America Is The New Jew

For thousands of years, the Jew has served the world as its most popular scapegoat. If crops failed, a battle was lost or an economy tanked, tyrants would invariably blame it on the Jews. Adolf Hitler wasn’t the first and he hasn’t been the last. Throughout the Middle East, whatever troubles beset an Arab or Muslim nation, you can bet that the resident kingpins are blaming it on Israel.

But in more recent years, the United States has become a target. When the economy bottomed out under Venezuela, Hugo Chavez blamed the U.S. When Iran has trouble building a nuclear bomb or Syria’s al-Assad has a problem defeating the rebels, they blame us and the Israelis. When the world speaks out against Putin’s attempts to restore the Soviet Empire and the Russian economy finds itself in the toilet, he blames America.

Actually, being blamed by despots for being at the root of their problems is a badge of honor. Our problem is that instead of being led by Moses, as was the case with the Jews, we’ve chosen to saddle ourselves with a leader who far more closely resembles King Herod.

Before people tried to watch Barack Obama deal with Vladimir Putin, they should have been warned – especially children and the faint of heart – that it could be traumatic. I mean, if this administration wasn’t prepared to defend Crimea, we should at least have had weapons on their way to the Ukrainians and those promised missile defense systems on their way to Poland and the Czech Republic the day after the Russkies crossed the border. At the same time, we should have announced that we were reversing our present course and increasing the size of our military, contrary to Obama and Hagel’s earlier plan to gut it.

Because programs generally need a slogan to sell them to the voters, I would have suggested “Billions for Defense, Bubkas for Food Stamps.”

If I didn’t despise Obama for all the things he’s done to America in his attempt to radically transform it, I might feel sorry for him. After all, this is a guy who has coasted through life like a traveling salesman, relying on a smile and a spiel. Suddenly, he has come face to face with the reality that you can’t keep the peace by calling for time-outs with people like Putin and the Ayatollah Khomeini the way you can with Sasha and Malia. Affirmative Action, he has finally discovered, can only carry you so far.

Speaking of frustrating activities, is there anything more pointless than two guys arguing over the existence of God? It seems to me that people should be free to believe or not to believe, as they see fit. Believing in God doesn’t make people good, just as doubting His existence doesn’t make them bad. Among the more prominent atheists, you will find Katherine Hepburn, Jawaharlal Nehru, Marlene Dietrich, Randy Newman, Mark Twain, John Malkovich and Penn & Teller. Among the more prominent believers, you will find Osama bin Laden and a great many Mafia dons.

Aside from Islam, which I regard as an evil cult, I personally prefer those who believe in something greater than themselves to those like Obama, Hugh Hefner and Bill Maher, who appear convinced there could be nothing greater.

The people I don’t get are those like Englishmen Richard Dawkins and the late Christopher Hitchens, who seem or seemed totally preoccupied with proving the non-existence of God, and, of course, those folks who paid good money to sit and listen to them debate believers. Frankly, I would rather watch a soccer game than watch two people trying to prove or disprove the unprovable. If ever there was a case for live-and-let-live, I would think this would be it.

Speaking of things English, teachers over there are being encouraged to grade papers using green ink instead of red. England’s educational nannies, who are obviously trying to match our own, inanity for inanity, regard red as too harsh, even though English students apparently prefer red because it’s easier to read.

Still, assuming the nannies aren’t entirely daft, they may have a point. So when I insist that Obama is the vilest disaster to ever befall America, I want him and the IRS to know that I mean it in the nicest green way imaginable.

My friend Bernie Goldberg recently wrote an article in which he questioned whether Obama is delusional or merely political. Personally, I think he’s both. On the one hand, he is clearly a partisan creature who is willing to lie, cheat and wipe his shoes with the Constitution, in order to promote his agenda.

At the same time, he seems to ignore the polls and even the desertion of House and Senate Democrats, who have finally awakened to the fact that blindly following his lead was turning them into lemmings who would inevitably topple over the edge of the electoral cliff.

But, ask yourself: why wouldn’t he be delusional? Here’s a middle-aged man who, as a young boy, was abandoned by his father, his step-father and, ultimately, by his nutburger of a mother, who dumped him on his aging white commie grandparents.

With that background, it’s no surprise that he wound up so loony that he actually believed his election would mark the lowering of the ocean and the healing of the planet.

The biggest surprise is that, with such a torturous upbringing, he didn’t wind up a serial killer.

On the other hand, if he had, he would only have had a handful of victims, and not an entire nation, and by now would probably be in jail, not the White House.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
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©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write

Bios & Biases

Every so often, so many items capture my attention that I either have to get them down on paper or accept the fact that I can never hope to catch up. But never let it be said that Prelutsky took the easy, logical, sane, commonsensical, approach.

To get the ball rolling, let me confess that I not only tend to shy away from non-fiction books in general, but even more so when it comes to biographies. I have multiple problems with them. To begin with, they are written by researchers and academicians, and so I usually find the writing dry and humorless. For another, they tend to begin with a rundown on the subject’s ancestors. Although parents and grandparents may have played a huge role in the way the person turned out, if I wanted to read about them, I’d be reading their biographies. My third reason, shameful as it must sound to many of you, is that I’m not that interested in reading five or six hundred pages about any one person.

Before opening the floodgates to well-intentioned suggestions for my reading list, understand I have come to these conclusion through experience, not rumor. To me, sitting down with a biography is the equivalent of asking someone for the time and being told how to make a watch.

I confess that as cynical as I am, even I’m shocked that so many people seem to be up in arms over the NSA keeping track of millions of phone numbers, but are seemingly unconcerned that the ObamaCare website has rolled out the equivalent of a red carpet for every computer hacker between here and Timbuktu. They don’t even have to say “Open Sesame” in order to know everything about you, including your medical history, your birthday, your social security number, your bank account and, yes, even your telephone number.

By this time, I assume everyone has seen the stomach-turning video of the little black child in a diaper being coached by his gangbanging uncle to repeat the most vulgar words imaginable. What I found interesting is that when some cop in Omaha used the word “thug” in referring to the uncle, the ACLU immediately jumped in to denounce him for employing a racist term. It’s one thing to be a knucklehead and quite another to hire a skywriter to let the world know about it.

Everyone knows that “thug” is a generic word that has no racial connotations. Thugs come in all sizes, shapes and colors. But the mopes at the ACLU who’d go out of business if they couldn’t trump up cases based on matters as trivial as hurt feelings or intentional misinterpretations of the Constitution, let us all know that whenever they hear “thug” or, I assume, “bully,” “dope dealer,” “rapist” or “scumbag,” they immediately assume the reference is to a black person. I’m just asking, you understand, but doesn’t that qualify as racist?

Although the next presidential election is still nearly three years off, I am already hearing from those who are certain that Obama is planning to pull off a coup so he can become a dictator for life. I grant that he doesn’t show a lot of respect towards the Constitution or even American traditions, for that matter, but I have to wonder how it is that the paranoiacs seem to have so little confidence in the military that they’d believe the Army would be party to a power-grab.

It so happens that I’ve been doing this for so long that I’ve heard the same concerns when Clinton and Bush were into their second terms. I acknowledge that Obama is a far worse menace than either of them, but this is not a banana republic. There’s no getting around the fact that the Obamas love the perks of the office, but inasmuch as the Clintons were able to bank over $100,000,000 between 2001 and 2008, I’m sure the Obamas will be able to pay for their own vacations after 2016.

Speaking of Obama, he and Kerry are clearly dying to give the store away to Iran. In fact they are so desperate to cut a deal with the mullahs, and make it appear they’ve scored a diplomatic success, they are willing to sell what passes for their souls to the Devil.

Nearly 70 senators, including about 20 Democrats, are basically saying, “Okay, negotiate with the bastards all you want, but if after six months, they haven’t agreed to halt their pursuit of a nuclear bomb, tougher economic sanctions will automatically kick in.” Aside from the fact that sitting down with jihadists makes about as much sense as Chamberlain trying to placate Hitler, you would think that Obama and Kerry could live with it. But the Iranians are insisting that they won’t negotiate with a threat hanging over their head. To me, the real problem is that the threat they face is merely financial and not thermonuclear.

With 2016 lurking around the corner, I was heartened to hear RNC kingpin Reince Priebus say that there are changes in the wind. Among those he mentioned was a shortened primary season, an end to the liberals controlling the debate formats and a much earlier date for the GOP convention. Those are all good ideas, and could go a long way to cut down on the backstabbing and bloodletting that invariably accompanies our internecine battles.

However, I would also suggest that the GOP finally grows up and puts a stop to the Iowa caucus, a charade that eats up enormous amounts of time and money, and doesn’t even result in the allocating of convention delegates.

As for New Hampshire, a tiny state that gets overinflated to such a degree that for a time during an election year, you would think it was the size of Texas or California. In fact it is no more entitled to hold the first primary than my big toe. At least my toe is representative of my foot, whereas New Hampshire is representative of nothing, including Vermont and Maine.

I will close with a bit of folk wisdom someone recently sent me: “A Liberal Paradise would be a place where everybody has guaranteed employment, free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities; and only Law Enforcement has guns. Such a place does exist. It’s called prison.”

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write

Disasters Sprouting Like Mushrooms

Only a stumblebum like Obama would think that signing an agreement with Iran that basically caves to an evil nation would be a good way to distract people from the catastrophe known as the Affordable Care Act.

Just because Obama can’t do two things at once – or even one thing if it requires anything beyond reading words off a Teleprompter – he assumes other people can’t recognize that he is as toxic on the world stage as he is domestically.

Because John (“Why do people keep calling me Mr. Ed?”) Kerry is as inept as his boss, in exchange for legitimizing Iran’s nuclear program and handing over seven billion dollars, he couldn’t even negotiate the release of American pastor, Saeed Abedani, who was trying to open an orphanage in Iran when he was arrested over a year ago, and subsequently tortured on trumped-up charges of being a spy.

It’s not just that Iran should never be trusted, but Obama, along with the representatives of the other western nations that signed the treaty, chose to ignore the fact that Iran has been the single largest sponsor of state-sanctioned terrorism for the past 34 years. The blood of every American soldier who has been killed or wounded in Iraq, Afghanistan or Libya, can be found on the hands of the Iranian mullahs. But in order to take some of the heat off himself, Obama chose to reward Iran for three decades of bad behavior. I wonder if Malia and Sasha have been paying attention.

I can only say that Hitler must be kicking himself for coming along 80 years too soon. Back in the 30s, Hitler only had to deal with a single Neville Chamberlain, and he would soon be replaced by Winston Churchill. Today, all the western leaders are carrying umbrellas, and there isn’t a Churchill in sight.

Reagan would have had the mullahs eating their centrifuges for lunch. But Obama goes on TV to brag about this foreign policy coup even as the Ayatollah Khamenei celebrates the signing of the pact by once again announcing his intention to annihilate Israel.

Meanwhile, in Afghanistan, Hamid Karzai is kicking sand in our face, and the government is talking about punishing those engaged in pre-marital sex with a hundred lashes, and, as a punishment for adultery, death by stoning. Keep in mind that we have squandered thousands of American lives and billions of tax dollars protecting these vermin from the Taliban. So, the next time someone suggests we go to war to protect Muslims and Arabs from one another, ask them why on earth we would ever do such a thing when it is clearly God’s way of thinning the herd.

When I heard that Israel’s Bibi Netanyahu said something about “an historic mistake,” I heartily concurred. But then I found out he was talking about the sucker’s deal we cut with Iran. He was right, of course. But, initially, I assumed he was referring to the elections that put Obama in the White House and then extended his lease.

There are times when it’s easy to imagine that all the lunacy can be traced back to our nation’s capital. But it’s just not so. For instance, it makes no sense that drug dealers face far harsher penalties than those who slaughter elephants. Even on those rare occasions when poachers are arrested and tried, the creeps involved in the ivory trade generally get off with a wrist slap. The elephants, after all, are innocent victims; whereas drug users are not. But because hypocrisy has become a way of life for many of us, we simply pretend they are.

The latest proof that college campuses are among the most corrupt venues in America is Bard College’s refusal to cut its ties with the Jerusalem-based Al-Quds University, even after the Palestinian administrators failed to condemn an Islamic jihad demonstration that included students trampling on Israeli flags and exchanging the Nazi salute. But, then, Bard, the pride of Annandale, NY, also boasts a Chair in Social Studies named in Alger Hiss’s honor. For the uninitiated, Hiss was a high-ranking member of the State Department under both FDR and Harry Truman, who just happened to moonlight as a Soviet spy. As some wag suggested, the big surprise is that Bard doesn’t have a John Dillinger Chair in Banking.

In case you were wondering, similar lunacy prevails in the education system below the college level. Verenice Gutierrez, the principal at the Harvey Scott K-8 School, in Portland, Oregon, has decided that her teachers shouldn’t make reference to sandwiches because in some cultures they don’t eat sandwich bread. Furthermore, on the first day of the school year, at a staff meeting, it was decided that the teachers should engage in a “Courageous Conversation,” in which they would examine news articles in class and discuss the “white privilege” they convey.

Because I’m a big proponent of both courage and conversation, I would suggest they devote one of those sessions to the Knockdown Game, currently the rage with black teens, in which the object of the game is to sucker punch a white person. Extra points, as I understand it, are earned if the victims are elderly women or World War II veterans.

I realize that it might be difficult to spot white privilege in these accounts, but I’m betting that Ms. Gutierrez is up to the task, and that an administrative position at Bard College is very likely in her future.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write

“Hip Hip Horray for Kryptonite!” and “A Mulligan Stew”

For nearly five years, I waited and wondered if anything would ever puncture the Teflon shell surrounding Obama. Nothing seemed capable of even denting the fortress erected by the media, the DNC and all his henchmen in Congress. The irony is that it was a weapon of his own making, the Affordable Care Act, that finally exploded the man and the manufactured myth.

I mean, when you consider all the things that had been successfully deflected, starting with the Stimulus and all those shovel-ready jobs; Cash for Clunkers; Operation Fast & Furious; the frequent multi-million dollar family vacations, deriding millions of Americans as “those who cling to their guns and their religion;” the tapping of phones here and abroad; the targeting of conservatives by the IRS; the Benghazi massacre and the ensuing cover-up; the coddling of enemies and the betrayal of allies; the redistribution of wealth; and the war on coal and oil; you could easily get the idea that Obama was as impenetrable as Superman.

But the fact is that just about every despot seems unbeatable, be it a Hitler, a Mussolini or a Saddam Hussein, until he finally gets his comeuppance.

In response to one of Barbara Walters’ patented softball questions, Obama said that Michelle would make a much better president than he. That gave the missus the opportunity to modestly deny it by insisting that she lacks his patience.

Actually, it’s the American people who have displayed enormous patience, putting up with this lazy amateur who has a Marxist agenda and a voice box where other people would be expected to have brains and character.

Still, if Obama was alerting Ms. Walters and the rest of us that Michelle plans to run in 2016, I couldn’t be happier. It would shape up as a great cat fight for the Democratic nomination. Michelle has height and reach, but Hillary has a lower center of gravity, sharp claws, and, what’s more, she will have had eight years in which to stoke her fury against those who rained on her coronation.

In other news, those who have built careers out of promoting the horrors of “global warming” and then” climate change” have seen their fantasies run smack into reality. It seems that for the first time in over 30 years, not a single Atlantic hurricane hit the U.S. mainland during the hurricane season, which officially ended at the end of November. Perhaps they’ll have to change the terminology once again to something along the lines of “climate change change.”

The one thing you can count on is that they won’t ever admit that their fears were groundless and their draconian solutions were not only prohibitively expensive, but intended to destroy business and industry. You might as well ask the fellow with a money tree to chop it down for firewood or the guy with a golden goose to roast it for Christmas dinner as to expect the weather lobby to confess its lies.

Perhaps the main victim of the weather hoax has been science, itself, because its practitioners have, by and large, shown their willingness to lie in order to feather their own nests with federal grants and professorships.

I liken the treaty Obama and Kerry are trying to make with Iran to the foolishness of the parole system. It’s only because the sanctions against Iran are finally taking effect that these schmucks have agreed to negotiate. But instead of unconditional surrender, we are showing a willingness to not only accept a slight slowdown in their race to a nuclear bomb, but to give them seven billion dollars.

If a bank robber or pervert doesn’t rob a bank or rape a child in prison, we knock years off his sentence and say it’s for good behavior. Good behavior should not be confused with lack of opportunity. The way it should work is that each prisoner serves his full sentence, and if he misbehaves, time is added on.

So it should be with Iran, which has never displayed good behavior in the 34 years the Islamics have controlled the government. From the day they overthrew the Shah, the mullahs have sponsored terrorism around the globe. I say, if the sanctions are working, the proper response is to ratchet them up until the Iranians destroy their centrifuges and turn over their uranium, not to negotiate in what makes a farce of good faith.

The fact that Obama and Kerry, along with their European stooges, are willing to overlook Iran’s stated intention to exterminate the Jews in Israel, thus completing the job begun by their favorite western leader, Adolf Hitler – should have stopped negotiations even before they began. Instead, considering how widespread anti-Semitism is in Europe and within this administration, I’m betting it provided them an added incentive to cut a deal.

Finally, as happens at the end of every year, the studios are sending DVDs to the members of the various guilds, hoping to garner our votes for the various awards that will soon be handed out. In my case, as a member of the WGA, I have thus far received 10 DVDs. In my estimation, not one of them is deserving of a writing award. Probably the best of them is “Blue Jasmine,” in which Woody Allen essentially takes “A Streetcar Named Desire” and sets it down in San Francisco, proving he is only slightly better at channeling Tennessee Williams than he was at channeling Ingmar Bergman.

The worst of them is “The Butler,” in which we are shown a racist version of American history from the mid-1950s through Obama’s election, as seen through the eyes of a black butler serving in the White House. There are so many things wrong with the movie, I won’t go into them now, except to say that, as with “The Color Purple,” this is a movie in which you are hard-pressed to find a single decent white character. So it is no surprise that Oprah Winfrey has a featured role, especially considering that she recently said that the only way for racism to disappear from America is for the older white generation to die away.

I can’t help wondering how all those older white women who spent years kissing her butt and making her a billionaire feel about Oprah now that she no longer needs them for ratings.


Thanks to Obama and his army of liberal pinheads, I’m never allowed a moment’s peace. Even with my bad wing, I’m constantly scribbling little notes to myself, reminding myself of their mischief. In no time at all, so many notes pile up that I have to clear the decks, lest I be buried in an avalanche of paper.

So, for openers, I would now very much like to see Obama impeached for committing financial fraud, which I believe falls under the heading of high crimes and misdemeanors. We have proof from as far back as his filmed exchange with Rep. Eric Cantor back in 2010 that he knew the Affordable Care Act would deprive people of their health insurance and their personal physicians, although he continued to lie about it on at least 40 occasions in his attempt to bring socialized medicine to America, while simultaneously gobbling up a sixth of the economy.

Also, why haven’t any Republicans filed a suit with the Supreme Court questioning Obama’s constitutional authority to arbitrarily excuse business owners and unions from paying a federal tax that’s being levied on the rest of us?

Speaking of those who feel free to abide by their own rules, a group calling itself HALT (Help Abolish Legal Tyranny) has turned a spotlight on the legal profession, and come to the conclusion that the Mafia does a far better job of policing itself than do the state Bar Associations. Probably no group, with the possible exception of Congress, is likelier to turn a blind eye to the misdeeds committed by its members. (Speaking of which, I recall a few years ago that the House found Rep. Charles Rangel guilty of 10 or 11 charges, including income tax evasion. His punishment, if I recall correctly, is that they postponed a testimonial dinner in his honor.)

On its state-by-state report card, HALT bestowed no grade higher than a B. Those went to Arizona, Colorado and Vermont. The majority of states, including California and New York, earned Ds. Utah, where I can only imagine lawyers are allowed to cheat at cards and literally get away with murder, received an F.

In Sioux Falls, South Dakota, the board of education decided there wasn’t time during a school day for high school students to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. They have time to hold pep rallies for their sports teams, but not the time to hold one for the nation for which their fathers and grandfathers fought and often died. I suppose the members of the board decided it wouldn’t be fair to ask the kids to postpone texting “Luv ur nu nose ring” for even 10 seconds a day.

Liberals were always pressing George Bush to come clean on his mistakes, as if they were a combination of an old-fashioned school marm and Cotton Mather, but they, themselves, never acknowledge their own shortcomings because they always believe they are not only right, but smarter than everyone else and invariably on the side of the angels. Thus, when their inept tinkering with the economy, health care, immigration, green energy or gun laws, don’t turn out the way they envisioned, it never even occurs to them that a different approach might be called for; instead, they assume that all that’s required to change the outcome are, one, a better set of lies and, two, a larger expenditure of our tax dollars.

To give you a fair idea of how deviant most liberals are, you merely have to notice how disturbed they are by traditional displays involving Christmas and Chanukah, while remaining calm, cool and collected, when it comes to pornography, obscenity and the worst excesses of a fascistic administration.

They are equally copacetic when it comes to the black mobs terrorizing just about every major American city, where the robbery, murder and rape, stats among black teenagers are soaring. What’s worse, the crimes were inevitable. After decades of Democrats turning a blind eye to absentee fathers, contempt for education, a 70% illegitimacy birth rate and a culture that promotes misogyny, obscenity and drugs; while all the while race pimps like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson constantly reminded them they were the innocent victims of crackers and honkeys, it’s no wonder we’ve wound up with “Lord of the Flies” in black face.

Because he was assassinated 50 years ago, John Kennedy has recently come in for a great deal of renewed attention. The thing that has set off alarm bells for me is the contention by left-wing radicals that he was one of them. Even though he was religious, promoted a strong military and favored lower taxes, left-wingers would have you believe he wasn’t a conservative. There was in fact little in his record that would have differentiated him from Ronald Reagan, aside from the fact Kennedy took an active role, not acting roles, during World War II.

When he pushed for Civil Rights legislation, Kennedy actually had more in common with Republicans than he did with his fellow Democrats. But of course when JFK was speaking about those rights, he meant equality under the law when it came to employment, education and voting. It was only after he was killed that Lyndon Johnson was able to hijack the issue as political currency for himself and future generations of political hacks.

When it comes to labeling JFK a liberal, lunkheads such as Jeff Greenfield and Oliver Stone have to channel their inner Nostradamus and predict what he would have done in the future, while ignoring what he had done during the first three years of his administration. They’re convinced, for instance, that he would have pulled out of Vietnam even though he increased our military presence when he was alive. They also believe he would have unilaterally ended the Cold War even though his greatest achievement had consisted of risking a war with the Soviet Union, the nation he referred to as “the Evil Empire” 20 years before Reagan did the same, by facing down Nikita Khrushchev and forcing him to pull his nuclear missiles out of Cuba.

Greenfield and Stone should also keep in mind that just four months prior to his assassination, JFK flew to West Germany, not East Germany, to announce, on behalf of freedom-lovers everywhere, “Ich bin ein Berliner,” four little words that totally frosted the Russkies.

Finally, every time I see Joe Biden turn his loving gaze on Barack Obama, I’m reminded of the way that wives of politicians are trained to look adoringly at their hubbies – especially after one of the pigs has been caught up in some sleazy sex scandal.

Of course in Biden’s case, he may have perfected his routine by simply watching how Obama reacts whenever he happens to pass a mirror.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write

A One-Man Wrecking Crew

It usually requires an actual dictator to destroy a country. It takes a power-crazed lunatic such as Hitler, Mussolini, Mao, Castro or the Ayatollah Khomeini, to turn a nation into a cesspool. That’s what makes Barack Obama unique. In his case, it only took one man to, in his own words, radically transform a free republic into a place that would not only be unrecognizable to the likes of Washington, Madison, Franklin and Hamilton, but even to such latecomers as Truman, Kennedy and Reagan.

It was with a combination of shock and disgust that I saw America elect a man in 2008 who vowed to redistribute wealth, send energy costs soaring, do everything in his power to destroy the coal and oil industries and, for an encore, take control of the health care industry, less because there was anything terribly wrong with things as they were, but in an attempt to shift one-sixth of the economy into the hands of the federal government.

Everything he said and did were the words and actions of a fascist, and yet the citizens, at least those who were ready and willing to swap their liberty for free cell phones, unemployment checks and food stamps, re-elected him. They didn’t even care that after the first four years of his reign, there weren’t very many jobs; after all, what difference was it to them so long as there were enough job-holders being taxed to support them?

Even college graduates who were forced to move back home seemed content with their lot. Heck, Obama saw to it that they didn’t have to pay for health insurance until they were 26. He helped legalize marijuana, encouraged homosexuality and, God knows, would never even consider reinstituting the military draft. Besides, living at home provided them with hot meals, clean laundry and rent-free accommodations. Is it any wonder that 70% of these elderly infants voted to re-elect the cool dude?

Those are just some of the reasons that I have found the farcical rollout of the Affordable Care Act so delightful. Compared to this disaster, the notorious rollouts involving New Coke and Ford’s Edsel were resounding success stories.
When, three weeks after the rollout, Barack Obama stood in front of 13 human props while trying to defend the indefensible, he identified them as people who had successfully enrolled in ObamaCare. What he neglected to mention was that they were the only ones in a nation of 310 million who had done so.

His performance that day, as he kept repeating the 800-number and assuring us what a really swell thing ObamaCare was, reminded many people of those TV hucksters who keep trying to sell us hair-in-a spray can. He did everything but tell us that if we were among the first hundred people to call in, he’d toss in a second Affordable Care Act at no additional cost.

It later came out that during his speech, one of those human props, the very pregnant Karmel Allison, nearly fainted. What wasn’t reported was that prior to his typically long-winded harangue, she wasn’t even expecting.

All things considered, the Rose Garden was certainly the proper setting for the event. That’s because when Obama was done flapping his gums, the White House gardeners immediately shredded his speech and were able to use it as fertilizer.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write