I have no way of knowing all the facts regarding the New Jersey scandal swirling around Gov. Chris Christie, but I certainly have my suspicions. As the story goes, in retaliation for Fort Lee’s Mayor Mark Sokolich’s refusal to support Christie in his bid for re-election, Christie’s deputy chief of staff Bridget Anne Kelly ordered several lanes of the George Washington Bridge shut down, allegedly for the sake of a traffic study.

In his defense, Christie insisted he knew nothing about it, claiming that Ms. Kelly betrayed his trust. That would be easier to swallow if we hadn’t lived through several years of Barack Obama insisting that he knew nothing about his own various scandals until he read about them in a newspaper.

Would Christie have us believe that during the four days of lane closures, and the thousands of calls his office must have received, he never once bothered looking into it? We’re not children. We all know that the boss creates the atmosphere in which his underlings exist. The boss needn’t risk leaving a paper trail, he only has to make his feelings known.

In his press conference, Christie defended himself by stating, “I am not a bully.” An unfortunate choice of words. For one thing, it reminded a lot of people of Nixon’s “I am not a crook.” For another, only bullies ever have reason to deny being one. And, finally, Christie’s political appeal is that he is a bully who doesn’t suffer fools or unions gladly.

The irony is that Mayor Sokolich, the man being punished for not supporting Christie, is not even a Republican. But, then, a lot of us never thought Christie was, either.

Speaking of bullies, a lot of people suspect that the reason John Boehner is so reluctant to appoint a select committee to get to the bottom of the Benghazi massacre is that he was aware that Ambassador Stevens had been begging for additional security, but, like Obama and Hillary Clinton, did nothing about it. For me, though, it begs the question why Senate Democrats and House Republicans allow their majority leaders to completely cow them, as if they were serfs beholden to a feudal lord. Why is there never an uprising or at least a vote of no confidence?

Former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates has gotten a lot of media attention for his book, “Duty.” That’s because he shared some candid insights into the minds of Obama and Mrs. Clinton. But nothing he said should come as a surprise to anyone who has been awake for these past five years. I mean, how big a shock is it that Obama didn’t have his heart in the Afghanistan surge? After all, at the same time the schmuck ordered an additional 30,000 troops be deployed, he set a date for our military withdrawal!

To me, the biggest surprise is that Gates went out of his way to praise the two of them, even going so far as to call Obama’s order to capture or kill Osama bin Laden the most courageous act of his lifetime. Perhaps Mr. Gates would do well to start reading the commendations that accompany Medals of Honor. But, for all I know, Gates was merely hoping he’d continue being invited to White House Christmas parties.

Recently, I was sent a cartoon that showed Obama speaking to someone who had lost his medical insurance: Obama: “If you like your plan, you can keep it.” Poor Schnook: “But I lost my plan.” Obama: “You must not have liked it.”

When I read the exchange, I immediately thought of Jay Carney. He takes the same patronizing tone whenever he replies to the poor schnooks comprising the White House Press Corps, usually adding an eye roll for emphasis.

It has me wondering if the new beard is in preparation for his entering the Federal Witness Protection Program after some day breaking down at the podium, screaming, “Day after day, I stand here and lie, and you all know it. I can see the contempt in your eyes. But I can’t help myself. Joe Biden’s holding my family hostage in the basement of the White House!”

“Kumbaya” Is Not Our National Anthem

Far too often, I hear people, including Republicans, whine about gridlock in Washington. They long for compromise the way Romeo yearned for Juliet. I, on the other hand, applaud gridlock. How can I do otherwise when those on one side of the aisle are always wrong?

If you disagree, tell me one time that Obama and his gang have been right. This administration was wrong about the trillion dollar Stimulus, Cash for Clunkers and shovel-ready jobs. They’ve been wrong about Syria, Libya, Iran, Iraq, Russia and Egypt. They have also been wrong about the national debt, illegal immigrants, defense spending, same-sex marriages, climate change, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” military pensions and a 2.3% tax on medical devices, which will inevitably leave medical innovation entirely up to the Israelis. That’s assuming that Obama’s treaty with Iran doesn’t lead to the mullahs nuking Israel out of existence.

No place have they been further off the mark than when it comes to health care. Heck, these lunkheads even botched it on light bulbs, insisting that we all convert to those ugly twisty things filled with mercury that require technicians decked out in Hazmat suits to deal with their disposal.

The one thing they finally got right, the execution of Osama bin Laden, not only meant the Pentagon’s overcoming Valerie Jarrett’s dire warnings of the political blowback if the mission failed, but the aftermath led to Obama’s contention throughout the 2012 campaign that al-Qaeda was permanently out of business. That, in turn, led to the Benghazi massacre that left four American patriots dead.

What confounds me is that in spite of the chaos created by he who vowed to fundamentally transform America; the number of cities that have been turned into slums after decades of free-spending Democratic mayors; and a public education/indoctrination system that isn’t even the envy of Nigeria; the likes of Oprah Winfrey, Thomas Friedman, Chris Matthews and David Letterman, will not only turn a blind eye to the horrors wrought by unfettered liberalism, but blatantly lie about the obvious facts.

In defending Obama and his destructive policies, these knuckleheads remind me of Muslims insisting that Islam is a peaceful religion.

Speaking of knuckleheads, the State Department said they were hoping for a democratic and stable society in Egypt. In case nobody at State noticed, Egypt experimented with democracy two years ago and wound up with the Muslim Brotherhood in control. In the Middle East, with the exception of Israel, you can have either democracy or stability, but you can’t have both.

In the meantime, Obama and Kerry refuse to negotiate with the Taliban for the release of Warren Weinstein, a 72-year-old American who has been held captive since 2011 in Pakistan. That’s because it’s our policy not to negotiate with terrorists. So, apparently, it’s only a nasty rumor that we are actively engaged in negotiations these days with Hamid Karzai, Vladimir Putin, Hassan Rouhani and Bashar al-Assad.

It isn’t just the State Department that’s a national embarrassment. There is also the Justice Department, which under Eric Holder is about as colorblind as Jesse Jackson. In its most recent act of blatant racism, it charged Conrad Barrett, a 27-year-old white Texan, with having committed a federal hate crime for sucker-punching a 79-year-old black man. Understand, I’m all for hanging the cowardly and brutish Mr. Barrett from the nearest lamppost, but how is it that his crime is a federal case, when not a single one of the black thugs who introduced the Knockout Game to America has been the victim of Mr. Holder’s righteous wrath?

A friend of mine recently sent me an email in which he praised Fox News commentator Kirsten Powers, a liberal, for occasionally, unlike Juan Williams, Bob Beckel, Geraldo Rivera and Alan Colmes, saying sensible things. Having suffered through Ms. Powers and her smug little smirk for years now, I acknowledged that he was right to single her out from the other left-wing nincompoops. But, I pointed out, she has only recently displayed any balance in her comments, and I attributed it to her having been one of the six million self-insured people who lost their health coverage thanks to ObamaCare. That, I suggested, is the updated definition of a conservative convert, who previously had been defined as a liberal who had just been mugged.

We keep getting reports that the unemployment rates are falling, with nary a mention that it’s because millions of people are happy to receive unemployment checks or fake their way onto the disability gravy train, thus removing their noses from those being tallied by the federal bean counters. The fact remains that whether the unemployment number being tossed around is 9% or 7%, we have millions more people today than we had a decade ago, but far fewer being employed. And if you eliminate those working part time or off the books, the actual unemployment rate is hovering right around 15%.

As Ann Coulter recently reminded us, Kwanzaa was invented in 1966 by a violent black radical named Ron Karenga and, even in the multicultural swampland America has become over the past several decades, is no more deserving of our respect than Saddam Hussein’s birthday.

Another email praised me for telling the truth in an article in which I took LBJ and Hubert Humphrey but, primarily, urban blacks, themselves, to task for their current abominable status in America.

The writer, Frank, whimsically suggested that I should “demonstrate a little humility for always getting things right. Maybe do a little penance like serving up some hot soup in a Salvation Army food line. Have you no shame?”

I replied that “I used to have some, Frank, but I felt that there were others far more deserving. So I deposited mine in a Salvation Army kettle, along with a note suggesting they should forward it to the White House.”

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Channeling Sherlock Holmes

Arthur Conan Doyle’s greatest creation, the pre-eminent logician and crime solver, Sherlock Holmes was wont to compare the human brain to an attic. It was his belief that the finite space was best employed as a storage bin for those items that would be of use in his work. Thus, at any given time, he might not know the name of the Prime Minister, but he would be able to identify over 150 different types of tobacco.

I’m sure there are those who would argue that the human brain has infinite capacity, but even they would have to acknowledge that life would be a lot easier if, when searching for someone’s name, they didn’t have to rummage through a brain that was cluttered with a lot of names they’d casually tossed into their cranial attics, where they lie and collect dust; the verbal equivalent of torn lampshades, rusted ice skates and Hula Hoops.

The following is my attempt at spring cleaning. So, for openers, let me say that I believe attempted murder should carry the same penalty as first-degree murder. Otherwise, you’re simply rewarding incompetence.

It will come as a surprise to most people that the Pledge of Allegiance was authored by a socialist minister named Francis Bellamy, a cousin of Edward Bellamy, author of “Looking Backward,” a futuristic novel which depicted a socialistic America as Utopia.

When Francis penned the Pledge in 1882, he hoped it would promote public education while denigrating private and parochial schools, which couldn’t be relied on to promote the authority of the federal government.

In the beginning, students were instructed to recite the Pledge with their arms outstretched, palms up, similar to the way Romans had once been required to hail Caesar. The custom was dropped in the 1940s when people realized how similar it was to Germans heiling Hitler.

What Bellamy initially wrote was: “I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” With an eye to the French, he considered including “equality” and “fraternity,” but decided against it, realizing that the state superintendents of education on his committee were opposed to equality for women and blacks.

One of the things that I despise the most about the Pro-Choice groups is the way that Obama, the harpies in NOW and the creepy crew at Planned Parenthood, try to pass off abortions as a women’s health issue. To me, that’s as far-fetched as describing Nazi concentration camps as a German transportation issue.

I am always hearing liberals insist that anything they object to — be it Guantanamo, drone strikes on Islamic terrorists, U.S. presence in the Middle East, military tribunals or our alliance with Israel — are all recruiting tools for Hamas, Hezbollah and the Muslim Brotherhood. Why is it that I never hear them say that the attack on the USS Cole, the taking of hostages by Iran, the attack on our Marine base in Lebanon, 9/11, the safe haven for Osama bin Laden in Pakistan and the Boston massacre, should all be recruiting tools for the good guys?

I’d love to have someone interview Jay Carney’s mother and ask her how she feels about all the sacrifices, all the skimping and saving, required to enable the family to send her son to an Ivy League school, just so he could grow up and lie for a living.

Speaking of he for whom Carney tells whoppers on a daily basis, in his commencement speech at Ohio State, Obama warned the graduating class not to listen to those who tell them the tyrant is just around the corner.

For once, he was right. The tyrant wasn’t lurking in the wings. He was standing at the podium.

Speaking of tyrants, let us all keep in mind that it’s this very same Tea Party-hating IRS that Obama has authorized to oversee and enforce ObamaCare.

While I know that the media and some Democrats have backed the IRS into a corner, Obama, as usual, has tossed a body — in this case the temporary head of the organization who was already two weeks away from being replaced — under the usual bus. So far as Obama is concerned, he’s done all that needed to be done. Now everyone is expected to move along. “Nothing to see here, folks.”

But anyone who believes that the IRS has been buried has never seen one of those horror movies in which zombies crawl out of their graves and start clumping around the neighborhood, looking for human brains, which they crave the way some people hanker after those nice little energy bars.

Although we all realize it’s only a temporary setback, I confess I’m delighted to see those bratty tax collectors for once being scolded and sent to bed without their supper.

For as I’m always saying to Dr. Watson, it’s elementary that even a slightly tarnished silver lining is better than no silver lining at all.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Could This Be Bye-bye Obama?

Political scandals come, and political scandals go, but they all smell the same.

I am going to go way out on a limb here, and predict that President Obama will be forced to resign from office before the end of his second term, because of Benghazi-gate, just as one of his esteemed predecessors, Richard Nixon, did because of Watergate.

It will be the last, nasty practical joke inflicted upon our country by this ill-natured, incompetent boob of a President – because look at who we will get as his successor!

I decided that Obama was bound to resign because I don’t think any presidency can survive more than four years of the fully justified drubbing that Obama already is receiving from the alternative media. His mishandling of our foreign affairs is exemplified, though not limited to, his mishandling of the Benghazi tragedy.
Being incompetent isn’t quite enough cause for impeachment, and Obama would never acknowledge that he is incompetent in any event. But when you add in the lies, the deceptions, the cover-up, and when all the gory details of this disgraceful shell game finally get disclosed, as they will, to the American public, you have a presidency that simply cannot remain viable.

I don’t know whether the worthless mainstream media, which in its more honorable days led the charge in ousting Nixon, will continue to “circle the wagons,” as Rush Limbaugh puts it, around their precious President. I still have enough belief in our nation’s journalistic tradition to assume that there must be some mainstreamers out there who will break ranks and join the better cause.

Where are all those young idealists who enrolled at journalism schools in record numbers after Watergate? Some of them are still batting away at their keyboards, and if enough of them decide to do the right thing, it will be Hello Again, Chicago for Obama and his lovely family.

It wasn’t until today that I mustered enough certainty to publicly predict Obama’s premature departure from the Oval Office. It happened when a reporter at his news conference asked Obama to respond to the attack by Republican Senators McCain and Graham on Obama’s United Nations ambassador, Susan Rice. The senators said they would do whatever they could to ensure that Rice, who has been mentioned as a possible successor to Secretary of State Clinton, does not receive that promotion, because of her involvement in Benghazi-gate.

Rice, you no doubt recall, went on five different Sunday political talk shows a week after the Benghazi attack, to spread the administration’s propaganda – which already had been thoroughly discredited – that the attack which killed our ambassador to Libya and three other Americans had been prompted by an anti-Muslim video. (The producer of the video has just begun a one-year term in a California prison, supposedly for parole violation. Yeah, right! This is just Obama’s kiss-up #546 to America’s enemies.)

Obama gallantly rode to Rice’s defense. He seems to have a bit of a thing for her. Michelle ought to take note.

Obama said: “…let me say specifically about Susan Rice, she has done exemplary work. She has represented the United States and our interests in the United Nations with skill, and professionalism, and toughness, and grace.”

Echoes of Watergate! Maybe you aren’t old enough to remember everything that went on during the Watergate drama, but I am, and I was following the events so closely at the time that every word of every participant has been forever etched in my mind. So, this is what I remember:

When Bob Haldeman and John Ehrlichman, two top White House staffers who had been implicated in the Watergate scandal, were forced to resign, Nixon went on TV and called them “two of the finest public servants it has been my privilege to know.”

Neither of those fine gentlemen, who wound up serving time in prison, was by any stretch of the imagination a “public servant.” They were Nixon’s personal servants, Nixon’s myrmidons.

Susan Rice and the rest of the lying cabal, including Obama himself, Hillary Clinton, Jay Carney and, sad to say, perhaps General Petraeus, are not public servants. They serve their own interests, exclusively.

Good riddance to the lot of them.  Better sooner than later, guys.

The Zombies Are Coming!

Burt hopes you’ll enjoy this bonus article.

Let’s face it, there is definitely something very spooky about liberals. They’re a lot like those creatures in horror movies, the undead, who are always lurking around looking to turn normal people into vampires or zombies. They’re often looking for human brains, which, God knows they could certainly use, but it’s not for themselves, but to install in the heads of monsters they’ve cobbled together in their basements.

In the movies at least, people can generally avoid running into them so long as they stay out of haunted houses, cemeteries and dark cellars. In real life, it’s much more difficult because they’re everywhere. Turn on your TV and there’s Steny Hoyer, Joe Biden or Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, saying something so stupid, it’s frightening. And if you happened to find yourself in a cemetery at night and bumped into Harry Reid, wouldn’t you assume that he was there to oversee your burial?

Scariest of all is Barack Obama because he’s the one with the power to create the most mischief. But what I don’t get is why people are making such a big thing of a 1998 video in which he announced that he was in favor of the redistribution of wealth. Why go back 14 years? He said the same thing during the current century, in 2008 to be exact, to Joe the Plumber. He also famously said at about the same time that the major failing of the Constitution and the Civil Rights Movement is that neither dealt with the redistribution of wealth.

This is the same palooka who said that his energy policy would send prices soaring, and whose energy czar said he wished gas prices would go to $10-a-gallon in order to hasten the day when green energy would be our only option.

It just seems to me that going back 14 years in order to nail this putz with his own words is sort of like the other side trying to portray Romney as Al Capone because he bullied some kid in high school. I mean, Obama has not only done his level best to destroy the coal and oil industries in America, thus helping to double gas prices at the pump over the past four years, but his economic policies have drained thousands of dollars from the net worth of the average American, kept the unemployment rate at record highs, and, for good measure, is one of the few people who has ever voted in favor of partial-birth abortions. Talk about your ghouls. This schmuck even gives the Mummy the willies.

Even in the area of foreign policy, Obama can’t help showing off his incompetence. First, he kicked things off by going to Cairo in 2009, apologizing for American exceptionalism, and kissing the behinds of the assembled Arabs and Muslims. Then, when in spite of four years of bowing and scraping, those same people showed their contempt for him by storming our embassy in Libya and murdering four Americans, including our ambassador, he denied it was an act of terrorism. He even made his ambassador to the U.N., Susan Rice, go on every TV show except Dancing With the Stars, to announce that it was a spontaneous uprising brought about by a video that was seen by fewer people than Catwoman.

Let’s face it, there is definitely something very spooky about liberals. They’re a lot like those creatures in horror movies, the undead, who are always lurking around looking to turn normal people into vampires or zombies. They’re often looking for human brains, which, God knows they could certainly use, but it’s not for themselves, but to install in the heads of monsters they’ve cobbled together in their basements.

For eight days, poor Jay Carney had to tell the White House press corps that there was no possible way to tell that the attack had been planned and carried out by Muslim terrorists. And then, on the ninth day, voila, there was the Press Secretary not only admitting that it was a terrorist attack, but that it was, of all things, “self-evident”!

Even I sympathized with the boyish-looking Carney. He was probably hired in the first place when Robert Gibbs stepped down because, unlike Gibbs, he looked like he could be trusted near a playground filled with kids. However, he has lost his innocence over the past couple of years. Dealing with the Libyan kerfuffle, he had to spin so hard and so fast for Obama that he finally screwed himself into the floor until all that could be seen of him was the top of his head and a pair of horn-rimmed glasses.

While Obama continues to take bows for giving the order to kill Osama bin Laden, someone should constantly remind him that anyone, including Romney, I and my aunt Sophie, would have given the same order. What none of us would have done, however, was to display such weakness and to send such mixed messages to our enemies in North Africa and the Middle East that a bunch of third world thugs would have reason to believe they could burn down our embassy and slaughter Americans with impunity.

For all his various failings, when Islamic terrorists attacked America on 9/11/01, George Bush went to war. When Islamic terrorists attacked America on 9/11/12, Barack Obama said they weren’t really attacking us and they weren’t even terrorists; they were actually just a bunch of film critics who disliked a certain movie and, instead of giving it a really bad review, decided to go on a killing spree.

I guess we can only hope that these folks never get wind of Mommie Dearest, Heaven’s Gate or Freddy Got Fingered, or it could be the end of life on earth as we’ve known it.

Burt hopes you’ve enjoyed this bonus article..

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Write to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Bailing the Ship of State

Even though I write at least three articles a week, I find it impossible to stay abreast of the madcap antics of Barack Obama and his multitude of stooges. At times, I feel like Mickey Mouse portraying the Sorcerer’s Apprentice in Walt Disney’s “Fantasia,” frantically trying to deal with all those deranged brooms.

For instance, consider the fact that Obama has increased our national debt from roughly 10 trillion dollars to 16 trillion in just three years, and is now trying to convince us that he’s the biggest penny pincher since Dwight Eisenhower.

Sillier yet, he has chosen to run against Romney’s record at Bain Capital. According to objective sources, Bain’s success rate during Romney’s years was 78%. In other words, about four out of the five companies in which Bain invested became successful. What percentage of green energy companies in which Obama has invested our tax dollars have succeeded? Does “zero percent” ring any bells?

There are times when I actually find myself feeling sorry for Jay Carney. After all, when he accepted Obama’s offer to replace Robert Gibbs, I’m sure Mr. Carney had visions of fame and fortune awaiting him. What he failed to take into consideration was that day after day, he was going to have to march to the podium and try to put the best face on a very ugly administration. He was going to have to spend his professional life lying and spinning like a top.

At least over at Fox, Juan Williams gets to sit down while he’s spinning. Watching Williams trying to explain and excuse every miserable thing Obama does reminds me of the character, Spicer Lovejoy, in “Titanic.” In case you don’t recall, he was portrayed by David Warner, and he was Cal Hockley’s bodyguard.

Although Lovejoy was a villain, I couldn’t help thinking that nobody could ever have a more loyal and dedicated employee. Even after the ship hit the iceberg and was starting to keel over, Lovejoy was still earning his salary, even as his knees were getting soaked.

That’s the kind of dedication I see in Juan Williams. Even Lovejoy didn’t carry as much water as Williams does. No matter how dumb he sounds, no matter that Steve Hayes, Bret Baier and Charles Krauthammer, are all staring at him as if he’s begun speaking in tongues, nothing can dissuade Mr. Williams from defending his guy. Sometimes, I find myself wondering if Obama sits in the Oval Office, dreaming up nonsense just to see if Williams will back him up.

Although I delight in ridiculing the Left, I’m afraid there are times when I have to take conservatives out behind the woodshed. For instance, when did you all decide that it was necessary to pretend that your kids were all scholars whose huge brains would atrophy if you didn’t send them off to college, where nutty professors could shovel left-wing crapola into their craniums? And just how did you figure that their lives would be enriched by majoring in studies devoted to black, Hispanic, lesbian and Communist, propaganda?

Furthermore, the fact that your offspring are so susceptible to these lies proves that you haven’t bothered explaining to them what makes America exceptional. You wouldn’t fail to inoculate them against mumps and measles, but you cavalierly leave them free to catch the left-wing virus that floats around just about every schoolhouse in the nation.

Even in nursery school, members of the despicable teachers unions have them chanting “Barack Obama, mmm mmm mmm” and you’re just fine with it. Is it any wonder that later on, when they’re told that they should admire psychopaths like Che Guevara, Mao Tse-tung and Fidel Castro, while despising Washington, Jefferson and Adams, they swallow the bilge as historical fact?

In closing, I’d like to call attention to Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Nanny Bloomberg, who has declared sugar, salt, tobacco and trans-fats, verboten in New York City, is a scofflaw who has broken the law at least 16 times in the last six months, thanks to using a helicopter to transport his self-righteous butt to and from his mansion in the Hamptons.

As one of his constituents put it, “Bloomberg’s being a little hypocritical. If you’re so concerned about the quality of life of the citizens in this city — like don’t smoke a cigarette in Central Park — don’t land a 2,000-pound helicopter in front of my apartment with the choking exhaust and intolerable noise, especially when the heliport is supposed to be closed.”

It seems that the Manhattan heliport is only supposed to be open for business from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. on weekdays, and shut down entirely on weekends. Bloomberg defended himself by saying he was unaware of the curfew. If anyone believes that, he has a bridge over in Brooklyn that he’s willing to sell cheap.

On the other hand, at least Bloomberg felt compelled to present a defense, as cheesy as it was. When Ted Kennedy was still in the Senate and promoting wind power as a way to replace fossil fuels, a green energy outfit proposed erecting windmills in Nantucket Sound to take advantage of those Atlantic Ocean breezes. Once Kennedy realized those windmills would be visible from his home, the plans were scuttled.

Being a Kennedy, he didn’t even have to come up with a lame, Bloomberg-like excuse. Nobody would have disputed him if he’d pointed out that all by himself he could easily generate all the wind power Nantucket could possibly use.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Send your comments to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.