“The Midterm Miracles” and “Axes Of Evil”

Perhaps because I define myself as a optimistic pessimist or a pessimistic optimist, I was blindsided by the election results. As much time as I devoted to poring over the Senate races, I just couldn’t see how the GOP could wind up with more than 51.

Perhaps, best of all, the liberals can’t carry off their narrative, which was that they lost the Senate only because of the map. Anticipating defeat, they wanted to pretend it was simply because they happened to have so many Senate seats at risk in certain Republican-leaning states. But, thanks to God and in good part to Barack Obama, who has done so very much to destroy the Democratic brand, we even won gubernatorial races in Illinois, Maryland and Massachusetts.

In the end, it wasn’t the map that defeated the Democrats, it was the American people. It was as if the Democrats went to a doctor for a physical and were told they had a terminal disease. And when they said they wanted a second opinion, the doctor told them they were also stupid.

One of my favorite races took place in Florida where Charlie Crist lost in his race for governor, meaning he can now get back to doing what he was born to do; namely work on his year-round tan and romance rich elderly widows.

But the list of great things that happened on November 4th is endless. For instance, political legacies took a thumping. In Georgia, where Sam Nunn’s daughter and Jimmy Carter’s grandson were running for the Senate and the governorship, they both lost. In Colorado, Udall lost. In Louisiana, Landrieu will lose in the December runoff. She always was going to lose, but thanks to a Tea Party candidate sucking off votes from the winner of the GOP primary, she will now be running when everyone in the state knows she will be a complete nonentity in the minority party. Even when she chaired the Senate Energy Committee, she was unable to get Obama to sign off on the Keystone pipeline, so who needs her keeping a seat warm in a GOP-controlled Senate?

Certainly among the priceless memories of the election was seeing Illinois electing a Republican governor in spite of both Obamas showing up to campaign for loser Pat Quinn, and seeing Arkansas elect a Republican governor and senator in spite of the Clintons campaigning for losers Mike Ross and Mark Pryor. As the four of them have shown in the past, their coattails are even shorter than those of Batman’s arch nemesis, the Penguin.

On Election Night, one of the highlights was listening to the various Fox News contributors, including Charles Krauthammer, Bret Baier and Steve Hayes, taking turns ridiculing Juan Williams after he insisted it wasn’t a wave election for the GOP. Come to think of it, I don’t know who took the final results the hardest – Barack Obama, Harry Reid or Juan Williams.

Speaking of Fox, I sometimes amuse myself by imagining what the Fox males would look like if, like their female colleagues, they all had to dye their hair blonde. I guarantee that even Geraldo Rivera, Alan Colmes, Juan Williams and Bob Beckel, are a lot easier to take if you can pull it off.

Although I’m sure the Democrats will try to play down the results, insisting as they have all along, in concert with the NY Times, that the elections were about nothing. But they were actually about quite a bit. For one thing, it was about stopping Obama in his tracks before he succeeded in totally destroying America. By all rights, the voters should have come to that conclusion a lot sooner – preferably when they had the option of Mitt Romney – but better late than never.

It was also about the GOP learning how to come up with candidates who didn’t embarrass themselves or the Party. This time around, unlike 2012, we weren’t stuck with anyone insisting she wasn’t a witch or a couple of nincompoops who tried explaining the difference between legitimate and illegitimate rape.

After guaranteeing that Rob Maness would be the shocker of the evening by defeating both Mary Landrieu and Bill Cassidy for the Senate seat in Louisiana — and his winding up a distant third, Sarah Palin proved that allowing one’s ego to trump reality is a really dumb idea whether you’re shooting elk or trying to elect unelectable candidates.

One of the major takeaways from the elections was that even low-information voters don’t like being lied to, whether it’s Obama’s claiming we could keep our doctors and our medical insurance and that Republicans hate women or his stooges in Congress, all of whom have had their lips glued to his rump for nearly six years, suddenly claiming they couldn’t pick the schmuck out of a police lineup.

For my part, I have been euphoric ever since the 4th. Living, as I do, in California, jubilation is not an emotion I’m accustomed to experiencing in the aftermath of elections.

In spite of the fact that I don’t drink and I don’t smoke pot, I feel as if I’m floating on air. I’m not even on Cloud 9, people, I’m on Cloud 78. The truth is I can barely see Cloud 9 from this high up.


 

“Axes of Evil”

In New York City, yet another black convert to the Religion of Peace named Zale Thompson went after a few cops with an axe, which mirrors the way Mohammad, himself, went about converting infidels. It also suggests that Mr. Thompson might have misunderstood those two cheerleaders for Islam, George Bush and Barack Obama, and thought he was converting to the Religion of Pieces.

No doubt Obama will label the event workplace violence rather than Islamic terrorism because it was, one, violent and, two, the cops were working. It should remind us that while Obama may not be a Muslim, as some people insist, he certainly has a soft spot in his heart and his head for those who are.

It also serves as a segue to a debate I recently had with one of my readers. In one of my articles, I had written a defense of capital punishment, and he took exception to it. His initial objection was based on the fact that over the years, a number of innocent people have been executed. I argued that the number has been inflated by those who oppose capital punishment, and who feel that their morality trumps the facts. Moreover, with DNA used so often to convict or acquit, I expect miscarriages of justice are even less likely.

Lest I think he was a typical sob sister, he let me know that he believed a life behind bars was worse than an execution. I disagreed. Perhaps if a life sentence meant solitary confinement, he’d be right, but it doesn’t, so he’s wrong. Prisoners get to play basketball, work out in the gym, watch TV, read books and even engage in conjugal visits. The last I heard, Charles Manson’s friend Tex Watson had sired four little Watsons while behind bars.

He also pointed out that execution tends to be painful. I honestly don’t care about that, and see no moral reason why those who have tortured and murdered people who have done them no harm should be provided with the same painless deaths we offer to our beloved cats and dogs. Besides, those engaged in the anti-capital punishment movement are always bringing the pain factor into the argument, using the electric chair, hangman’s noose, firing squads and even the gas chamber as reasons to get rid of the practice. As a compromise measure, I am willing to let the painless Guillotine do the job for which it was invented.

I concluded by pointing out that polls indicate that a majority of people approve of capital punishment. But trial lawyers, left-wing judges and Eric Holder, have chosen to emphasize the notion that it is often poor defendants and blacks who make up a majority of those executed. That’s intended to prove the system is weighted against them, while the rest of us are supposed to ignore the inconvenient fact that those are the very people who commit most murders.

The hypocritical lawyers even try to use the fact that many defendants spend decades on Death Row, never knowing when their time will run out, as an excuse to eliminate the penalty. A more sensible solution is to limit the number of appeals to one, and insisting that the basis of the appeal involves new evidence.

I heard from another reader who agreed with my take on the so-called Noble Savage, which is that more often than not the native North American tribes were certainly savage, but rarely noble, and could literally be described as blood-thirsty, based on their cannibalistic diet.

His sarcastic conclusion was “If only we could all live in peaceful harmony with nature…” To which I replied in kind: “Ah, yes, where only the animals slaughter each other, and where Mother Nature sometimes wakes up cranky and unleashes a tidal wave or an earthquake, ignites a volcano or introduces some version of the Bubonic Plague.”

Speaking of plagues, proving that she is a worthy successor to Obama, who once famously said, “If you’ve got a business, you didn’t build it,” Hillary Clinton told an appreciative audience of liberal loons, “Don’t let anyone tell you that businesses create jobs.”

That reminds me that someone sent out a hoax message announcing that Deanne Favre, the wife of former Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre, was going to be the new Packers coach. She based her qualifications on the fact that she has been married to a Hall of Fame quarterback, even though she has never played a single quarter of football. The point of the hoax was that Hillary is essentially seeking the presidency based on her own marriage license.

What else qualifies her? As First Lady, she tried and failed to push through HillaryCare. As a senator, she did nothing but manage to add an elective office to her resume. As Secretary of State, she pushed a re-set button with Russia, oversaw Obama’s military withdrawal from Iraq and was at least a co-conspirator in the deaths of four Americans in Benghazi and the subsequent cover up.

At least Mrs. Favre is a looker!

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.




“The Attack Of The Cuckoos” and “Ebola & Other Epidemics”

How it is that so many cuckoos escaped from their clocks and have wound up in positions of authority, I will never know. But there’s no getting around the fact that the American symbol is no longer a bald eagle or even Ben Franklin’s preferred turkey, but has been replaced by the Swiss-made cuckoo bird.

For instance, the University of California, San Francisco, has just launched an online abortion course that will delve into “clinical aspects of medication abortion, aspiration abortion, post-abortion contraception, and pain management for abortion.” According to Prof. Jody Steinauer: “I think if we can inspire even a small portion of the people who take the course to take steps in their communities to increase access to safe abortion and decrease stigma about abortion, then we will have been totally successful.”

So far, 3,000 people have signed up for the course. I’m sure that ghouls everywhere are taking heart from the fact that abortion continues to be a growth industry. As for me, I think America is suffering from a dangerous lack of stigma.

As you may have heard, Nidal Hasan, who killed or maimed over 40 innocent people at Fort Hood, has written a letter to Pope Francis, complaining that Barack Obama keeps claiming that his butchery was workplace violence. Apparently he wants Francis to intercede on his behalf and point out to Obama that he is one of Allah’s proud soldiers and not just another creep who went postal because he got fired or didn’t get a raise. I can see his point. I mean, imagine how Hitler would have felt if his invasion of Poland had been dismissed as trespassing.

I do get a chuckle when young poorly educated malcontents who are often subsidized by wealthy old hypocritical reprobates like George Soros periodically take to the streets and demonstrate against Wall Street or the International Monetary Fund, blindly obeying the marching orders of wealthy old hypocritical reprobates like George Soros.

In addition to hosting an Obama fund-raiser at her home, Gwyneth Paltrow also introduced the guest of honor by batting her eyes and gushing: “You’re so handsome, I can’t speak properly.” If she considers Mr. Bat Ears so good-looking it makes her tongue-tied, one has to wonder how she ever managed to deliver a single line of dialogue when she worked with Hollywood heartthrobs Daniel Craig, Viggo Mortensen, Michael Douglas, Jude Law and Robert Downey, Jr. Perhaps the 42-year-old Valley Girl had all her dialogue dubbed by a grown-up.

Obama, who also tends to swoon in his own presence, managed to say, “I’m taking her to my next event.”

I’d love to have been a fly on the wall when Obama got home. Recalling how angry Michelle got when Obama took a selfie of himself with the leggy blonde Prime Minister of Denmark, Helle Thorning-Schmidt, at Nelson Mandela’s memorial, I couldn’t help picturing Barack trying to sneak into the White House only to find Michelle in the hallway holding a rolling pin and giving him the fish eye, just the way Maggie used to greet Jiggs in the Sunday funny papers.

The Army, which has become just as corrupt as the IRS, the Secret Service and the FBI, under the current administration has announced that it won’t go public about its investigation into Bowe Bergdahl’s desertion. At this point, don’t be too surprised if Bergdahl winds up receiving the Medal of Honor for merely pretending to be a traitor so he could go undercover and spy on the Taliban.

When the late Thomas Duncan first visited the Dallas hospital, he had a 103 degree fever and he admitted he’d just been to Liberia, but he was sent home with nothing more than a few pain killers. Once he died of Ebola, it figures there would be those who claimed that racism was the reason he was treated in such cavalier fashion. Nonsense! So far as I can tell, it was simply ObamaCare in action.

Although I dislike being at odds with my readers, I must confess I was shocked by the results of my latest poll. When I asked if people thought the Republicans would take control of the Senate and, if they did, if it would make a difference, I was obviously asking people to make an educated guess or, rather, two educated guesses. That meant that “maybe” or “perhaps” was a given, but it wasn’t a suitable response to either question. Fortunately, I managed to get 211 people to play by the rules.

It seems that 159 people thought the GOP would gain control, while 52 thought Harry Reid would manage to retain his stranglehold. However, only 61 people thought it would make a difference, 150 were just as sure it wouldn’t.

Frankly, I don’t know how those 150 could be so misguided. It’s true that a Republican Senate and Republican House wouldn’t be able to stop Obama entirely in his tracks. He’d still have his phone and his pen, but at least House bills would finally be voted on in the Senate, and Obama would be forced to veto them, showing everyone once and for all who the real obstructionist is. In addition, it is no small thing that Obama wouldn’t be able to appoint judges to the federal bench or place any more Kagans and Sotomayors on the Supreme Court, which is the legacy whereby ex-presidents are able to continue poisoning the atmosphere for decades long after they’ve left the scene of the crime.

Finally, by now I suspect everyone knows that 10 Secret Service agents lost their jobs for consorting, as they say, with Colombian prostitutes while a White House insider who happened to be the son of a major Obama donor wound up with a promotion to the State Department after he consorted with his own Colombian prostitute that very same evening.

In other news, Bill Clinton has announced that he’s heading down to Colombia on a fact-finding mission.


Ebola & Other Epidemics

I hope that the Republicans gain control of the Senate, but I don’t expect any miracles. I just want to wrench the reins away from Harry Reid, and force Obama to veto all those bills that the House has been sending along since 2010 that Reid has killed, thus sparing the Senate Democrats from ever having to cast an embarrassing vote. After all these years, the public would finally have a chance to see a real obstructionist in action.

Some of my readers have likened Obama to the serpent in the Garden of Eden, but that’s hardly fair. For one thing, the snake didn’t keep running off to play golf and attend fund-raisers. For another thing, the snake didn’t require the services of a Teleprompter in order to utter a coherent sentence. And for yet another, the snake only lied once.

I keep wondering why Sarah Palin keeps sticking her shnoz into every election in the nation — sometimes to the detriment of the Republican Party — but shied away from running for the Senate, leaving it up to a relative unknown, Dan Sullivan, to oppose Alaskan incumbent Mark Bigich (D).

Another question that keeps popping up in my head is why we don’t enlist Israel to help us defeat ISIS. The Arab and Muslim nations wouldn’t approve? So what else is new? At least we can trust the Israelis, which is far more than we can say about our alleged allies in Iraq, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, the United Arab Emirate or Turkey. And once we mop up the beheaders, we should team up and take out Iran’s centrifuges.

Speaking of our only real ally in the Middle East, it seems that an Israeli cargo ship, the Zim Shanghai, was prevented from unloading in Oakland, thanks to pro-Islamic demonstrators. Members of the International Longshore and Warehouse Union claimed they were physically threatened and feared for their lives.

Did I forget to mention that there were eight demonstrators? Apparently longshoremen aren’t quite as tough as they used to be, or perhaps, like the majority of pinheads in the Bay area, they’re just more anti-Semitic than they used to be.

Israel has managed in a little over 60 years to become one of the most indispensable nations on the face of the earth, and not just because of their medical and scientific innovations. For the various despots in the Middle East, Israel serves as a very handy scapegoat. For the likes of college professors, show business celebrities and, apparently, California’s longshoremen, it allows them to be as anti-Semitic as Hitler and Stalin, without having to admit to anything worse than being opposed to Israel’s policies.

It is nearly impossible for civilians to compete with politicians when it comes to telling lies, but feminists Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem came close with their relentless propaganda telling women that they could have it all. Nobody has it all. Aspirations are important, even essential, but these chowderheads spent decades not only telling impressionable young women that, no matter what their own limitations were, everything was possible, and if they didn’t wind up achieving all of their wackier fantasies, they’d been cheated. And by whom, you ask? Well, by the entire male gender, of course.

Women have even been convinced that they are paid 70 cents on the dollar for doing the exact same job as a man, even though that requires believing that every employer is engaged in a huge conspiracy to pay men 43% more than women, the bottom line be damned!

Other big lies involve the minimum wage and corporate taxes. The way the liberals tell it, if employers are forced to pay unskilled workers far more than they’re worth and if corporations are forced to pay higher taxes in order to finance an ever-expanding, increasingly corrupt, state or federal government, it serves them right. What the liberals never mention to their sheep-like followers is that any such increases are immediately passed on to the rest of us in added costs for goods and services. As Sherlock Holmes was wont to say, it’s elementary.

Unfortunately, millions of our fellow citizens never learned anything about basic economics in school. The only things drilled into their empty little noggins was that nicotine, capitalism and conservatives were bad; the Constitution was inconsequential because it was the work of old white men; and that those like Obama, Castro, Guevara, Chavez, Allende and Mao, were the sort of leaders America needs, but too rarely gets.

That’s not to say we don’t have more than our share of nincompoops in positions of authority. Take Dallas Judge Clay Jenkins. He got himself a trove of publicity by accompanying Thomas Duncan’s relatives out of their Ebola-contaminated apartment in his civilian duds, all part of the carefully programmed narrative being spoon fed to us that Ebola can’t be transmitted through the air.

I assume that Judge Jenkins measured the risk and decided that it would be worth a ton of votes in future elections. After all, if the disease can only be passed along through direct contact and bodily fluids, why is everybody whose job calls for being in the vicinity of Ebola victims, but doesn’t require conning voters, walking around looking like an astronaut?

Finally, a few readers have taken me to task for referring to Bob Packwood in a recent piece dealing with sexual predators as a Democrat when, in fact, he was a Republican. The short answer is that I forgot that for political reasons, the very liberal Packwood pretended to be a Republican. The longer answer is that just because some people lie about their political affiliation is no reason the rest of us should encourage that sort of thing.

For instance, in the Senate, both Angus King and Bernie Sanders call themselves Independents, even though they caucus and vote with the Democrats, and take their marching orders from Harry Reid.

Worse yet, we have Charlie Crist, he of the white hair and the used car salesman’s smirk, running for governor in Florida. In a matter of just eight short years, the former ambulance chasing buzzard has run and lost as a Republican and as an Independent, and now that he’s running against Rick Scott, he’s calling himself a Democrat. He even lies about his own name, which happens to be Joseph.

When it comes to camouflage, chameleons could take lessons from this phony.

Finally, I’m betting that if Crist loses this time, in 2016, he’ll be running as a Whig.

CALIFORNIA READERS: At the Wednesday, October 15th, 11:30 meeting of Reseda-Tarzana Republican Women Federated, I will be giving a talk, followed by a Q&A session, starting at 1:30. Address: Braemar Country Club, 4001 Reseda Blvd.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.