Playing the Blame Game

When you look at the state of the nation, clearly someone is to blame. If you’re a Democrat, you blame Republicans. If you’re a Republican, you blame Democrats. If you’re Barack Obama, you blame George W. Bush. If you’re at least halfway sane, you blame Barack Obama and his stooges in Congress, in the EPA and the Department of Justice.

If you spend any time at all on the Internet, you have probably received the electoral map of the United States that tries to convince you that Obama’s re-election is a done deal. Fortunately, the map is all wet. For one thing, it concedes Missouri, Iowa, Wisconsin and Indiana, to Obama. For another, it insists that Florida, Virginia and Ohio, are toss-up states, while I’m convinced they’re all going for Romney.

Frankly, the question that comes to mind is whether it was drawn up by Curly, Moe or James Carville. How is it that the mapmaker manages to ignore all the elections that have taken place since Obama was elected in 2008? How is it that no consideration is given to the fact that a mere two years into his term, the Democrats lost six seats in the Senate and 60 more in the House?

Why was no attention paid to the fact that Scott Brown won Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat, that a conservative Catholic won Anthony Weiner’s House seat and that Marco Rubio knocked off Charlie Crist? Shouldn’t it make any difference this November, that within the past two years, Republicans named Kasich, Christie, O’Donnell, Walker, Haslam, LePage, Corbett, Snyder, Brownback, Fallin, Mead, Martinez and Scott, all took over the governor’s mansions formerly held by Democrats in Ohio, New Jersey, Virginia, Wisconsin, Tennessee, Maine, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Kansas, Oklahoma, Wyoming, New Mexico and Florida?

Are we supposed to assume that it makes no difference at all that, thanks to the 2010 census, while the liberal northeast has been losing House seats, and therefore Electoral College votes, the conservative southwest has been picking them up?

It doesn’t help Obama that he vetoed the Keystone pipeline, that he wasted nearly two years steamrolling ObamaCare through Congress, and that he squandered about a trillion dollars on a stimulus package that stimulated nothing, but helped cost us our triple-A credit rating.

You really think that Obama’s Department of Justice, with its record of turning a blind eye to blacks intimidating white voters and “Operation Fast & Furious,” is going to garner Obama support among independent voters? Forget about tying Obama to Jeremiah Wright, Tony Rezko and William Ayers; Eric Holder is albatross enough.

Even people who have trouble balancing their checkbooks know that a $16 trillion dollar deficit and record unemployment are sucking the economy dry.

Obama is so desperate that he is running a TV ad that attempts to make out Bain Capital’s Mitt Romney to be the mustachioed villain in an old-fashioned melodrama, tossing widows, orphans and a few disgruntled steelworkers, out into the snow. The fact that Bain Capital, not having been either a major bundler for Obama’s campaigns or the UAW, couldn’t count on being bailed out with taxpayer dollars the way that Solyndra, GM and Chrysler, were, bears out the rewards and pitfalls of the capitalist system.

Only the lamebrains on the Left would try to make a case against an honest businessman by pointing out that he occasionally suffered a setback. Because the Left consists mainly of academics, state and federal bureaucrats, sluggards, media leeches and college kids, they have no actual concept of how the private sector works.

That’s why they fail to see that Bain could invest in a steel plant in good faith and nine years later, because of competition and circumstances, the plant could go bankrupt. At the same time, they fail to acknowledge that putting a free-spending Marxist in the Oval Office would inevitably lead, a scant three years later, to a nation’s being on the verge of bankruptcy.

Still, if you personally oppose a system that rewards risk takers and entrepreneurs, you might find life more to your liking in China, Cuba, Venezuela, France or Greece. A few of those locales even boast pleasant climates, perfect for cultivating citrus fruits and socialist fruitcakes.

A recent poll suggested that 46% of American leftists believe that rich people do the country no good. I suppose a case could be made if you exclude the businesses wealthy people create and develop; the paychecks they sign; the schools, museums and opera houses, they underwrite; the taxes they pay; and the medical research institutes they endow.

Now if they broke down those rich people by political affiliation, I just might go along with the crowd, because there’s very little societal good for which I could credit the wealthy likes of Warren Buffet, George Clooney, Rosie O’Donnell, Michael Bloomberg, Danny Glover, Jane Fonda, Sean Penn, David Letterman, Bill Maher, Timothy Geithner, Michael Moore, Barack Obama and George Soros.

In the wake of Obama finally giving up the charade and coming out of the closet for same-sex marriage, I hear liberals making the claim that most Americans now favor it. If that were the case, you would think that at least one state out of 50 would have voted for it. Instead, the voters in 38 states have opposed it. In fact, the only places where it is legal are those states where either left-wing judges or state legislatures decided to cave in to homosexual hissy fits.

I have even heard liberals discount those 38 resounding defeats by insisting that some of those elections took place years ago, before America had reversed itself on the issue. Those knuckleheads naturally choose to ignore the recent election in North Carolina, where 61% of the voters chose to restrict marriage to one man and one woman. The indisputable fact is that it is mainly thanks to blacks, usually the most left-wing voting bloc in America, that homosexuals keep losing these elections.

There is a rumor floating around that Hillary Clinton might replace Joe Biden on the ticket. I don’t think that’s likely. First of all, I am not convinced that she would add to his vote total, whereas it would definitely cost Obama Biden’s vote. After all, the folks who adore Hillary already adore Obama. Two, I am convinced that Michelle despises Hillary, regarding her as a white hussy, and will never forgive her for giving rise to the “birther” movement during the 2008 primaries.

Even psychologically, it doesn’t make sense. By dumping Biden, Obama would be acknowledging that he might have made a mistake in naming him in the first place. He would also be sending an obvious signal that he actually needed Hillary’s help in order to win re-election. That doesn’t sound like the narcissist-in-chief so many of us have come to know and hate.

Finally, Biden has spent nearly four years proving his devotion to Obama. At times, when Obama gazes at his vice-president’s wagging tail, he’s probably reminded of the Cocker Spaniel he noshed on back in Indonesia.

Biden locked his lips on Obama’s derriere in 2008 and he hasn’t let loose since. The only display of public affection that even comes close is the one that Bill O’Reilly shows towards himself when he insists that at least half the letters he posts at the end of The Factor are from readers gushing about “Killing Lincoln.”

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Send your comments to

Fools, Nitwits & Dumb Bunnies

The title refers to those politicians in our nation’s capital who make our laws, oversee our wars and conduct our foreign policy. If you regard Congress as a family, this one has far more than its share of black sheep. If you regard Congress as a village, this one has far more than its share of idiots. If, on the other hand, you regard Congress as a gathering of wise and benevolent public servants, I’m afraid you, too, are a fool, a nitwit or a very dumb bunny.

Consider, if you will, that back in the 1990s, President Clinton got North Korea to agree to cease pursuing a nuclear bomb in exchange for a load of goodies that made Santa Claus look like a piker. Naturally, we later discovered that they did not hold up their end of the bargain. Can you imagine such a thing? Who would have ever guessed that a blackmailer wouldn’t keep his word?

Now, Secretary of State Clinton is over the moon because North Korea has agreed to a temporary suspension of its nuclear tests in exchange for 240,000 metric tons of food. Notice this time around, the North Koreans got us to say “Uncle!” for nothing more than a temporary agreement they have no intention of honoring.

By this time, one would think that we knew better than to send a couple of drones named Bill and Hillary to deal with these blackguards. Armed drones would clearly have a better chance of getting their attention, not to mention their cooperation.

Will we never learn that it doesn’t pay to make nice with tyrants? In exchange for getting us to deprive Poland and the Czech Republic of a missile defense system, the Russians didn’t even have to give Obama a bottle of vodka or a dancing bear.

When it comes to diplomacy, you can’t even call people like the Clintons and Obama pigeons because it would be an affront to perfectly capable birds.

In poker circles, it’s said that you never want to play cards with guys nicknamed Doc, Fingers or the Professor. In world politics, you don’t send amateurs to negotiate with guys named Putin, Ahmadinejad or Kim Jong-Un.

In other world news, we recently learned that after Obama gave Brazil two billion dollars to develop its offshore oil industry, in which George Soros just happens to have a major stake, the Brazilians are selling their oil to China. So we can add a woman, Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff, to the list of those with whom our politicians should not be playing international poker.

In spite of all the endless insults targeting rich people by Barack Obama, and at Mitt Romney, by those pinheads who are morally outraged that Mrs. Romney has not one Cadillac, but two, in her garage, Forbes reported that a recent study of all our presidents proved that, far and away, our wealthiest chief executive was none other than George Washington. So if you’re going to start hurling invective at people for no better reason than their wealth, you will have to start with the Father of Our Country.

Speaking of Barack Obama, it’s worth noting that the same man who nixed the Keystone XL pipeline praised such New Deal construction projects as Hoover Dam and the Golden Gate Bridge in his State of the Union Address.

Now, seriously, is there anyone anywhere who actually believes that Obama would have gone ahead with such massive enterprises, risking the wrath of the environmental zealots who donate a ton of money to his re-election campaign?

Let’s face it, if they get this upset over a pipeline that would only run through states they fly over, can you imagine how those lunkheads would howl if the fish life of their beloved San Francisco Bay or the desert critters hanging out near their beloved Las Vegas suffered even the slightest upheaval for the sake of people who aren’t smart, rich or lucky enough to be them?

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write!

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The Silly Season

by BurtPrelutsky

With football season finally over, we face the rest of the year, during which victories and awards are not usually determined by actual talent, true grit or any other standard that can be measured objectively. Instead, we will have some group of generally goofy individuals determine who will cart home Oscars, Nobel Peace Prizes and the U.S. presidency.

Jimmy Stewart was nominated for "Best Actor" for "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" in 1939, but didn't win.

The Academy snubbed Jimmy in 1939...

In fact, I’m convinced that the reason that so many people are addicted to sports is because they remain just about the only meritocracies in existence. While it’s true that injuries occasionally play a role in which team wins the World Series or the NCAA basketball tournament, it is nearly always the best team that cops the trophy.

When it comes to Academy Awards, there is a long history of mind-boggling injustices. For instance,“Sweet Leilani” beat out the Gershwins’ “They Can’t Take That Away From Me”; James Stewart got the Oscar for The Philadelphia Story to make up for his losing it the previous year to Robert (Mr. Chips) Donat, when he starred in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington; Going My Way and its director Leo McCarey beat out Double Indemnity and Billy Wilder; The Greatest Show on Earth beat out High Noon, The Quiet Man and The Bad and the Beautiful; and, lest we forget, the Academy members, in their infinite stupidity, decided that “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp,” performed on the Oscarcast by the group that composed it, the 3-6 Mafia, was voted the Best Song of 2006. It thereby took its place on a list of honorees that included “The Lullaby of Broadway,” “The Way You Look Tonight,” “Over the Rainbow,” “The Last Time I Saw Paris,” “White Christmas,” “It Might as Well Be Spring” and “Moon River.” If you close your eyes, you can almost picture some bureaucrat in Heaven telling the likes of Harry Warren, Jerome Kern, Harold Arlen, Irving Berlin, Richard Rodgers, Oscar Hammerstein, Henry Mancini and Johnny Mercer, to be sure and make room in their clubhouse for the dudes in the 3-6 Mafia.

I keep hearing that Newt Gingrich is a great idea man. That begs the question why he should be the president. It seems to me that if someone is an innovator, you don’t make him the CEO of the company, you put him in charge of the lab. In Newt’s case, I think he might make an admirable Secretary of State or, maybe better yet, as a John Bolton-like ambassador to the U.N.

Jimmy Stewart won the Academy Award for "The Philadelphia Story."

... so they gave it to him in 1940.

When it wound up taking Iowa weeks before deciding that Santorum and not Romney had won the caucus — but even then they couldn’t be sure because they had somehow misplaced a ton of ballots — I expected Florida’s governor, Rick Scott, to send Iowa’s Governor Terry Branstad a one-word telegram: “Thanks!” After those folks botched the counting of a mere 121,000 votes, it couldn’t help but take the onus off Florida. Iowa didn’t even have all those blankety-blank hanging chads to contend with.

Speaking of which, one of the absurdities of the primary system is how much attention it focuses for months on end on states such as Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina. In addition to the 121,000 caucus votes cast in Iowa, there were 248,000 cast in New Hampshire and roughly 600,000 in South Carolina. In short, we have devoted endless time and energy to analyzing less than a million votes when, in the general election, more than 140,000,000 votes will be cast. To me, that makes about as much sense as judging a book by its first paragraph.

Finally, as dumb as Obama’s nixing the Keystone XL oil pipeline is, it’s even dumber that we’re not drilling for oil in Alaska and in the lower 48. I still recall when Bill Clinton was railing against the endless demands that he “Drill, Baby, Drill!” In 1996, he actually had the gall to argue that even if they opened ANWR to the oil industry, it would still take 10 years before the oil would reach our local gas pumps. At the time, I pointed out that it would eventually be 2006 in any case, and wouldn’t it be nice if we no longer had to depend on the likes of Saudi Arabia, Iran and Russia, to supply our energy needs.

The fact is, because of environmental Nazis and their advocate in the Oval Office, we have pretty much shut down the oil and coal industries. It seems to me that should be a constant source of shame for every member of Congress, including those on the right side of the aisle.

The very idea that America is still dependent on foreign oil makes about as much sense as Mexico having to import tortillas, Italy having to import olive oil and France having to depend on Luxemburg to supply them with snails.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write!

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