Gee, I Wonder Why Al Jazeera America is Bombing ...

This just in:  Nobody in the United States is watching Al Jazeera America.

Technically, that’s not true.  I should have said, almost nobody in the United States is watching Al Jazeera America.

The network averaged 23,000 total viewers in primetime for the week ended Sept. 1, according to Nielsen, and 18,000 in total day.  To put those numbers in perspective, I had more people over at my house for lunch the other day!

Just between us, I checked out Al Jazeera America a few times, and you know what?  It’s not that that bad.  It’s not that good, either, but neither is CNN.

So why isn’t Al Jazeera doing better?  Here’s the answer, my news junkie friends:  Al Jazeera America is a bust because it’s called AL JAZEERA AMERICA!!!

Imagine that a new comedian pops up and he’s funny enough to make it in show biz.  But his name is Howie Hitler.  He’s finished before he starts.  So he changes his name to something else.  To anything else, actually.  But he doesn’t call himself Howie Hitler.

Memo to Al Jazeera America:  Change your name.

Americans don’t want to tune in to a network associated with the Arab Al Jazeera that some thought was a mouthpiece for Osama bin Laden; a network that throws on-air birthday parties for Arabs who kill Israelis.  And most advertisers don’t want any part of the network, either.  No viewers, no advertisers equal … no future.

So here’s where you, dear readers, come in:  What should Al Jazeera America change its name to?  Post your comments below.  Funny is good.