Those Darn Anti-Semitic Republicans!

Have you heard the latest? Republicans aren't just racist, homophobic, and misogynistic. They're also now anti-Semitic!

How do I know this? Well, I think it's pretty obvious. Last week in a shocking upset, they chose U.S. Congressional candidate David Brat over House Majority Leader Eric Cantor in the Virginia primaries.

You see, Cantor is Jewish. Brat is not. So what other conclusion can one form than that of anti-Semitic sentiment within the Republican electorate?

Sure, those disingenuous righties will tell you that it had something to do with job performance, immigration policy, the GOP establishment, and not enough attention payed to constituents, but is any of that really believable? Isn't it far more likely that they just don't like Jews?

John Harwood of the New York Times gets it, and he called attention to the blatant bigotry on PBS's Washington Week last Friday.

"Eric Cantor is a Jewish Republican," said Harwood. "This is a very rural conservative southern district where that is not a -- you don't have a lot of Jewish members of Congress from the South."

Attaboy, John. Way to knock it out of the ballpark. Signed, sealed, and delivered!

The show's host, Gwen Ifill, presented a ridiculous counterargument in response to Harwood - one so outrageous that it's hardly worth repeating. I will, however, throw it out there just for the sake of mockery.

"Oh, but he's been elected several times from this district," she managed to say with a straight face.

Also on the show was Robert Costa of the Washington Post. He must have felt sorry for Ifill, because he attempted to prop up her factual but clearly trivial claim.

"He's been elected since 2000," said Costa. "...I don't think the faith of Eric Cantor had anything to do with it."

Wrong. It obviously had everything to do with it! The Republicans in that district unmistakably elected and re-elected Cantor seven times precisely to try and fool people into thinking that Republicans aren't anti-Semites! Get it? And Ifill and Costa were foolish enough to actually fall for it! What a couple of suckers!

At least Dave Wasserman of the Cook Political Report was smart enough to see through the Republicans' charade.

In his election night wrap-up, Wasserman wrote, "The button-down Cantor was also never a perfect fit for the 7th CD. Cantor, the only Jewish Republican in the House, ran strongest tonight in his white-collar home base of Henrico County and the city of Richmond, but the 7th CD is full of much more evangelical Tea Party oriented areas like Hanover County where Cantor underperformed even in his 2012 primary."

Well played, Mr. Wasserman. Well played.

If we've learned anything about evangelical Tea Party-oriented people over the past few years, of course, it's that they don't like Jews. Wasn't it them, after all, who booed the recognition of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel in their 2012 party platform?

And on a side note, why do only geniuses have the word "Wasserman" in their names?

If only someone had the guts to actually ask Eric Cantor himself about being victimized by those bigoted Republican voters, we'd have ourselves a story. Oh wait... Someone did.

That brave truth-seeker was CNN's Dana Bash. On Sunday, she asked Cantor the question we all already know the answer to...

"You are a Jewish Republican, the only Jewish Republican in the House. You started your discussion after you lost, according to the Old testament talking about your Jewish faith. Your district is .25 of 1% Jewish. And your opponent is David Brat really put his Christian faith front and center... Do you think there was anti-Semitism involved in your defeat?"

Cantor, who understandably feared violent repercussions from his anti-Semitic constituency, gave the answer that would most likely keep a cross from being set ablaze on his front yard: "Listen, I don't ever want to impute that to anybody."

Don't worry, Eric. You don't have to say anything. We hear you loud and clear... *wink* You see, it's all very simple and extensively documented. Republicans are bigots. They're racists because they oppose the actions of President Obama. They're homophobic because a lot of them oppose gay marriage (something President Obama and the liberal state of California would never do). They're misogynistic because they think its wrong to force religious institutions, against their faith-based beliefs, to provide birth control to women. And they're anti-Semitic because they didn't re-elect a Jewish politician they elected seven times.

The case is closed. The debate is over. And if you disagree with anything I just wrote, it's probably because you're a racist homophobe who hates women and Jews.