“Highly Implausible Deniability” and “The Ever-Expanding Gender Gap”

Barack Obama, mainly through his sock puppet Jay Carney, claims he knew nothing about Operation Fast & Furious; the tapping of the AP phones; Ambassador Steven’s request for additional security in Benghazi; the NSA spying on our allies; the suspension of military death benefits; the targeting of conservatives by the IRS; or the problems with the ObamaCare rollout.

But Democrats continue to insist he is the smartest guy in the world. Hell, he isn’t even the brightest individual in the room if the First Dog, Bo, wanders into the Oval Office searching for his chew toy.

The biggest question about Obama is whether he’s simply dumb or just plain lazy. We keep hearing that he isn’t into details. If you’re a fan, that means he concentrates on the big picture, while delegating implementation of his agenda to his legion of go-fers, including Pelosi, Reid, Kerry and Holder. If you’re not a fan, you’re more likely to assume that, being the stereotypical recipient of affirmative action, he has gotten away with skating for the past 35 years, counting on his race and his arrogant grin to get him where he enjoys being; namely, devoting almost every waking hour to the campaign trail, soaking up the adoration of left-wing nincompoops.

It’s hard to avoid the irony of Richard Nixon having been impeached for bugging the phones in a single office when Obama gets away with bugging every phone in the world.

Speaking of bugs, Sean Penn accused Tea Party Republicans and conservatives in general of being uneducated. For the record, Penn’s own academic resume consists of dropping out of a community college after, by his own admission, taking a few classes in auto repair.

As you may have noticed, the FBI and the State Department refused to allow survivors of the Benghazi massacre to testify before Congress because, they claimed, it might jeopardize trials involving the terrorists. They did this in spite of the fact that even more than a year after the killing of four Americans, not one of the Muslim creeps has even been captured.

As bad as that is, even when a congressional committee manages to get someone to testify, they conduct the hearing like the egotistical little jerks they are, devoting most of the time to jousting with one another for face time on TV. Whether the witness is Hillary Clinton, Lois Lerner, Eric Holder or Kathleen Sebelius, they should appoint one of their members, preferably a former prosecuting attorney, to grill these weasels the same way he or she would in a criminal court.

I wonder how many more federal agencies we will have to hear about, wasting millions of tax dollars on goofy conferences, before the revolution begins. It seems as if every other week, some department feels the need to fly off to a resort for a morale-boosting get-together. I say if receiving fat salaries, huge pensions and an exemption from ObamaCare, isn’t enough of a morale-booster for these clowns, what they really need to do is find another job, not sit through a puerile spoof of “Patton” or “Star Trek.”

In fact, if they had half a brain, they would run for office. That’s where the real gravy is. For instance, although poll taxes have been done away with, there is something you might call a toll tax in D.C. Not too long ago, House Speaker John Boehner sat on a popular piece of legislation that prevented a tax on cell phone calls. That is, he sat on it until lobbyists for AT&T came through with $60,000 for his war chest. The very next day, the other 434 members of Congress were finally allowed to vote on the bill.

Or take Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who didn’t require a mortgage when he purchased his luxurious suite at the Ritz-Carlton. That’s because he paid the $750,000 in cash!

Finally, on my weekly webcast, a left-wing booby called in and attempted to deliver a filibuster on behalf of global warming. Fortunately, I was able to pull the plug when he refused to let me sneak a word in edgewise. In hastening his departure, I pointed out that, like Ronald Reagan, I had paid for the microphone. What shocked me, though, was that someone was still bloviating about global warming. I thought all the environmental zealots had changed their mantra to climate change, once even Al Gore had to acknowledge that the earth’s temperature had begun cooling down over the past 15 years.

What I tried to tell this oaf was that science is not a matter of consensus, as he was insisting. Everything in science is merely a theory until empirical evidence either confirms or refutes it. And as soon as anyone starts tossing around words like “consensus” or “the majority of experts agree,” you better open your umbrella because it isn’t raining rain, you know, it’s raining manure.

But I also would have suggested that he ask himself this question: In the current political climate, who is more likely to be telling the unvarnished truth – those who deny that man is responsible for altering the earth’s temperatures, thus ensuring they will be the last hired and the first derided; or those who toe the party line, thereby ensuring themselves federal grants, professorships and the camaraderie of left-wing academics and bureaucratic buffoons?

The Ever-Expanding Gender Gap

Although I readily acknowledge that there are many things that women do as well or better than men, voting is not one of them. Moreover, things only seem to be getting worse.

In 2008, women gave Obama 56% of their votes, a mere 43% to McCain, while men at least made it close, 49%-48%. But whereas men came to their senses last November, voting for Romney 52%-45%, the women remained faithful to the cool dude by a 55%-44% margin.

As you may have noticed, it was also the ladies of Virginia who provided the margin of victory for Terry McAuliffe, whose only claim to fame was having served as a bagman for the Clintons.

I’m not suggesting we repeal the 19th Amendment. After all, it’s mainly young, single women who are causing all the havoc. They are like the members of some weird secular convent, but instead of being betrothed to Jesus, their hearts all belong to Obama.

Still, when it comes to young women, I blame the parents. Clearly conservatives are doing a lousy job of raising their daughters. So, a word of advice: Instead of wasting all your time complaining about their clothes, their music and their hair, it’s time you folks got busy counteracting the vile bilge they’re being force-fed in their schools. With any luck at all, they will soon outgrow their silly fads and fashions, but you can’t bank on that miraculous change occurring when it comes to politics and patriotism.

Lest you get the idea that I’m only willing to disenfranchise others for the sake of our nation’s future, let me hasten to say I’d be willing to surrender my own voting privileges if they would also be canceled for my fellow Jews, 70-80% of whom will vote for any radical leftist — such as New York’s new mayor, Bill De Blasio — with a (D) after his or her name.

As for black voters, don’t get me started.

As for the reason why the overwhelming majority of my fellow Jews vote for Democrats, it’s because Vermont’s Sen. Bernie Sanders is the only goofball candid enough to actually identify himself as a Socialist.

It still confounds me that this administration decided to cut off military aid to Egypt. The stated reason is that its Army deposed a duly-elected leader. One would think that an exception would be made in the case of Mohamed Morsi, who had proven to be a puppet of the Muslim Brotherhood and who had shown during his first year in office that he intended to turn Egypt into an Iranian-like theocracy. Would we have turned our back on Venezuela if the military had gotten rid of Hugo Chavez and made conciliatory noises in our direction?

I know that national leaders who may disagree about everything else speak as one when it comes to the sanctity of life (of national leaders), but how dare we punish the Egyptians for no other reason than that they rid themselves of a dictator who was allied with America’s sworn enemies in the only way possible!

Wouldn’t you think that at least one Democrat would have the integrity to say that the Republicans were right to demand the postponement of ObamaCare, and that the shutdown of the government could have been avoided if only Obama, Sebelius and Reid, had had the intestinal fortitude to admit that the Affordable Care Act wasn’t anywhere near ready for primetime?

But, no, instead the whole sleazy bunch of them try to pretend that when Obama lied about people being able to keep their health plans and their doctors, what he really meant was that they wouldn’t be able to keep either! I’m aware that those Democrats up for re-election next year are getting nervous, but not one of them has had the gumption to call Obama a liar or to admit that Ted Cruz was actually doing them a favor by asking for a one-year postponement.

I am equally disgusted with Republicans who have such an overinflated and infantile respect for the office of the presidency they feel they must refrain from using words such as “liar,” “thug,” “bully” and “hypocrite” – none of which is even slightly obscene – to describe Obama. A free people should not confuse their beloved nation with some bumbling leftist just because he happens to have won a popularity contest.

As Ronald Reagan so deftly pointed out, the government is not the solution, it’s the problem. What’s more, it’s far truer today than when he said it.

Finally, while I don’t happen to know if, along with mammograms for men, prenatal care for elderly women, contraception for nuns and rehab for Mormons, ObamaCare offers psychotherapy to those eight or nine people who have somehow managed to enroll. But I do know that if anyone is in need of a mental health provider, it’s ObamaCare itself. It’s been a traumatic month or two, and all the indicators suggest things are only going to get worse.

Considering how gung-ho the Democrats are when it comes to abortions, they would have been wise to have killed Obama’s signature piece of legislation before this spawn of Satan’s had a chance to cost them seats in the House and their majority in the Senate.

On the other hand, although it took a heck of a long time, at long last, Obama was finally right about something. The Affordable Care Act really is great for America. Just not the way he meant it.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.