“The Feds Are Not Our Friends” and “Nazis, American Style”

Fortunately, I no longer board a lot of airplanes because if I did, it would really piss me off that after a teenager flew to Hawaii in the wheel well of a jetliner, a spokesperson for the TSA said that nobody can be expected to prevent a kid from hopping over the fence at the San Jose Airport in the middle of the night.

I suppose that would hold true even if the kid happened to be a jihadist carrying a bomb in his backpack. Keep that in mind the next time you’re doffing your jacket, belt and shoes and being X-rayed, by the same jerks who are only too happy to disarm you of your nail clippers, toothpaste and shampoo, after you’ve been shuffling along in a serpentine line for an hour or so.

Those people like Tom Steyer who get to pretend they’re sane because they get to call themselves a multi-syllabic word like “environmentalists” when the rest of us know they are simply mental cases, are insisting that the Keystone pipeline would destroy every state through which it would pass. But at the same time, they ignore the fact that Canadian oil is already coming south, but instead of traveling safely through a pipeline, it is coming down by train and truck. That being the case, wouldn’t you think they would prefer the option of a nice clean pipeline? Of course that would be the case if they were rational. But because these arrogant schmucks are divorced from reality, all they care about is winning, even if it harms the very thing they allegedly care the most about; namely, the environment.

Speaking of which, I am not one of those people who thinks cattle rancher Cliven Bundy is another Nathan Hale, but I am far more sympathetic to the side he represents, the individual standing up to the federal government, than I am of his opponents.

Like everyone else who has followed the story, I am aware that the feds own 84% of Nevada. They also own large portions of Colorado, Idaho, Oregon, California, Alaska, New Mexico, Utah, Arizona and Wyoming, in amounts ranging from 36% to 69%. The question is, why. Aside from national parks, military bases and a few fancy buildings in Washington, D.C., why should the federal government lay claim to a single acre of the United States? As I see it, they have no more business or constitutional authority to claim it than I have.

Getting back to rancher Bundy, I know there are people who regard him as a scofflaw because there have been court judgments made against him in the past. But, thanks to super-duper scofflaws like Obama, Holder and Harry Reid, it’s difficult for most of us to take that argument too much to heart.

One could say that Harry Reid, who has led the condemnation of Mr. Bundy, has feet of clay, but under closer analysis, it appears they only look like clay. They have an aroma far more reminiscent of a pig sty.

In the case of Bundy’s ranch, Reid has been hip-deep in a land scam that involves his son Rory and his former senior advisor, the current head of the Bureau of Land Management, Neil Kornze. The way it works is that Reid makes a deal with, say, the Chinese, making public land available at a reduced price so long as lawyer Rory Reid gets to handle the pricey paperwork, in the meantime getting Kornze to use his heavily-armed BLM thugs to push people like Bundy off the designated property.

Those who are naïve or just plain knuckleheads will say, “But what about those federal court orders?” To which I say, “Who the heck do you think gets to appoint those judges in the first place?” Sometimes, black robes are a better disguise for villains than black masks.

In a great many political races now taking place, liberal incumbents who have never served in the military are being contemptuous of their opponents who are veterans, and I suggest they should pay a heavy price on Election Day.

How dare some damn ex-ambulance chaser dare to claim that what they do is essential, but defending our nation on the battlefield isn’t even a real job, as a couple of them have suggested!

Now I’m not one of those people who believe that military veterans necessarily make great politicians. The evidence in the form of Charley Rangel and the three Johns – Murtha, McCain and Kerry –is pretty compelling in the opposite direction. Secretary of State Kerry, in 2006, speaking for liberals everywhere, said that smart people, referring no doubt to his own offspring, go to college and make something of themselves, whereas other people’s sons go to Iraq.

Even if George W. Bush wasn’t another George Washington, Calvin Coolidge or Ronald Reagan, it should never be forgotten that he was the man who kept Kerry, along with Al Gore, out of the Oval Office. For that alone, his birthday should be a national holiday.

Nazis, American Style

It’s no secret that the Left tends to be totalitarian in nature. Whether it was Hitler’s Germany, Mussolini’s Italy, Stalin’s Russia, Castro’s Cuba or Mao’s China, there’s nothing that pleases a Progressive more than a dictator with his boot on the neck of those they regard as a lower form of animal life: namely, conservatives.

We can now add Obama’s America to the long and dismal list. Whether it’s using the IRS to punish his political foes; the Justice Department to spy on members of the press; the State Department to provide cover for the Benghazi massacre; or his own executive power to circumvent Congress and the Constitution by altering the Affordable Care Act on a weekly basis, Obama has decided it’s good to be the dictator.

Unfortunately, we only have Republicans opposing this naked grab of power. Heck, during his State of the Union address, the House Democrats actually gave him a standing ovation when he announced that in the future he would ignore his constitutional restraints and legislate from the Oval Office.

Still, there are people who insist that if you oppose Obama’s agenda, it means you’re a racist. A sane person just wants to shake them until the marbles in their head sound like castanets. Do they actually believe that if a white person – say Joe Biden or Hillary Clinton – had given us five years of rising debt; a stagnant economy; coddled our enemies; betrayed our allies; and saddled us with a disastrous health care plan; we’d be donning our party hats and dancing in the streets?

On the other hand, if Obama weren’t black, would so many Americans have ignored his promise in 2008 to destroy the oil and coal industries and to redistribute our wealth in ways reminiscent of Lenin and Stalin? Also, if he weren’t black, wouldn’t his vow to personally lower the ocean and heal the planet have been viewed as the ravings of a mad man?

I grant that not voting for someone simply because he’s black is racist. But how is voting for him because he’s black not also racist?

But Obama isn’t the only one exhibiting totalitarian instincts. In 2008, Brendan Eich donated $1,000 to the Proposition 8 campaign here in California. Like the majority of the voters at the time, he believed that marriage should involve one man and one woman. For what it’s worth, it just so happens that both Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton shared that rational view.

But this is 2014, and although they don’t really mind being on the wrong side of history, liberal politicians don’t want to be on the wrong side of homosexuals, who have a great deal of disposable income with which to promote the campaigns of their favorite butt-kissers.

Once Mr. Eich was promoted to the position of CEO at Mozilla, the tech company he helped found, the homosexual termites crawled out of the woodwork, demanding his head on a pike. Within days, Mozilla’s board of directors, who could easily pass for a gang of jackals, if jackals wore suits and lacked spines, demanded and received Eich’s resignation. Not too surprisingly, those Mozilla executives who donated to Obama or Clinton back in 2008 remain gainfully employed.

In 2008, I wrote that the homosexuals who were invading church services and threatening those who had merely taken advantage of their 1st Amendment rights were not only fascist thugs, but cowards. I came to that conclusion because although the vote was fairly even among whites, the reason Prop 8 passed was because the black vote was overwhelmingly in favor of the bill. And yet, for all their moral outrage, the gays didn’t dare disrupt services in a black church or confront black business owners for fear of the physical consequences.

No matter how often they get their way because of gutless judges and legislators, liberals are never content to rest on their laurels. Whether the issue is same sex marriage, abortions or unions, leftists never leave their jackboots at home. For instance, simply because Gov. Scott Walker had the temerity to oppose ever-increasing pensions for Wisconsin’s public service unions, he, his wife and his children, all received death threats.

Let a conservative be invited to speak on a college campus –whether it’s former Secretary of State Condi Rice, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, an Israeli diplomat or someone representing the anti-abortion movement — one can fully expect that campus liberals, CAIR or feminists, will either see to it that the invitation is rescinded or disrupt the address with catcalls and demonstrations. They know all too well that gutless college administrators won’t dare expel them.

Speaking of the cesspool that academia has become over the past few decades, the University of Michigan promoted a Pro Choice exhibit with a sign that announced “Abortion is a Gift from God.” My assumption is that the God they had in mind was either named Barack Obama or Baal.

Speaking of religious lunacy, a furor was set off because Iran appointed a known jihadist to be its ambassador to the U.N. Frankly, except for Guantanamo or a casket, I can’t think of a more appropriate destination for a Muslim terrorist.

Besides, who are we to cast stones? Here in America, as you may have noticed, we not only send our own native-born terrorists — people like Bill Ayers and Angela Davis — to college, we give them tenure!

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©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

America Is On Life Alert + Bonus: Rumors, Riddles & Rebuttals

As I sit here, apparently everyone in Washington, D.C. is mulling over what to do about Syria. For my part, I’m mulling over what to do about Washington, D.C. It just seems to me that America has fallen and can’t get up.

I know that I am expected to be up in arms over chemical weapons being employed by Bashar al-Assad, assuming that the intelligence is better now than it was prior to the Iraq invasion. But I have never understood the moral outrage connected to weaponry. Neither have I ever grasped the lunacy of war being waged according to some grotesque version of Marquis of Queensbury rules. As I see it, wars are fought in order to defeat one’s enemy before he has a chance to defeat you. And the faster you do it, the better.

I understand that chemical weapons are supposed to be beyond the pale, and that civilized people are expected to rail against their use. But am I the only person who finds it absurd that a few hundred people being murdered by poison gas is supposed to trump the 120,000 who have been killed by bombs and bullets in Syria?

If you’re out to kill people, I don’t think the means make all that much difference. I always thought the flamethrowers we used in the South Pacific during WWII were pretty horrific, but they make a lot of sense when you’re engaged in jungle warfare.

As you probably know, I have not chosen sides when it comes to Syria. I suppose if I were compelled to side with one group, it would be the anti-Assad forces simply because he’s allied with Russia and Iran, not because I see any real difference between those lined up against him and the Islamic vermin we’ve spent the past decade fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Speaking of the Middle East, why is Fox correspondent Leland Vittert reporting on Egypt and Syria from Jerusalem? I’m not saying I blame him. I wouldn’t want to be risking life and limb just to give eye witness reports from those hot spots, either. But why not let him report from New York or Omaha or wherever he happens to live? I just know that I wince every time he goes into his drama queen act, pretending he’s ducking bullets and scud missiles, when I know he’s miles away from where the action is.

Madness also reigns closer to home. For instance, we have New York City, where the cost of keeping a perp in jail now runs $167,000-a-year, and California, where the state legislators are anxiously waiting for Jerry Brown to sign a bill that would allow non-citizens to sit on juries. It’s hard to believe, but the people responsible for such lunacies weren’t just handed their jobs. They didn’t inherit them. They were all duly-elected by the very saps who have to pay their salaries.

It seems that the Veterans Administration is such a mess that injured warriors are waiting months, sometimes years, before they can expect to start receiving disability checks. And these guys probably thought the Taliban scumballs were ruthless. But, like all federal agencies, the folks at the VA reside in a parallel universe where incompetence is awarded. The agency recently announced that it was handing out $5.5 million in bonuses to its employees. But, at least so far as we know, no Purple Hearts will be awarded these dedicated bureaucrats.

We keep being told by Democrats that photo IDS are discriminatory to minorities and the elderly. Being a 73-year-old Jew, you would think by now I would be aware of the fact I am being systematically deprived of my vote. Well, in a sense, being a conservative in California, I suppose I am. After all, no matter how often I vote against Jerry Brown, Gavin Newsom, Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein and Brad Sherman, those mooks keep winning.

But at least I get to cast my meaningless vote. So I have to wonder, who are these millions of people who have been disenfranchised? I’m also wondering why it’s only their inability to vote every few years that seems to trouble Eric Holder. Why isn’t he complaining that all these blacks, Latinos and seniors, can’t buy beer or cigarettes; board an airplane; drive a car; enter a courthouse or a federal building, including the House. Senate and his own Department of Justice; or, for that matter, attend one of Obama’s speeches or even show up for one of Mrs. Obama’s occasional lectures?

Finally, we are told that by 2020, thanks to older doctors retiring and younger doctors opting to go into research rather than deal with ObamaCare, America will have 90,000 fewer doctors than we’ll need.

It’s only a rumor at this point, but, according to someone high up at the Department of Health and Human Services, it seems that between now and 2020 Doc Gooden, Neil “Doc” Simon, Doc Severinsen and Dr. Seuss, will all be opening offices to help take up the slack.

BONUS: Rumors, Riddles & Rebuttals

I’ve heard that a five million dollar class action lawsuit has been filed here in California on behalf of those people who purchased copies of Lance Armstrong’s autobiography in which he swore that he had never used performance-enhancing drugs. Their claim is based on the fact that when they purchased the book, it was represented by the subject and his publisher to be non-fiction.

I am not a member of the lawsuit because I didn’t buy the book, having no interest whatsoever in the life of a professional bicyclist. Perhaps my interest would have been piqued if he’d won all those races riding a unicycle or while juggling dishes, but that’s pretty much the same reason I gave Obama’s memoirs a wide berth.

However, I pray the litigants win their multi-million dollar judgment. What an earth-shattering precedent it would set if every two-bit politician who decides, like Obama, to attach his name to a ghost-written book knew that his self-aggrandizing lies could wind up biting him in the wallet.

I keep hearing from readers taking me to task over my defense of the NSA, which essentially came down to my insistence that if their monitoring of phone calls between Yemen and Omaha could prevent another 911 or Boston massacre, we should be cheering the agency on. Anyone who believes that their phone numbers are somehow protected by the Constitution has apparently never received a call from a telemarketer.

As I see it, anyone who has concluded that the NSA is corrupt just because the IRS and the Justice Department are, is as silly as someone assuming that the IRS and Eric Holder are doing a great job just because the NSA seems to be.

While Obama likes to pretend that the economy is on the road to recovery simply because the unemployment rate has dropped to 7.4%, he naturally chooses to ignore the fact that as a result of his policies, the bureaucratic zealots at the EPA and the misnamed Affordable Care Act, the actual rate — if those who have dropped out of the work force or have had to settle for part-time employment are included — is a staggering 14.3%.

Another case of economic legerdemain is performed on a daily basis by those who keep reporting on record highs being achieved by the stock market. If the Federal Reserve ever stops pumping Monopoly money into the system, the result will remind old-timers of the crash that took place in October, 1929.

The only statistic that warms the cockles of my heart is the 16.1% unemployment rate among millennials, the $50 dollar word they’ve concocted to describe people in their 20s. So far as I’m concerned, they deserve to be sentenced to a lifetime in their parents’ basement for having trooped out last November and cast 70% of their votes for the incumbent, aka The Cool Dude.
Speaking of which, in his attempt to increase the number of Democratic voters, Obama has not only decided to stop prosecuting drug dealers, but is encouraging Mexican aliens to claim political asylum in the U.S., even going so far as to pick up the tab for their hotel rooms in San Diego.

In the past, such asylum has only been granted to those who actually feared reprisal from the likes of Stalin, Hitler, Mao and Castro. If Obama is going to play this nasty partisan game, I want the Republicans in Congress to demand that Obama go on record, condemning Mexico for violating human rights.

A friend of mine pointed out that we have been constantly lectured by the liberals in Washington and the media not to judge all Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, while, on the other hand, we are encouraged by the likes of Obama, Holder, Feinstein, Schumer and Biden, to condemn all gun owners for the actions of a tiny number of loons.

Finally, to paraphrase Shakespeare, what fools some of these mortals be! Even after Al Gore and his fellow hucksters were forced by cooling temperatures to change “global warming” to “climate change” in order to keep the money and research grants rolling in, we continue to hear those on the left demanding that the coal industry be shut down and the Keystone pipeline be scuttled.

You can hardly come up with a better example of human arrogance. Imagine believing we human beings have the power to control the earth’s climate when we can’t even deal with a single cyclone or hurricane except by cowering in a cellar until Mother Nature, in her own good time, decides to move it along or let it blow itself out.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

A Confederacy of Dunces

Several years ago, John Kennedy Toole wrote a novel called A Confederacy of Dunces. Although the book scored well with readers and critics, I didn’t care for it. But I did like the title and I think it’s an appropriate way to describe the crowd at the Charlotte convention.

For openers, we had a mutiny on the floor of the Democratic convention when thousands of left-wing airheads showed their contempt for both God and Israel. I mean, this is the sort of thing you might expect at a conclave of the Flat Earth Society or a Ron Paul reunion, but not when a major party is nominating an incumbent president.

Speaking of Dr. Paul, I understand that a number of his deluded followers intend to write in his name on the November ballot. Normally, the realization that if they go through with that childish threat, it will help to re-elect Obama, would have me pulling the last few hairs out of my head. But in this case, I draw comfort from the realization that most of these chowderheads don’t know how to spell “Ron Paul”.

But they’re not alone. There is also a faction threatening to vote for the former governor of New Mexico, Gary Johnson, who is the Libertarian nominee for president. Having seen him speak, I know Gov. Johnson is a congenial sort of fellow. If he were running in a two-man race against Barack Obama, I would definitely vote for him. But then again, in a two man race between Barack Obama and a sack of potatoes, I would vote for the spuds.

I know that Libertarians belong to a group that look at the two major parties and see only Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, but surely after four years of Obama, you would think that basic survival skills would kick in and they would put their feelings of moral superiority aside this once and vote for Romney and Ryan. After all, it’s not just everyone else’s freedoms and financial security that Obama, Pelosi and Reid, have confiscated.

Unfortunately, when it comes to the folks who populate third and fourth parties, the only real difference between them and lemmings is that one group destroys their society by leaping off cliffs and the other does it at the ballot box.

It was bad enough having to listen to Bill Clinton, who dislikes Obama nearly as much as I do, droning on for almost an hour showering praise on His Fatuousness. After all, who would expect anything else from the grand old man of his Party? The Democrats, after all, always have a soft spot for guys like Ted Kennedy, whose greatest claim to fame is that he committed manslaughter and instead of winding up in jail wound up in the Senate. So, naturally, they share similarly warm feelings for Clinton, a horny toad who has a long history of raping and abusing females.

And the Democrats have the gall to suggest that it’s gents like Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan who are waging a war on women!

But, then, the Democrats also believe that shutting down the oil and coal industries, while sinking billions of tax dollars in outfits like Solyndra and Ener1, constitutes an energy policy.

The other day, I filled up my gas tank. It cost me $4.36-a-gallon. Believe me, it wasn’t Exxon or Mobil I was cursing out. After all, I knew that their profit margin was only six cents per gallon, and they were the guys who had found the stuff, drilled for it, refined it and managed to get it to the pump. It was solely because of state and federal taxes that I was paying half-a-dollar-a-gallon over the national average, and I wasn’t even paying for supreme.

Of course whenever it’s suggested by Republicans that we take advantage of our natural resources by drilling in Alaska, off-shore and on federal lands, or by opening Canada’s Keystone pipeline, the Democrats pooh-pooh the very notion, inevitably telling us that it would take a decade to make us energy-independent. As I recall, this silly argument was first made by Clinton in the mid-90s, well over a decade ago.

On the other hand, when Obama claims, without the slightest bit of evidence, that his policies will cut our national debt by four trillion dollars, he’s not talking about next year; he’s talking about doing it by 2020! If Einstein hadn’t stumbled on his theory first, by now the Democrats would have proven that if time is anything, it’s relative.

Another fact of life is that when Clinton took credit for the Democratic presidents creating all those millions of jobs during their various administrations, he was, as usual, lying through his teeth. For instance, blaming the economic failure of 2008 on George W. Bush is as silly as crediting Clinton with the financial boom of the 90s.

In Clinton’s case, it was the fact that Gingrich and the 1994 Republican Congress reined in him and Hillary that turned around the economy. It was exactly the opposite experience that Bush experienced when the Democrats took control of Congress in 2007, and Barney Frank and Chris Dodd, in collusion with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, destroyed the housing market and brought on the crash that left the economy in shambles and Barack Hussein Obama in the White House.

Speaking of the economy, if nothing else the fact that we have an unemployment rate over 8%, an underemployment rate of 8%, and a national deficit over $16 trillion, should once and for all prove that using the Stock Market as a gauge of our nation’s economy is screwier than basing it on tea leaf readings or Tarot cards. If you measured Obama’s economic record by the NY Stock Exchange, you would think that he’d done more for the economy than Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and pornography, put together.

But, then, if you only listened to the analysis of Bill Clinton’s address in Charlotte by Chris Wallace and Brit Hume, you would have thought they were a couple of teenage girls critiquing Justin Bieber’s latest album. While the rest of us Republicans were counting up Clinton’s preposterous lies and partisan exaggerations, those two schmucks were swooning on Fox.

Things got so absurd, I actually found myself wondering: “Where are those two honest guys, Bob Beckel and Alan Colmes, when you really need them?

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Write to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.