Liberals and Islamists Sitting In a Tree

Even though it’s been a while since Osama bin Laden was deep-sixed by the Navy, I continue to hear from those tenderhearted schlemiels who took umbrage at my suggestion that his remains should have been wrapped, not in a white sheet, but inside a pigskin.

While I accept that not everyone is as revenge-driven as I am, I don’t get their concern over how we deal with jihadists. And, frankly, when people such as John McCain and General Petraeus insist that our troops will suffer if we upset Islamics, I feel a reality check is in order. Members of Al Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah and the Muslim Brotherhood, burn and behead us, crash airliners into New York skyscrapers and fire missiles into Israel, hoping to kill women and children, and these clowns are concerned that we might do something to incite these savages?

Furthermore, I’m sick and tired of McCain’s using his own years as a POW as a club with which to bash those in favor of enhanced interrogation. Even McCain, who was a war hero 40 years ago but pretty much a dunderhead ever since, should understand the difference between North Vietnamese torturing American soldiers because they felt like it and waterboarding a handful of Muslim terrorists in order to avoid a reoccurrence of 9/11 or to lead us to bin Laden’s lair.

Speaking of whom, one often hears that some fugitives, certain of arrest and confinement, get into gun battles with the police, in the hope they’ll be shot down. It’s referred to as SBC, suicide by cops. It’s my belief that bin Laden committed SBS, suicide by Seals. And, really, who can blame him? I mean, here was a guy confined for five years on two floors of a house with three wives and 23 kids. By the time our guys arrived on the scene, he probably envied Saddam Hussein the peace and quiet of his hidey-hole.

As for depositing bin Laden’s sorry remains in a pigskin, why should any American object? If a jihadist fears contact with pigs or pig products because he’s convinced it will prevent his entry to Paradise and some other lucky stiff will wind up with 144 virgins, why wouldn’t we publicize the fact that in the future all of our bullets and bombs will be manufactured by Porcine Armaments? It’s as silly for us to ignore their dread of swine products as it would be for Lex Luthor, in the name of good sportsmanship, to ignore the effect that kryptonite has on Superman.

After bin Laden was exterminated, in a fit of whimsy, I wrote that the only conceivable reason for taking him alive would have been in order to gather intelligence from him, but inasmuch as the Seals made off with his computers, his letters and, for all I knew, his naughty doodles of unveiled women, shooting him was a swell idea. Little did I know how close I’d come to the truth. Instead of doodles, though, it seems the old letch had a sizable collection of pornographic videos.

It reminded me that several of the creeps responsible for 9/11 had spent 9/10 getting drunk at strip clubs. Aside from indicating that jihadists aren’t quite as devout in their devotion to Islamic piety as we’ve been led to believe, it leads me to wonder if the FBI can stop trying to infiltrate mosques and, instead, simply start hanging around bars, burlesque houses and dirty movie arcades.

Moving on to matters closer to home, I’m happy to say that, as a conservative, I’m most impressed with such potential candidates as Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, Marco Rubio and Chris Christie, and would regard the Republicans going from (John) McCain to (Herman) Cain in four years as a sign of genuine progress, but the truth is that I will back anyone who winds up running against Obama.

With such matters as same-sex marriages, card checks, late-term abortions, the National Labor Relations Board’s power over private companies, the EPA’s attempt to turn itself into a legislative body, Arizona’s border control law and ObamaCare, all headed sooner or later for the Supremes, how is it that so many seemingly intelligent conservatives will inevitably threaten to sit out the 2012 election if their own personal favorite doesn’t cop the nomination?

How many times do some people need to be reminded that the last four justices appointed by the Democrats were Ginsburg, Breyer, Kagan and Sotomayor, while the last three appointed by a couple of RINOs named Bush were Clarence Thomas, John Roberts and Samuel Alito? And, yet, there are still some people who think they’re displaying their political savvy when they insist there’s no difference between Democrats and Republicans.

Furthermore, when conservatives whine about RINOs in the House and Senate, they’re overlooking the fact that when it comes to counting noses to determine which party is in the majority, Scott Brown’s shnoz counts as much as Jon Kyl’s. Or perhaps you don’t think it really matters if Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid or John Boehner and Mitch McConnell are determining agendas and appointing committee chairmen.

Finally, as you’ve probably heard, Newt Gingrich, who, in spite of announcing that he is once again seeking the GOP nomination, attacked Paul Ryan as a right-wing social engineer and came out in favor of a plan that, no matter how he parses it, sounds an awful lot like ObamaCare. As if that weren’t bad enough, we keep seeing that TV spot he made, sitting on a sofa with Nancy Pelosi — the two of them looking like geezers on a blind date hoping to get lucky — getting paid to promote Al Gore’s global warming hoax.

In totally unrelated news, Barack Obama announced that he is thinking of dumping Joe Biden in 2012 and running with his good friend, Newt Gingrich.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky.  Comments? Write Burt!
Get your personally autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success for just $19.95, shipping included.

Get both for just $39.90.

Liberals: America’s Termites Profiles of Success (60 candid conversations with 60 Over-Achievers)