Ringing in the New Year

After you’ve read this article, Burt hopes you’ll also enjoy, A Stroll Through My Brain which was also published today.

In the same way that whoever is elected president in 2016 will be fortunate because he or she will be compared to Barack Obama, the worst who has ever disgraced the office, 2013 will only need to be better than 2012. And considering that we suffered through 10 months of non-stop electioneering only to re-elect Obama, 2013 should have a pretty easy time of it.

The other tragic events of 2012 involved the massacre of Ambassador Stevens and three other exemplary Americans in Benghazi, and the murder of 27 people in Newtown, CT. Predictably, the administration, with the help of the media, lied about the first, and then used the second in order to promote their endless assault on the 2nd Amendment.

At the risk of sounding like Michael Bloomberg, I don’t see the need for citizens to own automatic or semi-automatic weaponry. But, then, I also don’t see the need for anyone to own a Hummer or for Will Ferrell to continue making movies. But I don’t think my opinion counts for anything in these matters. I also don’t believe that it’s the government’s business what law-abiding citizens own, use or smoke. These puffed-up bureaucrats are constantly yammering about people with guns, while we’re supposed to overlook the fact that all of them are protected by people with guns. Obama, himself, is protected by enough guns to arm Syria’s insurgents.

The other fact is that for all the talk about gun control laws, the places with the strictest — namely Chicago and Washington, D.C. — are the nation’s murder capitals, whereas those places where citizens are allowed, even encouraged, to carry their own firearms are among the safest places to live. None of which comes as any surprise to people who are sane and logical, which naturally rules out politicians and liberals.

Some people insist that nobody should be committed to an asylum until they finally explode violently, but I contend there is a big and easily identifiable difference between youngsters who try to appear slightly eccentric in an attempt to appear at least mildly interesting to members of the opposite sex, and those, like Jared Loughner and Adam Lanza, who are so obviously non compos mentis that they might as well have “Dangerous Lunatic” tattooed across their foreheads.

Until society starts taking insanity seriously and proactively begins hatching its boobies, no gun law is going to make the slightest bit of difference.

All you have to do is look around the world to recognize that it’s not guns that create violence. It’s inevitably young, single males, be they in Gaza, Paris, Athens, Chihuahua or Los Angeles, who are constantly throwing rocks and Molotov cocktails, tipping over cars and setting tires ablaze. So if anyone is really interested in doing away with violence, I suggest keeping the guns and getting rid of the 20-year-olds.

Another issue that calls for my sort of solution is abortion. Ridicule is the answer, not government funding. I mean, just how stupid does someone have to be in 2013 to still be getting unintentionally pregnant? When every eight-year-old has been told how to prevent it, there is simply no excuse for Planned Parenthood to exist or for Sandra Fluke, either, for that matter.

When it comes to rape, it should be a capital crime, as should child molestation. Both crimes destroy lives as surely as murder does, and there is no possible excuse for allowing the perpetrator to continue living.

What’s more, no politician, even one who has received the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval from some misguided Tea Party, should ever try to break rape down as “legitimate” or “illegitimate,” and nobody should ever suggest that rape is ever a part of God’s plan. If it were, what would there be left for Satan to do besides lie around and work on his tan?

As of this writing, it remains unclear whether criminal charges will be brought against the two Australian DJs who made the crank call to the English hospital to check up on Kate Middleton’s condition. There’s no way that Mel Greig and Michael Christian could have ever imagined that the nurse who fell for the crank call would hang herself a day or two later. But I would still toss them in the clink for a month or so, if only as a warning to all the other half-witted radio teams who muck up the airwaves with the juvenile hijinks they try to pass off as humor.

Finally, a word to the wise for firemen and cops: Stop letting school teachers ride your coattails when it comes to negotiating new contracts. We actually need you folks to fight crime and put out fires, whereas members of the teachers union can’t even describe themselves as “educators” with a straight face. Although there may be a few exceptions to the rule, the mere fact that they choose to belong to such a loathsome group, comprised in the main of under-achieving, over-paid and over-pensioned, louts, destroys your own hard-earned credibility.

As George Bernard Shaw once nearly said: “Those who can, do; those who can’t, trash state capitals in pursuit of higher wages for less work, and then have the gall to insist they’re only doing it for the kids.”

After you’ve read this article, Burt hopes you’ll also enjoy, A Stroll Through My Brain.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • http://www.facebook.com/walter.mattson.39 Walter Mattson

    Burt: I agree with most of your article. However, In the 2nd paragraph you don’t see the reason for automatic weapons and I do. Also, I think you labeled the Tea party as a group who have nutty ideas about rape etc. As a group they do not. When it comes to the ownership of semi or even automatic weapons, I believe that they should be allowed. It is the reason for the second amendment. The framers didn’t specify that only one shot muskets be allowed. They knew that technological advancement would result and improvements to fire arms. They knew that to keep the politicians honest, the citizens needed some means of protecting themselves from all dangers be they animals, criminals and the government. Of course the liberals and some republicans know that guns are not the cause of attacks by kooks and criminals. That is not why they favor gun control. Most of them favor gun control to show the voters that they are doing something so they can get votes. However, there are enough of these politicians that want a ban on assault weapons as the Camel’s nose under the tent. Of course, when this law doesn’t work, the next steps will be to ban single shot guns with the ultimate goal of elimination of the second amendment. Don’t believe me? The governor of NY tipped his hand by stating that confiscation of guns would be on the table.

  • cmacrider

    Burt: Canada has a slightly used piece of gun control legislation which P.M Harper recently revoked which we would be glad to sell to the U.S.A. and save you the political furor and expense of making up your own legislation. However, as a full disclosure under the Fair Trade Practices Act, I must advise that even though it was in force for about 10 years
    1. It did not reduce the number of murders or violent crime; (they increased)
    2. The mafia and other criminals neglected to register their firearms as required by law (they simply neglected to put it on the agenda for the shareholder’s annual meeting)
    3. No rational policeman ever depended on the data base information when attending a crime scene or dealing with domestic violence because who is to say that the data base is up to date.
    It was, however, successful in causing no end of angst among bird hunters, big game hunters, farmers, recreational shooters who the Left assumed were some sort of threat to society.

    One caveat …. the purchase price will not be cheap as we frittered away hundreds of millions on this useless piece of social engineering.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      cma: Liberals don’t seriously believe any of the crapola they spew. Even they’re not that stupid. Okay, some are, a few aren’t. But they feel compelled to read the lines that George Soros and the DNC write for them, and ad libbing is frowned upon in those circles.


  • DanB_Tiffin

    I once read a study that showed a definite correlation between male criminal behavior (as a function of age) and average male testosterone level (also as a function of age) This would indicate that as male testosterone increases, so does the propensity for criminal behavior. As males age and testosterone decreases, so does the propensity for criminal behavior.
    We know the source of testosterone. It (they) can be eliminated in convicted felons and then we can see if that reduces their propensity for further criminal behavior. Just a thought. Only works on males, though, but the males do tend to commit the most crimes. Is it worth a try?

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Dan: I’m game. In a recent article–one that may not yet have been posted–I point out that guns aren’t the problem. It’s always 20-somethings who cause most of the mayhem around the world, so let’s just get them banned.


  • GlenFS

    Burt, laughed at your closing line and the paraphrase of Shaw! Thanks for another thoughtful amusing piece.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Glen: Thank you for the kind words.

      Regards, Burt

  • Wheels55

    Burt, well said.

    I have become Libertarian in pursuit of my belief that freedom means choice, but not from a menu handed to me by elected hounds (see my comment in your other article). When guns jump up and shoot someone on their own without human hands (like Obama;s drones), then we can talk gun bans. Freedom does not mean free to hurt others, as you have stated.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Wheels: Well, even drones are operated by humans. I always thought that gun control nuts were nutty, but these days those who are most outraged over guns are those like Obama, Bloomberg, Feinstein and actors, who go through life being protected by men with guns. Which adds hypocrisy to their basic foolishness.


      • Wheels55

        I think the words Hypocrite and Liberal are becoming interchangeable.
        The Hollywood types, who just love the political soap box, Obama, Gore – they are all full of crap.

        • Burt Prelutsky

          Wheels: You’ll get no argument from me.