Donald Trump Is the Greatest; Just Ask Him (updated with new information)

So Donald Trump is at it again, saying that he may run for president after all.  Given the current Republican field, Trump says, "I would certainly think about running as an independent."

Let me say this as delicately as I can:  Donald Trump is full of it.  There is not one chance in a hundred billion that he will run.  If he did, he’d not only lose, he’d look like a loser -- a pathetic, cartoon character, clown of a  LOSER, who wouldn’t win a single electoral vote and not many of the other kind of votes, either.  This is something Donald Trump, who can’t utter a sentence without announcing how wonderful he is or how great his ratings are, could never tolerate.  He’s the one who fires people.  He rejects you.  You don’t reject him.

The French philosopher Descartes famously said “I think therefore I am.”  In Trump’s case the line would be, “I'm on television therefore I am.”  I have never met anybody who needs publicity the way Trump does, and who uses it to tell the world that he’s the greatest.  Ali may have believed it when he said he was the greatest, but he was also having fun.  Trump is dead serious.  Airtime to Donald Trump, is air itself; it's oxygen. Without oxygen we die.  Without airtime Trump dies; maybe not literally, but close enough.

It wasn’t long ago that he told us he might run for president as a Republican. But then he had to make a choice:  A TV show on the one hand … or possibly being the leader of the free world on the other.  Let’s see, he figured: I could make a lot of money to add to the lots of money I already have and host a dopey television show where I get to fire people … or I can convey my ideas to the American people and, given the field I have no respect for, given that I am THE DONALD TRUMP, who knows, maybe I have a chance to be President of the United States.

And he chose the television show.  I can think of two other Americans who would have made the same decision if there was TV in their day:  Barnum and Bailey.

Donald Trump can be a very nice guy.  I have done several stories about him over the years. After I did a piece about his controversial new golf course along the North Sea in Scotland -- a golf course that environmentalists didn’t want him to build -- he told somebody I know that “Bernie didn’t do me any favors with the story, but he was fair.”  That’s all a reporter can ask of anybody he covers.  Trump can be charming in person. He can be funny and generous.  But he’s still full of it.

He may (or may not) soon be hosting yet another GOP debate on television.  Almost all of the candidates have either declined to show up or haven't committed.  Mike Murphy, a Republican strategist, said on Twitter that "GOP candidates would be foolish to show up at Trump's clown circus/ debate. Walk away."  Karl Rove, President George W. Bush's longtime adviser, added on Fox News: "What the heck are the Republican candidates doing showing up at a debate with a guy who says, 'I may run for president next year as an independent'?"  Now, even Trump says he may not show up.  Why?  He's still peddling the story that he's thinking about running for president, which is precisely what someone who craves attention would say.

Whether or not Trump hosts the debate, for some crazy reason, candidates feel they have to kiss Trump’s ring.  Newt Gingrich has met with him, and so have Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, and Michelle Bachmann.  Herman Cain, who was in the race, and Sarah Palin, who was toying with the idea of running, have also paid homage to The Donald.

Ron Paul, one of the candidates who will skip the Trump-hosted debate, told CNN that he doesn’t understand why so many candidates are seeking Trump’s support.

“I didn't know he had the ability to lay on hands and anoint people," Paul said.

He doesn’t.  But don’t tell that to Donald Trump.  He wouldn’t believe it if you did.