Ted-ious Nugent

I understand that right-wing celebrities are in such short supply that we conservatives can’t help swooning over those whose politics jibe with ours. Still, should we be so enchanted that we are willing to overlook the fact that Ted Nugent appears to be both dumb and a potty mouth?

Mr. Nugent certainly has the right to say whatever he pleases about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, but when conservatives applaud his every obscenity, they do a disservice to our movement, and when Republican politicians like Greg Abbott, who hopes to be the next governor of Texas, embrace him, they do a disservice to their campaigns.

The question is, or should be, where do we get off complaining about jerks like Bill Maher, Michael Moore and Martin Bashir, who spend their lives leveling the crudest of insults at people like Sarah Palin, George Bush and Clarence Thomas, but then clap like trained seals when Ted Nugent does the same?

In other embarrassing news, it seems that Martin Luther King’s kids are once again fighting, this time over the sale of their father’s Nobel Peace Prize medal and one of his seven Bibles. This comes after Sotheby’s auctioned off 10,000 of his documents in 2006 for $32 million! What’s next? His gold fillings?

I keep hearing people theorizing that Hillary Clinton might not be running in 2016. Oh sure, and in other related news, the sun will no longer be setting in the west, the ocean tides will no longer be governed by the moon and Eric Holder will begin prosecuting blacks for hate crimes.

Because I believe that some of my cultural biases are shared by others — people who have been so intimidated by elitists that they censor their true beliefs — I feel it my duty to provide them with cover. Therefore, I hereby confess that in my opinion, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby,” Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick,” William Golding’s “Lord of the Flies,” Henry David Thoreau’s “Walden” and Ernest Hemingway’s “The Sun Also Rises” and “The Old Man and the Sea,” are six of the most boring books ever written and any high school English teacher who foists them on unsuspecting students is guilty of abusing his or her power.

Those movies that don’t run their credits until the end are yet another of my pet peeves. It’s basically a stunt they picked up from TV. The difference is that TV shows want to engage you immediately because they worry about those trigger fingers on the remote. But once you’ve bought your movie ticket, you’ve made your commitment. Short of a stink bomb being released in the theater or, as happens occasionally, on the screen, you’re not going anywhere.

A thought that often plagues me is why it is that the only time members of Congress ever seem to question the waste in government spending is when they’re trying to come up with the money to finance their own pork projects.

In much the same way, the only time these chuckleheads are willing to acknowledge that thousands of federal bureaucrats are unessential is when they’re sent home during government shutdowns. Why is it that even the Republicans never suggest they stay home?

Thanks to the leftist radicals who permeate the current regime, we have gone from a government of, by and for the people, to one that only seems to concern itself with the well-being of people who happen to be poor, and preferably black or Hispanic. When it comes to those who are white and, worse yet, middle class, the attitude of Obama and his stooges seems to be they can eat dirt.

I have long heard that if you love something, you should set it free. If the love is reciprocal, it will return. If only Obama would set us free, we could test out the theory. But I’m afraid Obama knows as well as I do how that would work out, which is why he’s keeping a death grip on that phone and that blasted pen.

Since time immemorial, pacifists have felt entitled to the moral high ground, even though war has often proven to be the only way to preserve freedom and liberty against those — be they Communists, Nazis or Muslims — who would like nothing better than to also deprive us of life.

The foolishness of that philosophy was brought home recently when Pope Francis released two doves in Rome, and those eternal symbols of peace were immediately attacked and slaughtered by two birds of prey.

It should have been an object lesson for those simpletons who believe that a strong military is a waste of money and the Second Amendment is a waste of parchment, but I suspect they were content to simply quote Darwin.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • legal eagle

    “Thanks to the leftist radicals who permeate the current regime, we have gone from a government of, by and for the people, to one that only seems to concern itself with the well-being of people who happen to be poor, and preferably black or Hispanic. When it comes to those who are white and, worse yet, middle class, the attitude of Obama and his stooges seems to be they can eat dirt.”
    Poor oppressed Burt Prelutsky…..new day, same racist garbage..

    • Jeff Webb

      Explain how wanting all people in America to be treated equally qualifies as racist, LE.

  • alaskan1st

    Somebody please explain just when was it that the rightwing started to hold racist, draft dodging, admitted pedophiles in such high regard.

    • Jeff Webb

      You’ve got bigger things to worry about, A1, like the people left wingers not only hold in high regard, but intentionally give powerful positions: racists, draft dodgers, Communists, a crack smoker, a former Kleagle, and a drunkard who drowned a woman.

      Nugent has made racist statements, and he admitted (and regretted) his student deferment was to avoid serving, but you’ll need to be very careful with the words you throw around. Nugent may have one helluva sleazy resume, but sexual attraction to children pre-puberty isn’t on it.

      • Angel

        Listen to his music. He brags about being a pedophile in his lyrics. Throwing dirt at the left wing doesn’t change who Ted was and still is.

        • Jeff Webb

          >>He brags about being a pedophile in his lyrics.<<

          Please provide a link, Angel.

          • Angel

            I don’t know how to do that. Google the lyrics to “Jailbait” and “Stranglehold”

          • Jeff Webb

            No. You made the accusation, so YOU do it.
            If you can’t do the link, feel free to just post a line or two from each song where Ted brags about being attracted to, or sexually involved with prepubescent kids.

          • Angel

            Jailbait – by Ted Nugent – Well I don’t care if you’re just thirteen. You look too good to be true. I just know that you’re probably clean. There’s one little thing I got to do to you. So tell your mama that I’m back in town. She likes us boys when it’s time to get down. She’s got this craving for the underage. Jailbait you look so good to me. Jailbait won’t you set me free. Jailbait you look fine fine fine. I know I got to have you in a matter of time. Honey you you you look so nice. She’s young she’s tender. Won’t you please surrender. She’s so fine, she’s mine. All the time, all mine mine. It’s alright baby, It’s quite all right. I asked your mama. Wait a minute officer. Don’t put those handcuffs on me. Put them on her and I’ll share her with you. —- Next time do your own research Mr. Webb. Google “stranglehold” for yourself.

          • Jeff Webb

            First, I didn’t defend him.
            Second, you have not backed up your claim. Was it that you missed the definition of pedophilia, or do you just hate Ted so much you need to inaccurately say he’s the worst kind of degenerate, not aptly say he’s just really creepy. Alaskan1st said Ted was an “admitted pedophile,” which regardless of how sleazy his conduct has been through the years, was libelous.
            Any guy in his late teens/early 20’s who tells his buddy “bad idea, man, she’s jailbait” isn’t talking about a small child (the object of pedophiles). It’s a minor who has sexually matured.
            Third, you were wrong about “Stranglehold” twice. I was not asking you to enlighten me about songs I wasn’t familiar with; I was challenging you to back up your claims. Stranglehold’s lyrics, cringe-worthy as they may be, are metaphorical of the crazy lifestyle of touring.
            Lastly, in case it didn’t click with you, if you’re going to make serious accusations, it’s your responsibility to either do your homework before posting them, or back them up after you post them. And yes, even if it’s a colossal jerk like Ted.

          • Angel

            I consider sex with a 13 year old pedophilia. I do hate him, and for more reason than I can post on discus. As I already shared in a different comment, he was my “neighbor”. I was terrified of him. Still am actually, worried that I have shared too much.

          • Jeff Webb

            >>I consider sex with a 13 year old pedophilia.<<

            Oh, I'm very aware you do. If you considered Shaquille O'Neal 5'8, would you be correct?

            Next time think before you comment.

          • IHF

            Like the time when you called the Newtown parents exploit mongers and compared them to NAMBLA child molesters? That’s a pretty serious accusation eh Webb-Master?

  • Dr. Michael F. Galvin

    I really could not care less about your politics but do you realize the six works you have mentioned are six of the greatest works of American literature? Obviously not a literature major. Dr. Michael F. Galvin (Hemingway Scholar).

    • therealguyfaux

      Is it all right to say “The Great Gatsby– meh…”? Far from the least readable novel, but it didn’t bowl me over. OK– it’s about an amoral phony the object of whose love may be an unworthy one, a man whose death is ironic in that it is not for the crimes he DID commit but for one he didn’t (shades of James M. Cain or James Hadley Chase).

      Anyone who sees it as being anything more than Fitzgerald’s mind experiment about his own impostor complex and his equivocal feelings about his own love life is truly reaching.

      And as for Lord Of The Flies– anyone who can read that book and honestly say it didn’t remind them just a LITTLE bit of middle school, and the cruelty some kids in peripubescence seem to have, is rather a dullard. You really have to read it, at THAT age, to fully appreciate what it’s trying to say. Perhaps some people reading it for the first time in adulthood would not care to remember those days in their own lives, no matter whether they were the inflictors or inflictees of the inhumanity towards their fellow humans.

  • nepakandy

    Great article. Thank you for your honesty and courage especially in rating certain ‘classic’ books. I had been prepared to be “wow’d” by The Great Gatsby, and found the only compelling thing was the book cover (the eyes, the green dock light and the tear). I’m a white, middle class woman, recently retired. I wish the US government could base their budget on their actual income (as I had to do recently). By the way, dirt is on my grocery list for next week.

  • gold7406

    the irony, a pacifist was given the luxury and gift of pacifism by a warrior.
    it’s like the left tell me that a draft evader was courageous…laughable.

  • Porkbevr

    When Ted Nugent gets political I limit my response to a chuckle and a shake of the head. It’s just Ted being Ted. He is a good solid conservative and he rocks, but he’s a little bit crazy.

    • Angel

      Ted Nugent is not funny in the least. He is a sociopath. A solid conservative? Take a good realistic look at his past. Ted being Ted is no laughing matter. Add delusional to his list of mental illness, he just claimed to be a police officer. The mentally ill aren’t supposed to own guns, why does he still have them?

      • alaskan1st

        He would never pass a mental check. They wouldn’t even have to do an interview. He’s already been proclaimed nuts. No wonder the NRA is against psych tests.

        • Porkbevr

          I believe you’ve got a touch of Cat Scratch Fever.
          Get well soon.

        • Angel

          A lot of people liked his music and are pro-Ted no matter how insane he is. If he wasn’t a rich celebrity he would have lost his gun rights by now.

      • Porkbevr

        That’s your opinion, which carries no more weight than mine. You’re entitled to it. I lived in Ted’s Michigan neck of the woods for a good while. I know of Ted, far more than you.

        • Angel

          I live in Michigan too. I grew up with him as a neighbor. I was out hiking on a deer trail once when I was only 13, and accidentally crossed onto his land. When he saw me he told me I was “scaring his deer” pointed a cross bow at me, and said “suck my d–k!” He was a grown man and I was a 13 year old girl. Why do you assume you know him better than me? He is a monster. Most of my neighbors hated him. I still do.