Dealing With All the Baloney

When you’re a conservative and you are doing your level best to deal with all the crapola spewed by the Left, you don’t really need a newfangled BS detector. You just need one of those large brooms the circus provides the poor guy who walks behind the elephants. In my case, of course, it’s a team of donkeys I’m trailing behind.

For instance, is every liberal born knowing how to chant inanities or is it something they have to master once they enter college or join a union? And are they totally unaware that once normal people hear chanting in the streets, they know they are in the presence of the great unwashed?

Like most thinking human beings, I was delighted when on June 5th, not only did Scott Walker win a landslide victory in Wisconsin, but the voters in such staunchly liberal California cities as San Diego and San Jose, voted to cut the pensions of public sector unions.

It was predictable that once the polls showed that Governor Walker was going to survive the recall that Obama wouldn’t set foot in Wisconsin. Instead, it was Bill Clinton who showed up to endorse Mayor Barrett, and once again Clinton proved to have no more influence with the voters than he has with Hillary. Clinton actually believes he has the power to persuade for no other reason than that he can attract those women in NYC who can always be found fluttering around rich old guys.

The irony of Clinton’s siding with Barrett and against Walker is that he was governor of Arkansas for 12 years, all of them during the 68 years that it’s been a right-to-work state. And yet, like an old firehouse dog responding in Pavlovian fashion to a fire alarm, there he was in Wisconsin doing the dirty work for the public sector unions.

Speaking of the recall in Wisconsin, I found it amusing that MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell said that the victor of the election was…(drumroll)…Barack Obama! That’s because the exit polls reported that 53% of the voters favored Obama, while only 42% endorsed Romney. Far be it from me to question MSNBC, but those very same exit polls indicated that the recall was a toss-up. And so it was until the votes were actually counted and Walker won 53% to 46%. Anyone who regards that as a toss-up would probably say that Custer and Sitting Bull fought to a draw at the Little Big Horn.

Only a dunce like O’Donnell would find solace in the Wisconsin election, one in which Walker actually increased his margin of victory over Barrett from their initial battle in 2010. It reminds me of the old joke in which a reporter buttonholes Abe’s wife and says, “Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the show?”

Speaking of Clinton, though, reminds me that Henry Wolf, a guy out here in California, has sued BMW North America, claiming that a 4-hour ride on a ridge-like motorcycle seat has given him an erection lasting 20 months. Wolf is seeking compensation for lost wages, medical expenses, emotional distress and general damage.

In related news, Pfizer, the company that produces Viagra, is considering suing BMW North America for patent infringement, and Bill Clinton, 66, has indicated an interest in taking up motorcycle riding.

With the news that yet another electric car company, Fisker, is going to stop production of its electric cars, it occurs to me that green energy is a lot like the game of soccer. No matter how hard some interested parties push it, America’s not buying it. In just the same way that we prefer football, baseball, basketball, hockey, golf and, at least during Olympic Game years, even gymnastics and synchronized swimming, we dislike soccer. I’m not saying that nobody likes the silly game in which people pretend not to have arms and hands, and a 2-1 outcome has fans shaking their heads over the obvious lack of defense. I know that immigrants from Third World countries who grew up kicking a casaba melon around think it’s the cat’s pajamas. But most Americans prefer sports that don’t require using one’s own head as a bat.

As I was saying, it’s much the same with green energy. Although some people, especially those who have finagled a government loan to start a company, pretend to believe that wind and solar energy are an adequate substitute for fossil fuel, nobody else is buying the big lie. Something else they’re not buying, just in case you hadn’t noticed the scarcity of Volts on the open road, are electric cars.

Members of certain left-wing groups, people with way too much time on their hands, are complaining that the drone attacks targeting Islamic terrorists are also killing innocent civilians. I’m sure that when they voice their criticism of the only thing that Obama has done right, they feel they possess the deed to the moral high ground. But what they overlook is that there are no innocent bystanders hanging around with Islamic terrorists. If we get word that these creeps have started walking around with puppies or small children strapped to their chests, we can talk. Until then, I suggest these self-canonized saints go back to their regular job; namely, holding candlelight vigils for serial killers about to be executed.

In conclusion, let me say that Team Romney is starting to embarrass me. First they put out a press release in which they managed to misspell “America.” More recently, they changed Ronald Reagan into Ronald Regan. Perhaps instead of approaching them, offering to help write the candidate’s speeches, I should have suggested they employ me as their official spellchecker.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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