Remember that scene in “Bananas,” the early Woody Allen movie, where the dictator of a banana republic, played by Carlos Montalban, goes nuts? Addressing a crowd of his followers, he decrees that henceforth everyone must wear their underwear on their heads, and that he is changing the national language to Norwegian.
Well, this past week President Obama had his bananas moment. Having watched, or at least been told about, the beheadings of Americans, and others, by ISIS, the barbeque of a Jordanian pilot by ISIS, the slaughter of 21 Egyptian Christians by ISIS, and other ISIS atrocities too numerous to mention, he decreed that the solution to the ISIS problem is to create a jobs program for restless Middle Eastern youth.
There is no problem anywhere in the world that is so strange and intractable that it can’t be overcome by a bleeding heart liberal solution.
Obama wasn’t quite the first to tout the ISIS jobs program on the world stage. Just before he endorsed it, it was put forth by a State Department spokeswoman named Harf. The media, and not just the conservatives, jumped all over Ms. Harf, hauling out their copies of Roget to find just the right, printable synonym for “bleeping moron.”
What the media forgot is that Obama often floats absurd trial balloons through the voiceboxes of his subordinates. This is part of what he calls “leading from behind.” The jobs idea obviously wasn’t poor Ms. Harf’s concoction, it was Obama’s, although it may have been inspired by one of his off-the-wall handlers.
As I heard Obama speak, it occurred to me that his jobs program might finally bring relief to the superstar beheader known as Jihad Johnny, the one with the British accent, who appears in all those videos. How would you like to stand out in the desert sun, clad in black from top to toe, forced to soil your hands with the blood of infidels?
Jihad Johnny could make an outstanding contribution to some giant American meatpacking company — on the operations side, of course. And with that accent he might someday worm his way up to the haughty milieu of the executive suite. Dare we suggest that there might even be room for him at some Kosher organization such as Hebrew National?
So you see, the whole problem can be solved if we just treat murderous zealots with respect and understanding. The kind of respect they accord us, right?
There is precedent for this. After the Nazis declared war on the United States, we refused to take the bait. Instead of mobilizing our armed forces against them, and putting boots on the ground in Europe, we sat at home and mailed out job applications to every known member of the Schutzstaffel.
It worked. The SS stopped rounding up and killing Jews, all of them took entry-level jobs with major U.S. employers, such as Sears and RCA, and Adolf Hitler, his power base pulled out from under him, was driven to suicide.