“On & Off The Radar” and “Paging Eric Holder”

When some people dismiss others as low information voters, they’re not always being fair. For instance, I heard from a lot of readers in 2012 complaining that Mitt Romney didn’t bring up Obama’s Benghazi cover-up in the debates, but I pointed out that because the mass media had done such a good job of ignoring the story that if Romney had mentioned Benghazi, most of the viewing audience would have assumed he was speaking in tongues.

I mainly knew about it because Fox News had done such a good job of covering the story. But being a successful cable station doesn’t compare to being a major network when it comes to the number of viewers. But as good as Fox is, I still wish it had competition from a cable station that didn’t waste our time with the likes of Juan Williams, Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera, Bob Beckel and Mark Hannah. We would get plenty of divergent viewpoints if they concentrated solely on Republicans. Pitting Ted Cruz against John McCain or Rand Paul against Marco Rubio would be a great improvement over watching Juan Williams rolling his eyes in mock horror whenever Bret Baier, Steve Hayes or Charles Krauthammer, disagrees with one of his inane statements.

Although I get a lot of my news from Fox, I wish they had someone whose sole function is to follow up on things that have been lost in the wake of subsequent events. For instance, when Boko Haram kidnapped those 300 Nigerian school girls, I heard that Obama had sent a few hundred soldiers in to assist in the search, and then I heard nothing more about it. Are the soldiers still looking? Is anyone?

According to Gallup’s latest poll, Obama’s approval rating has soared to 47%. The theory is that a lot of people applauded his re-opening diplomatic relations with Cuba. Even if they disagree with me and Marco Rubio about that bit of executive action, how is it that millions of us have apparently decided after six years of ObamaCare and the Benghazi, Operation Fast & Furious, VA and IRS scandals that they no longer mattered?

Mark Twain once joked that he didn’t lie because he didn’t have a very good memory. It seems to me that Barack Obama lies because he doesn’t think we have very good memories, and the same goes for the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Josh Earnest and Jonathan Gruber. When nearly everything we say or do is recorded on video, you would think they would straighten out their acts, but, apparently, unless you watch Fox, you’d have no idea that these people lie, if for no other reason than to stay in practice.

But maybe Obama is wise to take our ignorance for granted. After all, even after drawing and then quickly erasing red lines with Russia and Syria, and allowing Iran to make a monkey out of him at the negotiating table, our Commander-in-chief has proven himself to be, in the words of my friend Steve Maikoski, the Great Capitulator.

In other news, we are told that Justin Bieber is worth $200 million. We have also heard that Oprah Winfrey is worth two billion and Warren Buffet is worth roughly 35 billion. I know it’s just a figure of speech, but I wish we would learn to just say these pinheads have an awful lot of money without suggesting they are worth a plugged nickel.

After dismissing the movie, “Whiplash,” as a waste of time, a friend let me know he planned to see it because he liked “drum music,” and I congratulated him on coming up with a new and unique oxymoron. But after sitting through 16 other DVDs provided by the studios, all seeking my vote in the WGA award competition, I am wondering why movies even pay editors. When the new releases average 150 minutes, it’s hard to imagine that any footage ends up on the cutting room floor. You would have thought editors had gone the way of those guys who used to provide dialogue titles for silent movies.

Speaking of movies, I can’t say I was disappointed with “Unbroken,” the story of Louis Zemperini, who first survived 47 days at sea after his plane was shot down during WWII and then, according to Laura Hillenbrand’s book, suffered daily beatings by a sadistic Japanese POW camp commander for two long years. It didn’t ring true in the book and didn’t in the movie.

It was hard enough to survive in Japanese captivity without having to endure constant torture and no medical attention. I even wrote to Ms. Hillenbrand asking if she had actually managed to confirm what she was told or had simply accepted what Zemperini said as gospel. After all, rumor has it that men, even those in their 90s, have been known to brag to women. So far, I haven’t heard back.

Because it’s been preying on my mind for years, I would like someone to explain why “Peanuts” has enjoyed such lasting success. I never thought it was a funny comic strip. Not funny or clever or thoughtful, and, what’s more, I thought Snoopy was a bore, even when he went up against the Red Baron. What have I been missing?

I once heard that the best definition of an optimist was a professional accordionist with a pager. But I have come to believe that Alan Jay Lerner, the lyricist and librettist best known for “Brigadoon,” “Gigi,” and “My Fair Lady,” should have his picture next to the word in the dictionary. This is a man who married for the first time when he was 21 years old. By the time he died 46 years later, at the age of 67, he had been married seven more times. What’s more, he was married for 43 of those years, meaning he averaged less than six months between getting a divorce and once again tying the knot. If that’s not optimism, I don’t know what it is. Well, maybe insanity.

Because some of my more concerned readers continue to ask how I am doing in the aftermath of the surgery on my hand and arm last January, I am happy to report that the rheumatoid arthritis is no longer plaguing me.

However, I did suffer an attack of the gout recently. My only prior experience with the condition was seeing old Laurel and Hardy or Charley Chase comedies in which men suffering from the gout would be shown with his inflamed foot wrapped in a Turkish towel. But in spite of the towel, someone was sure to step on his aching foot or slam a car door on it.

I thought it was very amusing until I was the guy who felt like he had a pin cushion sewn up in his big right toe. I never assumed I would have anything more in common with King Henry VIII than the fact we had both been married more than a couple of times — though not as often as Alan Jay Lerner — our occasional disagreements with the pope and our roguish little beards. Too bad it couldn’t have stayed that way.

Believe me, the gout is no joke. The joke is that it’s commonly referred to as the rich man’s disease and somehow I got it!

Paging Eric Holder

If the cops are as racist as the idiots in the streets keep claiming, why is it we never see Asians or black immigrants from the Caribbean rioting and complaining about police brutality? With all the people of color residing in America, why is it always and only native-born blacks who take to the streets complaining of mistreatment? Could it possibly have anything to do with the violent crime rate and the lack of parental discipline found in their community that leads to so many unpleasant interactions between the police and young black thugs?

Furthermore, if things are as oppressive as they claim, why do we never see a mass migration to Canada or Mexico? The only blacks we ever see leaving the U.S. are those like convicted cop killer Joanne Chesimard, who leave, seeking asylum in Cuba.

Every other group that has ever faced hardship and persecution has crossed oceans, if necessary, to seek a better and safer life. Mainly they’ve come to America, long a magnet for the world’s outcasts. Only blacks see this country as a loathsome place – a place like czarist Russia, Nazi Germany, Iran, Cuba and China — a snake pit to run from, and yet they never run. I find that very odd when you realize they could easily find refuge just across the border.

Could it be that even they know that their claims are bullshit, and that they simply enjoy getting to live off the labor of others, while still having the gall to gripe about it?

Eric Holder called white people cowards who were scared to have an honest conversation about race in America. Ready when you are, Attorney General Holder.

In America, black racism is apparently one of the few growth industries we still have. I’m not just speaking about Jesse Jackson, Louis Farrakhan and Al Sharpton, who have all grown wealthy by promoting racial divide in America, but the members of the Congressional Black Caucus, who are so bigoted against whites they should wear black sheets to work. And then there’s Oprah Winfrey, who, I’ll remind you, was so deep in Obama’s pocket in 2008 that she wouldn’t even allow his equally left-wing opponent, Hillary Clinton, to appear on her show.

Can you imagine the outrage if a white TV talk show host let it be known that he would have presidential candidates on his show, but would draw the line when it came to Herman Cain, Condoleezza Rice and Ben Carson?

Or as one of my readers, Pat Miano, pointed out: “Why shouldn’t white people racially profile blacks as criminals? After all, they racially profile us as racists. At least we have objective statistics to back us up.”

However you may personally feel about the police, it takes a certain breed of moron to demonstrate in the streets carrying signs condemning the cops, especially when those signs were provided by the Revolutionary Communist Party, USA, under the auspices of Bob Avakian, a proud Maoist who traces his tawdry career back to the radical politics of the Bay area in the 1960s. Some people grow up over the course of half a century, others merely ferment.

As insipid as Communist rhetoric inevitably is, you still have to give the sign maker, revcom.us, its due, because at least its messages are all spelled correctly. On the other hand, when Cleveland Cavalier LeBron James and his teammates decided to show their solidarity with the creeps tying up traffic in the streets, their shirts read: “I Can’t Breath.”

I don’t know who it was that started the fad of black Americans adopting Muslim names, but isn’t it time they wised up? It’s bad enough if you were named Barack Hussein Obama by your parents, but guys like Muhammad Ali and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar had perfectly fine names, Cassius Clay and Lew Alcindor, before they went screwy. But these days, they’ve been joined by the likes of Ismaayl Abdullah Muhammud, who shot and killed the two cops in New York, and Zaim Farouq Abdul, who attacked New York’s finest with a hatchet, two American blacks who decided to adopt Islamic names along with typical Islamic behavior.

Are these people so abysmally ignorant that they’re unaware of the essential role that Muslims played – and continue to play – in the African slave trade?

Speaking of ignoramuses, Democrats in Congress are always ready to campaign for a higher minimum wage, claiming that people can’t possibly live on it. Actually, people can. But they’d have a hard time trying to raise a family on $7.10-an-hour. On the other hand, it was never intended to apply to the heads of households. In fact, if it weren’t for all those illegal aliens, nobody would ever receive it, except for high school kids looking to augment their allowances.

What the self-righteous, vote-trolling Democrats, never want to discuss is the destruction ObamaCare has wreaked on middleclass salaries by forcing employers to cut the work week by nearly 30%, reducing the traditional 40 hours to a skimpy 29.

After it was finally determined that it was in fact Kim Jong-un who had hacked Sony’s computers, thus removing Pope Francis, Bugs Bunny and the Tooth Fairy from the original list of suspects, Barack Obama promised a “proportional response” to North Korea.

It once again raises the question of Obama’s testosterone level. At the same time it makes some of us wonder if he even knows what “proportional” means. Clearly, a person who swaps five Islamic terrorists for one Army deserter has a very vague grasp of its definition.

But, then, Obama also freed three convicted Cuban spies and provided the Castros with diplomatic recognition and a flood of hard currency in exchange for absolutely nothing. And let us not forget this is the same schmuck who has dedicated himself to releasing one Gitmo prisoner after another, not even slightly concerned that a third of them return to the battlefield to resume killing American soldiers and hacking the heads off civilians.

After six years, some people think Obama is inept. However, if you agree that he has achieved a good deal of his original intention, which, as he vowed in 2008, included the redistribution of America’s wealth, the destruction of the coal industry, changing the way that the world viewed us and the radical transformation of America — including its economy, its health care and race relations – I’d have to say he’s been pretty damn ept!

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©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.