Divas & Demons

When it comes to divas, the ones who would generally come to mind are Beyonce, Britney Spears, Rihanna, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry and Lady Gaga.  But one who is clearly entitled to her rightful place on any list of arrogant, demanding, wildly overpaid female celebrities is none other than Hillary Clinton.  It’s true that, unlike the others, she can’t carry a tune in a suitcase.  But to be fair she has a talent they lack.  She has the ability to crack glass with her unnerving cackle.

It’s bad enough that Mrs. Clinton went on TV and claimed that she and Bill were flat broke when they left the White House in 2001, trolling for sympathy from all us yokels who are struggling to survive Obama’s economic policies.  Apparently Hillary’s contempt for everyone who isn’t Hillary is so great that she assumed that none of us were aware that both she and Bill had multi-million dollar book deals just waiting for them to turn off the lights in the White House.

But it now comes out that if you’re goofy enough to write her a check for $300,000 so she’ll deign to show up and give one of her boring lectures, you better keep your checkbook handy.  It seems she is every bit as demanding as Michelle Obama on a bad hair day.  For starters, you will have to provide a private jet with seating for 16 for the roundtrip to your venue.  You will also have to set aside 20 seats at the event for her entourage.  Next, you’ll have to provide her with a presidential suite at the hotel of her choice, along with three adjoining rooms for her various stooges.  Finally, you’ll have to pony up enough to pay for all their meals and phone calls, along with $1,250 for madam’s stenographer.

In return, she will grant you 90 minutes of her time, the taking of no more than 50 photos with no more than 100 guests, and absolutely no press coverage.

In the meantime, the man she’d like to replace in the Oval Office is behaving even crazier than usual, giving speeches in which he goes from vowing to decimate the terrorists in Iraq to suggesting he would be willing to simply manage them.  This is a wimp who couldn’t manage a Pony League baseball team pretending he can manage the barbarians in the Middle East.

Speaking of those barbarians, why is it they can’t settle on a name?  First, they were ISIS (the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria).  Then, a couple of days later, they were calling themselves ISIL (the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant).  The next thing I knew, they were simply IS (the Islamic State.)  But the day isn’t over.  Nobody’s gone through so many name changes since Elizabeth Taylor wound up with a tombstone engraved Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky.

The way that Obama is dithering around, when even his vice-president, his secretary of defense, Senators Dianne Feinstein and Elizabeth Warren, and the Pope, are calling for decisive military action against the head-hacking butchers, I’m wondering if he thinks that voters this November will be sufficiently distracted by the Middle East – foreign policy being something that generally doesn’t sway many voters – to forget about the economy, the racist policies of Eric Holder and ObamaCare.  I’m reminded that George Will recently channeled Lily Tomlin’s bag lady character who was wont to say, “No matter how cynical you are, you just can’t keep up.”

If Obama really sought advice when it comes to foreign affairs, he’d be wise to heed John Slawinski, who sums it up this way : “Whenever there’s trouble in the world, foreign nations and their people should either say, ‘Thank God the Americans are here’ or ‘God help us, the Americans are here.’”

Instead, we’re stuck with a schmuck in the White House who insists that the world is safer than it’s ever been, while acknowledging the world is always a messy place.  Dismissing what is going on in Ukraine, North Korea, China, Iran, Syria and Iraq, as “messy” would qualify for a gold medal if the Olympics included a competition for English understatement.

I was recently ruminating about Israel’s bleak future.  One needn’t be Nostradamus to see a vicious cycle of being attacked by her neighbors; eventually striking back and being condemned by the world community for doing so; agreeing to a ceasefire; then agreeing to go through the motions of negotiating with people sworn to annihilate you until the talks are inevitably interrupted by the next attack, which eventually will involve Iranian nukes.

I realize that Jews have lived there for thousands of years and that the Bible refers to Israel as the Jewish homeland, but in my head I see God tearing his hair out and hollering, “Can’t anyone take a joke?  Why on earth would anyone think I’d expect my Chosen People to live among evil, swinish cultists whose only purpose in life is to kill Jews and — oh by the way — settle on the only land for miles around that has no oil under it?  Who in his right mind would move into such a neighborhood?  Actually, when I was talking about a Promised Land, I had Des Moines in mind.”

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.

Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

“The Out-Box” and “Ah, Sweet Mysteries of Life”

Because simply keeping track of all the absurdities that make our lives so troubling makes my in-box expand to its breaking point, I occasionally have to clear it out. So consider this a spring cleaning.

For openers, I would suggest that in the wake of the spineless administrators at Rutgers uninviting Condoleezza Rice to deliver this year’s commencement address, it’s time for conservatives to quit behaving like Charlie Brown, who never seems to catch on that Lucy Van Pelt is going to snatch away the football just before he kicks it. In the future, conservatives should insist on a $50,000 cashier’s check when they agree to speak at a college. If they get to say their piece, the check is returned to the college. Otherwise, it gets cashed.

It’s high time that the academic cowards face actual consequences when they cave in to the demands of CAIR, the NAACP or some campus group representing left-wing albinos, and pull the welcome mat out from under their guest speakers.

Moving on, too many people are dying because the FDA not only takes too many years to green light new drugs, but refuses to allow the terminally ill to at least try experimental cures. It seems to me that if you only have a few months to live, so long as you sign a release guaranteeing that no ambulance-chasing shyster is going to come after the manufacturer or the FDA if the drug fails to save you, a person should be free to try anything, however unlikely it is to prevent his demise.

Speaking of death, in 2009, Barack Obama swore to cut through the red tape and get our military veterans the health care they deserve. Considering his track record, it should come as no surprise that the backlog at the V.A. hospitals has only gotten worse over the past five years. But, then, has the troll in the Oval Office ever delivered on a promise, aside from his vow to destroy the coal industry?

Whether it’s involved lowering the cost of healthcare; capturing and punishing those who murdered four Americans in Benghazi; letting us keep our doctors and our health insurance; or removing Syria’s vile despot if he crossed a red line; one must assume the schmuck goes through life with his fingers crossed.

Moreover, the Liar-in-Chief claims that the GOP’s refusal to raise the hourly minimum wage from $7.25 to $10.10 is one more example of Republicans waging war on the middle class. This twerp has spent so much time in the company of millionaires and billionaires that he actually confuses the middle with the bottom. While it is true that, thanks to his economic policies, a lot of people have seen the American Dream morph into the American Nightmare, even Obama should understand that the middle is not defined by those making between $15,000 and $20,000-a- year.

As repulsive as Obama is, his acolytes are no better. When discussing the recent disclosures regarding Benghazi on the Fox panel show “The Five,” Bob Beckel, channeling his inner Hillary Clinton, started hollering and banging his pudgy fists on the table, insisting that nobody cares what happened there.

Because it drew attention to the show, I assume Beckel’s boss, Roger Ailes, immediately gave Beckel a raise and extended his contract. For my part, the embarrassing performance left me wondering if Beckel, the ex-alcoholic, had perhaps tripped over his tongue and fallen off the wagon.

Someone sent me a takeoff on an old advertising campaign, but instead of American Express, it was for something called the Race Card, and instead of Karl Malden, it was none other than Barack Obama endorsing it: “I sure love my Race Card. It comes in handy whenever I find myself in a mess I’ve made. I just whip it out and, voila, the mess is ignored. Plus there’s no limit on how many times I can use the Race Card. So don’t leave home without it.”

The campaign has been so successful that Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Elijah Cummings and Eric Holder, would never dream of leaving home without theirs.

Speaking of which, Jeri Wright, daughter of Reverend Jeremiah Wright, was recently found guilty on 11 counts, including money laundering, embezzling from charities and lying to federal agents. I’d love it if someone asked Reverend Wright how it feels to have a few of his own damn chickens coming home to roost.

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank the two men who have sponsored my weekly webcast for over a year. At a time when liberals can pressure colleges into uninviting anyone they disagree with; homosexuals can use the courts to put bakers, florists and photographers, out of business; and people like Jesse Jackson can extort money from companies by threatening them with boycotts; I think it behooves conservatives to reward those with the courage to sponsor a conservative loudmouth like myself.

Therefore, I would like to voice my appreciation to Mike Carmolinga, owner of Lulu’s, a wonderful, moderately-priced, restaurant here in the San Fernando Valley, and 82 year old Tom Tinney, who specializes in buying and selling precious metals. He has three stores in Phoenix and two in Connecticut, but he also conducts business online at Goodoletom.com.

They’re my sponsors, but they’re also my friends, and I just happen to think that their loyalty and their good sense should be rewarded by like-minded people.

Finally, I saw a photo of Jay (“I’m not really Pinocchio, we just talk alike”) Carney. He was standing in front of a sign that read “WHITE HOUSE” on the top line, with “WASHINGTON, D.C.” just below it. But because his head was blocking the right side of the sign, it read “WHITE” on top, “WASHING” below.

I contend that never before, at least under the current administration, has a job description been spelled out as clearly as that.

Ah, Sweet Mysteries Of Life

It’s a very weird world when the degenerates who populate the Muslim world can condemn our society as degenerate, and be right. After all, you don’t have to be a prude to consider our movies; our rap music; our insistence in turning teenage icons into false idols; our pretense that same-sex marriages are the same, if not better, than the traditional variety; our dependence on illegal, as well as prescription, drugs; our corrupt politicians; and our pathological fascination with pornography, to conclude that America is experiencing a moral decline that rivals that of ancient Rome.

It certainly helps explain why we elected Barack Obama and then, in spite of a stagnant economy, a decline in American power and prestige, an unrivaled series of scandals and a life style financed by our tax dollars that reminded some people of 18th century French royalty, we re-elected him.

As if all the changes wrought by the Affordable Care Act weren’t bad enough, I had already been aware of what I refer to as the Sleep Apnea Racket. It so happens that I suffered from the condition in which one stops breathing periodically during the night and begins kicking one’s feet. When my wife first called it to my attention, I found it hard to believe that I could carry on like a Radio City Rockette and not wake myself up. Still, I had noticed that I was getting very sleepy by mid-afternoon, so I decided to visit a doctor.

He sent me to be tested at a local sleep clinic, where I discovered that I was unable to fall asleep with all those electrodes attached to me. So I got off the cot at 4 a.m. and drove home. But not before the technician insisted that I had in fact fallen asleep and, sure enough, I had sleep apnea.

When I went back to see the doc, I gave him the full report, but added that I was willing to assume that my wife wasn’t making it up, and therefore I wanted to know my options. He said that I had three choices. I could either have surgery performed on my nasal passage, making it easier for me to breathe; I could try sleeping with an oxygen mask on my face; or I could try losing some weight.

So I lost some weight and my wife assured me I was cured. There was no more kicking, no more struggling to breathe.

However, when it came time to buy a new life insurance policy, it seems I was expected to pay a premium because sleep apnea was on my medical record. But in order to prove I was cured, I had to be tested. So I went to a different sleep clinic, figuring that perhaps I would be able to fall asleep under different conditions.

Apparently, the conditions weren’t different enough because once again I failed to sleep. This technician, however, also insisted that I had dropped off and, what’s more, announced that I was still suffering from the dreaded apnea.

It is therefore my belief that no sleep clinic ever tells anyone the truth. And why would they? Without an endless supply of the walking dead, they’d be out of business. No vampires, no future in being vampire hunters. I mean, it’s not as if the insurance companies, which make a bundle off sleep apnea, whether real or alleged, are going to blow the whistle on the con artists in white smocks.

You may have seen the female members of the Congressional Black Caucus calling for military action and even the use of drones to kill the Muslim thugs who abducted the black school girls in Nigeria, something they’ve never done when the victims were merely Christians or Jews. By the way, it’s worth noting that while she was still Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton refused to identify Boko Haram, the Islamic gang responsible for the crime, as a terrorist group. But, then, again, I’m sure her response today would be, “What difference, at this point, does it make?”

And considering that the overwhelming majority of America’s 1.4 million gang members, who commit 50% of the violent crime in our country, reside in the districts the women of the Black Caucus and their male counterparts represent, you would think they’d at least call for appropriate federal action to wage war on those vermin who victimize the decent law-abiding, members of the black community.

The U.S. State Department, which rivals the IRS and the EPA when it comes to shaming itself, is listed as a “cultural partner” of the 24th Abu Dhabi International Book Fair. Among the best sellers on display, both in English and Arabic, are such page-turners as “Mein Kampf,” “The International Jew” and the ever-popular favorite of anti-Semites everywhere, including, I’m sure, those entrenched at the State Department, “The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion.”

Finally, I have long pondered why American parents continue to believe that their children all belong in college. It was pathetic enough when there were actually jobs awaiting those who had majored in liberal arts. But today, when the likeliest doors such a degree is likely to open is the one leading to a career flipping burgers or the one to their parent’s basement, you’d think everyone would acknowledge that it makes far more sense to learn a trade than to waste four years majoring in Black, Hispanic or Lesbian Studies, or listening to liberal professors prattle on about the evils of the free market, religion and America.

Along those lines, I’d like to share a joke that’s gone viral on the Internet. It seems Bubba went to a state university on a football scholarship. He was a great running back, but a terrible student.

Come Graduation Day, Bubba didn’t have enough credits to warrant a sheepskin, but his fellow students, who had no doubt recently staged a demonstration demanding that Condoleezza Rice, Ayaan Hirsi Ali or Clarence Thomas, be uninvited to give the commencement address, staged yet another, demanding that Bubba’s gridiron exploits be rewarded with a diploma.

Predictably, the dean, who lacked the spine to stand up to an organized pout, announced that Bubba would first have to answer a single question.

Come Graduation Day, the auditorium was packed to the rafters when the dean called Bubba to the stage. “Answer this one question correctly,” he said, “and you graduate. Are you ready?”
“Is that the question?”

“No, Bubba. The question is: How much is three times seven?”

Bubba gazed up at the ceiling, then down at his shoes. Finally, when the tension was as thick as Bubba’s head, he said, “I think the answer is…twenty-one.”

A hush fell upon the auditorium…and then, after emitting a collective groan, the students shouted: “Give him another chance.”

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

America Is The New Jew

For thousands of years, the Jew has served the world as its most popular scapegoat. If crops failed, a battle was lost or an economy tanked, tyrants would invariably blame it on the Jews. Adolf Hitler wasn’t the first and he hasn’t been the last. Throughout the Middle East, whatever troubles beset an Arab or Muslim nation, you can bet that the resident kingpins are blaming it on Israel.

But in more recent years, the United States has become a target. When the economy bottomed out under Venezuela, Hugo Chavez blamed the U.S. When Iran has trouble building a nuclear bomb or Syria’s al-Assad has a problem defeating the rebels, they blame us and the Israelis. When the world speaks out against Putin’s attempts to restore the Soviet Empire and the Russian economy finds itself in the toilet, he blames America.

Actually, being blamed by despots for being at the root of their problems is a badge of honor. Our problem is that instead of being led by Moses, as was the case with the Jews, we’ve chosen to saddle ourselves with a leader who far more closely resembles King Herod.

Before people tried to watch Barack Obama deal with Vladimir Putin, they should have been warned – especially children and the faint of heart – that it could be traumatic. I mean, if this administration wasn’t prepared to defend Crimea, we should at least have had weapons on their way to the Ukrainians and those promised missile defense systems on their way to Poland and the Czech Republic the day after the Russkies crossed the border. At the same time, we should have announced that we were reversing our present course and increasing the size of our military, contrary to Obama and Hagel’s earlier plan to gut it.

Because programs generally need a slogan to sell them to the voters, I would have suggested “Billions for Defense, Bubkas for Food Stamps.”

If I didn’t despise Obama for all the things he’s done to America in his attempt to radically transform it, I might feel sorry for him. After all, this is a guy who has coasted through life like a traveling salesman, relying on a smile and a spiel. Suddenly, he has come face to face with the reality that you can’t keep the peace by calling for time-outs with people like Putin and the Ayatollah Khomeini the way you can with Sasha and Malia. Affirmative Action, he has finally discovered, can only carry you so far.

Speaking of frustrating activities, is there anything more pointless than two guys arguing over the existence of God? It seems to me that people should be free to believe or not to believe, as they see fit. Believing in God doesn’t make people good, just as doubting His existence doesn’t make them bad. Among the more prominent atheists, you will find Katherine Hepburn, Jawaharlal Nehru, Marlene Dietrich, Randy Newman, Mark Twain, John Malkovich and Penn & Teller. Among the more prominent believers, you will find Osama bin Laden and a great many Mafia dons.

Aside from Islam, which I regard as an evil cult, I personally prefer those who believe in something greater than themselves to those like Obama, Hugh Hefner and Bill Maher, who appear convinced there could be nothing greater.

The people I don’t get are those like Englishmen Richard Dawkins and the late Christopher Hitchens, who seem or seemed totally preoccupied with proving the non-existence of God, and, of course, those folks who paid good money to sit and listen to them debate believers. Frankly, I would rather watch a soccer game than watch two people trying to prove or disprove the unprovable. If ever there was a case for live-and-let-live, I would think this would be it.

Speaking of things English, teachers over there are being encouraged to grade papers using green ink instead of red. England’s educational nannies, who are obviously trying to match our own, inanity for inanity, regard red as too harsh, even though English students apparently prefer red because it’s easier to read.

Still, assuming the nannies aren’t entirely daft, they may have a point. So when I insist that Obama is the vilest disaster to ever befall America, I want him and the IRS to know that I mean it in the nicest green way imaginable.

My friend Bernie Goldberg recently wrote an article in which he questioned whether Obama is delusional or merely political. Personally, I think he’s both. On the one hand, he is clearly a partisan creature who is willing to lie, cheat and wipe his shoes with the Constitution, in order to promote his agenda.

At the same time, he seems to ignore the polls and even the desertion of House and Senate Democrats, who have finally awakened to the fact that blindly following his lead was turning them into lemmings who would inevitably topple over the edge of the electoral cliff.

But, ask yourself: why wouldn’t he be delusional? Here’s a middle-aged man who, as a young boy, was abandoned by his father, his step-father and, ultimately, by his nutburger of a mother, who dumped him on his aging white commie grandparents.

With that background, it’s no surprise that he wound up so loony that he actually believed his election would mark the lowering of the ocean and the healing of the planet.

The biggest surprise is that, with such a torturous upbringing, he didn’t wind up a serial killer.

On the other hand, if he had, he would only have had a handful of victims, and not an entire nation, and by now would probably be in jail, not the White House.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

A Stinkweed By Any Name

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to get through a single day without being reminded that something in the air or in the water has polluted America to such an
extent that we have come to accept insanity as the norm?

For instance, the annual furor over Christmas has already begun. While it appears to be perfectly fine for textbooks to praise Islam while ignoring all the other religions and for schools to celebrate Muslim culture while denigrating our own and for teachers to indoctrinate our kids with the glory of socialism, the one place where the line gets drawn is when it comes to singing Christmas carols. The three options seem to be that they are banned entirely, banned only during the month of December or merely sprinkled in among such holiday ditties as “Frosty the Snowman” and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”

A news item that should be of even greater concern is that during this calendar year, at least nine generals and flag officers have been purged from the military by this administration. Although everything done by this administration can and should be traced back to Obama, whether it’s the IRS targeting conservatives; Operation Fast & Furious; encouraging the Benghazi massacre to happen and then covering up the gruesome facts; or the disaster known as the Affordable Care Act; Obama can always be counted on to remain in the shadows, letting others – Lois Lerner, Eric Holder, Susan Rice, all the Democrats up for re-election next November – take the heat, apparently the military purge has Valerie Jarrett’s fingerprints all over it.

In case you’ve never heard of Ms. Jarrett, she is the confidant of both Obamas, and pretty much plays the role for Barack and Michelle that Rasputin, the Mad Monk, played for Czar Nicolas and the Czarina, Alexandra. She, like Barack, comes out of the sewers of Chicago politics. Therefore, it didn’t matter whether the fired brass were pretty good at their jobs; what really mattered were whether they were in sync with Obama’s left-wing policies, which included gays serving openly in the military, women serving in the front lines and this administration playing footsies with Syria, Russia and Iran.

It is ironic, though, that at the same time that Obama is dismissing men who have actually engaged in warfare, he apparently bragged, according to Mark Halperin’s new book, “Double Down,” “I’m really good at killing people. I didn’t think that would be my strong suit.”

Personally, I can’t help wondering if Oslo has already sent a guy named Gunderson to the White House to take back the Nobel Peace Prize.

Apparently, Obama was referring to the drone strikes, but one could easily expand the statement to include the Affordable Care Act, which has already deprived nearly four million people of their health insurance, and which, by the end of 2014, when the employer mandate kicks in, could easily add another 50 or 60 million.

I know a lot of people are wishing that the election for governor in Virginia had taken place a few days later. Thanks to ObamaCare, all the momentum was shifting to the Republican, Ken Cuccinelli, and away from the Democrat, Terry McAuliffe, best known as a bag man for the Clintons. But what they’re overlooking is that Cuccinelli, who was the first state attorney general to file a lawsuit against ObamaCare, would have won if only a besotted egotist named Robert Sarvis, running as a Libertarian, had stayed home. In an election McAuliffe won by fewer than 55,000 votes out of a total of 2.2 million, Sarvis managed to get 145,000 pinheads to waste their votes on him.

Speaking of politicians who might consider vocational guidance, Toronto’s Mayor Rob Ford, when asked if he’d ever smoked crack cocaine, admitted he probably had “during one of my drunken stupors.”

He remains popular with the electorate, though, because he believes in lower taxes. And I, for one, say it’s just not fair. Here’s a Canadian politician who’s strung out on booze and crack, and he still makes more sense than every Democrat in Congress.

Thomas Devine of Greenwood Village, Colorado, won the November drawing. a Copy of “Barack Obama, You’re Fired!” is on its way to him.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

If God Exists, then What the Hell is going on?

AARON-ALEXIS-PosterMy own, modest opinion is that there is not enough evidence available, pro or con, to determine whether there is a God – at least in the biblical sense. And there probably never will be enough evidence.

We can only study the matter by indirection, sort of like looking at an eclipse of the sun as reflected on a cardboard screen.

If there is a God, or at any rate a benign one,  then why did He let Colorado have its guts torn out by flooding this month?

One possible answer is that God was so busy forgiving Yom Kippur worshippers their sins that He got hopelessly diverted and failed to watch the weather forecasts. But this implies that God is not a multi-tasker, and any sensible person, whether he believes in God or not, will tell you that if there were a God, with all the powers one normally attributes to a god, He would be capable of doing more than one thing at a time.

To keep this post timely, I should add that any number of non-believers probably are wondering today why God, if He existed, would allow the massacre of more than a dozen innocents at the Navy yard in Washington. If you read the comments of liberal bloggers, you find that God may have been outmaneuvered by the National Rifle Association, and also by that old bugaboo, the Republican majority in the House of Representatives.

It now develops that the dead shooting suspect used to contend that he heard voices in his head. Is that really so unusual? Come on, fess up, don’t you sometimes hear voices in your heads too? I sometimes hear my late father admonishing me about this or that, or a hostile high-school history teacher telling me that I don’t know what I am talking about. However, these are always reprises of comments I have already heard in the distant past. It is called memory.

Anyway, if the suspect heard voices, telling him to kill his ex-colleagues at the yard, this undoubtedly was the work of the NRA, which is well-funded enough to afford the most advanced mind-manipulation technology. NRA told him to kill a lot of people, although we don’t know yet whether it specifically named the prospective victims. Maybe Wayne Lapierre will enlighten us, when he is inevitably raked over the coals by MSM interviewers this Sunday.  Or maybe Boehner knows, and we can pry it out of him over cocktails.

The details of mass shootings or other types of mass killings tend to unfold in stages over long periods of time on the cable news channels. At first we were given information that seemed to suggest that a gang of government-hating white nuts from rural Montana, clad in military fatigues, had carried out the massacre. That is always the hope of the liberal community when these things happen. “At last, we can pin it on the Great Right Hope!”

But much of the time the shooter turns out to be from some other, quite different demographic. There was still hope for the liberals when the news came through that the killer was from Fort Worth. Aha, a Bush voter! Then came the inconvenient fact that the shooter was a black man, previously a contractor for the Navy, who evidently bore specific grudges.

With the news out that the killer was black, the MSM had to shift into another gear. Now, with little hope of pinning this on the Tea Party, they began to conclude that the killings must be society’s fault. That’s always the case when blacks commit crimes, right? Remember when the mother of one of the bored killers in Oklahoma, who took the life of an Australian jogger, told the networks that this could all have been averted if the town had a better recreational program for its youths?

The networks have two photos of the killer, one showing him with a long, narrow face like John Kerry, the other showing him with a cherubic moon face, like Chris Dorner. I don’t know where the networks got these photos, but perhaps he was featured in a before-and-after ad sequence for Weight Watchers.

But I may be digressing here. You can believe in God, and perhaps believe that He allowed the Colorado floods to happen because He was angry at Colorado. If you read your Bible regularly, you know that God is not averse to a little vengeance now and then. He is not always, if ever, trying to prevent bad things from happening. He is not necessarily entirely benign.

The question then becomes, What did He have against Colorado? Too many Starbucks in Denver and Colorado Springs?

The question is difficult to answer, because there are multiple, unrelated reasons that seem plausible.

He may have sent the floods – and let’s remember that He has a history of using such a weapon – because Colorado approved gay marriage. This is entirely consistent with His mindset, as we all know.

On the other hand, He may simply have disapproved of the legalization of pot. What better way to ruin the crops than massive flooding?

Then again, the flooding may stem from the fact that Colorado voters recalled two anti-gun legislators in a special election. That would probably be the first choice among liberal bloggers. But do you really think that God is a gun-grabber? Then why did He let guns proliferate to the extent they have in the United States? Every sign suggests that God likes guns.

Albert Einstein was a hero of mine, and I like his take on God. He was not a religious Jew, but he slung around the term “God” pretty often for a hardcore physicist. He didn’t seem to have in mind the guy with the flowing beard on the Sistine ceiling, or the immense humanoids who kept demanding sacrifices of goats and lambs from the ancient Greeks (and must have run their cholesterol counts way up in the process).

To Einstein, God was the universe itself, with all its mysteries. It may have been the product of random chance, or it may have been the product of intelligent design, not even Einstein knew, but he chose to call it God. He was able, better than anyone else, to chip away at the mysteries, but the job is far from finished, and it may never be.