“Pimping For The President” and “Lobbying For Islam”

There are any number of jobs that I couldn’t handle physically, such as being a professional athlete or a bouncer at a nightclub; and some I wouldn’t consider because of moral objections, such as being a criminal defense attorney.  But, after reading Ron Kessler’s latest book, “The First Family Detail,” there’s one I couldn’t handle for any number of reasons, and that’s being a Secret Service agent on a presidential detail.

I mean, imagine swearing to take a bullet or several bullets intended for Lyndon Johnson, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton or Barack Obama.  From having read Kessler’s earlier “In the President’s Secret Service,” I already knew that being assigned to protect Jimmy Carter, John Kerry or Hillary Clinton was tantamount to a prison sentence because of their blatant contempt for those sworn to sacrifice their lives for them.  But when it came to guys like Kennedy, Johnson and Clinton, the day-to-day job had less to do with protecting them against assassins than it did with making sure the First Ladies didn’t trip over their various bimbos.

Speaking of which, I had a good laugh recently when a bevy of Hollywood bimbos whined that hackers had managed to upload their nude photos and send them out on the Internet.  It seems to me that if you feel the need to take selfies of yourself in the buff, hackers are the least of your problems.

Frankly, I see little difference between all this and the nudity they often display in their professional lives on screen, aside from the fact that they aren’t compelled to defend this form of exhibitionism as essential to the plot of some cinematic stinkeroo.

I’m reminded of a comic strip I saw a while back.  Two guys are seated at the counter of a restaurant filled with people engrossed in photographing themselves and one another on their electronic devices.  The first guy says, “I read that the government wants to install cameras everywhere to record our every move.”  His companion, the only person in the room not focused on one of those ubiquitous gizmos, skeptically replies, “Scary.”

Something I have never understood is why whenever someone on TV, be it Dean Martin in the old days or Bill Maher today, indicates a great fondness for booze or marijuana, the audience feels called upon to laugh knowingly.  Is it intended to show that they, too, like nothing better than killing off as many of their brain cells as is humanly possible?  Or is it supposed to make them seem sophisticated in spite of the fact it only makes them seem like teenage bumpkins?

Speaking of bumpkins, in 2007, Sen. Barack Obama announced, “The world will have confidence in America when I’m the president.”  It’s bad enough that events have proven him to be as wrong as a person could be, but imagine the gall, the hubris, the sheer loopiness, required to make such a grandiose pronouncement.

Clearly, we have a commander-in-chief who is every bit as delusional as John Hinckley, who not only believed that actress Jodie Foster would be smitten with him if he could somehow manage to assassinate Ronald Reagan, but never even considered just sending her flowers and a box of candy.

I suspect that even if you’d pointed out to Hinckley that Ms. Foster was a lesbian, he’d have dismissed that as a mere hiccup.  Instead, like Joe E. Brown in “Some Like it Hot,” when his beloved Daphne (Jack Lemmon) finally whips off his wig and confesses, “I’m not even a woman,” Hinckley would have said, “Nobody’s perfect.”

But, clearly, every time Obama gazes into a mirror, he finds reason to disagree with Joe E. Brown, even if nobody else does.  I mean, what can he possibly be thinking when an American journalist is beheaded in Iraq and he flies off to yet another fundraiser?  And when a second journalist is beheaded a week later, he’s the only person in America who not only isn’t screaming for blood, but doesn’t even take a moment to offer the man’s family the nation’s condolences.

Instead, when he went on TV to admit that even a year after ISIS turned up on our radar and quickly became our worst nightmare he didn’t have a strategy to deal with the savages, the best he could come up with was the banal “We don’t want to put the cart in front of the horse.”

“Mr. President, forget about not having a strategy to annihilate these barbarians,” I would have loved to have said to him, “you don’t have a horse and your cart has a broken axle and four busted wheels.”

In other news, it appears that O.J. Simpson has decided to become a Muslim.  Some cynics claim this is the latest bit of evidence showing Simpson to be psychotic.  However, I, who always like to think the best of people, have an alternate theory.  I’m sure we all recall that, upon being acquitted in 1995 of murdering Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, Simpson vowed to track down the real killers, and if he hadn’t been distracted by golf, loose women and being arrested for robbery and kidnapping, he just might have done it.

By converting to Islam, I believe Simpson thinks it will make it easier for him, once he’s released from jail in 2017, to resume his relentless pursuit of the villains if, perchance, they managed to elude him 19 years ago by scooting off to Yemen, Syria or Qatar.


Lobbying For Islam

As you may have heard, when Obama finally got around to announcing that he thought the Islamic State was almost as dangerous as John Kerry, Joe Biden, Chuck Hagel and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Martin Dempsey, had been insisting it was for several weeks, the first thing he did was tell us that the enemy was neither Islamic nor a state.
One could argue whether the area the terrorist group controls, an area the size of Belgium, is really a state. But, then, one could argue whether Belgium, a place the rest of us have only heard of because it was the birthplace of Agatha Christie’s fictional detective, Hercule Poirot, is a state.

What is not open to debate is whether an outfit that calls itself the Islamic State is or isn’t Islamic. The argument Obama made was that “ISIS is not Islamic because no religion condones killing innocents.” The problem is that Islam doesn’t consider Christians or Jews as innocents; it regards them as infidels whose very existence is an affront to Allah, and killing them is therefore nothing less than a religious obligation.

Making matters worse, Obama seriously went on to describe Yemen and Somalia as proof that his foreign policy has been a rousing success. That would be like Ben Affleck bragging about “Gigli” or the French pointing to the Maginot Line as proof of their military prowess.

The question that occurs to me, as it has ever since 9/11, when George W. Bush decided his mission in life was to take the heat off Muslims by constantly insisting that “Islam is a religion of peace,” is why our leaders feel compelled to lie about our enemies.

Even when Major Hasan murdered and maimed more than 30 people at Fort Hood, the current administration insisted that in spite of his being a self-proclaimed jihadist who screamed “Allah Akbar” as he slaughtered his victims, it was just another unfortunate example of workplace violence and had nothing to do with Islamic terrorism.

What is it about Islam, which can best be described as a wolf in wolf’s clothing, that has our commanders-in-chief mincing words and pussyfooting around the truth? Just for the record, Voodoo is practiced by about 60 million people worldwide. If it was practiced by a billion, would our presidents feel obliged to speak respectfully of a belief system that involves the sacrificing of goats, sheep and dogs, and the drinking of animal blood?

When you get right down to it, Voodoo has far more to recommend it than Islam. For one thing, they go in for a lot of dancing. For another, although I definitely disapprove of slitting the throats of dogs, it beats slitting the throats of women, children and American journalists, and personally, I’ll take a good old-fashioned zombie over a jihadist any day of the week. For one thing, unlike the Islamic propagandists in CAIR, they don’t get dressed up in Armani suits and go on TV, trying to fool people into thinking they’re civilized human beings. For another thing, zombies always shuffle, making it easy to out-run them.

If there’s one thing to be grateful for when it comes to the Islamic State, it’s that it’s run by dummies. I mean, they had a safe haven in Syria and they were marching through Iraq the way that Sherman zipped through Georgia, and not only was nobody in Europe or the Middle East raising a finger to stop them, but Obama was dismissing them as the junior varsity. It was nothing but clear sailing until the arrogant bastards decided to start videotaping their beheadings. Obviously, their intention was to terrify the world into a paralytic state, but, as they should have known, that is always the state of the world when it comes to confronting evil.

However, rather than leave bad enough alone, they did something so barbaric, so in keeping with the demented cult dreamed up by Muhammad 14 centuries ago, that once people quit vomiting, even Obama, who speaks softly and carries a limp wrist, figured he better do something.

But as usual, Obama, to whom a declaration of war in the Middle East would be absolute proof that his foreign policies have all been a pile of mush, had no real idea what to do. After all, it doesn’t look good when, on August 8th, you’re telling everyone that arming the Free Syrian Army is a nutty notion because they’re all just a bunch of “doctors, farmers and pharmacists,” and, on September 10th, your big plan calls on them to do our fighting in Syria.

So far as I’m concerned, it is always a rotten idea to trust Muslims to fight on your side. We saw how well that worked in Afghanistan, where Afghan soldiers killed nearly as many American soldiers as the Taliban did; and again in Libya, where we trusted our so-called allies to provide security for our consulate in Benghazi.

Still, when one hears Obama pooh-pooh citizen soldiers, one has to wonder if he and his speechwriters are totally unaware of American history or if he’s merely expressing his contempt for the rag tag group of doctors, farmers and pharmacists, who somehow managed to send the Redcoats back to England with their tails between their legs?

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.

Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

These Are Embarrassing Times

I believe it was Confucius who warned about the hazards of living in interesting times. I assume that was because they tended to be times of war, famine and pestilence, the sorts of things that tend to appeal to historians seeking grist for their mills.

I am wondering if our current age, a time when just about everything from our pop culture to our political leaders, but definitely including our idols, our media and even those places laughingly referred to as centers of higher education, are better described as embarrassing than interesting, will be a lode worth mining for anyone but scamps like me.

For instance, because the fascists who run CAIR, a front group for Hamas, object to Ms. Ayaan Hirst Alin’s message, she was uninvited to speak at Brandeis University. Actually, Ms. Alin, who has collected death threats the way a magnet collects steel shavings because she dares speak of the horrors that women face in the Islamic world, was slated to receive an honorary degree and deliver the commencement address until Brandeis President Frederick Lawrence, proving that even a man without a spine can somehow manage to stand erect, rescinded the invitation.

For those unaware, Brandeis was founded in 1948 as a Jewish-sponsored secular liberal arts university. Two of its founders were Rabbi Israel Goldstein, who retired to Israel, and Albert Einstein. For personal reasons, Einstein quickly cut his ties to Brandeis. But I feel I am safe in assuming that both men would be spinning in their graves if they heard that the same university that has bestowed honorary degrees on the likes of playwright Tony Kushner and the Nobel Prize winning anti-Semite, Desmond Tutu, two men who despise Israel even more than I hate barley soup, had caved to Muslim fascists.

As a Jew, the cowardice shown by Brandeis gives me that same warm feeling in the pit of my stomach usually associated with the onset of nausea.

It might be worth noting that in his former life, Frederick Lawrence was a lawyer specializing in civil rights. To me, that sounds a lot like having “ex-community organizer” on one’s resume.
But when it comes to cowardice, Lawrence is no more craven and corrupt than the media and the rest of academia, which consistently portray the Palestinians as the good guys in the conflict between them and Israel. One constantly hears that it’s five million Israelis pushing two million Arabs around when the reality, to anyone who isn’t a rabid Jew-hater, is that the two million Palestinians are merely the poisoned point of the spear used by 200 million Arabs and Muslims who refuse to even recognize Israel’s right to exist.

In addition, we should never lose sight of the fact that it is often the case that those who relish in promoting themselves as underdogs are sometimes simply sons of bitches.

As for those American Jews who believe that by siding with Israel’s enemies, they are showing themselves to be tolerant, highly principled and holding the deed to the high moral ground, they only prove that no matter how well-educated you might be, no matter how weighted down with college degrees, if you lack wisdom and commonsense, you merely come off as foolish and arrogant.

Speaking of which, I recently saw a photo of Gloria Steinem, the rich and spoiled doyen of the feminist movement. She was wearing a t-shirt that boasted “I Had An Abortion” and she’s holding her arms aloft and grinning, like a boxing champion. And somewhere, I suspect some schmuck was wearing a t-shirt that bragged “I Knocked Up Gloria Steinem” and, instead of just grinning, he’s laughing out loud.

In his desperate attempt to ward off a Republican takeover of the Senate in November, Obama has predictably fallen back on the old chestnut about women earning only 77 cents for every dollar a man makes. Even though his own Department of Labor calls that one a whopper and even though his own White House was called out for paying females 88 cents compared to a man’s dollar, Obama pushed ahead.

He did it because women, particularly single women, who at other times tell the world how empowered they are, thanks in good part to grotesque role models such as Gloria Steinem, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton, seem to enjoy being treated like simpering little girls by the Big Daddy Democrats.

But even the lying liberals never say women get paid less for doing the exact same job, but for comparable jobs. They then get to work fictionalizing which jobs are comparable. They will say, for instance, that being a nursery school teacher is comparable to being a cop or a fireman, but never address the fact that women who wear a police badge or fight fires are paid the same as their male colleagues, and they have to cope with things even more dangerous than a pissed-off four- year-old who’s missing his oatmeal cookies.

The proof that the campaign is a fraud is as plain as the nose on my face. And believe me, that’s about as plain as it gets. After all, if it were true that companies could get the same work done by paying women 77 cents on the dollar, why on earth would they ever pay men more? Do you know any companies that are so misogynistic they would add 23% to their payroll rather than hire women?

To be fair, when they talk about the White House underpaying female staffers, it’s because they’re comparing people in different positions, cabinet members, for instance – nearly all of them male –with their secretaries. Now I’d be the first to acknowledge that the secretaries of the various Secretaries are undoubtedly more honest and competent than the likes of John Kerry, Chuck Hagel, Jack Lew, Thomas Perez, Arne Duncan, Eric Shinseki, Ernest Moniz, Jeh Johnson and Eric Holder.

But we all know that, as is often the case, honesty and competency have to be their own reward. In Obama’s White House, especially, they have as much place as a time-of-arrival betting pool on the Titanic.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

“The Magical, Mythical, Seven Million” and “The Churchills: Ward & Winston”

We have heard Obama blathering for so long about seven million sign-ups to the Affordable Care Act being a sure sign of success that, like the audience at a magic show, we have fallen for the misdirection that is the secret of every magician’s sleight-of-hand.

To begin with, we are being asked to ignore the fact that millions who have signed up used to pay for their own health insurance before ObamaCare forced their policies to be ruled null and void. Next, we are asked to ignore the fact that a large percentage of those people being counted haven’t even made their first payment and, therefore, aren’t actually enrolled. And, finally, we are asked to overlook the fact that, initially, we were told that 40% of the new sign-ups had to be young and healthy — the so-called invincibles — the latest estimate is that the number is closer to 25%.

Still, even if we go along with their numbers, we are still left with a question that nobody connected to the current regime has answered. Namely: what’s the big frigging deal — to channel my inner Joe Biden — about seven million? When Obama, Pelosi and Reid, were shoving this humongous suppository up our collective tuchis, they insisted it was to insure the 40 million people who had no health insurance. So even if they have seven million signed up, and even if we don’t drive the point home that this law forced six million policies to be cancelled by the end of 2013, seven million only represents a mere 18% of those 40 million.

For such dismal results, it would take a moron like Obama to invalidate the patient-doctor relationship, cripple the nation’s economy, hurt small businesses and up-end a health care program that worked just fine for the overwhelming majority of Americans.

It is poetic justice that Obama not only earned Liar of the Year honors for constantly fibbing about people’s ability to retain their health insurance and their physician, while simultaneously saving $2,500-a-year, but his arrogant intransigence is likely to cost his party control of the U.S. Senate.

It was clearly unconstitutional for Obama to change the Affordable Care Act by executive fiat more than 40 times. But it was just plain dumb of them to suggest that extending the deadline for those people who were allegedly in line to sign up was the same as allowing people to vote past the official deadline if they were already in line at their polling place. What they have chosen to overlook for obvious reasons is that only one day is allotted for voting, whereas people had six months in order to enroll in ObamaCare.

The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) is at it again. This time, they’re marshalling their demonic forces to kill a documentary, “Honor Diaries,” devoted to depicting violence against women in the Muslim world. This is violence that takes the form of female genital mutilation, so-called honor killings and the forced marriage of little girls to mature, often elderly, men.

Predictably, CAIR’s first success took place at the University of Michigan, Dearborn, where they managed to get a scheduled screening cancelled.

Because the spokesmen for CAIR are always well-dressed and well-spoken, it is easy for some people to ignore its ties to Islamic terrorist groups, such as Hamas. Whenever they decide Islam is being portrayed in a bad light, no matter how factual the portrayal happens to be, they declare it “Islamophobic.” And America’s pinheads can always be counted on to cave, justifying their abject cowardice by calling it religious tolerance.

CAIR is not the first gang of thugs to employ intimidation in order to silence honest criticism. Before America entered World War II, the German American Bund, Hitler’s spies and devotees in this country, used the same tactics against those who dared to suggest Nazi Germany wasn’t a land of peaceful shepherds and lyrical milk maids.

Iran has announced that they will be sending Hamid Aboutalebi to New York to be its ambassador to the U.N. The fact that Mr. Aboutalebi was one of those behind the hostage-taking gang of Islamic blackguards in 1979 has many people in a dither, which is perfectly understandable. But I feel they are taking their eye off the big picture. The question isn’t whether he should be allowed to take his seat at the big round table, but why are we still hosting and subsidizing such a vile bunch of schmucks.

The U.N. is filled with the likes of this miserable Muslim terrorist. The only two things its members ever do is accuse Israel of committing crimes against humanity and deliver bogus jeremiads about global warming, whose main purpose is to turn America into a third world nation.

Just in case you were wondering who Obama has in mind when he speaks so glowingly about the international community, without whose participation we can never move against Syria or Iran, and who, he feels, are deserving of the last word when it comes to our Second Amendment, the Internet and the environment, the airhead is referring to the likes of China, Russia, Cuba, Venezuela, Indonesia, Pakistan, Laos, Afghanistan, Haiti, Saudi Arabia, Rwanda and Turkey.

These are not nations with whom we should be sitting down, seeking either their counsel or their approval. They simply do not belong in a gathering of civilized nations. Frankly, where they belong is in a textbook devoted to toxicology.

The Churchills: Ward & Winston

In my book, “67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die,” one of the questions I asked of all my subjects, who ranged, alphabetically, from Ablow, Keith, a prominent psychiatrist, to Zucker, David, a famous screenwriter-director, was which eight people who had ever lived, they would invite to a dinner party.

Being conservatives, it wasn’t too surprising that two people who would never have to pay for another meal if they ever showed up ready to tie on the old feedbag, were Jesus Christ and Winston Churchill.

I have a feeling that if I had, God forbid, interviewed liberals, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and even the phony Indian, Ward Churchill, would have wound up with a lot of meal tickets. Although perhaps by this time, Ward might have to give up his seat to make way for that other phony Indian, Sen. Elizabeth Warren, at the big pow-wow.

Still, I think that when trying to get a handle on the distinctions between Democrats and Republicans, you won’t go wrong if you compare how those in either group feels about the two Churchills, as does the regard in which the two groups hold, say, Margaret Thatcher and Hillary Clinton or, for that matter, God and Barack Obama.

Speaking of he who has managed to yank the title of Worst President in U.S. History from the grasp of Jimmy Carter, the one thing you have to admire about him is that he’s never content to rest on his withered laurels. Instead, we get to watch him go public with his predictions in the NCAA basketball tournament while Vladimir Putin rolls his tanks into the Crimea and his Russian cohorts tweet insults in America’s direction. Obama certainly gives “March Madness” a whole new meaning.

Frankly, it was something of an eye-opener for me. In past years, when he made his tournament selections, I assumed he was tossing a bone to his base – the young and stupid, which sounds like the name of a soap opera. But this year, because of what the Russian bear has been up to, he has convinced me that in what passes for his mind, a college basketball competition really is more important than the fact the world is perched on the precipice of what could be World War III.

As for what’s happening in Eastern Europe, a friend sent me the following: “The U.N. Security Council is deeply concerned with the situation in Ukraine. The reason being that so far, no possible reason to blame Israel has been found.”

Even if I were to bang my head on something, knock myself out and wake up thinking I was a Democrat, I’d like to think I would question how it is that Barack Obama can keep taking multi-million dollar vacations, only to come back in time to lecture his guests at $35,000-a-plate fund-raisers about the horrors of income inequality.

When you get right down to it, if poor people didn’t exist, the Democrats would have had to invent them. In that respect, as well as others, they resemble drug dealers who are constantly turning dummies into addicts.

Finally, I don’t often send emails to people I don’t actually know unless they write to me first. So, although radio talk show host Hugh Hewitt is a subject in my book, “67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die,” I’ve never met him. We conducted the interview via email.

But the other day, after listening to his show and one of his usual pleas for charitable donations, I sent him the following message:

“Dear Mr. Hewitt: You are obviously a good man, but these food drives you regularly conduct seem to be pointless because there is never an end to them. Has it ever occurred to you that instead of constantly trying to provide food for the needy around the world who can’t feed their own children, you might consider promoting birth control?

“On one of the spots, I recall you mentioned a woman who had six children she couldn’t feed. I understand that the children already exist, but the fact remains that there are Americans who might like to have six children or two or even one, but don’t because they know they won’t be able to support them.

“I hate the idea of children starving in Haiti and Guatemala or anywhere else on earth, but your food drives put me in mind of the line from the Bible about the difference between giving someone a fish and teaching that person to fish. You don’t even try telling them how to bait a hook.

“I’m not trying to get you to stop what you’re doing, but you’re not really addressing the main issue if you don’t at the same time get serious about the major cause of the problem. And that doesn’t happen to be the generosity or lack of generosity of your listening audience, but the irresponsibility of people in Third World countries who choose to place their own desire to have or at least make babies over the wretched lives they’ve doomed those babies to endure. Regards, Burt.”

So far, I’ve not heard back. But just in case those of you who haven’t yet delved into “67 Conservatives” were wondering, the eight people Hewitt would like to dine with are Jesus Christ, Julius Caesar, Augustine, Augustus, Disraeli, Churchill, Washington and Lincoln.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon (A change from 1PM) Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

The Leftwing Laudromat

After you’ve read this article, Burt hopes you’ll enjoy this bonus article Poll-ish Jokes.

One often hears that those who fall for liberal claptrap have been brainwashed by their teachers, the media and the Hollywood elite. The trouble with that is it’s based on the presumption that these guttersnipes have brains to begin with, when there’s no evidence at all of that being the case.

For instance, California, the largest and possibly the most liberal state in the Union, is like a giant laboratory for a mad man. Once it’s proven by the likes of Jerry Brown, Gavin Newsome and their cronies in Sacramento, that something absolutely, positively, doesn’t work here, a number of the other 49 states can’t wait to try it out.

For instance, the California Assembly passed a nonbinding resolution stating “No public resources will be allowed to be used for any anti-Semitic or any other intolerant agitation.” In response, CAIR (Council of American-Islamic Relations) sent a letter claiming that HR 35 “stifles robust political debate on university campuses” and “contributes to a climate of intimidation faced by Muslim and Arab students on California campuses” when everyone knows it’s those very students who seem to have no other purpose on those campuses aside from intimidating Jewish students and shouting down speakers who happen to be either home-grown conservatives or Israeli diplomats.

Don’t expect the members of the California Assembly to stand up to CAIR, which ensures that few people connect the dots linking them to Middle East terrorist groups by using well-dressed, reasonable-sounding, English-speaking, front men on TV.

Speaking of college campuses, why aren’t Americans outraged by the fact that college tuition has increased by over 500% since the 1980s? Are the students getting a better education? Do books cost that much more? Or is it, as usual, attributable to the fact that costs invariably increase when the federal government sticks its nose in where it doesn’t belong?

When in the post-war years, thousands upon thousands of European and British scientists and engineers came to the U.S., it was referred to in their home countries as a brain drain. Now, when millions of uneducated Mexicans and Central Americans sneak across our border, it could best be described as a bean drain. Although Europe may have it worse, what with their millions of illiterate Muslims turning city after city into a cesspool, we shouldn’t be patting ourselves on the back for being so hospitable. We have been played for suckers, and by continuing to extend health care, schooling and welfare, to people who have no right to be here, we are condemning ourselves and future generations to picking up the tab for millions of uninvited freeloaders.

The fact that there is more than a single sucker born every minute here in America is borne out in Chicago, where, according to a newspaper poll, the majority of citizens sided with the striking teachers. I mean, how stupid does someone have to be to side with those who are not only making, on average, $35,000-a-year more than they are, but work shorter hours, have bigger pensions, and have gone on strike to prevent the biggest incompetents in their ranks from being fired?

If you’ve ever wondered what a conundrum is, the dictionary will tell you that it is a logical postulation that evades resolution. An example would be Barack Obama insisting time and again that he’s created 4.6 million jobs in the private sector even though the unemployment rate is higher now than when he took office.

The fact is the only jobs a president can take credit for are those in the public sector. He can, after all, hire more bureaucrats to fill all those offices in Washington, D.C. But when it comes to the private sector, all he can do is provide a healthy environment by cutting the tax rate, getting rid of the 90% of government regulations that do nothing but stifle businesses and removing the federal snout from all of the many places where it doesn’t belong.

What Obama doesn’t tell you is that the only reason that the unemployment rate is closer to 8% than 11% is because so many people have stopped looking for jobs that they’re no longer counted. So when Obama tells you what a great job he’s doing in turning around the economy, it’s a conundrum, with the emphasis on the first syllable.

What’s more, I recently saw the governor of South Dakota on TV reporting that thousands of good-paying jobs are going wanting in his state because they can’t find trained machinists and welders. In the meantime, parents are still sending their tots off to colleges where they can major in Black, Hispanic and Lesbian, studies for four years before graduating and moving back home. What’s more, liberal arts departments are still churning out all those insufferable English majors who will bore future generations of cocktail party guests nattering on about the imagery to be found in Ezra Pound’s poetry.

Finally, what too many of us on the Right lack, besides control of the schools and the mass media, is the backbone required to ridicule the other side with the same sense of impunity they display when calling us fascists, racists, homophobes and Astroturf traitors, even if they happen to be blacks, liberal Jews, unwed mothers, Muslims, Arabs, gay activists, Hollywood creeps and illegal aliens.

So long as we pretend that the sacred cows of the Left are equally sacred to us, the battle is lost and the livestock will continue to make a mess on our front lawns.
Now that you’ve read this article, Burt hopes you’ll enjoy this bonus article Poll-ish Jokes.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Dick Morris and Other Questionable Characters

It’s bad enough having those well-spoken, snazzy-dressed, spokesmen for the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), getting all huffy over opposition to the Ground Zero Mosque, but what makes them particularly unbearable is the silence they maintain over the way their brethren burn churches, bibles and Christians, in the Middle East. In a way, it reminds me of the way that Barack Obama chastises Republicans for being uncivil, but never utters a word when his various stooges refer to Republicans as hostage-taking terrorists and when Rep. Andre Carson calls the Tea Party a lynch mob.

I know that Dick Morris is treated very respectfully by the hosts at Fox, but I can’t figure out why. For one thing, this is the same yutz who helped Bill Clinton win elections for about 20 years. Just when did he experience an epiphany and come over from the dark side?

His political morals, or lack of same, aside, he’s a joke as a prognosticator. Months before last November’s elections, he told Bill O’Reilly that Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman would be slam-dunk winners in their elections against Barbara Boxer and Jerry Brown. I recall sitting in front of my TV set here in California and trying to figure out how to reach him so I could bet my life savings.

Naturally, when months later both Fiorina and Whitman bit the dust, Morris didn’t explain how he had so badly misread the tea leaves, and O’Reilly, who has the attention span of a gnat when it comes to anything unrelated to himself and his ratings, never brought it up.

Morris reminds me of a spit-curled Hollywood character who used to be a mainstay in the early days of TV. He called himself Criswell. His shtick was to stare into the camera lens and make goofy predictions, which often involved Martian invasions and the end of planet Earth. But unlike Morris, nobody pretended to take him seriously, except for Mae West, who was a bit of a goofball herself.

One of the more interesting conflicts that has recently developed pits animal activists against environmentalists. It seems that windmills kill thousands of birds every month. But you never hear the greenies, the very same knuckleheads who are always sobbing crocodile tears over an oil pipeline in ANWR possibly separating members of a caribou family, carrying on about the ongoing carnage. The fact is that the windmills have even slaughtered golden eagles and nobody has been held accountable. However, if a hunter shot one, he’d be fined and he’d get jail time. Perhaps would-be murderers should take heed. Don’t use a gun, a knife or a hammer; just use a windmill.

Rick Perry got a lot of static for suggesting that Ben Bernanke was guilty of treason. Even I wouldn’t go that far. Still, I did find myself trying to figure out the difference between being the chairman of the Federal Reserve and a garden-variety counterfeiter. The best I could come up with is that each man prints basically worthless money, and both men get to serve lengthy terms, but only one of them serves his in prison.

Finally, I find it amusing that the Democrats automatically think Republicans — especially those who seek or win the presidency – are morons. It’s not a recent development, either. Although Palin, Bachmann and Perry, are all being dismissed by the DNC and the MSM as blithering idiots, as was George W. Bush, it goes back at least as far as 1952. Back then, it was Dwight D. Eisenhower, a graduate of West Point and a five-star general who commanded the D-Day invasion who was ridiculed as a simpleton. His opponent, Adlai Stevenson, had been a one-term governor of Illinois, thanks to the machinations of Jake Arvey’s old fashioned political machine. Further proof of Stevenson’s superior character and intellect is that he went before HUAC and testified to the loyalty and patriotism of Alger Hiss, the pride of FDR’s State Department, later proven to have been a Soviet spy. Predictably, Stevenson, was served up as a combination of Albert Einstein, Mark Twain and Thomas Jefferson, when, in fact, he had all the decisiveness of Hamlet, the warmth of a frozen turkey and the moxie of Franklin Pangborn.

Actually, I’ve found that once you get past the propaganda spouted by the left-wing media, the only difference between a really dumb liberal and a well-educated one comes down to the number of syllables in their drivel.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
Get your personally autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success for just $19.95, shipping included.   Get both for just $39.90. Liberals: America’s Termites Profiles of Success (60 candid conversations with 60 Over-Achievers)