“Hip Hip Horray for Kryptonite!” and “A Mulligan Stew”

For nearly five years, I waited and wondered if anything would ever puncture the Teflon shell surrounding Obama. Nothing seemed capable of even denting the fortress erected by the media, the DNC and all his henchmen in Congress. The irony is that it was a weapon of his own making, the Affordable Care Act, that finally exploded the man and the manufactured myth.

I mean, when you consider all the things that had been successfully deflected, starting with the Stimulus and all those shovel-ready jobs; Cash for Clunkers; Operation Fast & Furious; the frequent multi-million dollar family vacations, deriding millions of Americans as “those who cling to their guns and their religion;” the tapping of phones here and abroad; the targeting of conservatives by the IRS; the Benghazi massacre and the ensuing cover-up; the coddling of enemies and the betrayal of allies; the redistribution of wealth; and the war on coal and oil; you could easily get the idea that Obama was as impenetrable as Superman.

But the fact is that just about every despot seems unbeatable, be it a Hitler, a Mussolini or a Saddam Hussein, until he finally gets his comeuppance.

In response to one of Barbara Walters’ patented softball questions, Obama said that Michelle would make a much better president than he. That gave the missus the opportunity to modestly deny it by insisting that she lacks his patience.

Actually, it’s the American people who have displayed enormous patience, putting up with this lazy amateur who has a Marxist agenda and a voice box where other people would be expected to have brains and character.

Still, if Obama was alerting Ms. Walters and the rest of us that Michelle plans to run in 2016, I couldn’t be happier. It would shape up as a great cat fight for the Democratic nomination. Michelle has height and reach, but Hillary has a lower center of gravity, sharp claws, and, what’s more, she will have had eight years in which to stoke her fury against those who rained on her coronation.

In other news, those who have built careers out of promoting the horrors of “global warming” and then” climate change” have seen their fantasies run smack into reality. It seems that for the first time in over 30 years, not a single Atlantic hurricane hit the U.S. mainland during the hurricane season, which officially ended at the end of November. Perhaps they’ll have to change the terminology once again to something along the lines of “climate change change.”

The one thing you can count on is that they won’t ever admit that their fears were groundless and their draconian solutions were not only prohibitively expensive, but intended to destroy business and industry. You might as well ask the fellow with a money tree to chop it down for firewood or the guy with a golden goose to roast it for Christmas dinner as to expect the weather lobby to confess its lies.

Perhaps the main victim of the weather hoax has been science, itself, because its practitioners have, by and large, shown their willingness to lie in order to feather their own nests with federal grants and professorships.

I liken the treaty Obama and Kerry are trying to make with Iran to the foolishness of the parole system. It’s only because the sanctions against Iran are finally taking effect that these schmucks have agreed to negotiate. But instead of unconditional surrender, we are showing a willingness to not only accept a slight slowdown in their race to a nuclear bomb, but to give them seven billion dollars.

If a bank robber or pervert doesn’t rob a bank or rape a child in prison, we knock years off his sentence and say it’s for good behavior. Good behavior should not be confused with lack of opportunity. The way it should work is that each prisoner serves his full sentence, and if he misbehaves, time is added on.

So it should be with Iran, which has never displayed good behavior in the 34 years the Islamics have controlled the government. From the day they overthrew the Shah, the mullahs have sponsored terrorism around the globe. I say, if the sanctions are working, the proper response is to ratchet them up until the Iranians destroy their centrifuges and turn over their uranium, not to negotiate in what makes a farce of good faith.

The fact that Obama and Kerry, along with their European stooges, are willing to overlook Iran’s stated intention to exterminate the Jews in Israel, thus completing the job begun by their favorite western leader, Adolf Hitler – should have stopped negotiations even before they began. Instead, considering how widespread anti-Semitism is in Europe and within this administration, I’m betting it provided them an added incentive to cut a deal.

Finally, as happens at the end of every year, the studios are sending DVDs to the members of the various guilds, hoping to garner our votes for the various awards that will soon be handed out. In my case, as a member of the WGA, I have thus far received 10 DVDs. In my estimation, not one of them is deserving of a writing award. Probably the best of them is “Blue Jasmine,” in which Woody Allen essentially takes “A Streetcar Named Desire” and sets it down in San Francisco, proving he is only slightly better at channeling Tennessee Williams than he was at channeling Ingmar Bergman.

The worst of them is “The Butler,” in which we are shown a racist version of American history from the mid-1950s through Obama’s election, as seen through the eyes of a black butler serving in the White House. There are so many things wrong with the movie, I won’t go into them now, except to say that, as with “The Color Purple,” this is a movie in which you are hard-pressed to find a single decent white character. So it is no surprise that Oprah Winfrey has a featured role, especially considering that she recently said that the only way for racism to disappear from America is for the older white generation to die away.

I can’t help wondering how all those older white women who spent years kissing her butt and making her a billionaire feel about Oprah now that she no longer needs them for ratings.

A MULLIGAN STEW

Thanks to Obama and his army of liberal pinheads, I’m never allowed a moment’s peace. Even with my bad wing, I’m constantly scribbling little notes to myself, reminding myself of their mischief. In no time at all, so many notes pile up that I have to clear the decks, lest I be buried in an avalanche of paper.

So, for openers, I would now very much like to see Obama impeached for committing financial fraud, which I believe falls under the heading of high crimes and misdemeanors. We have proof from as far back as his filmed exchange with Rep. Eric Cantor back in 2010 that he knew the Affordable Care Act would deprive people of their health insurance and their personal physicians, although he continued to lie about it on at least 40 occasions in his attempt to bring socialized medicine to America, while simultaneously gobbling up a sixth of the economy.

Also, why haven’t any Republicans filed a suit with the Supreme Court questioning Obama’s constitutional authority to arbitrarily excuse business owners and unions from paying a federal tax that’s being levied on the rest of us?

Speaking of those who feel free to abide by their own rules, a group calling itself HALT (Help Abolish Legal Tyranny) has turned a spotlight on the legal profession, and come to the conclusion that the Mafia does a far better job of policing itself than do the state Bar Associations. Probably no group, with the possible exception of Congress, is likelier to turn a blind eye to the misdeeds committed by its members. (Speaking of which, I recall a few years ago that the House found Rep. Charles Rangel guilty of 10 or 11 charges, including income tax evasion. His punishment, if I recall correctly, is that they postponed a testimonial dinner in his honor.)

On its state-by-state report card, HALT bestowed no grade higher than a B. Those went to Arizona, Colorado and Vermont. The majority of states, including California and New York, earned Ds. Utah, where I can only imagine lawyers are allowed to cheat at cards and literally get away with murder, received an F.

In Sioux Falls, South Dakota, the board of education decided there wasn’t time during a school day for high school students to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. They have time to hold pep rallies for their sports teams, but not the time to hold one for the nation for which their fathers and grandfathers fought and often died. I suppose the members of the board decided it wouldn’t be fair to ask the kids to postpone texting “Luv ur nu nose ring” for even 10 seconds a day.

Liberals were always pressing George Bush to come clean on his mistakes, as if they were a combination of an old-fashioned school marm and Cotton Mather, but they, themselves, never acknowledge their own shortcomings because they always believe they are not only right, but smarter than everyone else and invariably on the side of the angels. Thus, when their inept tinkering with the economy, health care, immigration, green energy or gun laws, don’t turn out the way they envisioned, it never even occurs to them that a different approach might be called for; instead, they assume that all that’s required to change the outcome are, one, a better set of lies and, two, a larger expenditure of our tax dollars.

To give you a fair idea of how deviant most liberals are, you merely have to notice how disturbed they are by traditional displays involving Christmas and Chanukah, while remaining calm, cool and collected, when it comes to pornography, obscenity and the worst excesses of a fascistic administration.

They are equally copacetic when it comes to the black mobs terrorizing just about every major American city, where the robbery, murder and rape, stats among black teenagers are soaring. What’s worse, the crimes were inevitable. After decades of Democrats turning a blind eye to absentee fathers, contempt for education, a 70% illegitimacy birth rate and a culture that promotes misogyny, obscenity and drugs; while all the while race pimps like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson constantly reminded them they were the innocent victims of crackers and honkeys, it’s no wonder we’ve wound up with “Lord of the Flies” in black face.

Because he was assassinated 50 years ago, John Kennedy has recently come in for a great deal of renewed attention. The thing that has set off alarm bells for me is the contention by left-wing radicals that he was one of them. Even though he was religious, promoted a strong military and favored lower taxes, left-wingers would have you believe he wasn’t a conservative. There was in fact little in his record that would have differentiated him from Ronald Reagan, aside from the fact Kennedy took an active role, not acting roles, during World War II.

When he pushed for Civil Rights legislation, Kennedy actually had more in common with Republicans than he did with his fellow Democrats. But of course when JFK was speaking about those rights, he meant equality under the law when it came to employment, education and voting. It was only after he was killed that Lyndon Johnson was able to hijack the issue as political currency for himself and future generations of political hacks.

When it comes to labeling JFK a liberal, lunkheads such as Jeff Greenfield and Oliver Stone have to channel their inner Nostradamus and predict what he would have done in the future, while ignoring what he had done during the first three years of his administration. They’re convinced, for instance, that he would have pulled out of Vietnam even though he increased our military presence when he was alive. They also believe he would have unilaterally ended the Cold War even though his greatest achievement had consisted of risking a war with the Soviet Union, the nation he referred to as “the Evil Empire” 20 years before Reagan did the same, by facing down Nikita Khrushchev and forcing him to pull his nuclear missiles out of Cuba.

Greenfield and Stone should also keep in mind that just four months prior to his assassination, JFK flew to West Germany, not East Germany, to announce, on behalf of freedom-lovers everywhere, “Ich bin ein Berliner,” four little words that totally frosted the Russkies.

Finally, every time I see Joe Biden turn his loving gaze on Barack Obama, I’m reminded of the way that wives of politicians are trained to look adoringly at their hubbies – especially after one of the pigs has been caught up in some sleazy sex scandal.

Of course in Biden’s case, he may have perfected his routine by simply watching how Obama reacts whenever he happens to pass a mirror.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.




Too Much News, Too Little Time

I often feel like one of those lumberjacks we used to see in the newsreels, trying to knock a competing lumberjack off a spinning log. The foolishness comes at us so rapidly that trying to stay on top of it all before we wind up in the drink is too much for one man.

That’s why when the opportunity presents itself, I like to delegate responsibility. So it’s with a sense of gratitude, I acknowledge that when Melanie Campbell, one of the many pinheads who was invited to speak at the Martin Luther King anniversary shindig, compared the Supreme Court to the Ku Klux Klan, comedy writer Argus Hamilton pointed out how wrong she was: “The Klan are a bunch of guys in white sheets that scare the hell out of black people, while the Court’s a bunch of guys in black sheets that scare the hell out of white people.”

I would like to give a shout-out to the folks in Colorado Springs who successfully recalled two liberal legislators who helped pass gun-control legislation. There’s nothing like a successful recall to remind politicians that they only think they live in a money-lined cocoon.

Speaking of elections, I regret that Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer both lost their attempts to climb back aboard the political gravy train. The voters in New York City, the same nudnicks who elected Michael Bloomberg three times, deserve to be embarrassed as often as possible, and what could be more embarrassing than to be represented by a whoremonger and a serial exhibitionist?

Well, I suppose being represented on the world’s stage by Barack Obama and Joe Biden comes close. These mooks can barely run a bath, let alone a country.

Imagine being in the Oval Office this long and having to boast of ObamaCare as your greatest accomplishment. Early on, when Nancy Pelosi was still telling us Congress would have to pass the Affordable Care Act before we’d know what was in it, a lot of us were already concerned about the federal government grabbing control of one-sixth of the economy. But now that everyone has a pretty good idea that it was conceived in a spooky backroom and passed in a toxic dump; when the Catholic Church, the labor unions and every major company from UPS and IBM to Xerox and Delta, are opposed to it; Obama, Pelosi and Reid, are still trying to tell us that this crapburger tastes like fried chicken.

This is a health care plan that is in desperate need of a health care plan of its own. Preferably, one that contains death panels.

Moving on, the Navy reports that sexual assaults in the ranks numbered 1,800 so far in 2013. Whatever happened to the notion of swabbing decks and peeling potatoes to keep the troops occupied?

A left-wing Italian newspaper publisher conducted an interview with Pope Francis. Apparently His Holiness didn’t actually claim that atheists could get into Heaven, as the story was headlined in the socialist press. But that’s why when I first heard about it, I recall wondering if St. Peter was shaking his head and muttering, “Well, there goes the neighborhood.”

Having now read the interview, with all of his papal parsing, I can see where it might have lent itself to such an interpretation; especially if you were looking to sell newspapers. If I had the Pontiff’s ear, I would advise him to quit yakking on his cell phone and doing one-on-ones with left-wing journalists. If he has too much time on his hands, I suggest he start swabbing the floors of the Vatican and peeling a few potatoes.

Possibly the biggest surprise of the year was watching John Kerry morph from the sort of self-righteous dove who was so outraged by the war in Vietnam that he tossed other people’s medals over the fence at the Pentagon into a liberal’s version of a hawk. That would be the sort of hawk who would demand a military attack consisting of teensy-weensy pinpricks that would let Bashar Assad, along with the mullahs in Iran and the nutty dwarf in North Korea, know that America doesn’t just stand around twiddling its thumbs when women and children are being gassed to death.

And, finally, in case you’re still brokenhearted because Ron Paul isn’t President Paul, you will be relieved to know he hasn’t gone gently into the night.
Instead, he was the keynote speaker at the Fatima Center earlier this month. In case you’ve never heard of the Center, some people claim it’s anti-Semitic just because it’s headed up by Father Nicholas Gruner. But, then, some people will leap to conclusions on nothing more than his having published articles claiming that Jews are trying to undermine the Catholic Church on behalf of Satan and that wealthy Jews are guilty of financially raping Russia, a nation for which Gruner feels a great empathy. Perhaps it’s based on their mutual hatred of Jews.

And then, of course, there’s the business about Gruner’s denial of the Holocaust. “A question that nobody has been able to answer for me is: how can you have six million Jews die, and have 13 million left, when you had 13 million to start with? I think it’s impossible. But you know I’m open-minded. I’ll listen to somebody who can prove it otherwise.”

Clearly he’s so open-minded, his brains fell out somewhere along the way.

As for Ron Paul, when asked for his opinion, he said the reports were disturbing, but added that he hadn’t read them. That, come to think of it, is exactly what he said when he came under fire during the 2008 presidential primaries, and was accused of regularly publishing anti-Semitic articles in his own newsletter!

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.




“Republican Cannibals” and “Lower Forms of Animal Life”

The Catholic Church came up with the concept of excommunication. But as you may have noticed, such Catholic luminaries as the Kennedy clan, Nancy Pelosi, Dick Durbin and Joe Biden, all spent years promoting abortion on demand and nobody in the Catholic hierarchy even raised an eyebrow, let alone said anything about denying them communion.

However, let a Republican take two steps in any direction, and his fellow Republicans want him drawn and quartered. I’m not suggesting that we Republicans should follow the lead of our opponents and turn ourselves into robots. Frankly, I don’t know why Senate Democrats even bother going to work. Harry Reid not only decides how they’re going to vote, but even decides what legislation they’ll be allowed to consider.

I swear, Republicans don’t hate Democrats nearly as much as they hate one another. I have a group of readers who are always trying to organize a lynch mob, anxious to string up what they refer to as RINOs. Those are Republicans whose unforgivable sin is that they don’t agree 100% with them on every single issue.

Even the recent brouhaha over defunding ObamaCare caused more friction between members of the GOP than it did between them and Democrats. What they failed to acknowledge was that the fight wasn’t over an issue, but merely over strategy. They all agreed that ObamaCare was a disaster. The difference was that one faction decided it was worth decimating their ranks in a fight they couldn’t win, while the other side, insisting they alone had principles, were willing to create a hostile environment which might have terrible repercussions a year down the road when the GOP will be trying to hang on to the House and at least make a dent in the Senate.

Department of Homeland Security advisor Mohamed Elibiary had the gall to blast America’s Christians for holding the Muslim Brotherhood responsible for the attacks on Egypt’s Coptic Christians. Someday, someone will have to explain to me why anyone who is not only named Mohamed, but feels impelled to spring to the defense of a Muslim terrorist organization, is employed by this administration. After that, he can then explain to me how it is we have a president who is more comfortable sitting down with Iranian jihadists than he is with House Republicans.

Diplomacy is a con game posing as an art form. Hassan Rhuhani, the recently elected president of Iran, made his mark several years ago when he boasted that while he held the West at bay for two years pretending to negotiate a cessation of Iran’s nuclear program, the centrifuges continued to spin. But we see Obama and Kerry both pretending that diplomacy is the way to go. I guess neither of them is old enough to recall that when the Japanese hit Pearl Harbor, Japan’s diplomats were earning their salaries, expressing their peaceful intentions to FDR.

It occurs to me that perhaps a better name for what is now referred to as Intelligent Design might be Divine Design. Intelligence, after all, has its limits.

As most of you know, when it comes to books, I don’t read a lot of non-fiction. I prefer novels because I feel they are written by writers, not researchers; they are therefore concerned with style, pace and literature as an art form. Also, as a rule, they don’t regard epic length as a virtue.

But I just happen to have read a piece of non-fiction which I am happy to recommend. For one thing, I know the author of “Arguing for the Constitution,” Steven Maikoski. For another, I know he knows his subject matter, and, what’s more, he cares passionately about his subject.

I won’t deny that the book’s length, less than 100 pages, is no small part of its appeal for me. But keep in mind that the Constitution itself is a model of brevity. In an age when we take a 2,500 page health care bill in our stride, it’s worth noting that the Founders were not out to bury anyone in sheer verbiage. Unlike Nancy Pelosi, they fully expected people to read it before they signed it.

Finally, I find that when Obama gives a speech, I am, like a James Bond martini, shaken, but never stirred.

Lower Forms of Animal Life

Having spent a good deal of my life studying the behavior of politicians, particularly those in our nation’s capital, I have concluded that the Potomac River gives off noxious fumes. It’s the cause of the common malady known as Potomac fever. The usual symptoms are a loss of mental faculties, a diminished moral sense and a swelled head.

We’re all aware of the ways it affects the likes of people like Obama, Biden, Reid, Pelosi and John McCain. But even lesser lights exhibit signs of contamination. For instance, Jay Carney used to be a respected journalist, or at least as respected as a Time magazine reporter could possibly be. But once he went to work as a press secretary, he has learned to lie for a living. And not just once in a while, but every single time he finds himself standing at a podium.

Then there’s Marie Harf, who finds herself as the spokeswoman for the State Department. With her nasal delivery and her blind devotion to Obama and Kerry, she appears to be auditioning for the lead in “The Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Story.” The big surprise is that, generally, when you find someone who looks and sounds like a Valley Girl in such an elevated position, one for which she is clearly unsuited, you assume her last name would be Clinton, Pelosi or Schumer, not Harf.

Speaking of the State Department, an agency with an infinite capacity to take a terrible tragedy and make it worse, it has designated the Benghazi massacre a criminal act rather than an act of terrorism. By doing so, it has introduced so much red tape into the process that the Islamics who murdered four Americans are more likely to die of old age than to ever be executed. On the plus side, those virgins waiting for them will also be 50 or 60 years older.

Speaking of the criminal justice system, Barry Bonds, now that a federal appeals court has determined that he was indeed guilty of obstructing justice, will be punished to the full extent of the law. In his case, that means he faces 30 days of home confinement, two years of probation, 250 hours of community service and a whopping $4,000 fine. During his home confinement, Bonds is likely to find the $4,000 under the cushions on his couch.

Considering he was guilty of committing perjury while testifying before a Grand Jury, it sounds like the judges on the Court of Appeals did a little obstructing of justice of their own. Though, come to think of it, lying to a Grand Jury was what Bill Clinton did, and he still got to be president.

I am always trying to persuade wealthy Republicans like Sheldon Adelson and the Koch brothers to start swaying public opinion by buying up however many media outlets as they can afford. A liberal billionaire recently bought the Washington Post for $250,000,000. For a lot less money, conservatives could buy up local TV stations and newspapers, including Spanish-language dailies, and staffing them with conservatives.

I now have another better way for them to spend their money than on pinky rings and financing losing primary campaigns for the likes of Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum. It’s my idea that they should be saturating TV with ads demanding the Senate vote on ObamaCare. When you have the unions, large and small businesses and 60% of the voters opposed to the Affordable Care Act, you do everything in your power to force Harry Reid’s hand. Anyone who thinks the Senate Democrats who are up for re-election in 2014 will commit political suicide for a lame duck president is just plain nuts.

Finally, it was during the First Battle of Bull Run, also known as the First Manassas, that Thomas Jackson received his nickname when Brig. General Barnard Bee extorted his troops by shouting, “There is Jackson, standing like a stone wall.”

Although he’s faced no bullets or cavalry charge, Barack Obama, in his own way, has earned the same nickname. Unfortunately, in his case, he has done so by stonewalling on one scandal after another. In each case, starting with Operation Fast and Furious and proceeding through the IRS targeting of conservatives, the feds snooping on the AP and, worst of all, the Benghazi massacre and subsequent cover-up, he staved off criticism by insisting he couldn’t interfere in an ongoing investigation. Ultimately, he dismissed all of them as “phony scandals.”

I have come to realize that the major difference between “Stonewall” Obama and our dog Angel is that she does her business on the grass, while he does his on the Constitution.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.




So Much BS, So Little Time

Over 30 states have voted against recognizing same-sex marriages, and of the few states where it’s legal, most have had it mandated by judicial bullies, not through the election process. But in spite of all that, gays and other leftists insist that within a few years, homosexual marriages will be legal in all 50 states. They base that conclusion on the polls that show that young people favor the silly notion.

What these seers ignore is that as people mature, get married, have children, as often as not, they discard the faddish beliefs they held in their twenties. After all, many of today’s parents experimented with drugs, booze and sex, in their own youth. That doesn’t mean they approve of their own sons and daughters doing the same. Not even if they’re named Clinton, Bush or Obama.

Speaking of which, Sen. Rand Paul, a devout libertarian who wishes to see drug use de-criminalized, pointed out, in making his case, that the past two presidents — and he could have said three — could have been arrested on drug charges in their twenties. He was trying to make the point that our drug laws are too draconian, and that these men might have had their political aspirations snuffed out if they had had drug arrests on their record. But that’s not how I look at it. Instead, my reaction was that the country might have been spared these past couple of decades if only the DEA had been doing its job.

Al Sharpton, who should have wound up in the clink after choreographing the Tawana Brawley hoax, claims that the opposition to Michael Bloomberg’s gun-control crusade is the result of — hold on to your hats! — anti-Semitism! Well, I guess if anyone knows about that sort of thing, Sharpton is the go-to guy. After all, he’s the minister who once said, “If the Jews want to get it on, tell them to pin on their yarmulkes and come over to my house.” He’s also the schmuck who led the Crown Heights rioters who chanted “Kill the Jews” and actually killed one, Yankel Rosenbaum, a student visiting New York from Australia.

I don’t think anyone has yet explained what Joe Biden was doing that was so important that it was worth spending over a million dollars to put him up for two nights in London and Paris. Has nobody in this administration ever heard of teleconferencing? Although I can’t imagine Biden doing or saying anything that could be worth the price of a phone call, but canceling White House tours at the same time that Obama’s mascot is running up humongous hotel bills is as arrogant a display as anything ever attributed to Marie Antoinette.

At Florida Atlantic University, Professor Deandre Poole, while conducting an Intercultural Communications class, ordered the students to write “Jesus Christ” on a piece of paper, and then place it on the floor and step on it. When some people got wind of this outrage, they complained to the FAU administrators. Typically, they responded with the sort of high-sounding claptrap for which these pinheads are famous: “Faculty and students at academic institutions pursue knowledge and engage in open discourse. While at times, the topics discussed may be sensitive, a university environment is a venue for such dialogue and debate.”

Unfortunately, it is also a venue in which the one student who objected to this blasphemous and juvenile exercise, a Mormon named Ryan Rotela, was suspended.

I doubt if it comes as a surprise to anyone that Professor Poole moonlights as Vice-Chairman of the Palm Beach County Democratic Party.

One thing we do know is that Poole would never have dared tell his students to write “Allah” or “Mohammad” or even “Martin Luther King” on that piece of paper. And we can only hazard a guess that the honchos at Florida Atlantic might have reacted differently if the professor had been a white man instead of a black one.

As you’ve probably heard by now, another thousand or so pages of new regulations were recently added to the 20,000 or so pages of regulations regarding ObamaCare. Frankly, even I am amazed at the way we’ve allowed government bureaucrats — people who don’t actually know how to do anything — regulate how the rest of us do everything.

Because Romney had an even worse writing staff than most TV sit coms, just about the only thing he said during the entire campaign that anyone remembers was his dismissive line about 47% of the population having been bought off by the Obama administration. My only objection to his statement was that I thought his statistic was slightly off, and so it proved to be. As borne out on Election Day, the actual number was 51%.

In the aftermath of the Sequester, more and more of the goofy programs being financed with our tax dollars are coming to light. Most recently, it was discovered that $360,000 is earmarked for a fund to study the reproductive organs of ducks.

I don’t know if they give names to these various boondoggles. But if they do, this one is crying out to be christened “We’ve been ducked!”

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.




A Stroll Through My Brain

After you finish this article, Burt hopes you’ll also enjoy Ringing In the New Year.

This past year may have set a record for shootings involving multiple victims. The worst of these was the massacre in Newtown, CT, where Adam Lanza murdered 20 little children and seven adults, including his mother, before finally killing himself.

A short time later, William Spengler burned down his house in Webster, NY, in order to lure firefighters to their death. Before he killed himself, he murdered two firemen, wounded two others and a policeman, and left seven families homeless on Christmas Eve when his house fire spread to theirs.

In the aftermath of all this senseless violence, politicians decided what was needed were more gun control laws and the gumption to stand up to the NRA. That’s because politicians share a number of characteristics with sheep; what they lack is the ability to provide the world with wool, veal and lamb chops.

So far as I know, none of the 2012 mass killings were perpetrated by members of the NRA. They were committed by men who should, themselves, have been committed. In the case of William Spengler, the question shouldn’t be where he got his guns, but inasmuch as he had bludgeoned his grandmother to death with a hammer back in 1980, why was he still alive and running around loose 32 years later?

The fact is assault weapons were banned in the 1990s and it did nothing to diminish violence in America. Gun control laws don’t make any of us any safer because criminals will always have access to their weapons of choice; such laws only deprive those who are law-abiding from protecting themselves, while giving self-righteous politicians the illusion that they are being proactive.

Although NRA’s chief honcho Wayne LaPierre came in for a lot of predictable razzing when he suggested that cops be stationed at America’s schools, I had already come up with the notion on my own. I mean, why should Obama’s daughters be so much better-protected than everyone else’s kids?

When people snickered at LaPierre, pointing out that it would cost billions of dollars to pay the cops to patrol our thousands of schools, my own response was, “Who said anything about paying them?”

With all the ex-soldiers, ex-cops and retired NRA members in our midst, I suspect they would be quite willing to put in the time protecting their kids, grandkids, nephews and nieces. If we can have an all-volunteer military, why can’t we have an all-volunteer school patrol? And while we’re at it, I don’t see why we can’t have these men and women stationed in malls, playgrounds, parks and, if possible, at my front door.

In a related matter, when it comes to capital punishment, some people say that they base their objection on the Commandment against killing, but Biblical scholars will tell you that’s a fallacy, based on a bad translation of “Thou Shall Not Murder.”

Others argue that because there is a chance that an innocent person might be executed, it is better that a hundred guilty people go free. I can’t go along with that. It presupposes that those hundred will not murder anyone else. But as we know, and as William Spengler recently proved, it is not at all unlikely that an evil man who has murdered once will murder again.

But it is not just crime and punishment that engages me. For instance, I would advise Hollywood producers that if they wish to surprise an audience by bringing back a character in a movie who has apparently been killed off early in the proceedings, they should cast an unknown in the role. I still recall thinking how silly they were when, in Mission Impossible (1996), they showed Jon Voight being shot and falling into the river shortly after the movie began. I would hope that even small children were not blindsided when he reappeared later in the proceedings because even they understood that nobody was about to pay Mr. Voight’s salary for a two-minute cameo.

Finally, when liberals accuse conservatives of being racists because we hate what Obama, Eric Holder and Valerie Jarrett, are doing to this nation, I am reminded that radio pundit Dennis Prager once pointed out that it’s conservatives who would be overjoyed to have nine black justices on the Supreme Court if they were exactly like Clarence Thomas, and that it’s left-wingers who regularly employ the most scurrilous racial invective when referring to the distinguished likes of Justice Thomas, Condoleezza Rice, Thomas Sowell, Ward Connerly, Allen West, Walter Williams and Tim Scott.

It also bears mentioning that in districts in which white liberal voters constitute the majority, they never elect a black candidate to Congress. And what’s more, if the majority of those working in the media weren’t the sort of people who give cheap whores a bad name, they would occasionally point out the embarrassingly huge abyss that exists between what left-wingers say and the vile things they do.

For instance, after giving one of his typical somber, snooze-inducing, speeches in the wake of the Newtown tragedy, who did Barack Obama put in charge of the high-profile commission whose mission was to conduct a painstaking probe into gun violence? Why, none other than Joe Biden. But did you hear anyone in the media gasp in disbelief, “Joe Biden?!”

After all, nobody in his right mind would put Joe Biden in charge of bringing potato salad to a picnic. But, as we all know, the lap dog media would never question anything their personal savior says or does.

For my part, I was frankly astonished. Not in my wildest dreams would I have ever guessed that Obama had such a finely tuned sense of irony as to entrust a loose cannon with overseeing gun control legislation.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

After you finish this article, Burt hopes you’ll also enjoy Ringing In the New Year.