Do You Believe in the Devil — and a Few Other Questions

Okay class, let’s try an experiment.  Please read these questions and send me your comments.  Trust me, I’m a professional, I know what I’m doing.  I anxiously await your responses.


  1. Do you still think that Barack Obama was not born in the United States?


  1. If so, where do you think he was born?


  1. Do you think the long form birth certificate released a few months ago is legitimate or do you think it’s a fraud.  If you think it’s fake, why do you think that?


  1. How would you characterize people who believe Barack Obama was born in Hawaii and that his birth certificate is 100 percent real.


  1. How would you characterize people who don’t believe Barack Obama was born in Hawaii and think his birth certificate is a fake?


  1. Do you think Barack Obama is a kind of Manchurian candidate?  That is, do you think he’s a front man for some devious un-American force that is calling the shots and pulling the strings?


  1. Bonus question:  Do you think there is a real devil who is the anti-Christ and who now lives among us?

Who Is A “Natural Born Citizen”?

So I’m on the O’Reilly Factor and I say if the Republicans don’t put Marco Rubio on their national ticket they need to get their heads examined.  Such is my regard for the freshman senator from Florida.

What followed were emails from people who told me that Rubio can’t be vice president because the Constitution says only “natural born citizens” can be president or vice president, and he doesn’t fit the description.

Some went a tad further.  Ray said I need to “wake up.” Gregor – who signed his name “American by Birth – Patriot by Choice” said my comment about Rubio was both “uneducated” and “foolish.”  Edward said, “I’m sure you have read the Constitution but I urge you to reread Article I, Section II which gives the qualifications for president.”  David simply stated that, “Neither of Marco Rubio’s parents were citizens of our country when he was born.  Therefore, Marco Rubio is not a Natural Born Citizen of the United States.”

I’m always amused when I get letters from self-appointed “scholars” who have no doubt – none! – about how knowledgeable they are when it comes to constitutional law even though not one of them spent even 10 minutes in law school.  How do I know?  If they had, trust me, they would have mentioned it – IN CAPITAL LETTERS!

Many of these people, I suspect, have another agenda, which I’ll get to shortly.  But first …

The Constitution does not define the term “natural born citizen.”  And as Wikipedia explains, “scholars and politicians have not agreed as to whether U.S.-born children of non-citizens … qualify as natural born citizens.”

Also from Wikipedia:  “The natural born citizen clause has been mentioned in passing in several decisions of the United States Supreme Court and lower courts, but the Supreme Court has never directly addressed the question of a specific presidential or vice-presidential candidate’s eligibility as a natural born citizen.”

So what did the Founders have in mind when they used that term they didn’t bother to define?  Well, after the Constitution was ratified, some of the Founders opined about the meaning of the clause.  Here’s what James Madison, one of the authors of the Constitution, had to say on the subject in a speech before the House of Representatives in May 1789:

“It is an established maxim, that birth is a criterion of allegiance. Birth, however, derives its force sometimes from place, and sometimes from parentage; but, in general place is the most certain criterion; it is what applies in the United States.”

So Mr. Madison, speaking directly to the question of who is and who is not a “natural born citizen” states that here in the United States “place” – or where you were born” – trumps “parentage” – the citizenship of your mother and father.

Now let’s get to what I believe is the real motive behind all of this.  And it has a lot less to do with Marco Rubio than Barack Obama.

At the risk of sounding cynical, I think some of this is birther nonsense, just the latest lame attempt to make a case that Barack Obama is not a legitimate president.  His father, after all, was not a U.S. citizen, therefore, Barack Obama is not a natural born citizen, and ipso facto, he should never have been allowed to become president.

In fact, one of my email pals, Cyndee, said just that:  He [Barack Obama] is not a natural born citizen because of his father.  Case closed.  While the Republicans let the Democrats get away with it, I doubt the Dems will return the favor [if Rubio becomes vice president].”

Well, case not closed.  As Wikipedia states, “Although numerous claims have been put forth that the current president, Barack Obama, is not a natural born citizen, the relevant courts have so far dismissed all lawsuits brought over this question.”

I hope the Republicans heed my advice and the advice of many others and put Marco Rubio on their ticket.  And I hope the ticket wins.  Then Cyndee or Ray or Edward or David or Gregor the Patriot can go to court and make a federal case out of it.  When they lose, I hope they will stop beating the dead horse.

Casey Anthony: The TV Show

I have long believed that we live in the United States of Entertainment.  And our fascination with the Casey Anthony trial does nothing to change my mind.

We were drawn to the trial because it was a TV show, and we Americans love a good TV show.  This one was a reality TV show with real characters and real drama, unlike the phony reality shows that litter the television landscape and aren’t even real.  And this real life drama show had a real star – Casey Anthony – who might be sentenced to death at the end of the show.


Who cares about the bozos on the Jersey Shore, or the Kardashian bozos, when you can have Casey Anthony in your living room?  Did she do it?  Did her father do it?  Did he really molest her?  Was he having an affair?  Will the jury vote for a lethal injection in her arm?

This is what we call “good television.”

And we were fascinated with the trial even though it wasn’t even an important news story, except of course, for the people directly involved.  It wasn’t about race, like the O.J. Simpson trial. It wasn’t about fame, which explained why so many Americans were hooked on the John Kennedy, Jr. plane crash story.  It wasn’t even by the clash of classes in our culture.

But it was about something we can’t resist:  the pretty girl next door — on trial for her life.

Sure, we have two wars going on where Americans are dying for their country.  But they don’t get one-tenth the attention that Casey Anthony got.  Sorry, all you military folks out there dodging bullets and rockets. You don’t get ratings – unless of course a bomb goes off and kills a whole bunch of people while the camera is rolling.

That’s also good television.

What about the debt crisis and the budget and stuff like that?  Those are real stories with serious consequences.  Why don’t we get more of that from journalists who keep telling us how respectable they are?

We will get hours and hours of that on television.  I’m sure of it. When hell freezes over.

But not all trials involving young women and their dead little girl make for good TV.  For instance, if Casey Anthony were a black woman with a black baby, the TV networks wouldn’t have given the story 10 minutes, from beginning to end.  Remember, this was a true crime drama about, Casey, the girl next door.  The white girl next door, with the cute little white dead kid.

And if there wasn’t any video of the adorable little girl, you wouldn’t have seen much of the trial on TV, either.  TV rule #1:  You must have video if you want to get on the air.

And if Casey was fat.  Or ugly, with a big pimple on her nose.  No way they’d cover that trial.  It’s also against the rules.

But TV executives aren’t the only shallow ones.  So are lots and lots and lots of Americans. In fact, we can be a remarkably shallow people at times.  And this, my friends, is one of those times.

They Don’t Call TV the Boob Tube for Nothing

The other night on the O’Reilly Factor Bill asked me what I thought were some of President Obama’s weak points.  I mentioned the crummy economy, of course, but then I said there was another issue, an intangible, that I would describe in a word as “disappointment.”

A lot of Americans who voted for Barack Obama, I said, are disappointed today because he told us he would change the tone in Washington and practice a new kind of politics.  It didn’t turn out that way, I said.

Instead of being a new pol, I continued, Barack Obama is nothing more than an old style Chicago politician.  The only thing new about him, I said, was his race – immediately explaining that all the other U.S. presidents who came before him were white.

Pretty simple, right?  Who could argue with that?  Well, Bill H can for one.  This is what he wrote to me:

Mr. Goldberg

Re: Your comments on Bill O”Reilly’s show that the “new” thing about Obama is his “race”.

What the hell does that have to do with him being president and what he’s done thus far?

Sir, just come out and say you can’t stand that there is a BLACK MAN in the white house.

Afterall, that’s just what you and your obviously RACIST pals really feel.

Most Sincerely, Bill H


Then there was the piece on by someone called John Sanchez, Jr who wrote that,Bernard Goldberg, former journalist and Fox News denizen puked out the filthy racist lie that Barack Obama was elected because he was black, rather than in spite of it.”

Thanks to people like Bill H and John Sanchez the word racist has been turned to meaningless mush.  Ironic, isn’t it, that liberals – the ones who led the fight for civil rights in this country – have taken a powerful word and by promiscuously abusing it, rendered it virtually meaningless.  Congratulations, chuckleheads.

Back to The Factor …

Looking into the camera, I also said, Please, my conservative friends, don’t shoot your humble messenger, but as far as a lot of independent voters are concerned Barack Obama is … likeable.

They may not like his politics, I said, but they like him.  They like his million- dollar smile, the way he carries himself, the way he walks and the way he talks.

For that, I got a couple of emails saying I didn’t know what I was talking about because, “I’m an independent and I detest Obama.”

I used the word “chuckleheads” before in this column, right?

This is like the liberal woman from the New Yorker magazine who in 1972 famously said, “I don’t understand how Nixon won.  I don’t know anybody who voted for him.”

Nixon carried 49 states that year to George McGovern’s one.

In 2008, Barack Obama won a majority of the independent vote — though obviously not the Einsteins who wrote to me.

You know why they call TV the “Boob Tube”?  Because of all the boobs watching it.

Of course, I don’t mean YOU.

Here’s the video… Thoughts?

I Get Letters From People Who Should Be Locked Up

I get a lot of mail from people who watch me on The O’Reilly Factor or have read my books or the columns I post here on my Web site.  Most of it is smart.  That’s the stuff written by people like you.  Some of it is stupid.  Really, really stupid.  That’s the stuff written by other people.

Obviously, it would be a big waste of time to dwell on the stupid emails.  So let’s do it.  Why?  Because it’s fun, that’s why.

After President Obama released his long form birth certificate I got some emails from folks who said they weren’t buying it.

Shirley sent me (and lots of other people) an email that began, “The Joke’s on You America – A Closer Look at Obama’s Birth Certificate.”  Shirley then went on to inform me (and anyone else unlucky enough to be on her mailing list) that the document was phony.

Here’s the opening of her email, which was incredibly well-reasoned for a woman who was clearly off her meds:

“Fellow Patriot,

“President Barack Obama’s long form birth certificate released at last – we knew it was too good to be true.

“In his attempts to quell Donald Trump’s demands for the never-released long-form birth certificate, President Barack Obama may have just landed himself even deeper in the controversy.

“After closer investigation, sources say the document has been altered and that whoever did it wasn’t ever very clever at doing so.”

“We’re not public records experts by any means,” Shirley informs us, “but it does not take anything more than common sense to know that President Barack Hussein Obama is trying to pull a fast one on us…”

So let’s see if I understand this:  Barack Obama is so devious that even though he was born in Kenya, or someplace else foreign, he still manages to fool (some) people into thinking he was born in Hawaii, then comes up with a birth certificate that is so clearly fraudulent that even a chucklehead like Shirley who is no public records expert can detect the alterations.

Memo to all:  Anytime you get an email that says it comes from “Shirley” carefully pick up your computer, walk it into the bathroom, and flush it down the toilet.  You can thank me later.

I also got an email from Bill, on the same subject.  This one said, “The document lists the President’s father’s birthplace as Kenya. But Kenya didn’t officially become Kenya until December 12, 1963. The President was born in 1961. Would his birth certificate list a country that wasn’t officially a country?”

Bill goes on:  “Before that date, the land was officially British East Africa Protectorate, or simply British East Africa. It was also referred to as Kenya Colony, or the Protectorate of Kenya.  Was it referred to simply as ‘Kenya?’ Yes, in this map of Africa from 1950 [at this point Bill attaches a link to the aforementioned map].

And Bill then writes, “It is conceivable that Kenya was put on the birth certificate instead of the official ‘British East Africa Protectorate’ or even ‘British East Africa.’ I would think at a minimum, it would say ‘Colony of Kenya,’ since that is how it was described in 1961.

“Simply putting Kenya is conceivable, but it does cause me to go: Hmmmmm.”

You know what causes me to go Hmmmmmm, Bill?  The fact that you’re not locked up in the Paranoid Ward of the State Mental Institution.

Not long ago I wrote about the promiscuous use of the word “racist” by liberals to try to silence Donald Trump and anyone else who disagrees with President Obama on just about any subject.  That one earned me an email from Rick, who wrote (and this is the entirety of his post):  “Your a rasist!”

Three words and this dummy gets two of them wrong!

I hope this column generates lots of posts and emails.  But not the regular … normal … kind.  Instead, try to make them as stupid (and funny) as you can.  The winner gets a prize:  a date with Shirley or Bill, depending on your preference.  You can go to dinner and talk about how Barack Obama is a secret agent of the Muslim Brotherhood and stuff like that.

Or, you can go to the zoo with Rick, buy him some ice cream and a balloon and ask if he can spell “Cat.”  If he’s behaving, spot him the c and the a.