Inevitable Consequences

One of my favorite God stories involves the guy named Harry who sought shelter on the roof of his house during a flood. When a fellow with a boat rowed by and offered to take him to higher ground, Harry turned him down, explaining that God would provide. His response was the same to the next two guys who rowed by. He was still perched on his roof when nightfall came and the storm resumed. When he woke up, drenched, in Heaven, he asked God why He had failed to rescue him. God said, “What are you talking about? I sent three boats.”

I think the story works better if God refers to Harry as a darn fool, but I wouldn’t want to offend anyone who thinks God shouldn’t say “darn.”

What put me in mind of that story is the recent strike called by fast food workers who are convinced their pay should be doubled to $15-an-hour by Wendy’s, McDonald’s and the other fast food chains I read one interview after another of the strikers who not only never attended college or a trade school, but dropped out of high school because they were lazy, stupid or pregnant. But now they have two or three kids at home, and they feel oppressed by a capitalist society that’s telling them in no uncertain terms that they have no marketable skills.

I’m sure there are people who feel sorry for them. I don’t. I feel sorry for their children, although I have reason to suspect they’re going to be the muggers, car thieves, rapists and killers, of tomorrow.

The people I really feel sorry for are those who are doing all the right things having to help support those who have made sure they will never be any higher on the food chain than when they’re asking if you want fries with your burger.

Raising the minimum wage inevitably leads to increased unemployment for unskilled workers. But liberal politicians are always pushing for it because they know that the typical liberal voter will see it as an act of compassion, ignoring the fact it’s downright criminal to promote the lie that a minimum wage was ever intended to be a living wage.

Lyndon Johnson’s War on Poverty, like every other war we’ve waged since 1945, has been an unmitigated disaster. We fought poverty, and poverty won. His welfare policy singlehandedly destroyed the black family, giving black men the impetus to leave their women and children to fend for themselves. It’s a shame that Johnson didn’t wage the war in Vietnam with the same vigor and success.

I have often wondered where Obama finds all the dunderheads to fill leadership roles in his administration. Is there a factory in Duluth that turns out people like Interior Secretary Sally Jewell, who recently opened an address by looking out over the audience and saying: “I hope there are no climate change deniers here.” Naturally, there were none. Just as there is never a single person in any group that Obama addresses who’s opposed to the Affordable Care Act.

I’m still hearing from people who are taking me to task over my defense of the NSA. What people fail to grasp is that I understand that the agency has the potential to behave badly. What I am waiting for is proof that they have. I simply don’t understand why anyone believes that a program to collect the phone numbers of Americans who are receiving calls from Yemen or Iran is cause for alarm. I understand that for some reason people are terrified that their numbers are also being collected. It just seems reasonable that when you’re panning for gold, you’re inevitably going to have to wash away a lot of unnecessary sand and grit.

It would also help me if I had a handle on what these people are worried the government will find out about them. But of course if they don’t want the NSA to know, they sure don’t want to tell me. Everyone knows I can’t keep a secret.

But what I find truly confounding is that while these people are very open about wanting the NSA shut down, they don’t say anything about shutting down the Pentagon. Compared to the NSA, the Army has been a virtual cesspool.

After all, it wasn’t the NSA that chose to ignore the fact that Major Nidal Hasan was doing everything short of petitioning the federal government to make Osama bin Laden’s birthday a national holiday. The Army not only didn’t throw his jihadist ass in the brig before he had a chance to murder and maim dozens of his fellow soldiers, they kept promoting him!

As if that’s not bad enough, they not only welcomed Bradley Manning into the U.S. Army in spite of the fact that he was a homosexual dying to be turned into a woman — and just how crazy is that? – but they gave him, a mere private, access to a ton of classified information.

So it seems to me that while you’re all waiting for the NSA to show us a smoking gun, you should be demanding a full investigation of the apple-polishing, medal-wearing, political hacks in the military who are obviously more concerned with job security than national security.

And, finally, just in case I haven’t mentioned it before, it strikes me that hockey is soccer on ice skates.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write