The Homeless & The Clueless

Far too many people are up in arms over the dreadful economy we are leaving for our kids and grandkids. I used to be one of them. But ever since the youth of America helped saddle us with Obama, not once, but twice, I say it serves them right. These young shmoes are not only convinced there’s a free lunch, but a free breakfast, a free dinner and free healthcare. And, yet, I’m willing to bet, they were just the sort of smug eight-year-olds who delighted in telling their younger siblings that Santa Claus didn’t exist.

Here in California, the little elves at the Public Utility Commission are all set to green light a new left-wing program that would provide the homeless with free cell phones and free phone service so that “they can reach out to possible employment possibilities and stay connected to family.” And let us not overlook those all-important calls to their drug dealers.

To show just how depraved our nation has become, an unmarried Pennsylvania woman with two kids making $25,000-a-year would wind up with a lower standard of living if she were suddenly to begin earning $57,000 because of all the government perks she would have to forego. Only a devout pudding-headed liberal would believe that is a good thing.

Speaking of liberals, in spite of their insisting that anyone who doesn’t see eye-to-eye with Obama is a racist, while ignoring all the vile things they themselves have said about Condoleezza Rice, Ward Connerly and Allen West, I find it interesting that white liberals never elect blacks to Congress. If it weren’t for all those blacks living in the inner cities, does anyone actually believe that the likes of Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee, Charley Rangel, John Conyers, James Clyburn, Diane Watson or William Jefferson, would ever be elected to an office higher than master-of-arms of the Mystic Knights of the Sea?

Speaking of Congress, I believe I have finally figured out why people as dense and as boring as John Boehner and Mitch McConnell are the GOP leaders in the House and Senate. I mean, why, when the future of the Party rests with young, funny, well-spoken, charming and photogenic, guys like Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio, have we tied ourselves to those two old Washington stiffs? The only way I can figure it is that both sides have arrived at detente. So long as the Democrats stick with a pair of deadheads like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, the GOP will play fair and do likewise. As usual, the Democrats get the better of the deal. That’s because Reid and Pelosi really are as good as it gets on their side of the aisle. When it comes to left-wingers, sock puppets would be an improvement.

I realize that liberals are convinced that they are not only nicer, but smarter than conservatives. But how can that be when the spokespeople for their side include Michael Moore, Bill Maher, Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera, Joy Behar, Frank Rich, Hillary Clinton, Jane Fonda, Juan Williams, Maureen Dowd and Chris Matthews? Even though they insist that all the big brain people are liberals, they still stoop to concocting phony IQ scores in order to prove that Carter, Clinton and Obama, are all geniuses, while Ronald Reagan and the Bushes needed help tying their shoes.

Even when you point out that they’d never win a presidential election if the least accomplished, least principled and least patriotic, people in the nation didn’t vote for them in overwhelming numbers, they persist in claiming they field a much smarter team than Charles Krauthammer, Bernard Goldberg, Dennis Prager, John Bolton, Mark Alexander, Ann Coulter, Paul Ryan, Mark Steyn, Hugh Hewitt, Rush Limbaugh, Antonin Scalia, Michael Medved, Steve Hayes, Laura Ingraham, Mark Levin and Clarence Thomas.

Something that’s bothered me for a long time is why states decided to identify themselves as being north, south or west of some other state. It’s not as if with only 50 states in the Union, we ran out of names. Do we really need two states named Dakota and Carolina or another named West Virginia? Talk about a basic lack of imagination!

Instead of exchanging gifts at Christmas, I wonder how many people would leap at the chance to exchange relatives. I refuse to believe I’m the only one.

Even if Obama hadn’t won re-election, we’d have been reminded that we’re surrounded by liberals because the Darwin Awards are always announced at this time of year. In case you’re unaware of the event, it’s an annual competition of news stories that serve to remind us that Charles Darwin’s “Survival of the Fittest” was merely a theory. These goofballs did make it all the way to adulthood, after all, and, most troubling of all, manage in many cases to reproduce.

Among the finalists in 2012 was a doofus in San Jose, CA, who used a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend’s windshield, and wound up killing himself when the gun accidentally discharged. Another fellow, this one in Alamo, MI, had a friend drive a truck while he hung on underneath so that he could figure out the source of a strange noise. His clothes snagged on something, however, and his friend eventually found him wrapped in the drive shaft. They never did figure out what the noise was.

Proving that the U.S. doesn’t have a monopoly on loons, a guy in Ontario, Canada, was cleaning the bird feeder on his condominium balcony while standing on a wheelchair. When the wheelchair moved, as wheelchairs are wont to do, the birdbrain went over the side.

Joe Vincent, one of my readers in Cordova, Tennessee, reminded me that in 1882, Friedrich Nietzsche stated that “God is dead.” In 1900, God had the opportunity to announce, “Friedrich Nietzsche is dead.”

I don’t believe that anything quite spells out the difference between an unfounded rumor and a fact better than that.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • Wheels55

    Our problem is that we need a smarter population and we are going in the wrong direction. My wife and I talked to both of our kids about the 2012 election (we didn’t preach, but talked) and they still voted for Obama. They are smart kids taken in by the same things as other 20+ year-olds: John Stewart and Obama seems cool. I wish them all the income taxes in the world while they pay for my social security and medicare and the welfare for half the fine folks they hang with. No tears here.

  • GlenFS

    Burt, I just hope there isn’t a Darwin Award category for countries, because I believe we would be strong contenders as of the past 4 years and counting. I realize one has to die to “win”… but we’re working hard on that element.

  • Phil Silverman

    least accomplished people vioted for Obama? he got 51% two times in a row, got Wisconsin, Florida, Ohio….. R U kidding? His base stood in line EIGHT HOURS because you ACCOMPLISHED Americans made it difficult as possible for Obama voters to vote in Swing states. I see the laundry list of accomplished pundits: Ingraham? did you read her blatantly racist OBAMA DIARIES; listen to Limbuagh call Holder Obama’s “bitch”?; read the 24-7 OBAMA HATE MACHINE and these wonderchildren are carefully notated. Unless you actually think Romney was a terrific candidate and you agree that Jeep was to move permanently overseas, Obama was to eliminate the work requirement in welfare; if you think raiding struggling, not failing companies, pocketing a million bucks to send overseas?
    I left out the Accomplished Gingrich’s “Kenyan anti-Colonial” statement about Obama. I guess U agree with TOM TANCREDO about going back to pre Voting Rights….yeah, let’s first give a test to a voter.

    • gray_man

      Actually, he got less votes the second time. Even some dummocrats can see through obummer’s BS.

  • Thomas A. Hennigan

    Knights of the Mystic Sea, I believe.

  • trailbee

    What a hoot. Points well taken all around. Thank you, I needed a good laugh.

  • Cllarence De Barrows

    Burt: I guess the Marco Rubio bandwagon will continue to roll and hawk his political acumen and virtue. Given that there may be some credence to that message I’ll bide my time and if I see he does, in fact, demonstrate a reasonable understanding of our Constitution and its requirements I’ll support him and his efforts in Congress. I will, however, NEVER support him for President or Vice President for, as I’m sure you know, he doesn’t qualify for either of those offices as he is not a “natural born Citizen” as is required of persons seeking those offices by Article II and Amendment XII of said Costitution. Specious rhetoric and arguments to the contrary notwithstanding, we know what the Founders had in mind when they included the “natural born Citizen” requirement in the Document.

    • trailbee

      By the time ’16 rolls around, the troll will have EO’d a new Amendment. The troll will now be known as the king, then God, and you won’t have to worry about such silliness as “natural born Citizen” ever gain. :)

      • Phil Silverman

        who’s the “troll” and did you get that expression from the RNC? By the way, I’m friends with someone who worked with Sr. Obama and was there in Kenya on the day he got news that he was now Father of a son named Barack, born in Hawaii.

        • gray_man

          By the way, I’m friends with someone whose cousin has a neighbor who’s plumber said phil silverman was full of crap.

  • sjangers

    I love the Chistmas gift idea, Burt! I can just picture the Yankee swap as the list of participants dwindles, and the final few suddenly realize that my contribution to the selection of “gifts” was my crazy Uncle Fred.

  • Ken

    Excellent article. For the last several decades, our Ed. System has gone from TEACHING our children, to INDOCTRINATING our children. Coupled with decades of importing 10s of millions of third-world parasites, it’s not that difficult to understand why polls show “changing values” among U.S. (Not American) voters.

    • Phil Silverman

      who are “aparsites”? the people encouraged to come here thru Nafta? who enlist in our service and perform low paying jobs and yes are projected to be dedicated voters?

  • Wally

    Unfortunately we are stuck with these types until ALL recognize that we can’t provide ALL for those that will do NOTHING.

  • jmiky

    Sorry for the spelling error on electorate.

  • jmiky

    Burt, this is why we need to do away with warning labels, seat belt and helmet laws. We as a society can’t thin the herd of the dullards, dolts, and dimwits. And then they reproduce, shallowing the gene pool some more. Next thing you know we have an electoric that votes for Obama.

  • G. Daylan

    One thing that about Progressives or Liberals that bothers me is that they consistently try to fool the population into thinking that businesses provide “free” benefits to employees. Anything that one receives as a condition of employment is ultimately paid for by that worker. No business can survive by being so philanthropic as to “give” to its employees beyond what they produce themselves. Progressives think that they can tax businesses and that the amount of that tax will not be passed on as an increase in prices. They think that the employers’ portion of FICA and workmans’ comp are donated by their employer. I am pretty sure that the leaders of the Democrat party are not as stupid as their pronouncements on these matters but they are sure able to fool a lot of people.

    • sjangers

      You’re right, the Democrat leaders aren’t that stupid. They just hope we are; seeking “revenue enhancements” from indirect sources in the belief we’ll never figure out that the money eventually comes out of our pockets.
      We even had a case in my home state a number of years ago in which the legislature increased the tax on home heating oil, but inserted the tax collection between distributors and retailers. When one heating oil reseller included information about the source of the price increase on customer invoices the state stepped in and threatened action against the company if they didn’t remove that information immediately.

    • Phil Silverman

      the Conservatives are the happiest ones about that “cheap labor”.