your comments on the FNC Liberal fawns.
    Newt has shown his true colors and they are not very nice.Thank you for starting my day out well.

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Shirl–Oh, and for good measure, Gingrich dismissed Paul Ryan’s well thought out economic plan as “right-wing social engineering.” Aside from his repeated and predictable attacks on the debate moderators…followed by his kissing up to the MSM media in the various spin rooms…I really can’t imagine why a conservative would be pulling for him.


  • Burt Prelutsky

    JP & Glen: Jemu? Jehmu? Jehmoo? I never heard of her. Sounds like the name of a performing Orca out at Sea World.

    Mark: Bernie is not the only talking head at Fox who is not a source of constant annoyance. There is also Bret Baier.

    cmacrider: I should have a Fox show, but I don’t.
    Life isn’t fair.

    WVale: I’m Burt, Bernie is Bernie.

    Drew: I don’t like Newt and I don’t want him on the ticket. When the general election rolls around, I will devote all of my attacks to Obama. Until then, I have to call ’em as I see ’em. And don’t worry about my supplying ammo to the Democrats. They make up stuff.

    Shirl: You may believe in redemption. Even I believe in it. But, aside from God, the only ones who can forgive Newt for his adultery are his ex-wives, and apparently they don’t. Besides, long after he converted to Catholicism, the religion of the second woman he committed adultery with, he helped Pelosi promote the global warming hoax; he attacked Romney for having succeeded as a venture capitalist; and he took a lot of our tax dollars from Freddie Mac for lobbying activities. Now, perhaps you can take a moment to explain what you like about the guy.


    • Shirl

      Alot of people fell for the man-made global hoax, including a slew of Republicans. He also warned Freddie and Fannie not to loan out any more money; they didn’t take his advice and admitted it was a mistake to sit next to the swamp thing. At least he didn’t say vulture capitalist as some have claimed. Just saying, at least his vision is easily explained and he would win hands down in debating slick willie. Just what is Romney’s plan or what conservative ideas will he stick with? Implementing the agenda put forward by the tea party caucus, rotting on Harry Reids’s desk would be a good start; but I still worry about his debating style.

    • Michael

      “cmacrider: I should have a Fox show, but I don’t.”

      I imagine it as a show hosted by a cross between Archie Bunker and Fred Sanford, covering people in the news, complete with descriptions that include words like “meathead” and phrases like “big dummy.” 😉

  • mvale

    Great article. What was the Mayor of Atlanta doing standing behind Obama? At least he did rid our city of the Occupy group early so we could continue to enjoy our parks.
    And, Bernie, I guess you haven’t heard the commericals for everyone and their children on welfare and food stamps to sign up for a “free” cell phone with long distance paid for the taxpayers.

  • dan buckley

    Alan Colmes. Looks like a grave robber

  • Wiley Jones

    I would love to hear about the many zars what do they do? and how much they are payed.of course it is TAK PAYERS money

  • Shane

    Jehmoo Green and Colmes are the most annoying. Leslie Marshall and Juan Williams are not so bad.

  • cmacrider

    Burt: I have it from unnamed (but reliable) sources that you have just signed a contract to host a new talk show for Fox called “Unfair and Imbalanced” starring Allan Colmes and Sarah Palin. Is this true???

  • Sunnyr

    Wow, we have identical lists of Fox’s 5 most annoying loons! These Lefty’s usually have me groping for my Remote at the mere sight of them. Thanks for the chuckles, Burt! :)

  • Bruce A.

    Speaking of the Occupy movement. I would like to see them occupy the Kennedy compound on Cape Cod or Nancy Pelosis living room.

  • Michael

    They can do what they want to The Five as long as they don’t remove Andrea Tantaros. I love her.

    No, I mean really, I LOVE her. 😉

    • ProfChuck

      I agree about Andrea, she is one of the most intelligent members of the five. I also like Gutfields irony. His humor is as sharp as a scalpel and sometimes as clumsy as an axe. Conservative representation is weak on the show. Dana is charming but a RINO. I watch the show on a fairly regular basis but sometimes I must leave it part way through. One can only stand so much sop.

  • Iklwa


    I find it almost impossible to believe you don’t sit with a look of awe and admiration on your face each time you see the President on television! Next, you will be confessing to no “tingle up your leg”.

    It is only more proof that you too are a racist, (probably homophobic) pig.

    The bard, Curly, once said “Hey, I resemble that remark!”

    Take heart in the fact that you have company legion.

    And what is all this about your taking a vacation? Shouldn’t you be maximizing the quantity of taxes you are paying to the government? It’s just another sign America really is soft.


  • Bill Hurdle

    Let me second your statement regarding the annoyance potential of Alan Colmes. I realize he’s the opposition, but his arguments are so “per the Democrat memo” that it destroys any credibility. I find “The Five” to be a total waste of time. It amounts to nothing but recitation of talking points without any discussion/debate. Although it’s imbalanced, Bob Beckel goes merrily along and more than adequately represents the liberal view. I would like to see Dana Perino and some other person of the liberal persuasion truly debate the issues. I found the winner was when Bob Beckel declared that the contraceptive controversy would be long forgotten by the November election – his way of trying to bury the issue rather than address it.

  • Nashville

    I fast forward through Jehmu segments. The same scrill over and over again is weak.

    I am losing interest in the “Five.” Eric B can’t argue his way out of a wet paper bag. Neither can Dana P. Why not drop Michelle Malkin or Laura Ingram on the panel and see how Beckel fares.

  • ProfChuck

    Actually I suspect that Colmes, Beckel, Williams, Rivera, and Marshal are conservative plants intended to illustrate just how foolish liberal ideology sounds when uttered without careful editing. Anyone that thinks these people actually believe the things they say probably also believe in space aliens and bigfoot. Hmmm. On the other hand maybe aliens and bigfoot are real too.

    • Glen Stambaugh

      Prof, I can’t agree. These folks are sincere in their ideology, it’s just that leftist ideology is foolish even when articulated by the well-spoken.

  • Webmaster

    Jehmu Greene is the one that tried to get Focus on the Family to remove its Tebow ad from the 2011 Superbowl, assuming it would be about anti-abortion. YET GREENE HAD NEVER SEEN THE AD. When run, the ad simply celebrated the life of Tim Tebow, a Heisman Trophy winner.

    Jehmu Greene criticizing an ad she never saw was not exactly fair and balanced. But it must have run a thrill up Roger Ailes’s leg, hiring her as a consultant on FOX to obviously appease Obama. Did orders come down from on high from Ailes’s boss in England, the one who supports the offensive money-making “Family Guy,” you know the one that made fun of the Vietnam War Memorial among other things?

    While hosts such as Hannity and Dobbs may have to carry Greene as a guest, what was she doing on the FOX Business Network on Saturday mornings, the normal gurus on business cycles talking about business while Greene switched the conservation to how Obama’s policies walked on water?

    And don’t forget that Roger went to of all places Newsweek in August of 2011 to say FOX was not a cable network for conservatives.

    I saw FOX going to the left as O’Reilly began to get upset when a few guests had called him conservative, his saying without blinking an eye, “I’m an independent.” O’Reilly is a seasoned savvy guy, knowing which side of his bread is buttered.

    Some on my e-mail list got angry with me saying FOX was moving to the left. Now they can enjoy the far-left guests that get more and more airtime, such as the Soros-funded activist, Sally Kuhn, reported to have also recently joined FOX News.

    Van Jones got back at Beck, Jones’s “Color of Change” Marxist three-quarter million member organization hitting Beck’s advertisers with threats of boycotts, which left Beck with mostly those gold commercials to stay on the air.

    And now the Judge has lost his show, going off the air one day next week, his smiling on Friday night that he will still be around. “Around for what,” Judge?

    I keep writing to Beck, asking him why isn’t GBTV next to Netflix on my Blu Ray Internet menu? Hello?

  • Wally Mattson

    I understand your dislike for Gingrich. I have some reservations about him myself. Apparently you do not believe his is born again or converted. I believe he is but that doesn’t mean he can shake off his revenge thoughts and other actions. I’m not concerned that he sat with Pelosi on global warming. Many people were sold that man was responsible for it and many are still sold. What concerns me is that Gingrich is a advocate of big government and it will take some doing and actions to convince me differently. If by chance Gingrich becomes the republican nominee, I would vote for him since I believe as M. Levine that a can of soup is better than Obama.

  • Mark Rhoades

    The only non-annoying person on Fox News is Bernie Goldberg. The rest are tools.

  • Drew Page

    Burt — If you don’t like Gingrich, don’t vote for him in the primary. I’m sure a number of others will agree with you, but there are many people who believe that he would make a good president. Rather than slam Gingrich and provide the liberals more ammunition to use against him, should he become the Republican nominee, why not instead endorse the Republican candidate(s) you do favor, saying why you think your’s would be a better choice?

    • Shirl

      I agree with Drew; just what is so fantastic about Romney; he did draw first blood in Iowa, afterall. Newt followed the Reagan golden rule of no mud slinging until the onslaught by Romney and the establishment. I happen to believe in redemption, apparently like most of South Carolinians. We still have some other southern states to go.

  • Blakely1

    I really like Beckal on The Five, but I find Jehmu Green with her sweet little voice, the rudest person, that I have seen in years. She was on a panel on the Hannity Show & would not
    allow anyone, including Sean to get a word in.

    • Drew Page

      I probably would disagree with Beckle on most issues, but I’ve got to give the guy credit. He does his best to counter the attacks on the Obama administration by his four colleagues every day. When he tries to defend his point of view, he has four others jumping all over him.

      It’s a good thing that ‘The Five’ doesn’t try to portray itself as “fair and balanced”. If they did, they would have to add three more liberals to the panel and call themselves ‘The Eight’. Let’s see, how about adding Rachel Maddow, Paul Begala and Keith Oberman to the group. Talk about a screaming match.

  • Terry Walbert

    I just finished watching the video of Atlas Shrugged part 1. It struck me more as current events than as a fictional plot. Since the movie takes place in 2016-2017, it might be a prediction of things to come.

  • JP

    And add that Obama Zombie Jemu to the list of irritating FOX news contributors.

    • Glen Stambaugh

      By far the most annoying!! She is a true-believing progressive pit bull, who spews every talking point forward and backwards running over everyone else.

      • sunnyinaz

        …and with a never ending FAKE smile!

  • Burt Prelutsky

    John: Scoff if you will, but I always look up a dentist in the Yellow Pages before I make an investment.


  • John Daly

    I laughed out loud when I read your mention of “Dr. Pickard” – the random dentist whose endorsement is apparently so impressive that we’re supposed to immediately pick up the phone and call Rosland.