Names in the News

What, you well may ask, do Newt Gingrich, Mike Huckabee and Sheriffs Paul Babeu and Larry Dever, have in common? On almost a daily basis, they send me or my wife letters beseeching us to send them donations. What’s more, even though we ignore their pleas, their faith never wanes. Although I admire perseverance as much as the next guy, I’m going to take this opportunity to set them straight. If I had any money lying around that I didn’t need for food and gasoline, there are probably about 84,000 charities I’d send it to before coughing it up for a couple of sheriffs and a couple of ex-politicians who are trying to turn some face time on TV into competition with the Red Cross and the Little Sisters of Mercy.

Maybe these leeches can lure Jerry Lewis out of retirement to host a telethon. I might even tune in if there’s the slightest chance that Jerry might dandle Gingrich on his knee.

In the wake of the last-second budget agreement, some people are saying that Obama caved and that it will cost him some votes in 2012. The question is whether the Washington pundits mean it when they say these dopey things or if they’re just trying to give me a much-needed laugh in these troubling times. The fact is, Obama has changed his position on Gitmo, civilian trials for terrorists, deploying troops without congressional approval, renditions and transparency, and no matter what Paul Krugman and the NY Times say, Obama’s base will line up like a bunch of lap dogs on Election Day. Liberals, as everybody knows, are like those women in country music songs who are always getting their hearts trampled on, but they can’t help lovin’ that man of theirs.

I saw where Eric Holder has gone to bat for the Muslim teacher who demanded on taking a three-week vacation during the school term so that she could visit Mecca. This is the same Department of Justice that refused to indict the Black Panthers for voter intimidation and decided to make an example of Arizona for daring to defend its border against foreign invasion. Is it too much to expect Attorney General Holder will be the next recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize?

I’ve heard that when Obama’s poll numbers recently hit record lows, a great many Kenyans began insisting that he was born in Hawaii.

A friend asked me if I thought that if the GOP had Herman Cain or Allen West on the national ticket next year, it would cut into Obama’s numbers in the black community. I told him the only votes it might sway would be found among the immediate members of their respective families. Unfortunately, in spite of Martin Luther King’s hope that people would start judging others by their character, and not by the color of their skin, for 90% of black voters, the final judgment is based on neither character nor pigmentation, but on party affiliation.

Two things that liberals can never bring themselves to acknowledge because it refutes everything they say about taxes and education is that the top one percent of the population pays 40% of the taxes, the top five percent just under 60%. As for throwing more and more money at education, as Democrats and the teachers’ union demand be done, the cost of education in America over the past few decades has tripled, while the standardized test scores have remained static. Although we spend the third most per-student in the world, in terms of reading, math and science, our students rank somewhere between those on Togo and Nauru.

The one thing I came away with from the recent battle to keep the government from shutting down was that both sides of the aisle agreed there was a category of federal employee known as “non-essential.” When it comes to fighting over the next budget, I suggest we start by getting rid of those people. I believe that a great many of them are presently members of the House and Senate.

Finally, and I admit this is only a rumor, but I’ve heard that Gaddafi has asked Barack Obama to abide by the will of the American people, and to honor their aspirations for freedom and democracy, by stepping down.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • Burt Prelutsky

    Begbie: I believe Obama is very beatable. He was trailing the pathetic McCain with six weeks to go in 2008, and he hasn’t improved things over the past 27 months. Food prices soaring. Gas at $4.50 a gallon. Unemployment rate higher than it was in January, 2009, before he added trillions to the national deficit. Give me a ring in October, 2012, if you still want to bet on his being a two-term president.


  • begbie

    “Liberals, as everybody knows, are like those women in country music songs who are always getting their hearts trampled on, but they can’t help lovin’ that man of theirs.”

    So true. That fact, coupled with the fact that Republicans have weak propects for 2012, will be the reasons Obama will be a 2nd term President. Hopefully, conservatives will at least take control of the Senate.

    • Clarence De Barrows

      begbie: Google Allen West. Perhaps you’ll change your opinion.