“The Late Barack Obama” and “Proud To Be A Flat Earther”

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I apologize if some of you read the title of this piece and leapt to the conclusion that Joe Biden had ascended to the Oval Office, not that that would be cause for dancing in the street. Biden, after all, is a great champion of the Affordable Care Act and has been wrong when it comes to foreign affairs for nearly as long as Obama has been alive.

No, I was referring to Obama’s lack of punctuality. He is not only late when it comes to delivering his annual budgets, laughable as they are, but he’s even late when it comes to delivering his speeches, and we all know how much he loves the sound of his own voice. I can’t count the times that someone at Fox News – usually Bret Baier – would announce that Obama was about to deliver a speech, and 10 minutes later, he still hadn’t shown up. The camera would show the microphone, but there’d be nobody there. Finally, he’d stroll in –no explanation, no apology – and there would still be nobody, just an empty suit at the microphone.

What it tells you when someone is habitually late is that he regards himself as not only more important than anyone else, but more important than everyone else.

Next, I’m afraid I have to be more careful about my jokes. For instance, a while ago I pointed out that the administration was boasting about the decrease in the rate of unemployment, while ignoring the fact that the decline was entirely attributable to the millions of Americans who had simply stopped seeking jobs. I predicted that if things continued that way, eventually both the employment and unemployment rates would be zero.

Almost before I got the words typed, we heard that ObamaCare would cost us 2.3 million jobs, while an increased minimum wage would cost between 500,000 and a million jobs. What’s worse, the Democrats are actually trying to stick a smiley face on it. Cripes, isn’t there anyone in this regime who can take a joke?

Nancy Pelosi insisted that the loss of all those jobs would be wonderful because people would be free to pursue their dreams, unless, of course, their dreams involved actually working fulltime and earning a decent living.

If you sit down and read the Constitution, you will find that our forefathers, employing remarkable prescience, protected us from just about every imaginable contingency. The one thing they couldn’t protect us from was ourselves – and the electoral power of the lazy, the ignorant, the greedy and the envious.

Kathleen Willey, one of the many women Bill Clinton sexually assaulted, has recently pointed out that his wife aided and abetted him every inch of the way, starting way back when he was still the governor of Arkansas. Whereas the Democrats never stop accusing Republicans of waging war on women, Ms. Willey is right on the money when she says that Hillary Clinton is the war on women.

She’s exactly right. Not content with trashing the women that her husband attacked, Hillary Clinton dismissed all the women who accused ex-Sen. Bob Packwood of similar actions as “whiners.” How he treated his female staffers was of absolutely no concern either to Mrs. Clinton or to her vile cohorts in NOW. What mattered was that Mrs. Clinton felt she needed his vote in the Senate in order to help pass HillaryCare. And let us not forget that it was HillaryCare, not RomneyCare, which was really the precursor to the nightmare we know as ObamaCare.

Honesty compels me to admit that I can’t stand anything about Mrs. Clinton, including her voice, her eyes and that awful grimace that passes for a smile. In fact, I have always felt that when it came to the Clintons, as with the Obamas, it was the wives who possessed the Y chromosome.

Speaking of males and females, a textbook used at South Carolina University insists that Ronald Reagan, who not only appointed a woman to be Ambassador to the U.N., but, unfortunately, saw to it that Sandra Day O’Connor would be the first female justice on the Supreme Court, was a misogynist. The partisan textbook aside, I doubt that any woman would stay married to a misogynist for 52 years, putting up with a ton of embarrassing crap, unless, of course, she felt she had to in order to run for president herself.

I do not understand why the House Republicans are so reluctant to use the one power they possess, that of the purse, to rein in Obama. After all, if your kid acts like a spoiled brat, you cut off his allowance, and there’s never been a bigger brat than the one acting up in the Oval Office.

Finally, I am not one to sniff at free market capitalism, but I nearly keeled over when I heard that an Oregon company is selling action figures of Edward Snowden, Julian Assange and Eric Holder. I don’t know about the others, but if you want your very own Snowden, it will cost you $99 or just $60, if you merely want the little head, perhaps to stick on a little pike.

After wondering why anyone would want any of these figures, assuming they’re not into voodoo, the next question that comes to mind is what actions would be the most appropriate. The best I could come up with is that you might wind up the Snowden doll and watch it run off to Russia; wind up Assange and watch it sneak into your private papers; or wind up Holder and watch it sell weapons to Mexican gangster dolls.

Proud To Be A Flat Earther

As you have probably heard, John Kerry, who is nearly as screwy as Al Gore, has announced that climate change “is the most dangerous, most fearsome, weapon of mass destruction.”

Inasmuch as Obama and his underlings have once again dragged out this bugaboo in hopes of currying favor with their base and redirecting attention away from the stench of the Affordable Care Act, it would be better described as a weapon of mass distraction.

Even if global warming, or whatever they’re calling it this week, wasn’t political chicanery posing as science, Obama, Kerry and the jack-booted thugs at the EPA, would be whistling in the wind. That’s because China, India and Indonesia, have no plans to shut down their coal-burning plants and withdraw quietly to the pre-industrial 19th century just so the brie-noshing, cabernet-swilling, swells can feel good about themselves. China, alone, for crying out loud, opens a new coal-burning plant every single week of the year.

Scuttling the coal industry in America will not only drive an economic stake through the heart of such states as Kentucky, Pennsylvania, Ohio and West Virginia, but send the energy costs of every American soaring through the stratosphere, just as Obama swore to do in 2008.

The fact is that even if not a single lump of coal were burned in the United States, it would have no more effect on the atmosphere than I would have on the world’s water supply if I only showered every other day.

Possibly the biggest victim of the weather hoax is science itself. When those seeking grants and tenure forsake any pretense of being truth seekers, and go along with the notion of science being based on consensus and actually use the toxic United Nations to seal the deal, you know you’re dealing with liars and fakers.

Furthermore, these are some of the same folks that couldn’t create a workable website in spite of blowing several hundred million dollars and wasting three years in the attempt. They are obviously in no position to label those who question their technological expertise as paid-up members of the Flat Earth Society, as Obama and Kerry do with annoying regularity.

It just strikes me that if you can’t even produce a viable website, you’re on very shaky ground when it comes to trying to screw around with the world’s weather.

In 2008, when Obama boasted that his energy policy would send energy costs skyrocketing — and still got elected – I assumed most people thought he was joshing. And when, as president, he unleashed the dogs of the EPA on the coal industry, I assumed most people sloughed it off as strictly between him and the folks in those coal mining states. But when he was re-elected last year, even carrying some of those very states, it merely convinced me that a lot of people can’t chew gum and vote at the same time.

Coal is responsible for 40% of our energy. If a foreign power had somehow deprived us of our coal supply, we would have gone to war with them. Well, not Obama, of course, but all our other commanders-in-chief would have. Hell, Obama wouldn’t have gone to war over Pearl Harbor

In case you’re not able to keep up with all the shenanigans Obama pulls off on behalf of those whose votes the Democrats require if they’re not going to follow the Whigs and Bull Moosers into the dustbin of history, he is opening gas stations offering free gas in 70 inner-city locations around the country.

Apparently, a little known provision of ObamaCare authorizes “improved transportation routes to hospitals.” As the regime’s argument goes, what good is this splendiferous new health care system if poor people can’t get themselves to the few remaining doctors? The first such station just opened, naturally, in Detroit. And, no, the customers, if you can even call them that, will not have to prove they’ll be using the gas to get to Henry Ford Hospital or Sinai-Grace.

The price tag attached to this giveaway is two billion dollars, and only a very backward child would believe it has any other purpose aside from persuading grateful recipients to use some of that gas to drive themselves to the voting booth on Election Day.

Finally, in case you missed the news, “Cover Oregon,” that state’s ObamaCare exchange, has spent $160 million and has yet to sign up a single person. In some quarters of the state, that has been the cause of high dudgeon, but I say, back off! After all, Obama blew nearly a trillion dollars on his stimulus bill and it led to no jobs, shovel ready or otherwise, and he’s still running victory laps over it.

The shmuck also wasted several hundred million of our tax dollars on Solyndra and other con games involving green energy, all for the benefit of his major campaign contributors.

It just seems to me that Oregonians who have twice voted overwhelmingly for Obama have no business getting all hissy over a paltry $160 million. One could say it’s merely a case of Oregon’s chickens answering that age old question by crossing the road in order to come home to roost.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.