We Are Better Than Them

In the wake of Osama bin Laden’s execution, I heard a lot of people spouting sheer poppycock. Some of these schmoes felt we had no business taking care of business in another country. Considering that the country in question was Pakistan, a nation that even really rotten, corrupt countries look down upon, that’s a position not even worth debating.

There were those who felt the Navy Seals should have captured him and brought bin Laden back for trial. Those people may even be dumber than the ones in that first group. The only possible reason we might have considered keeping him alive would have been in order to extract information from him. But inasmuch as the Seals carted off his computer, his files, his letters and, for all I know, his naughty doodles of women without veils, we’re all far better off having him swimming with the fishes.

There are even some people who frown on the fact that crowds of Americans congregated in order to celebrate the death of this creep. To tell you the truth, I understand bin Laden better than I do these holier-than-thou types who I kept seeing on TV talk shows, admonishing the celebrants. I am not engaging in hyperbole, either. Bin Laden was a Muslim jihadist with a messiah complex. We’ve been dealing with those miserable rodents ever since the Ayatollah Khomeini came to power, thanks to Jimmy Carter, three decades ago.

But who are these jackasses who think that killing the guy responsible for murdering over 3,000 Americans isn’t sufficient reason to forget an 8.5 unemployment rate, $4-a-gallon gas, soaring food prices and a $14 trillion deficit, for a few glorious hours? I’ll tell you who I suspect they are; namely, the same idiots who show up for candlelight vigils outside prisons when serial killers are about to be executed. While normal people are empathizing with the friends and family of the innocent victims, these moral degenerates think they’re setting a Christ-like example for the rest of us by identifying with the killer. In truth, their pious posturing stinks to high heaven.

I also suspect they’re the same freaks who, with nothing but their own self-righteous attitude upon which to base their convictions, not only kept insisting for years that waterboarding constitutes torture, but that it never leads to the gathering of trustworthy intelligence. Even the fact that it led to bin Laden’s discovery will not dissuade them. You can lead a jackass to water, after all, but you can’t make it think.

So, for starters, waterboarding is not torture. Torture is when punishment is doled out for its own sake. The Nazis perfected it in their concentration camps and the laboratories of Dr. Mengele.

Furthermore, torture leads to maiming and, very often, death. Waterboarding, on the other hand, as generations of fraternity boys, who have been hazed as an initiation rite can testify, leads to severe discomfort. Only a moron can’t tell the difference. But for their edification, discomfort is sitting in the middle seat on a cross-country airplane trip; torture is having to watch a couple of Jim Carrey movies while you’re sitting there.

So far as morality is concerned, I happen to think it was dumb, perhaps even evil, to have given bin Laden such a nice send-off. I feel it sent the wrong message. I know President Obama and others believe it showed the world how fine we are. I think it showed the world that we are so cowardly that we will even show respect to pure evil. If it had been up to me, I would have wrapped bin Laden’s sorry carcass in pigskin, which perhaps explains why I don’t hold elective office. But certainly there had to have been an alternative to washing his body, wrapping it in a white sheet and saying a few respectful words over it in Arabic, before dumping him overboard.

Frankly, I think attempting to show respect to someone whose brains you’ve just recently splattered on a wall is, to put it mildly, an empty gesture. But I think it’s a perfect example of how misguided our war on terrorism has been. For the past decade, we have been walking on eggs where Muslims are concerned. Both Bush and Obama have displayed the attitude of a supplicant, speaking and acting like men who are far more concerned with public relations than with reality.

Whether the topic is Gitmo, some nutty minister in Florida with a book of matches or the proper way to dispose of a monster’s corpse, our pundits and presidents worry incessantly about how it’s perceived in the Arab/Muslim world. We might as well concern ourselves with how our actions are viewed by the inhabitants of the Bronx Zoo.

I say it’s high time that the Muslims start worrying about how they look to the civilized world. I don’t notice that they’re terribly interested with how normal people who live in the 21st century, as opposed to the eighth, regard their honor killings; their female mutilations; their stoning of rape victims; their burning of Old and New Testaments; their destruction of churches and massacre of Christians; their relentless missile attacks on Israel; their bombings of discos, subways and school buses; or their televised beheadings.

We keep hearing that most Muslims are peaceful people who mean us no harm.  I’d like to believe it. I really would. But, right now, the only one I’m sure of is Osama bin Laden.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • http://BurtPrelutsky.com Burt Prelutsky

    Sorry, but I guess Superman’s nemesis was Lex Luthor, not Lothar. I wouldn’t want to be the cause of anyone’s losing a bar bet.


  • http://BurtPrelutsky.com Burt Prelutsky

    Mario: Sometimes I will repeat a line because I can’t count on everyone reading all my articles. But to answer your question: Yes, I was serious. When you have an enemies sworn to kill you, I believe it only makes sense to use whatever you can to defeat them. If the bad guys tell you that they fear pigs and pig products, it would be as silly to ignore that fact as it would be for Lothar to ignore the fact that Superman has a problem with kryptonite. Now feel free to tell me why it is loathsome to show disrespect to jihadists.


    • MarioP


      Thank you for answering my question.

      I wouldn’t care if you wrapped Osama’s body in pigskins to pacify your uncontrollable anger as long as no one else got word of it. But for the obvious reasons such act would do absolutely no good in public. You obviously do not believe in Allah, and therefore your act would not be to punish Osama. The only purpose would be to infuriate other Muslims. You don’t actually think his followers would be deterred from terrorism knowing what you would do to their bodies once you kill them, do you? Nah, that would be silly thinking. So, the only beneficial reason for your pigskin act would be for your gratification but at the expense of others’ safety. Good thinking!

  • MarioP


    Could you please clarify whether you were joking or being serious when you stated the following:

    “If it had been up to me, I would have wrapped bin Laden’s sorry carcass in pigskin,…”

    This is the second time you stated such, and I’m unsure whether you’re repeating a joke or if that’s your true belief. Thank You.

  • http://BurtPrelutsky.com Burt Prelutsky

    Nicholas: I don’t understand your indicting all religions and all religious people when it seems pretty clear that there is only one god, Allah, and one group, Muslims, who in the 21st century are guilty of barbarism.

    Geoff King: I’m glad you’ve found me. I need all the offensive, caustic, insulting, crude, friends I can get. You might wish to add BurtPrelutsky.com to your list of Favorites.

    Best, Burt

    • clarence.keegan

      Bert, I will not pay Geoff any attention if I were you. He fails to understand how senility works. You need and have my understanding.

    • Nicholas

      All religions destroy a person’s ability to critically analyze a given situation. Religion instead fosters blind obedience to a higher authority, who is spoken for by a human being. Christians had their period of barbarism too. It was called the Dark Ages. Only through the work of people who approached the world critically, who examined the evidence of the natural world, and who in many cases rejected the notion of a supreme deity who takes a hand in everyday events, was the Christian faith brought out of that period. Religion repeats the same message over and over again: Don’t ask questions. Obey your elders.

      “You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” -Anne Lamott

  • Bruce A.

    Burt, I was happy with the send off Bin Laden was given by the US Navy. Yes the religious service etc. was more than our people get, but lets keep this in mind. Osama was dumped(not buried) at sea, his body was dumped off an aircraft carrier in a part of the world where the sanitation practices are not the best. His body will spend eternity is a cesspoll. Also, I would not be surprised if more than a few sailors showered his body with some type of affection after it was dumped.

  • Nicholas

    Religions poison minds and warp values. All you need for a good, moral person to commit immoral, evil acts is to tell them that their god approves.

  • Geoff King

    Mr Burt Prelutsky,
    I’ve never read your writings before, but now having stumbled across your work on bernardgoldberg.com, I must say you are offensive, caustic, insulting, and crude… and I simply can’t get enough! Bravo!

  • J.L. Tharp

    My uncle J.L. fought with the U.S. Army 45th infrantry division in 1944-45. They stopped the threat of Nazi world oppression and slavery. Tom Brokaw called them the Greatest Generation. Now we have a socialist thug in the White house and an international network of Fascist terrorist and greed mongers pretending to love everybody and piously planning the same greedy oppressive slavery that Hitler lusted for 65 years ago. Killing these fascist backstabbing murderers and freeing the world of a malignant terminal disease like Islam should be considered a fitting memorial to my uncle and the Greatest Generation. Honoring terrorist with muslim tradition is an abomination and a crime against decency.

  • JohnInMA

    It always strikes me as odd how those who push the narrative about how extremists are such an isolated minority have the ability to prove their point – e.g. the New York Times. Yet, they don’t. Why aren’t they marching out and publicizing the Muslim voices of opposition? Why aren’t they putting even one tenth the energy into creating the narrative that they did with Abu Ghraib? We are left to suspect an underlying reason for that. It is nearly impossible to achieve.

    And how silly is it that we continue to fret over pictures while the “limited few” extremists continue to clutter the airwaves and Internet with death threats due to the action alone?

    Political correctness is the most powerful weapon for our enemies to use against us. And we seem to willingly hand it over to them at an increasingly stupid rate.

  • joedee1969

    I think we are only better with the truth:


  • Hambone763

    “We keep hearing that most Muslims are peaceful people who mean us no harm. I’d like to believe it. I really would. But, right now, the only one I’m sure of is Osama bin Laden.”

    How long will it take until some other Osama type shows us how peaceful they are willing to be in the name of Allah? I believe that because of the information obtained, there will be many more celebrations going on. Then as a result, Greenpeace can protest the pollution of the world’s oceans from all the “proper” burials.