Troublemakers & Dunderheads

Sometimes, I’m amazed that I know as many decent, intelligent, law-abiding, people as I do. Because the fact is, a disturbingly large number of Americans are simply up to no good and should not be trusted anywhere near heavy machinery, sharp tools, voting booths or me.

For instance, look at someone like Sarah Palin, the woman with the most annoying voice in the world, who was rescued from anonymity by John McCain, and who, $20 million later, is scolding Republicans, including Sen. McCain, for not prostrating themselves at the feet of Newt Gingrich.

Then, for good measure, we had Herman Cain endorsing Mr. Gingrich. If only Mr. Cain could have convinced Bill Clinton and Mark Sanford to join him, Newt would have tied up the entire membership of the Political Hound Dogs of America.

Democrats insist that green energy is the hope of the world. Their favorite president cancels the Keystone XL oil pipeline on behalf of environmental fascists. But just how sincere are they? We see one federally-subsidized green energy company after another going bankrupt, taking billions of tax dollars with them. And do you know anyone who’s shopping for a Chevy Volt? Rich liberals talk a lot about their love of renewable energy, but even when I drive around Beverly Hills and Bel Air, where so many of them live, I don’t see solar panels on their roofs, and I mainly see SUVs and Mercedes sedans in their driveways.

For sheer lying power, you can hardly beat Al Gore, who has been lining his pockets with millions of dollars, repeating the same lie about global warming at least since 1997, which was the year when the earth started cooling down, as it has done periodically since long before the invention of the internal combustion engine. Talk about your inconvenient truths! Even the folks at the University of Anglia, which had been at the center of promoting the global warming hoax, now claim that we might be heading for a mini-ice age rivaling a 70-year temperature drop that saw frost fairs held on the Thames in the 17th century. So, gentlemen, start your engines. Everyone else, start burning oil and coal before we all freeze to death!

But when it comes to lies, it’s hard to beat homosexual males. In the 80s, they lied about AIDS being a major heterosexual problem in order to co-opt federal funding for medical research. Who cares about kids with leukemia? Let folks suffering with cancer, Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, go fly a kite. These days, they rant and rave about same-sex marriages, but even in those woebegone states where judges and legislatures have shoved it down the throats of the people, the number of such marriages is negligible. And most of those involve lesbians.

For sheer audacity, possibly nothing compares to Tom Brokaw’s objecting to the Romney campaign using a segment from a 1997 NBC newscast in which he announced that the House Ethics Committee would punish Newt Gingrich for ethics violations. The reason he gave in voicing his objection is as funny as anything that’s been said on TV this year: “I do not want my role as a journalist compromised for gain by any campaign.” Everyone knows that this huckster for the Left had given up any pretense of being an objective journalist a long time ago. After all, he spent the 90s cheerleading for Bill Clinton; he ignored the story about John Edwards and his doxy long after the National Enquirer broke the news; and, finally, Brokaw carried so much water for Barack Obama in 2008 that, from outer space, he was often mistaken for Hoover Dam.

Joe Trippi pops up so often as a political pundit on Fox News that you might actually think he’s some sort of authority. The only thing he’s an expert at is losing elections. He has run presidential campaigns for Ted Kennedy, Walter Mondale, Gary Hart, Richard Gephardt, Jerry Brown, John Edwards and Howard Dean. Over the past 40 years or so, if you wanted to get rich betting on elections, all you had to do was find out which left-wing numbskull had hired Mr. Trippi. An interesting sidebar is that, he studied aerospace engineering for three years at San Jose State College before dropping out, 14 credits shy of graduation. But I guess it provided him with the all-important capacity to spot guys like Mondale, Brown and Howard Dean, space cadets with money to burn on inept campaign managers.

Hillary Clinton, whose business cards read “The Smartest Woman on Earth,” and whose mirror has been trained to say, “I swear you’re the fairest one of all!” was recently heard to say, “I looked around our world and I thought we are in just so many deep holes that everybody had better grab a shovel and start digging out.” Well, God knows we have enough shovels lying around going to waste, thanks to all those non-existent shovel-ready jobs Obama promised us three years ago, but if Secretary of State Clinton thinks that the best way to get out of a deep hole is to dig a deeper one, I think it tells us all we need to know about this administration’s brain trust.

For sheer stupidity, however, it’s tough to compete with those black Americans, including the likes of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Muhammad Ali, who gave up their perfectly fine birth names, Lew Alcindor and Cassius Clay, in order to show their kinship with Arabs and Muslims. You have to wonder how anyone gets to be that dumb without getting an advanced degree in Stupidity.

I mean, did these numbskulls never pause to wonder how their ancestors became slaves in the first place? After all, the owners of Georgia cotton fields didn’t go to Africa and round them up. As for New England sea captains, they merely collected the unfortunate captives at African ports and sailed them across the Atlantic; they certainly didn’t wander into the jungle and chase them down. No, it was Arabs and Muslims native to Africa who handled that end of the dirty stick.

You know, those guys with names like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Muhammad Ali.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write!

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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
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  • Burt Prelutsky

    Glen: We agree about the pathology of American blacks, but not entirely when it comes to Newt. There’s no denying he has some good ideas, but that’s no reason to stick him in the Oval Office. He can still contribute his ideas to Mitt once Romney gets elected. To use a sports analogy, Newt lacks the personality and temperament to make a good head coach, but there’s no reason he couldn’t be an effective offensive coordinator.


  • Glen Stambaugh

    Burt, regarding Newt: he’s brilliant and easy to love one day, then awful the next. Of course Herman Cain endorsed lovable Newt and if he’d start spouting 9-9-9 as a mantra, I would be hard put not to go for him myself. Until then Mitt’s our guy.

    As to some (many?) black folks adoring those who’ve done them wrong, it explains why they’re so madly in love with the Dems. We need a psychologist to explain this human tendency.

  • Burt Prelutsky

    I hate when that happens. I wrote a comment and could not get it posted, so I tried again. So, naturally, both comments then got posted….and now I suppose the rumors will begin again that I’ve been drinking.


  • Burt Prelutsky

    Robin: If you’ve been busy catching up on my articles, you are hardly a dunce.

    Lonesome George: Just curious, but did you adopt your nom de computer as an homage to the late great George Gobel? As I recall, he occasionally referred to himself as Lonesome George.

    Regards, Burt

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Robin: If you’ve been busy catching up on my past articles, you are hardly a dunce.

    Lonesome George: Just curious, but is your nom de computer a tribute to the late great George Gobel, who on occasion referred to himself in that fashion?


  • Lonesome George

    Burt,thanks for another great column(one of your best). Your humor lifts my spirits.

  • cmacrider

    This is probably your best combination of wit and wisdom yet. It would seem that Obama and the rest of the Dunderheads have created so much “fertilizer” that they have produced enough shovel ready jobs to keep the rest of us busy for a decade. I assume your description of judicial activism on the same sex marriage file is intended to be merely metaphorical … but its a great metaphor.

  • robin in fl

    LOVED it (as ususal) tell us how you REALLY feel Burt!!!! :)

    btw… for some reason I had missed reading some of your older posts???..,,not sure why,so I had a bit of catching up to do..I’m such a dummy some times !!!!!but please don’t sit me in the corner with a dunce hat on!

  • Burt Prelutsky

    Thank you, Michael. I expect that some of the comments will not be as nice, but when nobody dares tell the truth about scoundrels and nincompoops, we wind up with someone like Obama in the Oval Office.

    Regards, Burt

  • Michael

    “For sheer stupidity, however, it’s tough to compete with those black Americans . . . who gave up their perfectly fine birth names . . . in order to show their kinship with Arabs and Muslims.”

    You’re right, Burt, it all stems from sheer stupidity. Sadly, few people have the guts to call it what it is. Coddling the ignorant is the order of the day.

    Thanks for another great article.