“The Attack Of The Cuckoos” and “Ebola & Other Epidemics”

How it is that so many cuckoos escaped from their clocks and have wound up in positions of authority, I will never know. But there’s no getting around the fact that the American symbol is no longer a bald eagle or even Ben Franklin’s preferred turkey, but has been replaced by the Swiss-made cuckoo bird.

For instance, the University of California, San Francisco, has just launched an online abortion course that will delve into “clinical aspects of medication abortion, aspiration abortion, post-abortion contraception, and pain management for abortion.” According to Prof. Jody Steinauer: “I think if we can inspire even a small portion of the people who take the course to take steps in their communities to increase access to safe abortion and decrease stigma about abortion, then we will have been totally successful.”

So far, 3,000 people have signed up for the course. I’m sure that ghouls everywhere are taking heart from the fact that abortion continues to be a growth industry. As for me, I think America is suffering from a dangerous lack of stigma.

As you may have heard, Nidal Hasan, who killed or maimed over 40 innocent people at Fort Hood, has written a letter to Pope Francis, complaining that Barack Obama keeps claiming that his butchery was workplace violence. Apparently he wants Francis to intercede on his behalf and point out to Obama that he is one of Allah’s proud soldiers and not just another creep who went postal because he got fired or didn’t get a raise. I can see his point. I mean, imagine how Hitler would have felt if his invasion of Poland had been dismissed as trespassing.

I do get a chuckle when young poorly educated malcontents who are often subsidized by wealthy old hypocritical reprobates like George Soros periodically take to the streets and demonstrate against Wall Street or the International Monetary Fund, blindly obeying the marching orders of wealthy old hypocritical reprobates like George Soros.

In addition to hosting an Obama fund-raiser at her home, Gwyneth Paltrow also introduced the guest of honor by batting her eyes and gushing: “You’re so handsome, I can’t speak properly.” If she considers Mr. Bat Ears so good-looking it makes her tongue-tied, one has to wonder how she ever managed to deliver a single line of dialogue when she worked with Hollywood heartthrobs Daniel Craig, Viggo Mortensen, Michael Douglas, Jude Law and Robert Downey, Jr. Perhaps the 42-year-old Valley Girl had all her dialogue dubbed by a grown-up.

Obama, who also tends to swoon in his own presence, managed to say, “I’m taking her to my next event.”

I’d love to have been a fly on the wall when Obama got home. Recalling how angry Michelle got when Obama took a selfie of himself with the leggy blonde Prime Minister of Denmark, Helle Thorning-Schmidt, at Nelson Mandela’s memorial, I couldn’t help picturing Barack trying to sneak into the White House only to find Michelle in the hallway holding a rolling pin and giving him the fish eye, just the way Maggie used to greet Jiggs in the Sunday funny papers.

The Army, which has become just as corrupt as the IRS, the Secret Service and the FBI, under the current administration has announced that it won’t go public about its investigation into Bowe Bergdahl’s desertion. At this point, don’t be too surprised if Bergdahl winds up receiving the Medal of Honor for merely pretending to be a traitor so he could go undercover and spy on the Taliban.

When the late Thomas Duncan first visited the Dallas hospital, he had a 103 degree fever and he admitted he’d just been to Liberia, but he was sent home with nothing more than a few pain killers. Once he died of Ebola, it figures there would be those who claimed that racism was the reason he was treated in such cavalier fashion. Nonsense! So far as I can tell, it was simply ObamaCare in action.

Although I dislike being at odds with my readers, I must confess I was shocked by the results of my latest poll. When I asked if people thought the Republicans would take control of the Senate and, if they did, if it would make a difference, I was obviously asking people to make an educated guess or, rather, two educated guesses. That meant that “maybe” or “perhaps” was a given, but it wasn’t a suitable response to either question. Fortunately, I managed to get 211 people to play by the rules.

It seems that 159 people thought the GOP would gain control, while 52 thought Harry Reid would manage to retain his stranglehold. However, only 61 people thought it would make a difference, 150 were just as sure it wouldn’t.

Frankly, I don’t know how those 150 could be so misguided. It’s true that a Republican Senate and Republican House wouldn’t be able to stop Obama entirely in his tracks. He’d still have his phone and his pen, but at least House bills would finally be voted on in the Senate, and Obama would be forced to veto them, showing everyone once and for all who the real obstructionist is. In addition, it is no small thing that Obama wouldn’t be able to appoint judges to the federal bench or place any more Kagans and Sotomayors on the Supreme Court, which is the legacy whereby ex-presidents are able to continue poisoning the atmosphere for decades long after they’ve left the scene of the crime.

Finally, by now I suspect everyone knows that 10 Secret Service agents lost their jobs for consorting, as they say, with Colombian prostitutes while a White House insider who happened to be the son of a major Obama donor wound up with a promotion to the State Department after he consorted with his own Colombian prostitute that very same evening.

In other news, Bill Clinton has announced that he’s heading down to Colombia on a fact-finding mission.

Ebola & Other Epidemics

I hope that the Republicans gain control of the Senate, but I don’t expect any miracles. I just want to wrench the reins away from Harry Reid, and force Obama to veto all those bills that the House has been sending along since 2010 that Reid has killed, thus sparing the Senate Democrats from ever having to cast an embarrassing vote. After all these years, the public would finally have a chance to see a real obstructionist in action.

Some of my readers have likened Obama to the serpent in the Garden of Eden, but that’s hardly fair. For one thing, the snake didn’t keep running off to play golf and attend fund-raisers. For another thing, the snake didn’t require the services of a Teleprompter in order to utter a coherent sentence. And for yet another, the snake only lied once.

I keep wondering why Sarah Palin keeps sticking her shnoz into every election in the nation — sometimes to the detriment of the Republican Party — but shied away from running for the Senate, leaving it up to a relative unknown, Dan Sullivan, to oppose Alaskan incumbent Mark Bigich (D).

Another question that keeps popping up in my head is why we don’t enlist Israel to help us defeat ISIS. The Arab and Muslim nations wouldn’t approve? So what else is new? At least we can trust the Israelis, which is far more than we can say about our alleged allies in Iraq, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, the United Arab Emirate or Turkey. And once we mop up the beheaders, we should team up and take out Iran’s centrifuges.

Speaking of our only real ally in the Middle East, it seems that an Israeli cargo ship, the Zim Shanghai, was prevented from unloading in Oakland, thanks to pro-Islamic demonstrators. Members of the International Longshore and Warehouse Union claimed they were physically threatened and feared for their lives.

Did I forget to mention that there were eight demonstrators? Apparently longshoremen aren’t quite as tough as they used to be, or perhaps, like the majority of pinheads in the Bay area, they’re just more anti-Semitic than they used to be.

Israel has managed in a little over 60 years to become one of the most indispensable nations on the face of the earth, and not just because of their medical and scientific innovations. For the various despots in the Middle East, Israel serves as a very handy scapegoat. For the likes of college professors, show business celebrities and, apparently, California’s longshoremen, it allows them to be as anti-Semitic as Hitler and Stalin, without having to admit to anything worse than being opposed to Israel’s policies.

It is nearly impossible for civilians to compete with politicians when it comes to telling lies, but feminists Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem came close with their relentless propaganda telling women that they could have it all. Nobody has it all. Aspirations are important, even essential, but these chowderheads spent decades not only telling impressionable young women that, no matter what their own limitations were, everything was possible, and if they didn’t wind up achieving all of their wackier fantasies, they’d been cheated. And by whom, you ask? Well, by the entire male gender, of course.

Women have even been convinced that they are paid 70 cents on the dollar for doing the exact same job as a man, even though that requires believing that every employer is engaged in a huge conspiracy to pay men 43% more than women, the bottom line be damned!

Other big lies involve the minimum wage and corporate taxes. The way the liberals tell it, if employers are forced to pay unskilled workers far more than they’re worth and if corporations are forced to pay higher taxes in order to finance an ever-expanding, increasingly corrupt, state or federal government, it serves them right. What the liberals never mention to their sheep-like followers is that any such increases are immediately passed on to the rest of us in added costs for goods and services. As Sherlock Holmes was wont to say, it’s elementary.

Unfortunately, millions of our fellow citizens never learned anything about basic economics in school. The only things drilled into their empty little noggins was that nicotine, capitalism and conservatives were bad; the Constitution was inconsequential because it was the work of old white men; and that those like Obama, Castro, Guevara, Chavez, Allende and Mao, were the sort of leaders America needs, but too rarely gets.

That’s not to say we don’t have more than our share of nincompoops in positions of authority. Take Dallas Judge Clay Jenkins. He got himself a trove of publicity by accompanying Thomas Duncan’s relatives out of their Ebola-contaminated apartment in his civilian duds, all part of the carefully programmed narrative being spoon fed to us that Ebola can’t be transmitted through the air.

I assume that Judge Jenkins measured the risk and decided that it would be worth a ton of votes in future elections. After all, if the disease can only be passed along through direct contact and bodily fluids, why is everybody whose job calls for being in the vicinity of Ebola victims, but doesn’t require conning voters, walking around looking like an astronaut?

Finally, a few readers have taken me to task for referring to Bob Packwood in a recent piece dealing with sexual predators as a Democrat when, in fact, he was a Republican. The short answer is that I forgot that for political reasons, the very liberal Packwood pretended to be a Republican. The longer answer is that just because some people lie about their political affiliation is no reason the rest of us should encourage that sort of thing.

For instance, in the Senate, both Angus King and Bernie Sanders call themselves Independents, even though they caucus and vote with the Democrats, and take their marching orders from Harry Reid.

Worse yet, we have Charlie Crist, he of the white hair and the used car salesman’s smirk, running for governor in Florida. In a matter of just eight short years, the former ambulance chasing buzzard has run and lost as a Republican and as an Independent, and now that he’s running against Rick Scott, he’s calling himself a Democrat. He even lies about his own name, which happens to be Joseph.

When it comes to camouflage, chameleons could take lessons from this phony.

Finally, I’m betting that if Crist loses this time, in 2016, he’ll be running as a Whig.

CALIFORNIA READERS: At the Wednesday, October 15th, 11:30 meeting of Reseda-Tarzana Republican Women Federated, I will be giving a talk, followed by a Q&A session, starting at 1:30. Address: Braemar Country Club, 4001 Reseda Blvd.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

“The United States of Obama” & “Abortions & Other Abominations”

I know a guy who makes a fortune designing bottles, jars and cans, thus making them more appealing to consumers. But it’s still the contents that matter if the consumer is going to purchase a second bottle, jar or can, of the stuff.

In the same way, there are those who make fortunes designing the packages known as politicians. If you recall, they sold us Obama as if he were a fine old wine in a new transparent bottle, but he turned out to be the same old bootleg gin Chicago has been peddling since the days of Al Capone.

When people, even now, go on TV and defend Obama by trying to spin “If you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan. Period! If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. Period!” into statements full of ellipses and qualifiers, they remind me in an odd way of the devoutly religious. As those folks see it, if something good happens, it’s because of God. But when something terrible – such as the Holocaust or childhood leukemia – occurs, they explain that God moves in mysterious ways, and we mere mortals can’t hope to divine His motives.

Well, okay, He’s God, and if He created the heavens, the stars, the earth and all of its inhabitants, including dogs, elephants and giraffes, it might be expedient to cut Him some slack. But when we’re talking about an arrogant narcissist whose major achievement was being a shill for ACORN, which is a lot like being a union organizer but without the requisite muscle, why would anyone fawn over this lying jackass?

Obama looked into a TV camera at least 40 times and told us lies that he knew to be lies because, as his advisors told him, if he told the truth, not even Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi could have gotten their trained fleas to pass the Affordable Care Act.

One of the more amusing explanations for the disastrous rollout of ObamaCare is that everything would have run smoothly were it not for Republican obstructionism. So, even though the Democrats passed it without even considering any of the 85 amendments offered up by Republican House members, it turns out they’re the problem.

I’m reminded that when O.J. Simpson was on trial for murdering Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, his lawyers dug up a friend of Nicole’s who was willing to testify that the murders might have been committed by a Libyan hit team. I bring that up because until I heard Pelosi, Boxer, Waxman, Carney and Juan Williams, continuing to wax lyrical about Obama Care, I assumed I would never again hear such unmitigated bilge in my lifetime.

One of the more putrid defenses of this whole business is hearing Obama and his puppets dismiss the inevitable cancellation of 15 million policies. Because 15 million sounds like a lot of people, they prefer referring to a mere five percent of the population. But something they and others overlook is that these policies generally cover entire families. Once you factor in spouses and children, you’re no longer talking about 15 million people being affected; you’re talking about 40 or 50 million, a number, by the way, greater than those 30 million uninsured people (mainly healthy youngsters and illegal aliens) who were allegedly the reason for Obama’s having to take control of yet another major industry and one-sixth of the nation’s economy.

Yet another area in which Obama and his supplicants are destroying America is in the schools. In Common Core’s lesson plan for possessive nouns, the tots are taught that “He (the president) makes sure the laws of the country are fair” reads better if changed to “He makes sure the country’s laws are fair.” It may read better, but the president doesn’t make laws, Congress does. And if by “fair,” they mean Constitutional, that’s the job of the Supreme Court. What’s more, if a Republican resided in the White House, I suspect Common Core would have referred to community organizers, not the President.

Lest you think, that was merely an unintentional oversight in the lesson plan, two of Common Core’s other examples are “The commands of government officials must be obeyed” and “The wants of the individual are less important than the well-being of the nation.” And, yet, a great many of you conservative parents don’t even think twice about handing your kids over to people who clearly use old Soviet textbooks as their model.

Finally, I know that some people have taken to ridiculing the voters of Washington State because they recently elected two politicians who had passed away last summer. Even I can see where that might be embarrassing. But inasmuch as Washingtonians make a habit of re-electing the likes of Sen. Patty Murray and Rep. Jim McDermott, I’d have to say this is definitely a step in the right direction.

Abortions & Other Abominations

There are any number of females who can be found on the membership rolls of NOW or in the audience at Sandra Fluke speeches or raising funds for Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, who make my skin crawl. They are the creatures whose major concern isn’t equality in education, equality of opportunity in the work place, or protection of children from sexual predators. Instead, the issue that motivates them to get out of bed in the morning is abortion on demand.

To me, they have less in common with actual women than they do with those zombies who populate horror movies, and spend all their time lurching across the countryside seeking food in the form of human brains.

They are the ogres who insist that an embryo is no more than a part of the body that women should be free to do with as they please. Pushed to the wall, they will liken it to a wart. Women don’t need anyone’s approval to have a wart removed, they say, so why should it be any different when it comes to what they regard as just another bodily blemish?

This is the sort of vile pabulum that’s been spoon-fed to young women for the past forty years by the likes of Gloria Steinem, Nancy Pelosi, Susan Sarandon and Mrs. Clinton. Even if you get past the notion that after all the advances in contraception and all the school hours devoted to sex education, anyone who is still dumb enough to get pregnant by accident should be turned into mulch, the fact remains that an embryo no more resembles a wart than a baby resembles a battleship.

For one thing, nobody ever threw a party to celebrate a wart. Nobody ever painted a room blue or pink because a wart was expected. And nobody ever named a wart after a beloved parent or grandparent.

If anyone deserves to be compared to a wart, it’s the men and women who spew this garbage.

In my heart, I approve of term limits. But in my head, I know that they do not solve the problem that compels people to call for them. Here in California, the only result of term limits is that it forces career politicians to keep swapping jobs. As a result, state assemblymen become state senators, state senators become congressmen or lieutenant governors or mayors, but in the end, it’s the same crew of parasites with their snouts in the public trough.

When it comes to Congress, term limits would make even less difference because the biggest problem isn’t with the politicians, but with the electorate. Does anyone actually believe that if the likes of Maxine Waters, Henry Waxman and Charley Rangel, were forced to retire, they’d be replaced by better people? No chance. The dummies in their districts would simply elect younger versions of the louts they’ve been electing for the past 30 or 40 years.

A reader, George Schiele, sent me an email pointing out that when Ariel Castro was arrested for keeping three women captive for 10 years, the media covered it non-stop for weeks on end. But when the Castro brothers hold millions of people captive for 50 years, the media not only doesn’t mention it, but the members of the Congressional Black Caucus return from a junket singing Cuba’s praises.

A recent study of the industrialized nations found that young American adults score near the bottom when it comes to math, science and literacy. That came as no big surprise to the folks doing the study and even less of a surprise to me. What did throw them, however, was that middle-aged Americans only did slightly better. That’s because they actually regarded them as “the best-educated generation ever.”

To my way of thinking, they aren’t even close. But, cynic that I am, I expect the folks who did the study are themselves middle-aged Americans. Hardly anybody who has gone through the public education system since 1960 is part of a well-educated generation. As proof, you only need to take a look at Obama. He is a prime example of the shoddy product we’ve been turning out – a know-nothing with a colossal amount of ego.

Obama is a product of an education system that was primarily concerned with overinflating children with the gas known as self-esteem. The end result is not brilliance, but narcissism. That is why even when announcing that Osama bin Laden had been killed, he used “I” and “me” so often, you’d have thought he had personally led the Navy Seals out of the helicopters and into the villa.

He even had the chutzpah to base our nation’s foreign policy not on military might, but on his magnetic personality and his personal powers of persuasion.

When King Canute ordered the ocean tide to stop, legend has it that he meant to demonstrate to one and all that he was only a mortal, and not God. When Obama vowed to lower the level of the oceans, his intention was the opposite.

Finally, Obama, who can’t keep his nose out of any controversy, so long as he thinks it will play well with his infantile base, let it be known that he thinks the Washington football franchise should no longer call itself the Redskins because, I suppose, there are three or four Indians who claim to be personally offended.

If I owned the Redskins, I would tell the schmuck in the Oval Office that I’ll change the team’s name when he changes his because I am personally offended that the President of the United States is named Barack Hussein Obama.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

The Political Facts of Life

After years of being exposed to the American media in all its forms, I’ve concluded that conservatives resent being lied to nearly as much as liberals hate being told the truth.

It has also occurred to me that expecting socialists to be logical and to learn the lessons of history, even very modern history, is totally unrealistic. You might as well ask Gloria Steinem’s famous fish to ride that bicycle she once suggested a fish needed as much as a woman needed a man. Of course, to be fair to Ms. Steinem, that was many years before she met the millionaire of her dreams and married David Bale. Although rumor has it that she only married him because he faced deportation for overstaying his visa, who’s to say that at the age of 66, Ms. Steinem hadn’t simply outlived her voguish cynicism?

In a cheap and typically simpleminded shot at Governor Perry, Barack Obama recently blamed the horrific wild fires in Texas on, of all things, global warming. You can bet that Al Gore is kicking himself for not coming up with that one. But to make up for that glaring oversight, the fatuous and fat-headed Mr. Gore is now blaming global warming for the $15 trillion deficit, the late-season collapse of the Boston Red Sox and the rising cost of Twinkies.

As you’re probably aware, the Justice Department has been harassing the Gibson Guitar Company. Gibson is of course an American institution that has been turning out world-class instruments for decades. Eric Holder, otherwise known as Obama’s hit-man, denies that Gibson has been targeted because the company’s chairman and CEO, Henry Juszkiewicz, is a longtime contributor to the Republican Party. They further deny that they are scapegoating him for negatively impacting the environment by using too many letters in his last name. (Scrabble enthusiasts, by the way, might be interested in knowing that if proper names were allowed, his would be worth 217 points.)

In spite of the fact that Attorney General Holder refused to prosecute the Black Panthers for intimidating voters; oversaw the program known as Fast and Furious, which saw to it that hundreds, perhaps thousands, of semi-automatic weapons wound up in the hands of Mexican gangsters; and has berated white Americans for, essentially, being guilty of being white Americans; I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt. But in order to do so, I’d also have to be the sort of bonehead who believes that Solyndra would have been the recipient of half a billion taxpayer dollars and personal visits from Obama and Biden if its snarky owner, George Kaiser, hadn’t been a major bundler for Obama’s election campaigns.

That brings us to a question that has long plagued me. Namely, why would politicians, people who live inside a large fish bowl, people, moreover, who are despised by at least half the population simply because they have a (D) or an (R) after their name, tempt fate and their countless enemies by taking graft and/or indulging in sexual escapades?

What on earth would ever lead these dunderheads to believe that they will somehow elude public exposure when the likes of Wilbur Mills, Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Gary Hart, Anthony Weiner, William Jefferson, Duke Cunningham, Eric Massa and Mark Sanford, were all found out and suffered the predictable consequences?

Was it the appeal of danger? Was it sheer hubris? Or were they all simply high on crack or heroin when they tossed their careers, their reputations and their families, under the proverbial bus?

Which leads me to wonder why it is that thanks to cheaters like Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa, we now have drug tests for baseball players, along with race horses, but not for the creeps who decide our tax rates, write our laws and determine whether, in our old age, bureaucrats will get to tell doctors and surgeons whether to treat our ailments or turn us into mulch.

One can envision in our brave new ObamaCare world a little boy picking up a pack of wafers from the breakfast table, reading the label and asking his father what Soylent Green is; and the father tousling the lad’s hair and replying, “Why, Jimmy, that’s Grandma Becky.”

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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