Socialism (Is) for Dummies

have to live in New York or Hollywood to be a left-wing knothead was the decision by a Chicago high school to boycott a basketball tournament in Arizona because someone — the principal perhaps — opposed Arizona’s immigration policy. A policy, as we all know, that is the mirror image of federal law. Then, having shown the world what they think of those racists in Arizona, they went off to play an exhibition game in a country that serves as a role model for freedom-loving people everywhere…China!..

Leftists like to think of themselves as clear-thinking realists who are sensitive to nuance and irony. In reality, they are like little children who regard fairy tales as non-fiction. For instance, they champion socialism even though the past hundred years have proven time and again that it doesn’t work in practice the way it does in theory. On the contrary, in every country where it has existed, it has inevitably led to loss of liberty, widespread poverty and mass murder on a scale that has no parallel in human history. Point out this obvious fact to a liberal, and once he gets done calling you a greedy, heartless, bloodthirsty reactionary, he’ll insist that we haven’t yet seen true socialism. Actually, we have, though. We’ve seen it in the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany, in China, Cambodia, North Korea and Cuba.

The reason that capitalism works and socialism doesn’t is because, unlike the former, the latter doesn’t factor in human nature. Most people want to compete — whether it’s for status, glory or riches — and they want for themselves and their children the opportunity to excel to the best of their ability.

What conservatives object to isn’t a level playing field, but a game in which they’re expected to take a dive, lest the lazy, the inept and the selfish, wind up feeling like losers.

Conservatives don’t even object to the redistribution of wealth. But they want to be in control of how much they distribute and to whom, and not leave those decisions in the hands of Washington weasels. It’s what conservatives, the most generous people in America, refer to as charity. As they see it, their hard-earned money should go to the elderly and the infirm, not to the young and able-bodied who regard themselves as entitled simply because of their race or country of origin. Just because some people wallow in self-pity, portraying themselves as victims of an oppressive society, doesn’t make it so. As I see it, they and their outlandish demands should be ignored or, better yet, ridiculed.

Which reminds me, it recently occurred to me why among my least favorite musical genres is the one known as the blues. It’s because the songs all reek of self-pity, which is one of the most nauseating of all human emotions.

Finally, the mass media spent an inordinate amount of time trying to force George W. Bush to fess up to his mistakes. But I notice that nobody ever asks that of Barack Obama. At long last, the reason dawned on me. If he ever got started, we’d have nobody to blame but ourselves, and who has the time?

©2011 Burt Prelutsky.
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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • Konrad Lau

    I know this will sound un-American but…I believe the reason for the popularity of team sports in the United States and elsewhere is the ease with which the loss of a fanatically supported team may be transferred to the management or its players.

    “If only XYZ hadn’t fumbled that play, we would have had the championship.” Or “Can you believe that stupid coach (substitute referee here if you like)?”

    Those so wrapped up in the teams’ effort usually have little to do with actually competing (in life or elsewhere) on an individual level themselves. Living competitive lives through children is also a primary reason for the popularity of little league sports activities and the reason for the frequent reports of parents violently injecting themselves into judges and coaches decisions. Those parents may readily invest all of their emotion into little Johnny’s team without displaying their own lack of skill or without any risk of personal embarrassment. It is easy to draw attention to other’s failures when you are not placing your own skills on display.

    As much as socialists would like to change the fact, there is only one first place and one last place. This illustrates a foundational premise of the unique American ideal: While we are all guaranteed an equal chance to participate, there is no guarantee of equal outcome.

    Those adherents to the Theory of Evolution, many of whom are self described socialists, present the height of hypocrisy in that Darwin himself hypothesized the strongest would succeed and those less fit would cross the finish line toward the rear…if at all. Socialists ignore their own creed to do everything within their power to assure the result of the weakest among us is the standard by which all should be judged.

  • Gerry

    “The inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery”.
    Winston Churchill

    After giving Obama all of the credit for getting Bin Laden, will the media now jump all over him for missing Awlaki?