I’ll be the first to admit there are a plenty of good reasons to hate Republican politicians, and I’ve long been one of the haters. As far as I’m concerned, the fact they’re politicians to begin with is already a pretty legitimate reason. (Show me a good joke and I’ll show you “What’s the difference between politicians and grapes? You take off your shoes before stomping on grapes.”) But, for my money, the best reason is the terrible habit of so many of them to sell out.
Yeah, you know whom I’m talking about, people like Mitch McConnell, robo-wusses who exchanged their dignity & integrity for keys to the ivory tower. They’re one of the key reasons a truly sickening phrase has been added to the American lexicon: “President-elect Trump.” They had fine patriots like Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio in their midst, and instead they backed a man so obnoxious he actually made me stop loathing John McCain for a several days. The fact this bright orange tool won still has my shorts in a knot, and keep in mind I consider Hillary Clinton the best argument for recommissioning Alcatraz.
I don’t know how many other never-Trumpers would agree, but I attribute his win to the following:
- A)Enough people got tired after eight years of being called racists for no reason, and weren’t looking forward to being called sexists for at least another four.
- B)Enough people were soured by Obama’s policies and knew nothing would change under Hillary.
- C)As shown in the previous two elections, even the most unfit candidate can win if he/she is charismatic enough. Trump had more charisma than Hillary, Hillary had less charisma than a zip-tie.
- D)Trump was willing to play rough, unlike his two predecessors.
What I’m sure of is practically every other never-Trumper shares my hope that the guy proves us wrong, and ends up doing a good job. Of course, I also hoped the Padres would win the World Series in October of ’98, while the Yankees ended up beating the ever-loving Christ out of them in a four-game sweep.
As much of a wedgie this season has been, there have been some bright spots, number one being the mass-ungluing of the left. Remember high & mighty people like Amy Schumer and Miley Cyrus vowing to leave the USA if Hillary loses, only to go back on their word? Love, love, looooove that. There’s nothing like watching the utter humiliation of leftist celebrities, especially when it involves them unintentionally admitting that America is still (gasp) the best country on the planet.
I was especially entertained when a particular celebrity spouse engaged in a little leftist violence several days ago, in the form of Nancy Mack, wife of Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith. (Hey, why should the throngs of post-election crybaby rioters not married to members to overrated bands have all the fun?) As reported by TMZ, Mack was at an event in Thousand Oaks, CA put on by her daughter’s elementary school when she noticed Scott Baio, dastardly celebrity Republican and fellow student parent, in attendance. As the former relevant actor reported to the police, Mack verbally attacked him for his vocal support for Donald Trump, including loud references to his infamous remark about grabbing women genitals. She then grabbed Baio by the torso, and began “shaking and pushing him,” in a clearly appropriate response to his request that she remember there were children present and calm down.
Speaking as a man married to a woman married to a drummer, I wish I could empathize with Mack, but I just ain’t feelin’ it. My wife is far too decent to shout “PUSSY!” and commit assault & battery in front of impressionable kids. It’s a big reason I wanted to marry her, right up there with the fact she’s curvier than a Spirograph drawing.
Now, I probably would’ve given Mack a pass if Baio had been wearing that stupid bandana around his thigh like Chachi.
That’s only the tip of the humiliationberg. Take a moment and really look at what happened with Hillary Clinton. She had the media overwhelmingly on her side. She had the gender card and the world’s easiest opponent to play it on. She managed to pretend she wasn’t a filthy-rich elitist, all while meeting with tycoons, schmoozing with celebrities, and outspending a billionaire. And she still ended up suffering the worst she’s ever suffered in her career. It’s safe to say the Clinton’s have now experienced the two most memorable blows in American history.
The fact Mrs. Clinton ended up joining Jill Stein in her recount fiasco, a total 180 from the whole “unlike my misogynist turd opponent I’M going to accept the election results” thingy, is just a yummy after-dinner mint. Hell, if she keeps doing stuff like that, she just might start to appear dishonest and hypocritical. Next thing you know she’ll go all DiCaprio and tell us we’re too wasteful with our resources, shortly before hopping in a private jet full of hotties and traveling the globe.
Well, maybe not—then she’d have to deal with her husband desperately begging to tag along.